Money, Health and Transportation: Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator,...

By Anonymous - 17/02/2018 15:00

Today, accustomed to dealing with my old car's faulty accelerator, I pressed the pedal way too hard in my new car and crashed into a pillar, totaling the engine and giving myself a concussion. I could still see the dealership down the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 4 118

Money Health Transportation

Smooth talker

Night terror

Worried

By dancingqueef - 22/06/2016 02:39 - United States - Kingston

Today, my mom told me to break a leg before performing in my dancing school's show. I really did break part of my leg while performing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 687

You deserved it 1 175

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Saint Peters

Today, I finally stood up to the guy who's been bullying me for the last 2 years. Even though he's been caught in the act several times, he never gets punished, so I figured I'd get away with gut-punching him. Nope. An hour later, I was suspended from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 796

You deserved it 2 619

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 16:20 - United States - Palmdale

Today, my boyfriend of several years, and father of our one-year-old child, finally proposed. He was making idle conversation from twenty feet away and casually said, "By the way, you wanna get hitched?" This is as romantic as my life will ever get. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 081

You deserved it 9 592

By Samantha Glennie - 13/07/2018 20:30

Today, due to the high pollen count and despite taking hay fever medicine, I passed out in the bathroom from not being able to breathe. My mother accused me of doing it on purpose to make her late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 222

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 17:55 - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 272

You deserved it 3 346

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 17:28 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 1 973

By Anonymous - 03/03/2011 21:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 922

You deserved it 7 234

By coolcucumber - 10/09/2010 20:40 - United States

Today, my dad squirted water at me. Fortunately, I blocked it. Unfortunately, I blocked it with my new $200 camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 065

You deserved it 24 359

Bitch move

By Ineedtoshutup - 19/08/2021 16:01

Today, I went to the movies with this guy I'd started dating. During the movie, I thought it would be cool and funny to make sarcastic comments. When he dropped me off home, he told me that it was the worst date ever and to not talk to him again for being "annoying and obnoxious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 2 006

By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 485

You deserved it 803

By laststand11 - 28/03/2012 22:49 - United States - Lexington

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 640

You deserved it 3 317

By SapphireRaven - 07/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 489

You deserved it 2 554

By Arniii - 01/02/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, it was our class field trip. I got five dollars from ten different people because they wanted me to sit away from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 365

You deserved it 4 991

By Idontknowwhattodo - 27/08/2013 10:17 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my daughter managed to crash my car. It's okay though, the insurance will cover it. However, it won't cover all the items she damaged crashing into a garage sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 944

You deserved it 3 484

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 250

By bakingwomannnnnnnn - 20/11/2013 07:59 - United States - Redding

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 777

You deserved it 3 124

By thinkimquitting - 25/06/2012 21:49 - Australia - Yarraville

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 944

You deserved it 2 560

By stubble - 13/11/2009 06:26 - Canada

Today, I had to meet my mother. Being a college student, I decided I was too lazy to shave this morning. She noticed the stubble on my face, and started crying because I'm growing up. I'm 23 years old. My dad yelled at me for making my mom cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 809

You deserved it 3 473

By Anonymous - 10/04/2017 00:00

Today, I learned that the college I'm going to in the fall has been tampering with their ratings on the internet and actually only has a 5% graduation rate. Everything's already been paid for and I can't transfer elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 927

You deserved it 544

By skyhawk13 - 30/10/2009 05:11 - United States

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 111

You deserved it 53 728

By FUCKKKS - 03/03/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 852

You deserved it 6 061

By WTF Mom - 21/05/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 950

You deserved it 459

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 916

You deserved it 7 013

By WhiteLiar - 04/03/2010 01:26 - United States

Today, I was telling a new friend of mine about my boyfriend. I told her his name and where he is from. She interrupted me and says "Yeah drives a big white truck, rides dirt bikes?! I dated him two years ago!" This guy and I have dated for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 196

You deserved it 2 729

Damian?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 107

Themed

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Burlington

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 123

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 89

By thelarkscaw - 15/06/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 090

You deserved it 53 430

By nomorepetbird - 06/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 016

You deserved it 3 852

By ali grace - 14/05/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 339

You deserved it 17 872

Mistaken identity

By Guess I was wrong - 16/03/2020 06:23

Today, I came home to find a man standing in my living room. Since my mom texted me that her new boyfriend would be coming over, I just assumed it was him. I introduced myself, made us some coffee and I went to my room to study. When I went downstairs after a while, the TV was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 365

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 728

You deserved it 7 128

By Anonymous - 09/04/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 655

You deserved it 2 021

By Anonymous - 01/09/2012 00:49 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 2 480

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 98

Beat It

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 168

By Anon - 22/04/2013 07:19 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 198

You deserved it 126 063

By FunGhoost - 20/02/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 350

You deserved it 5 234

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 149

You deserved it 2 723

By Miss_Blaine - 29/06/2016 20:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my husband and I share the same taste in men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 826

You deserved it 1 254

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

ZoroMiHawk 25

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:21

You never at any point in time thought about pressing the brake? If you crashed hard enough to total the engine and give yourself a concussion, you must have been going at a fairly high enough speed, meaning you had a few seconds to brake.

DraftHail614 17

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:26

So you just floor it every time you drive?

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:16

For the best night’s sleep in the whole wide world, visit MyPillar.com!

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:19

For a moment there, I actually thought you were a spambot. Almost clicked the little report to moderator button and everything.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 16:46

If I’m a spambot, the human race ought to throw in the towel and submit to their robot overloads. No, I’m a real boy! Go, Homo sapiens, go! C > Si!

ZoroMiHawk 25

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:21

DraftHail614 17

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 15:26

So you just floor it every time you drive?

RudyH621 25

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 16:06

Ohh Spongebob, whyyy? - Mrs. Puff

NostalgiaFreak9 40

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 17:00

Time to turn in your license Spongebob.

Lobby_Bee 17

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 18:27

Sounds like someone bought a Challenger Hellcat. You're not the first and you won't be the last. 700hp RWD platform isn't for driving scrubs.

Moxie Mettle 10

Send a private message

Saturday 17 February 2018 19:03

Obviously you didn't test drive it first! You earned that one! Life in the fast lane. I can't drive 55?

Rhett_15 21

Send a private message

Sunday 18 February 2018 3:56

What an idiot!

thatslifeiguess7 16

Send a private message

Sunday 18 February 2018 21:24

Why are you in the road? you need a lifetime uber account

sweetbliss3 37

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 February 2018 3:45

okay. I might get having to press the pedal down because that's what you're used to, but did the steering wheel not work either? couldn't have just turned it a bit?