Awkward, Porn and Farts: No kinkshaming, but come on… - FML

No kinkshaming, but come on…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, I accidentally forwarded a link to a weird fart porn video to my chat group. They've been silent for 30 minutes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 424

You deserved it 13 589

Awkward Porn Farts

Taking stock

Modernity

Leave me alone!

22/01/2016 00:11 - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 571

You deserved it 2 309

09/12/2013 15:10 - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 770

You deserved it 3 758

04/03/2013 23:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 327

You deserved it 6 601

10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 363

You deserved it 1 548

18/12/2015 15:03 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my puppy went missing. I found him, unconscious but thankfully alive, in a taped-up box with no holes. My little brother eventually confessed to doing it because he wanted to sell my puppy on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 380

You deserved it 1 413

10/04/2019 04:00

Today, I graduated with a CS degree and a certification in networking, only to make $12/hr. Guess some trade jobs are worthless now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 315

18/09/2013 16:55 - United States - Olympia

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 588

You deserved it 5 339

05/11/2009 10:25 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I've had no sleep. Why? Because my housemate has a new girlfriend and the walls are too thin. After round three of them shagging, I was exhausted from holding my breath each time the new girlfriend screamed. I also realised that was the closest I'd been to sex in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 430

You deserved it 3 367

WHAT?

By Nohearingornoeating - 17/05/2018 15:00

Today, my brand-new digital hearing aid fell out of my ear as I was walking home from the store. I've retraced my steps, but cannot find it anywhere. It cost $2000, and replacement, like the hearing aid itself, is not covered by insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 073

You deserved it 375

17/01/2016 08:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 897

You deserved it 2 824

05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 658

You deserved it 34 725

14/02/2009 22:49 - United States

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 529

You deserved it 3 098

10/08/2012 04:37 - United States - Mcadoo

Today, I started my dream job of being a veterinarian. My first day consisted of having to put down 12 dogs and 5 cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 368

You deserved it 4 792

06/07/2010 03:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I got an email from my cousin to "save the date" for her baby shower. It's on my 21st birthday. This is the same cousin who got engaged on my 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 515

You deserved it 4 337

17/01/2016 18:41 - United States - Valparaiso

Spicy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 572

You deserved it 3 949

16/07/2018 13:30 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 397

You deserved it 281

14/10/2012 20:36 - United States - Waterloo

Today, I had to pick my parents up from the hospital and drive them back home, after they were treated for eating large amounts of cheese that my dad claimed to have "aged" for several years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 408

You deserved it 1 612

08/05/2013 05:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my water broke while my boyfriend was breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 564

You deserved it 7 196

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 88

Parenting gone feral

By hungry - 22/10/2019 04:00 - Canada - Halifax

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 268

27/01/2019 12:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter put her grow-in-water salamander in my fish tank. The residue from the toy gummed up the filter and killed all the fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 330

Cool, dude

By lamemom - 05/04/2014 22:05 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my friend saw a stamp on my hand and asked me which club I had gone to last night. I was so desperate to seem cool that I lied, instead of admitting it was actually from a children's play group that I took my kids to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 999

You deserved it 8 890

24/02/2010 12:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I felt a lump of something in the corner of my mouth. Naturally assuming it would be a bit of food that my toothbrush had dislodged, I spat it out into the sink. It was a woodlouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 618

You deserved it 3 210

08/07/2012 21:13 - France

Today, I paid a social visit to my grandparents. While we were watching the news, a story came on about the Queen of England. I scoffed, "How is she not dead already? How old is she, anyway?" My grandmother replied, "About my age." Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 536

You deserved it 42 679

09/04/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 825

You deserved it 70 458

26/12/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 713

You deserved it 93 571

07/10/2015 11:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at a soccer game held by my girlfriend's family, some idiot went to kick the ball, missed by a mile, and hit the ground hard. So I started a slow, sarcastic clap. I got a load of angry looks, followed by verbal abuse when we found out he'd split his head open on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 947

You deserved it 32 304

19/02/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 585

You deserved it 3 810

13/10/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 3 840

03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 183

You deserved it 3 701

10/08/2016 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 503

You deserved it 1 088

11/12/2018 04:00 - United Kingdom - Northallerton

Today I remembered to put my work uniform in the wash; as I hit start I got an email notification. My landlord confirmed that the engineer will be out to fix the washing machine tomorrow after my housemate reported it as broken. My clothes are locked in the machine that now won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 156

You deserved it 205

Devil parents

By Pandaling - 26/01/2020 05:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mother-in-law said: "People who don't have kids are children of the devil." I'm infertile, she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 121

30/12/2010 21:37 - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 612

You deserved it 43 483

Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 20:02

Spicy

Today, during a deep conversation with my girlfriend of 6 months, I asked her if the guy she had cheated on me once with a few months back had a bigger “tool” than me. She said yes. So I asked, "How much bigger are we talking about?" Her response was "Probably like twice the size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 2 899

14/02/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 940

You deserved it 10 050

27/04/2014 20:51 - Australia - Warwick

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 084

You deserved it 5 077

20/09/2016 15:29 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was introduced to the girl my current boyfriend went out with while dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 241

You deserved it 994

09/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Columbia

Today, like every other day, my roommate's alarm began to go off at 7:30am. What time does she have to wake up? 10:00am. Why does she have her alarm go off for two and a half hours? Because last semester she needed it to go off then and she is too lazy to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 1 074

25/02/2011 18:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my daughter's school. Apparently, she was learning about the food pyramid and when she was asked to identify what she had eaten the day before, she said "dog food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 958

You deserved it 4 575

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

must mean they're watching the video

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:16

I think that the biggest thing that we can all take away from this is that there are actually people that watch porn fart videos in their spare time.

Comments

twerking_riggs 22

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:13

how does someone accidently forward a link

PingusTheDingus 31

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Sunday 7 February 2016 7:13

I'm curious about that too..

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Sunday 7 February 2016 8:32

maybe they failed to copy the other link and pasted in what was previously copied (the porn link) which leads me to think why the hell they had it in the first place

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Sunday 7 February 2016 12:21

#34 maybe for a friend which is also weird...

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Sunday 7 February 2016 17:05

Maybe the accident wasn't sending the link, but sending the link to that particular chat.

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Tuesday 9 February 2016 1:21

It's not as hard as it seems. I've sent pictures to people before accidentally, thinking I had another picture on my clipboard.

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:13

You're into some pretty kinky shit dude

superspy3214 16

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

Hey, I don't judge but just be more careful next time

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

must mean they're watching the video

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

Please explain the motive for looking at a video like that in the first place

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Sunday 7 February 2016 11:23

Because it's funny. Some porn sites even have "funny" categories full of all sorts of (sometimes scary and/or scarring) weirdness.

EliGolsdworthy 7

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Sunday 7 February 2016 14:30

Sounds like the scary/scarring type of porn

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

"accidentally", you mean (with the double quotes).

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:14

So, you released a silent and deadly?

epost1 13

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:15

that's one kinky fetish...

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:16

I think that the biggest thing that we can all take away from this is that there are actually people that watch porn fart videos in their spare time.

slingerslasher 24

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Sunday 7 February 2016 17:18

Spare time? Bruh I watch that stuff all the time

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Sunday 7 February 2016 17:46

Definitely not something to be proud of #56.

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Sunday 7 February 2016 19:39

Everybody's watched weird videos in their spare time at least once.

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Tuesday 9 February 2016 4:45

Is it really that surprising, though? The Internet is a cesspool to some of the most awful things human beings do. I'm pretty sure fart porn is the tip of the iceberg.

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Sunday 7 February 2016 6:17

Guess your friendships went up in a poof

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 112

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 134