Miscellaneous: Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year... - FML

By pathetic_girl - 14/10/2010 14:45 - Canada

Today, I accidentally admitted to two girls in my first year university astronomy class that I have a strict 10pm bedtime. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 672

You deserved it 33 402

Mother of the year

Good kid

Stealth attack

By Anonymous - 19/03/2014 10:34 - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 542

You deserved it 3 824

By Anonymous - 15/02/2017 01:00 - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, I went with my girlfriend to the airport for some much needed vacation time. We arrived on time but were stopped at the gate when they told me I didn't have the right passport. The plane left without me. My girlfriend did too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 562

You deserved it 1 268

By Tom - 06/06/2017 11:00 - United States - Antelope

Today, I went for my usual morning run. Halfway through, I needed to pee, so I found a perfect bush… to walk in on a lady who had also stopped to pee. I was called a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 437

You deserved it 434

By UnfortunatelySingle - 21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 364

You deserved it 3 359

It's not the size that counts

By Leo Scofield - 29/08/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 912

You deserved it 131

By princev - 18/06/2011 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 112 629

Feelin' sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2020 20:00

Spicy

Today, my wife, who NEVER wants to have sex, decided that now is the time. I, of course, had to take antibiotics that make me so bloated I can’t move without extreme pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 129

By petpeeeve - 11/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 708

You deserved it 10 231

By PixieWrists - 13/03/2012 17:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 752

You deserved it 4 069

By Chris Chandler - 04/11/2018 15:30

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 642

By mvp - 26/07/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 840

You deserved it 3 465

By anonymous - 16/10/2010 15:18 - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 4 292

By Bigbaby - 11/06/2015 22:29 - United States - Ontario

Today, I decided to be the "cool aunt" and take my nephew to a horror movie. I ended up being so scared, I burst into tears. Nothing says "cool" like having an 11-year-old walk a sobbing, grown woman from a theatre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 835

You deserved it 12 164

By Anonymous - 09/09/2010 01:33 - United States

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for the chicken I bought four days ago. I finally found it - not in the refrigerator, not in the freezer, but in the trunk of my car, which now smells like a dead animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 114

You deserved it 31 140

By Son - 03/09/2018 17:30 - United States

Today, after an hour-long conversation with my mom that was supposed to help fix our relationship, she said she prefers Beatrice over me and that she's moving in with her. Beatrice is not my sister, she's my older cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 566

You deserved it 209

By ttsutaoka - 11/07/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident. I wasn't the driver of either car. I happened to be a passerby that was hit by a falling stop sign as a car hit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 995

You deserved it 2 776

Bon appetit!

By Fattie - 28/10/2019 06:00

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 271

By hborkowski - 27/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 689

You deserved it 3 194

By Teach - 31/03/2015 07:40 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 362

You deserved it 2 522

By marriedbutlonely - 15/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Federal Way

Today, after having my husband ask if I 'had any plans' for the weekend, and him mentioning that he got me something special, he played his PS4 for hours, ignored me, then finally took a break to hand me a tiny box of chocolates. I can't even be mad because he looked so proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 933

You deserved it 3 122

By Anonymous - 16/03/2016 16:21 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm seven months pregnant and going to college. I had to use the bathroom, but all of the bathrooms at my building were closed, so I had to walk to the next building, a block away. I didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 774

You deserved it 2 034

By Yay..... - 17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 595

You deserved it 14 482

By bummed out step monster - 24/06/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 3 088

By maddieex - 04/12/2014 02:49 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 262

You deserved it 3 274

By tatortot7707 - 13/01/2011 04:42 - United States

Today, when I went to pick my kid up from daycare, I found out that he had run away. The rest of my afternoon consisted of me screaming his name, looking for him. I then returned to the daycare center. He thought it would be funny if he hid in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 919

You deserved it 3 798

By ForeverAlone - 06/03/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 854

You deserved it 2 789

By Haitwun - 08/12/2014 02:18 - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 190

You deserved it 2 902

It's toast

By Crying - 16/04/2017 02:00

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 709

You deserved it 355

Honk if you Love Me!

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 16:01 - Switzerland

Today, I'm so lonely that I get happy when I get attention from car drivers when they honk at me for driving too slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 209

By notmarryingyou - 10/09/2014 17:16 - United States - Bothell

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 924

You deserved it 3 411

By racoonface - 19/04/2009 15:17 - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 633

You deserved it 54 634

By kaydebug - 15/08/2018 03:30

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 879

You deserved it 193

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Spicy

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 952

You deserved it 26 765

By need new job - 24/04/2016 18:12 - Germany

Today, I was hired as a student assistant. I was excited, until I learned on my very first day that "Supporting the academic staff in their research" actually meant walking the professor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 347

You deserved it 1 406

Quickie

By Disappointed - 04/09/2020 20:08 - Austria

Spicy

Today, my 6-minute-long-shower lasted 3 times as long as the sex prior to it. Including foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 387

You deserved it 246

By MomStayOutOfTheCar - 04/08/2015 04:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for "suspicious driving" because my total shit of a mother kept tugging on the wheel to annoy me, and I still had to pay it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 925

You deserved it 2 011

Communication breakdown

By xX_nsn_Xx - 03/02/2012 14:47 - United States

Spicy

Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 475

You deserved it 9 991

By The horror... - 11/11/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 311

You deserved it 3 148

Big tongue logging on

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 23:01 - United States - Norwich

Today, I spent seven dollars to find out I’m allergic to kiwi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 153

Awkward...

By Ohnowhy - 09/09/2018 18:30

Today, I moved in with my friend and her husband so we can be roommates during school. Today is also the day they decided to get a divorce. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 943

You deserved it 233

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Top comments

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

There's nothing wrong with going to bed early.(:

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

hopefully you go to a big school and you'll have more to choose from

Comments

SokDek 14

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

Crikey

SokDek 14

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:11

what the hell? I didn't say that! Crikey!

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:28

15 - It's so ironic that you made a mistake considering that you think spelling errors are funny and sad at the sane time :) lol

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:36

and it's same, not sane. I find that ironic too lol

allenrotstein 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:52

How is this a FML? Mine is 10:20pn sharp. and I get up at 5:50am sharp.

zerobahamut03 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:06

OH THE IRONY!!!!!

1personinthiswor 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:07

Wow, you guys all failed. XD

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Thursday 14 October 2010 21:08

ydi

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:51

58: Unless you know something that I don't, his comment just got moderated. He didn't get banned.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:53

41 - I spy with my little eye, something spelled horribly wrong...haha

2kool4skoolyo 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:29

why comments dissapear

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:29

33 - Noooo....correction fail ;(

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Friday 15 October 2010 14:13

so?

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

hopefully you go to a big school and you'll have more to choose from

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:22

Don't be afraid it's only pussy

biass 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:41

^ Says the owl.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:14

20 OP is a dude

cyaneyedangel 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 21:27

Erm, op is a girl.

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Friday 15 October 2010 2:23

55 what are you doing to your dog you dirty hamster... btw didn't know op was female maybe she has a fetish for wetting the bed wear a diaper

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:31

Hey, sometimes the girls wanna get a girl too. But it would still be embarrassing for a potential friend to know about a bedtime.

Sickasstrickflip 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 20:24

If she's attractive, then her bedtime is cute; if she's unattractive, it's weird.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:05

There's nothing wrong with going to bed early.(:

biass 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:46

Beside the fact you miss all the fun. They really shouldn't judge him negatively though. It's not like he's being forced to or something. Now that would be lame.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:39

I wish I could be in bed before ten every night. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sleep. I don't think fun is limited to the late hours of the night.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:06

It's nothing to be ashamed at! jk, it's pretty bad ._.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:55

BAD GRAMMER ALERT! It should be "nothing to be ashamed OF"

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:06

Grammar.*

zerobahamut03 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:06

I like how most of the people who are grammar Nazi's can't spell grammar...

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:25

#74 Not most of them, only some of them.

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:53

74: If you can't spell it, you're not really a Grammar Nazi.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:54

faggot alam on ya ass natzi,shit y'all pepole piss me off n by da way I have auto correct on my iPod I rite like this to piss u off,usualy I write like a normal person

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:00

#83 "Faggot alarm?" Oh good grief. :P

ripjohnlennon 5

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:20

I'm tired of all the grammar Nazis

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:29

#90 I'm tired of all the rampant illiteracy. :)

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:51

#92 Me too. Oh, crap. What?

illegalnative 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 1:30

grammar nazi him until he disides to quit

drawing_a_blank 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 3:40

*decides

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:33

You used an extra apostrophe there. It's spelled Nazis.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:06

:'(

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:38

Duck face

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Thursday 14 October 2010 22:05

correction! sexy duck face

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:50

Correction, butterface. Tons of makeup does not equal sexy.

nosajstreetracer_fml 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 4:07

and yet..... I think she's gorgeous

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Friday 15 October 2010 9:13

hey gorgeous(;

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:08

How do you accidentally admit that? Are you afraid of pussy?

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:21

Aw nvm you're a girl:/

UnicornsDoExist 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:27

Lmao, I just saw that too.

seymourlilly17 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 23:03

YOU'RE A POTATO!

ZachMitch1994 0

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Friday 15 October 2010 5:55

it's a girl dumbass

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Friday 15 October 2010 6:59

I know dummy!

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Thursday 19 May 2011 4:12

^win

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:10

next time you see them ask them if they wanna tuck you in and read you bed time story

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:11

FYI, OP: your "strict" 10pm bedtime isn't going to last very long. You're in college now.

TheKingOfHyrule 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:27

........university.

MasterOfTheXP 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:26

...FYI?

MasterOfTheXP 2

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Thursday 14 October 2010 20:28

oh yeah...for your information. not a typo of fml and ydi. :P

greengreengreen 13

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Wednesday 17 August 2016 18:31

#27, In America University and College are the same thing

JinxTheMagician 0

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:13

awwww poor baby :'(((((

tigrouficele2012 44

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:14

...so?

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:20

How's that a fail? If someone said that to me I'd reply "I wish I could fall asleep that early". it's no big deal.

tigrouficele2012 44

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:24

@17: Exactly!

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Thursday 14 October 2010 19:25

I left a reply on comment #12, which is now gone and my reply went to 11. So now it makes no sense at all.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 51

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 78