Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car.... - FML

By cactii - 16/02/2015 20:43 - United States

Today, I accidentally crashed my mom's car into my dad's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 362

You deserved it 14 382

Own it

BO Central

Shitpants blues

By bobin - 29/08/2011 17:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend kept falling asleep while he was at my house with me. I tried to have sex with him to help wake him up, but he said he was too tired and fell back asleep. Five minutes later, my friend walks in the room with food. He woke up from the smell and got up to get some for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 6 262

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 10:51 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 206

You deserved it 2 728

By kill me now - 16/01/2017 21:22

Spicy

Today, I realised I've sucked dick to every Simon Pegg movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 140

You deserved it 6 525

By lowly worker - 08/04/2017 18:00

Today, I nearly lost a hand at work, because a supervisor decided to remove a 'useless' safety guard on a machine despite my warnings. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 609

You deserved it 407

By Anonymous - 13/04/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 611

You deserved it 40 908

By rani - 02/02/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 121

You deserved it 5 535

By BrokeAF - 20/07/2017 05:01

Today, I had to empty out my coin jar to pay for gas. Trying to be considerate, I only brought quarters, but the cashier refused to take it because they didn't want to count out my $10. I don't know how I'll get to work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 338

You deserved it 458

By Ballshurt - 07/09/2009 04:57 - United States

Today, I learned that you can pierce your balls. However, sitting on a thumbtack is not the best way to find this out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 412

You deserved it 7 006

By creeper - 14/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I like. He's very private and hides all his photos and wall posts on Facebook. Or so I thought, turns out he has me on a restricted friends list, titled "Creepers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 262

You deserved it 26 767

By grossedout - 29/08/2013 16:26 - United States - Endicott

Today, I actually had to explain to my husband why his habit of wiping his boogers off into our baby's hair has to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 059

You deserved it 3 698

By terpity12 - 07/08/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I rescheduled my doctor's appointment for a tetanus shot to go camping with my friends. While running on a path at the camp site, I stepped on a rusty nail that went right through my shoe and into my foot. Maybe I should have kept my appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 327

You deserved it 24 311

By J.Smith - 15/01/2009 16:12 - France

Today, the only girl I really loved said to me: I want you to be the father of my child, but I don't want to be your girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 917

You deserved it 2 167

By Cùchulainn - 10/01/2009 03:23 - France

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 988

You deserved it 9 478

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 01:11 - United States

Today, while driving to work in heavy traffic, I got so into the song I was listening to that I tapped my foot on the gas to the beat. I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 690

You deserved it 48 343

By mr_cheese - 22/10/2014 20:24 - United States - Seattle

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 439

You deserved it 40 064

Empathy

By Anonymous - 25/06/2020 20:00

Today, my best friend rang me to complain about having to pay childcare fees when she's still working from home. She doesn't understand why I couldn't sympathize with what she was going through. Clearly she forgot I'm a childcare worker who would like to be paid for the work I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 683

You deserved it 163

By meh beard - 18/01/2016 23:42 - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 455

You deserved it 1 586

By Anonymous - 04/01/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 053

You deserved it 2 812

Who are you?

By forgotten - 02/10/2009 07:46 - United Kingdom

Today, being the nice grandchild that I am, I went to visit my grandmother. She didn't recognise who I was. I thought she was joking. She later called the police as, "Some weirdo had walked into her house." I'm that weirdo; she wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 2 816

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 15:19 - United States - Wichita Falls

Spicy

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 179

You deserved it 7 262

By lexiibabe - 25/06/2019 18:30 - United States - Attleboro

Today, my older brother gave me his old phone. He didn't realize that he hadn't deleted his pictures. I found a bunch of him wearing my underwear and bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 134

By thatsucks4u - 14/08/2010 00:56 - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 056

You deserved it 51 050

By Anonymous - 11/11/2018 05:00

Today, my ex-wife, who I have a 1000-yard restraining order against since she threatened my new wife and our kids, moved into a house down the street. The police say they can't do anything because her house is more than 1000 yards from mine. It's 1012 yards away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 553

You deserved it 207

By Pierce - 05/06/2009 16:56 - United States

Today, I was with my 14 year old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 790

You deserved it 4 462

Right in the kidneys

By still single - 28/07/2021 22:01

Today, after spending three weeks in the hospital for a kidney infection, I found out the girl I have been dating now has a girlfriend. I guess that’s why she couldn’t visit me this whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 55

Creepypasta

By CSU Ramming - 22/10/2021 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 166

By notgood - 04/01/2021 16:01 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I accidentally took an Ex Lax instead of an Immodium. It's gonna be a fun night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 277

By areyouserious - 29/02/2012 10:36 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 511

You deserved it 37 094

By J-Ro - 04/03/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my guy, who is a PhD candidate, informed me that it is his goal in life to own every Will Ferrell movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 463

You deserved it 12 300

Stay safe out there

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Bronx

Today, for the third time in less than a week, my dumbass roommate has a bunch of friends over. None of them are wearing masks and I don't feel comfortable leaving my room. I'm fucking starving and can't go to the kitchen to get food. The idiot is a fucking nursing major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 363

By levi Glasscock - 15/04/2011 13:52 - United States

Today, my mom called me and said, "I made your sister laugh so hard she peed her pants." I got home and noticed she also peed on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 058

You deserved it 2 964

By anonymous - 06/05/2015 13:36 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my mom got mad at me because I wouldn't write to Ellen Degeneres about her. She now won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 600

You deserved it 3 228

By Me - 11/11/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 175

You deserved it 1 646

By Anonymous - 24/11/2012 01:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 642

You deserved it 1 880

By BrokenAndHurt - 24/05/2016 12:28 - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 756

You deserved it 1 414

Baked

By Ooops - 12/09/2019 22:02 - Canada

Today, I kept smelling the pleasant odor of baking bread while driving around. Tonight, I realized that the smell of yeast was actually coming from a cup of moldy smoothie that got missed and left in a cup holder in the back of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 547

By crushedsoul - 05/11/2015 21:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 899

You deserved it 1 957

By Anonymous - 05/07/2012 19:10 - United States - Findlay

Today, my waiter turned to me and asked, "Let me guess, Miss I'm-not-fat-I'm-fluffy wants a diet coke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 688

You deserved it 9 983

By "skinnydick" - 19/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Spicy

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 516

You deserved it 1 036

By Invisible - 22/05/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 676

You deserved it 12 158

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Top comments

c_wyld 21

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:54

Now crash your Uncles car into your Aunts car.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:55

I don't think you're getting a car as a graduation gift anymore...

Comments

Ilikepie82479 20

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:53

Well at least it wasn't yours?

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:59

I think it's worse when it's someone else's.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 0:01

Yeah I agree with #11. It's worse to damage something that doesn't belong to you.

Adamfuzzyballs 7

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 2:16

Oh thank God you agreed #16, we were all VERY concerned with how you felt.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 3:23

Don't have to be such a shit head #32. If you didn't think her comment/opinion was important, what makes you think yours was? Nobody wants to read your negative responses so hop the fuck off. On a lighter note.... As long as you are covered under their insurance you'll be good. Just look at is as a car will always be replaceable, you on the other hand are not. So I'm sure they are upset with their cars , but I would assume they are glad you are okay.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 5:47

This post should be 100% your fault. It sucks, but you're old enough to take responsibility for yourself.

XCanadianBloodX 6

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 5:48

How do u know she's old enough?

R2Y2 22

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 7:39

Because legal driving age. Even if OP is under, that just makes it all the more worse

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 14:54

That's a selfish way of thinking #1. Hope you pay for the damages to both so their insurance doesn't take a hit due to claims.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 17:00

Obviously my second sentence is for the OP. Sorry about that.

Adamfuzzyballs 7

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Wednesday 18 February 2015 7:46

Oh thank God you commented on my comment #37, i'm sure everyone just loved it VERY much.

hekinokuroihi 20

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:53

At least you know the other person has insurance. Unfortunately, you won't be driving ever again.

c_wyld 21

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:54

Now crash your Uncles car into your Aunts car.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 0:03

then swap all their insurances.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 8:11

Congrats, you just caused your parents to divorce...

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 8:38

At least OP didn't crash their parents car into a bridge and run off screaming "I don't care!"

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 19:27

Bonus points: aunt's car on one side of the family, uncle's car from the other side of the family. (For example, mother's brother, father's sister.)

happysmile987 24

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 19:28

Now crash your brother's car into your sister's car!

G3ICO 12

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Wednesday 18 February 2015 7:03

Who gets a car for a graduation gift ? Lol

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Thursday 26 February 2015 0:52

#82 are you serious?! o_0

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:54

As long as no one was hurt... I mean soon you might be...

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:55

I don't think you're getting a car as a graduation gift anymore...

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:57

You should probably stop driving.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:57

Been there, done that... Except it was the other way around

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:57

Keep going, you might be able to create a five-family-member-pileup.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:59

Can you drive legally?

superwhovian 16

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 2:42

Maybe but by the post most likely not

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 11:36

I certainly hope they DON'T have a license.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 21:10

is no where in the states experiencing bad winter weather conditions? no reason was given, so everyone assumes the op cant drive, if this post was from where i live then it wouldnt be a surprise this happened, like maybe the driveway froze to ice on their way home... just saying.

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Monday 16 February 2015 23:59

I mean, at least no one was hurt.

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 7:49

Well... Yet anyway...

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 15

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 57

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 254