Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off... - FML

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, I accidentally bumped into the fire alarm which set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entire dorm. It went on for at least two hours and none of the technicians could figure out how to turn it off. All the girls on my floor want to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 948

You deserved it 7 030

BO Central

Good kid

Unimpressed

By steph - 20/04/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 530

You deserved it 68 949

By Preggo - 14/05/2016 17:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 879

You deserved it 1 411

By Muina - 23/10/2015 11:08 - Morocco - Mekn?s

Today, I got mugged for my phone. I stupidly offered to give the guy my money if he'd let me keep my phone. He took both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 101

You deserved it 24 001

By blah blah - 28/02/2019 14:00

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 401

You deserved it 250

By FailureAtLife121 - 27/06/2009 03:44 - United States

Today, I was at Disneyland with some of my friends. While eating lunch, we watched a small child get frightened by the person dressed as Mickey Mouse. We all burst out laughing only to be jumped by Chip and Dale. Apparently I scream louder than the little kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 125

You deserved it 52 142

By hiccups - 03/11/2012 15:52 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 825

You deserved it 3 632

By Emyka - 21/09/2016 10:51 - Austria

Today, at my job of 2 months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for 2 months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 282

You deserved it 6 632

By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 172

You deserved it 50 968

By Anonymous - 17/10/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 314

You deserved it 53 842

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 405

You deserved it 3 898

By dwaggle - 02/07/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 129

You deserved it 2 741

By La Guigne - 08/04/2013 21:10 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 582

You deserved it 7 860

By Anonymous - 22/07/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 064

By Shoofly - 04/03/2011 22:54 - United States

Today, while at Subway, I looked on as an employee killed a fly with his hands. He then continued working without a second thought. He was making my sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 863

You deserved it 4 242

By Pizzaguy - 02/08/2012 16:22 - United States - Dundee

Today, I got a call from my manager saying that I won't need to work this weekend. Too bad I already cancelled a family vacation because he threatened to fire me if I didn't work this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 105

You deserved it 1 757

By tryena - 28/02/2009 10:59 - United States

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 257

You deserved it 92 502

By Eyebrowsgone - 25/08/2010 13:10 - United States

Today, I decided to wax my own eyebrows with a Do It Yourself kit from the pharmacy. I'm now missing half of my right eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 408

You deserved it 41 998

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 29/07/2016 20:33

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 795

You deserved it 1 655

By badboyfriend101 - 12/05/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 845

You deserved it 4 316

By Anonymous - 20/10/2014 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 6 429

By Shaz - 24/08/2019 06:18 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I accidentally pulled out six of my eyelashes. It's noticeable. Very noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 345

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 182

By gerligrl97 - 12/06/2011 18:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 953

You deserved it 12 666

By Anonymous - 02/04/2017 14:00

Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 346

You deserved it 284

All I have to is dream dream dream

By Anonymous - 28/10/2020 18:02 - United States - Randolph

Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 205

By I'm so sorry... - 01/03/2017 16:00

Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 586

You deserved it 1 492

By fineillpissthebedthen - 07/02/2013 22:56 - Denmark - ?lborg

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 050

You deserved it 2 507

By Anonymous - 11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 613

You deserved it 42 194

By Anonymous - 26/09/2013 16:19 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 651

You deserved it 3 591

By Daughter of a Dork - 14/09/2018 17:30 - United States - New York

Today, my dad demanded that I break up with my cheating boyfriend. With that revelation, I did some investigating on my own. The other woman is apparently my boyfriend's "cute little" Marshadow that slaughtered my dad's "godlike" Incineroar in a 3DS battle they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 711

You deserved it 238

By watchyoself - 28/12/2016 21:45 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend had the very expensive watch he got me for Xmas resized. I dropped it trying to put it on and shattered the glass. The warranty won't cover it because of the adjustments made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 802

You deserved it 1 389

By Elizabeth - 11/12/2008 05:13 - France

Today, a girl in my class turned around and said, "Wow, you've got your photo on a rubber! That's amazing!" The rubber was designed to look like a £10 note, and the picture was of the Queen of England. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 2 485

By rejected - 02/10/2014 08:56 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, I thought I was finally over my anxiety problem, and confidently went to my first ever job interview. Halfway through, the manager tells me that if I didn't stop being so nervous, he couldn't give me the job. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 5 010

By babysheets - 17/03/2012 16:22 - Uruguay

Today, I washed my sheets. They wouldn't dry quick enough, so I had to use my old Buzz Lightyear sheets. My new girlfriend took it upon herself to become a damn psychic and pay me a surprise visit right there and then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 348

You deserved it 4 340

By jag talar - 07/09/2011 00:01 - Canada

Today, I came home to visit my family after a year at college. Expecting to impress them, I proudly informed them that I now speak fluent Swedish. Imagine my surprise when my mother said, "That's a useless language" and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 228

You deserved it 7 177

By hcflorence1 - 04/06/2011 17:37 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 657

You deserved it 5 242

By Anonymous - 21/09/2013 04:07 - United States - Mccomb

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 085

You deserved it 3 508

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58 - New Zealand

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 164

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 915

You deserved it 6 972

By Anonymous - 12/12/2010 02:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got married. Tonight, I received the best orgasm of my life. Not from my husband; from the jacuzzi tub in our honeymoon suite, where he was passed out drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 348

You deserved it 5 024

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:38

how would they not know how to turn it off?? technician fail

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:12

haha woops!

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:12

haha woops!

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 13:40

looks like those technicians failed their classes

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 14:41

Blame it on the goose, gottcha feeling loose, blame it on the technician, got your neighbours bitchin! Get back in the kitchen!

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 15:00

well, yeah. id wanna kill you too. lmfao

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 15:47

ahah well that's a fun rhyme..

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 15:57

take out the battery

KingDingALing 9

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 16:12

Lmao, 29 xD But how the hell does "bumping" into the fire alarm set it off? Everywhere I go, there's a casing around every fire alarm or you have to pull it, to set it off.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 17:54

u blonde

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 17:54

u blonde

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 18:03

People like you majorly suck, OP. I empathize with your dorm mates.

Send a private message

Saturday 16 April 2011 1:30

"(>^_^)># I made you a waffle #<(^_^<) But then I was like... (>^#^<) "I'm mad....." (>^_^)>. =#. <(*.*<) So I threw it at you (>^_^<). <(#.*)> It hit your face.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:16

at least you didnt start anything on fire. but you prob should have, like use one of your dorm matrs.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 16:15

I would laugh if it was really just someone playing "Stealth" on there iPhone.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 16:46

Regardless of not setting anything on fire, it's x10 better that she didn't hit the sprinklers in the process. I heard tell of a jackass who was line-drying laundry on his/her sprinkler and set it off while removing. Every room on two floors had their sprinklers triggered by it, resulting in 50 gal/min of this tar-black water being sprayed over EVERYTHING owned by ~80 people.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 October 2012 14:51

This was on zoey 101! gosh

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:16

That Happened To Me But In A McDonalds C(x Stupid Emergency Exit Doors

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 17:23

Why The Hell Are You Talking Like This? Oh, and YDI.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:23

This happened in my dorm at 2 a.m. during finals week. That girl disappeared. Good luck on trying to stay alive OP. :D

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:27

Nothing a couple ounces of skunk weed couldn't solve.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 16:38

WTF? skunk weed? really? wow. ORANGE KUSH FTW

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:30

Psh who cares? it's college, everyone's usually up at that time anyways.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:32

*all of the time, XP sorry

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 13:24

ur hot

doink 0

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 13:25

Two hours of any annoying sound would piss me off.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 16:40

I like you.....r glasses. they're very attractive..

perdix 29

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:37

Shouldn't they unleash their wrath on the incompetent technicians? If all else fails and the mob is converging on you, do like Glenn Beck and the Tea Partyers: Blame Obama!

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 15:08

Hey now, if it weren't for Obama we might still have technicians that actually fix things!

Send a private message

Monday 20 June 2011 6:42

Perdix: I love you (: everytime I see your post I SMILE.

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:38

how would they not know how to turn it off?? technician fail

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 12:52

tell all the girls in ur dorm I can make it up 2 em'

Send a private message

Sunday 19 September 2010 13:51

the girls wanna kill you in a sexual way becausebyou saved them another day from an exam. :)

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 42

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 36