Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, I'm in my mid-twenties and just learned that I still start crying in confusing situations. I found this out by getting the wrong train in a foreign country, and then having the conductor come and tell me my ticket was only valid for the other direction. FML

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Commando

Season finale

True hero

By Username - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By caughttt - United States

Never cross the streams

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

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By no more mr nice guy

Today, my friend invited me, his girlfriend, and the girl I like over to his house to hang out. We hoped it would get me closer to my crush. The day ended with them having a threesome and me locked out. FML

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By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, I have to get an ultrasound at the hospital. In order to get a clear picture, I need to have a full bladder. I've been waiting my turn for 2 hours now, desperately needing to pee. There are still multiple patients ahead of me. FML

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By well great. - United States - Pascagoula

Today, my friend told me she'd lost her notebook filled with crucial notes for our finals. She asked if she could borrow mine and copy my notes. She then lost my notebook too. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

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By Francoise3 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

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By ontherun2012 - United States

Today, I finally received my passport. Too bad my flight to Italy left last week. FML

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By so jealous - 27/4/2020 05:00

Goodbye phone

Today, I was FaceTiming a good friend of mine from back home, telling her how good she looked and how happy I was to hear from her. My insanely jealous girlfriend snatched my phone and smashed it on the ground. I was saying my friend looked good because she'd just finished chemo. FML

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By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

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By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

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By Anonymous

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

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By Twiggysucks68 - United States - Antioch

Today, my fiancé decided he wants a baby only because our dog is good, quiet, and falls asleep as soon as he starts to cradle her. He thinks a baby will be just like that. FML

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By HungerStrike - Czech Republic - Hostivice

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

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By Anonymous

Cats gonna cat

Today, I got a new mattress delivered to my house. Didn’t have it on the frame for more than 5 minutes before my cat had already pissed on it. FML

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By badboyfriend101 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

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By juice723 - United States - Marblehead

Today, my friends started calling me "Soberman" because I recently gave up alcohol and have a Doberman. Normally, I wouldn't mind the nickname, but they call me Soberman everywhere. My new boss now thinks it's because I AM an alcoholic. FML

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By Vampire Teabag - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

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By DietKelp - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

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By wellthatsucks - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

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By ScaryBears - United States - Trumbull

Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML

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By jakethemuss - Australia - Perth

Today, I proposed to the love of my life by having the waitress place the ring in her dessert. She ate the whole thing and didn't find the ring. I guess the waitress stole the ring. FML

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By anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. Groggy and disoriented, I bumped into several pieces of furniture and made a lot of noise. My dad woke up, mistook me for a burglar, and knocked me out with his fist. FML

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By kira - United States

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 02:00

Impatience

Today, my dad asked me to help him buy a laptop by searching online. He explicitly said, "When you have time." I decided to shower as I had just woken up. While showering, I was startled by loud banging and my dad angrily asking why I wasn't looking for his laptop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Walpole

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

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By thanksmum - Germany

Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while looking through the camera my boyfriend got me, I found a video of a girl giving him head. After screaming at him about it and breaking up with him, I realized the girl was a drunken me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

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By Jobless - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

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By anonymous neighbor - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

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By x - Canada

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

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Top comments

By colderthanyou | 15

#7812993 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 5:53

Woman you have every reason to cry in that situation. I sure would

By marcy_89 | 8

#7812983 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 4:09

I’m 30 and I cry when I’m confused or nervous or angry. It happens.

COMMENTS

By marcy_89 | 8

#7812983 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 4:09

I’m 30 and I cry when I’m confused or nervous or angry. It happens.

By colderthanyou | 15

#7812993 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 5:53

Woman you have every reason to cry in that situation. I sure would

By Amy78_fml | 10

#7813071 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 12:45

I think this is a situation that I would cry in too.

By skippydoda | 32

#7813075 - Tuesday 18 June 2019 13:04

I cry in upsetting situations. It's just a natural reaction to an emotional time.

By Giovanni Adamo | 16

#7813609 - Thursday 20 June 2019 2:21

happens to me too. emotional is way better than dealing with it forcing self to not cry. hugs