Miscellaneous: Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime,... - FML

By I didn't though - United States

Today, I arrived at a camp and met one of my roommates. At bedtime, I had energy still, so I did push-ups. The guy was asleep or so I thought because he was facing the wall. The guy thought I was jacking off and told everyone I did it in the middle of our room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23479

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

On the ball

And probably giggling

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - United States

Are you sure?

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30160

You deserved it

3707

Tweet

Share

By ohgodwhyfml - United States - Danbury

Today, a girl I'd been talking to all night actually wanted to come home with me. Stopped to buy condoms. Got home, clothes came off, took out a condom. "Sorry, I'm allergic to latex". She left in a cab. I'm a 27-year old virgin for another night and now have a box of condoms to remind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28788

You deserved it

3170

Tweet

Share

By Someone - United States

Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50198

You deserved it

9269

Tweet

Share

By GottaGetOuttaHere

Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2397

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By Jack.mercado - United States

Today, being the new driver I am, I was trying to keep my speed at posted because I know that cops will target me. I ended up getting pulled over for my too-low speed and given a ticket because I was holding up a line of cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16549

You deserved it

12176

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40739

You deserved it

16820

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/2/2021 00:01 - Puerto Rico - Aguas Buenas

Dad, stop driving my car

Today, my dad was looking for something in the garage and accidentally knocked over a heavy box, which crushed the new side view mirror I'd bought for my car, because the one my car originally had, he smashed it against a pole while driving my car recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

968

You deserved it

64

Tweet

Share

By amireallyloved - United States

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend asked me out was because the fortune ball app on his iPod told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28293

You deserved it

3474

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22095

You deserved it

11226

Tweet

Share

By pocketrocket90 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55217

You deserved it

5300

Tweet

Share

By weldingmachine217 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

28098

You deserved it

3600

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33051

You deserved it

4836

Tweet

Share

By Sherressa - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39553

You deserved it

27983

Tweet

Share

By Asshole Parker - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13267

You deserved it

7405

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37703

You deserved it

8628

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2468

You deserved it

224

Tweet

Share

By aerythia - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32566

You deserved it

5481

Tweet

Share

By thesparrow - United States

Today, the girl whom I have loved for 4 years told me that she loved me too and would like to spend her life with me. This was before she told me that God did not want us to be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35442

You deserved it

2361

Tweet

Share

By NotTalented - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37585

You deserved it

4711

Tweet

Share

By MissSmarts - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where this really cute guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it. I swiped it quickly some more before getting frustrated and saying, "Your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6958

You deserved it

39489

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked outside to find someone had egged my house and smashed a pumpkin onto my car. I later discovered that the perpetrator was my own 8 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29898

You deserved it

5488

Tweet

Share

By edhalen - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13939

You deserved it

64177

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65094

You deserved it

3263

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He let me know by shaving "CYA" into my dog's fur and then moving out before I got home from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33782

You deserved it

2767

Tweet

Share

By Robert - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4838

You deserved it

664

Tweet

Share

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23486

You deserved it

32058

Tweet

Share

By lisa321 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11500

You deserved it

116129

Tweet

Share

By help meeeee - 14/3/2021 17:01

Abalaschabalamanama

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

708

You deserved it

139

Tweet

Share

By wiifantcso - United States - Sturtevant

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37967

You deserved it

24040

Tweet

Share

By FUCK YOU - United States

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45349

You deserved it

15108

Tweet

Share

By vikingunicorn - Canada

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31919

You deserved it

3460

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Lewes

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27264

You deserved it

2636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46310

You deserved it

6218

Tweet

Share

By mathgenius - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63560

You deserved it

3698

Tweet

Share

By BlueMacaw - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14590

You deserved it

2136

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8491

You deserved it

42158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Norway - Rakkestad

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30210

You deserved it

8308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was backing out of my snowy drive way on my way to work. I thought I hit a lump of snow. I'd run over my white cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41957

You deserved it

7978

Tweet

Share

By bubba7901 - 19/3/2021 10:59

Hot lava

Today, I stopped taking prescription narcotics for pain, which make you constipated. I also enjoyed a few beers. Because of this collaboration, I had a very painful first turd followed by a flow of burning liquid. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

757

You deserved it

274

Tweet

Share

By meagainsttheworld - United States

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38194

You deserved it

3358

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6406838 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:42

He was facing the wall, in bed, while he listened to someone grunting behind him. I get the feeling he may have been the one spanking the monkey.

By bwoolf96 | 21

#6406831 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:37

What a wanker.

COMMENTS

By bwoolf96 | 21

#6406831 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:37

What a wanker.

By jakers8424 | 18

#6406835 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:37

How many did you do

Reply

RenoTheRhino | 30

#6406929 - Thursday 10 September 2015 17:24

Exactly 9.3 push-ups.

Reply

Roskie | 16

#6406947 - Thursday 10 September 2015 17:51

All of them.

Reply

ErikSenpai | 3

#6407507 - Friday 11 September 2015 7:44

I'm crying

By earlytermination | 34

#6406837 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:41

Lol that guy sounds lame. Sorry OP.

By Bricktothehead | 21

#6406838 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:42

He was facing the wall, in bed, while he listened to someone grunting behind him. I get the feeling he may have been the one spanking the monkey.

By Perplexed_Aris | 16

#6406840 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:44

I'm sure you can clear things out with him, right? Plus, I'd imagine there'd be more than just grunting noises if OP was really sacking his chum..

By vikky538 | 28

#6406841 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:44

Can't be undone now!

By rainbowsRlove | 15

#6406842 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:45

haha next time do jumping jacks no confusion there....at least not from my experiences lol

Reply

militarybrat | 21

#6407415 - Friday 11 September 2015 5:12

Think about the sounds. Grunting and slapping skin...

Reply

BrutalEater | 15

#6407496 - Friday 11 September 2015 7:28

That made me laugh and face palm xD

By ChunkyBuiscuit | 13

#6406848 - Thursday 10 September 2015 14:49

Mistaking push-ups for beating it? That person has a lot to learn

By grimboots | 3

#6406864 - Thursday 10 September 2015 15:02

You may be doing push ups wrong!

Reply

invadermaythe1st | 35

#6406951 - Thursday 10 September 2015 18:04

No, I think his room mate is masturbating wrong.

By gosh_mate | 30

#6406866 - Thursday 10 September 2015 15:09

Just tell everyone the truth. It's your word against his...
Also does anyone else think this FML could be worded better? With 'the guy' starting 2 sentences in a row.

Reply

ProfessorMctitie | 20

#6407125 - Thursday 10 September 2015 21:05

How about no...

Reply

DeltaDragonxx | 20

#6407401 - Friday 11 September 2015 4:44

by by that logic No one would ever be charged with murder.