Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom....

By Trippy Penguin - 9/3/2011 02:23

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12874

You deserved it

47407

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Family values

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Business savvy

By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 02:00

Today, I bought a car off my aunt, then I got 7 speeding tickets. Apparently my aunt forgot to tell me the speedometer is faulty, so while I thought I was doing a safe 28 or 29 mph in the 30 zone on my way to work, I was probably doing closer to 35 or 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2456

That could've happened to me

377

Favorite

By moneymoneymoney - 8/10/2013 14:34 - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44160

You deserved it

7046

Favorite

By Fuck irony - 29/10/2017 10:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3860

You deserved it

473

Favorite

By leftbehind - 27/2/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53515

You deserved it

2274

Favorite

By slapstick1982 - 22/11/2019 01:00

Perfect contraceptive

Today, I realized that my wife is on her 3rd month using an IUD. The side effect is nonstop bleeding. I haven't had sex with her since she got it. I'd say this contraceptive is working perfectly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1984

You deserved it

249

Favorite

By Downinthedumps - 14/8/2016 22:44 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at my hotel, I spent over an hour dumpster diving trying to locate a pair of shorts for a spoiled brat that one of the cleaning staff accidentally threw away. When I finally found and returned them to the family, the father insisted they weren't the right ones. Spent all day smelling of trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14189

You deserved it

1087

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27282

You deserved it

10240

Favorite

By Flavorite - 10/2/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41457

You deserved it

2821

Favorite

By Katie - 9/10/2012 05:42 - United States - Homewood

Today, I received frantic calls and messages from my husband wondering where I was and if I was cheating on him. I was in the same house as him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25053

You deserved it

2067

Favorite

By awskme - 9/1/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10604

You deserved it

28204

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28687

You deserved it

2541

Favorite

By Chandler - 16/9/2011 19:26 - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26724

You deserved it

2895

Favorite

By soawkward - 26/1/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32889

You deserved it

5121

Favorite

By puking now - 14/12/2013 00:34 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my sister brought a guy home while our parents were out. They had sex in her bedroom. I heard everything. The worst part wasn't her stupidly excessive moaning; it was that the moans sounded eerily similar to a cow mooing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55706

You deserved it

5086

Favorite

By Diffy - 26/4/2012 11:49 - United States - Woburn

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31171

You deserved it

2146

Favorite

By Wwiimaniac - 25/6/2012 14:05 - United States - Dallas

Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26155

You deserved it

5460

Favorite

By csor027 - 29/9/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34409

You deserved it

4589

Favorite

By IcedTaco - 13/7/2016 19:40 - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11533

You deserved it

850

Favorite

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30467

You deserved it

3875

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/9/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42589

You deserved it

3582

Favorite

By serialkillingex - 7/5/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53019

You deserved it

8047

Favorite

By retail can shart a cock - 9/1/2016 05:25 - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22712

You deserved it

1286

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2018 22:00

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3557

You deserved it

474

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I was changing my shirt in the bathroom when I dropped it. It fell on my foot, so I decided to flip it up with my foot instead of bending down to get it. I flipped it, and it landed in the toilet. Which somebody had not flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14293

You deserved it

35460

Favorite

By FailedEngineer - 20/10/2009 21:31 - Australia

Today, I lost my house keys while staggering home drunk, so I decided to climb through an opened window and promptly went to bed. Twenty minutes later the police wake me up while attempting to search my place. The neighbors thought I was a burglar and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14200

You deserved it

35521

Favorite

By Jace - 19/8/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33320

You deserved it

5690

Favorite

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27795

You deserved it

5762

Favorite

By Addianna - 15/12/2016 16:04 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, and every day this week, my office mate has decided to "liven up the place" by singing and whistling Christmas tunes and other unknown songs. She has zero musical ability. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7671

You deserved it

628

Favorite

By zinka - 25/7/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16834

You deserved it

37946

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/6/2014 15:15 - United States - Boulder

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44773

You deserved it

5254

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2015 17:50 - United States

Today, my psycho ex got into my wedding ceremony and attacked my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35742

You deserved it

2476

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Halloween has started early

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1457

You deserved it

135

Favorite

By dJ21 - 15/12/2009 09:23 - Guam

Today, I was at the airport getting ready to go to Hawaii. The guy at the counter said my flight was delayed. It turns out that the flight that was delayed was a flight going to Miami. My flight left at the regular time, and my luggage was on it, because I checked in the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31340

You deserved it

3685

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9329

You deserved it

26823

Favorite

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25233

You deserved it

4612

Favorite

By skinsfan7592 - 8/2/2010 15:19 - United States

Today, my dad and I had an argument. Then we went outside to shovel the snow out of the driveway. I heard him yelling and figured he was just yelling at me some more, so I turned my iPod up so I couldn't hear him anymore. Turns out he had fallen, cracked a rib, and needed help up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12107

You deserved it

43914

Favorite

By sigsigsignify - 6/12/2018 14:00

Today, my 3 year old future niece was combing my hair while I was watching a movie with the future in-laws. She kept leaving saying she was going to "go get the comb wet". I assumed she meant in the bathroom sink. Turns out she was just going around behind the couch and licking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2331

You deserved it

362

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/12/2009 03:32 - United States

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10800

You deserved it

35550

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 00:13 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43288

You deserved it

5820

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/5/2017 12:00

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6716

You deserved it

741

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Battledog5006 | 0

#2164414 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

grow a pair pussy

By luchie_fml | 0

#2164428 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:35

well have fun paying for another pair, op

next time, grow a pair and speak up!

Comments

By SpicyGrass | 0

#2164410 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:32

Ha-ha

anonnie | 0

#2164419 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

Will grow a pair and speak up!!

SpicyGrass | 0

#2164427 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:34

No, I'm good.

11colio11 | 4

#2164525 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:07

状函训七

sofiaxxcreeper | 0

#2164647 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:46

what?......

iBanana | 17

#2165224 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:42

Was the guy big?

rebekahmarie | 0

#2165464 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 16:17

Um, why not? YDI

humzizzl3 | 0

#2169313 - Thursday 10 March 2011 19:34

perfect example of a busy

By Battledog5006 | 0

#2164414 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:33

grow a pair pussy

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2164503 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:57

What's a "pair pussy"? And how would one go about growing one?

Bubblerider | 3

#2164551 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:12

That's not what he meant. He should have said "Grow a pair, pussy."

I_R_Genius | 3

#2164565 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:16

#21, Do you not understand sarcasm? Apparently you don't with your feeble mind.

dudeitsdanny | 9

#2164601 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:29

^ Do you know what sarcasm means?
It was a joke, not sarcasm. Not by definition, at least, don't know about the intention.

Sheepish | 0

#2164650 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:47

I'm really confused now, I thought he meant "Grow a pair of glasses."

MrLaryRottweila | 1

#2164722 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:15

I think he meant a pair of glasses

YayaInLalaLand | 0

#2164831 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 11:47

Unfortunately, he doesn't know proper grammar. Remember kids, would you rather say "Let's eat, grandma." or "Let's eat, grandma."?

Jackmangold | 0

#2164908 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 12:15

if your uncle jack was stuck on an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off the elephant?

rallets | 22

#2165016 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:03

could be worse, it could be "lets eat out grandma"

cole86 | 0

#2165074 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 13:29

amazing

IStoleTheCookies | 16

#2165138 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 14:00

51 wins lmao :D

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#2165636 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:40

this game of telephone *really* sucks.

|the kid|

tattortotamus | 0

#2167255 - Thursday 10 March 2011 7:07

23- you have the best picture! Hahaha, I laughed so hard. (: good job.
51- that was pretty freaking hilarious too!

Bubblerider | 3

#2167416 - Thursday 10 March 2011 8:41

Just making sure, because half the people on here aren't being sarcastic and really don't get it.

NeilGnR | 0

#2167989 - Thursday 10 March 2011 12:28

#86 Punctuation goes INSIDE the quotation marks. She was right. You lose!

ugwmii | 0

#2170952 - Friday 11 March 2011 3:37

aren't we talking balls here?

sototallyawesome | 0

#2181202 - Monday 14 March 2011 18:58

punctuation goes inside quote marks.

By luchie_fml | 0

#2164428 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:35

well have fun paying for another pair, op

next time, grow a pair and speak up!

MyTwoCents_ | 0

#2165521 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 16:41

that's what she said!

ijrnelson | 0

#2165576 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:10

the devil woman raises a good point

By gonzaval | 0

#2164432 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:36

YDI

By colormeorange | 0

#2164440 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:37

near sighted or far sighted?

colormeorange | 0

#2164448 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:39

Omg cool, I didn't know female comments go through without moderation :<

i_love_grrr | 0

#2164562 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:14

Wtf? lol

kinggajabha | 0

#2164777 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 10:43

test

randomgf | 0

#2165288 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 15:14

If comments had to be moderated before they were posted, more than half would not make it ( especially the ones with bad grammar).

By Bofopio | 0

#2164465 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:46

sounds FISHY

By TalkSick | 2

#2164467 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:46

I wonder why op had his glasses off in the first place in a public bathroom. ydi

phatdaddy62 | 23

#2164603 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:31

He was going blind because of what he was doing in there.

By SarahStarzz | 0

#2164478 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 8:50

wow OP it's ur fault YDI
u should've called -.-

By MyMuse7 | 0

#2164534 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:10

Wow it's not an FML if you could have done something abt it - but that's just my opinion :-)

By FYLDeep | 25

#2164573 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:19

Looks like someone just...
*puts on glasses*
stole your glasses
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

dudeitsdanny | 9

#2164611 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 9:32

*steals your glasses*
Now what? Huh? HUH?! Not so cool now, are you?

I chose this reply over the "OP wishes he could still do that.." one.

TheNewGuy03 | 28

#2165654 - Wednesday 9 March 2011 17:45

this is fucking perfect.

|the kid|

IIRoxieII | 12

#4846610 - Wednesday 22 August 2012 5:04

24 - You sir, just made my day