Work and Money: Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received... - FML

By Gage

Today, having moved to Moscow over a week ago, I finally received the TV my work promised my flat would have. A big Russian man came to my door, handed me a TV from the 1970s and left. It doesn't work. FML

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BO Central

Sorry, friend

Recycle this!

By wtfseriously - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

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By "Cass Lyles"

It was a phone call

Today, I was talking to my fiancé on the phone. I said "alright see you in 10 minutes babe". My boss must have thought I was talking to him because he said "alright (my name) see you later". FML

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By Anonymous

Stuck in TV Hell

Today, I'm self isolating with a mother who hogs the remote but doesn't know how to use it, and is so short-sighted she can barely see the TV. Every five minutes, I hear, "What have I done now?", "How have I got onto this then?" and she won't let me help her. FML

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By IT_4_Hire - United States

Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML

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By broussimousse - United Kingdom

On the run

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

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By sad_unicorn - Australia - Yagoona

The Intruder

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

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By soljaboy - United States

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

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By JessicaandGhazi - 9/6/2020 08:04

So hard

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in bed after having sex. I commented on him still having an erection after having an orgasm. He said it happens whenever he has a strong orgasm. Then he added, "And surprisingly, I was even thinking about you when it happened." FML

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By -.- - United States - Lakeside

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

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By peevedemployee - United States

Today, we got our Christmas bonuses. Instead of money, the company decided to give us all lunch boxes with the company name on them. I went ahead and put my lunch in mine, then put it in the break-room refrigerator. Apparently so did all the other employees. Now I can't find mine. FML

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By Vanessa8221 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a sexual harassment seminar, explaining how important it is to not do anything that makes co-workers uncomfortable. Someone joked, "Like telling you your fly is open?" I tried to zip up, but it got caught on my underwear. There were 20 minutes left in the program. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Wakefield

You made them use coasters, Monica

Today, I was checking my friends' posts on Facebook and all of them were complaining what a boring night they had. They were all just at my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marietta

Today, I told my dad about my new diet. He somehow figured I was only doing it to look more attractive to guys, because he told me my weight is fine and that it's just my personality that needs work. Thanks a lot, Dad. FML

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By HidenSeek - United States

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same. So I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What does he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

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By buttercup92 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

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By TheNewSalesRep - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

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By longtriphome - United States

Today, I met my long distance girlfriend after two years of being separated by 900 miles. She brought her short distance boyfriend to the meeting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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By kippis05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were waiting for the bus. The weather had been cold and snowy recently, and I realized I'd forgotten my transit card. She nonetheless got on the bus without me. I had to walk it alone in the snow. FML

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By Anonymous

Happy quarantine!

Today, my kid shot a Nerf dart at our TV and broke the LCD screen. We have at least 11 days of coronavirus quarantine left and no TV. I don’t think we’ll make it without killing each other. FML

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By :( - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I had a Chinese test. Our teacher decided to wait until yesterday to tell us about it because she "knew" we wouldn't study anyway and she didn't want to stress us out. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

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By Sam - Belgium

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

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By Kikinovak - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

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By Jarryd - Australia

Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML

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By tootles - United States

Today, I was kicked out of my parents house. I was sleeping in my truck bed because I had nowhere to go. I awoke to a "beep beep beep" noise. I was being towed while sleeping in the truck bed. FML

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By Boar - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, another car slammed into me. By the time I got out to assess the damage, the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abducted by aliens mid-crash, or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML

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By hinowdie - United States

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

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By bleachingmykidsbrains - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

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By reallythough - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I forgot to log out of my Facebook account before leaving for work. When I got back home, I discovered that my brother had gone through and commented "quack" on all my friend's duckfacing photos. She was not pleased. FML

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By Headless - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend thought it would look cool if I recorded her swinging while lying under the swing. She ended up kicking me in the face and laughing so hard she pissed on me. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

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By Anonymous

Getting fit for all the wrong reasons

Today, for the 28th consecutive day, I went jogging for an hour, even though I never really used to, just to get away from my husband and two kids, because being stuck in lockdown with them is boring me out of my mind. FML

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By Morganisoverrated

Today, I was planning to ask a guy at school out since I had mustered up the confidence to finally tell him how I really felt. I ended up puking on him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7557377 - Friday 27 October 2017 16:27

What a country!

“Handed” you a TV from the 70’s? TV’s from the 70’s required a fork lift!

By exileonmainst | 16

#7557384 - Friday 27 October 2017 16:58

Just walk into Ukraine and take whatever tv you want.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7557377 - Friday 27 October 2017 16:27

What a country!

“Handed” you a TV from the 70’s? TV’s from the 70’s required a fork lift!

By exileonmainst | 16

#7557384 - Friday 27 October 2017 16:58

Just walk into Ukraine and take whatever tv you want.

By Dave_Davington | 33

#7557385 - Friday 27 October 2017 17:05

Hey now, that TV is state of the art in Russia.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7557390 - Friday 27 October 2017 17:22

Antique televisions are valuable. This probably isn't the case. Lol

By StarkWolf_fml | 23

#7557392 - Friday 27 October 2017 17:33

in Russia, tv watches you!

By davecross | 11

#7557432 - Friday 27 October 2017 21:00

I guess the KGB doesnt have flat screen tv to give out

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7557501 - Saturday 28 October 2017 2:45

Well. They did keep their word.

They just did not promise it would be a new model nor a working tv. LOL

By Madrias | 36

#7557523 - Saturday 28 October 2017 4:29

If it's from the 70's, you could probably get it working with the proper assortment of vacuum tubes.

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7557540 - Saturday 28 October 2017 6:55

IN RUSSIA, YOU BE NOT NEEDING OF THE TEE-VEE. YOU HAVE BEAR IN PARK TO BE BRINGING THE ENTERTAINING TO YOU. ALSO, VODKA.

By Jeason012 | 18

#7557613 - Saturday 28 October 2017 13:16

is good soviet tv