Intimacy: Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he...

By singingintherain - 01/07/2017 20:00

Today, ever since my boyfriend has seen A Clockwork Orange, he always suggests that we have sex by asking, "How about a little of the good old in-out-in-out?" and refers to his genitals as, "Yarbles". He seriously doesn't understand why this turns me off every time and our sex life has sunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 854

You deserved it 678

Intimacy

Triage

Dysfunctional

Assumptions part 27674

By Crushgonewrong - 22/06/2016 21:42 - United States - Compton

Today, I told the cute girl in my office that she looked like she listened to country music, as an icebreaker. She blankly stared at me for what felt like forever, and responded with, "That's the worst thing you could say to a person," and walked away. She hasn't talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 423

You deserved it 12 780

By onebadwave - 21/08/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 607

You deserved it 46 388

The chop

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 05:01

Today, I got a serious infection following a medically necessary circumcision, and my doctor told me they will probably have to remove even more of the skin where the infection is particularly aggressive. My knob is gonna look like Freddy Krueger's face on a bad day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 111

Classy.

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 048

You deserved it 314

By kprice6 - 03/02/2009 22:55 - United States

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 415

You deserved it 33 047

By slightlyfamous - 17/01/2016 13:59 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 820

You deserved it 2 255

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 287

You deserved it 5 796

By fuckingcool - 06/06/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 587

You deserved it 1 022

Global stinking

By Anonymous - 22/09/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he thinks brushing his teeth and doing anything basically hygienic is unnecessary now, because, "we're all going to die out around about 2050 anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 496

You deserved it 154

By liz - 21/06/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 127

You deserved it 15 147

By Lonesome - 01/01/2014 06:41 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 347

You deserved it 13 048

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 23:53 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my husband decided that if he's not hungry, then I'm not allowed to make myself any food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 868

You deserved it 5 834

By Kendra_Nine - 16/01/2013 18:28 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old sister matter-of-factly said that she's going to get married before me if I don't stop wearing track pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 681

You deserved it 31 035

Cheers

By imgoingtofreakout - 26/12/2017 19:00

Today, my Christmas present from my boyfriend was chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 412

You deserved it 630

By notkatvond - 19/06/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 017

You deserved it 4 084

Yummy

By Massasam - 11/10/2011 20:53 - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 743

You deserved it 41 889

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 14:00

Today, I was driving into work in my hubby’s truck. It’s his pride and joy. I managed to both get a flat tire and lock my keys inside the truck at a gas station, with my face mask also inside. Oh, and it’s 19 degrees. At least it’s sunny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 270

By Jensa - 16/01/2015 21:59 - United Kingdom - Buckingham

Today, my mother kindly brought me some soup as was recovering from having my tonsils out. Spicy Mexican bean soup. Yep, very spicy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 886

You deserved it 2 540

By Benji - 22/01/2009 12:06 - France

Today, my 19 year old girlfriend dumped me because she thinks I'm immature. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 509

You deserved it 65 168

By Anonymous - 21/08/2012 16:45 - United States - Lititz

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call about one of my applications. I wasn't able to answer it, but he left a voicemail. I've listened to it over and over, and I can't understand the contact information. He called from a restricted number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 624

You deserved it 1 923

Damp, dark night

By Entity303 - 14/11/2020 21:32 - India

Today, I'm staying in a hotel. The power went out while I was having a shower. So I waited for it to come back on, until an announcement came over the fire alarm, "Due to generating failure, the power will be off for the rest of the night. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, and have a good night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 78

Help, I'm stranded!

By LexMarie12 - 15/03/2017 18:00

Today, at work, it was so windy that it started taking the door off its hinges. The door now won't close all the way. I can't leave until someone comes to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 677

You deserved it 333

You're in the army. Now.

By Alex - 18/07/2021 13:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, somebody stole approximately 2000$ worth of army gear from me, which I have to pay for because my leadership didn't care about replacing my room key. My leadership is going to blame me for it in the end, and treat me worse because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040

You deserved it 104

By Friendly - 01/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 785

You deserved it 2 573

Long time gone

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 18:01

Today, I haven't heard from my girlfriend for over a week, after being in a relationship for 7 years with her. She'd called me, saying she had to care for her ex-husband because he had suffered a heart attack. Guess we're over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 154

You deserved it 1 134

By for fuck sake dad - 02/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 3 441

By jriese444 - 23/12/2011 15:45 - United States

Today, my sister is visiting. She used more toilet paper today than I have in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 3 303

By scoobses - 02/10/2015 00:45 - United States

Today, my pain-in-the-ass co-worker is finally leaving. Unfortunately, I was chosen to do the bulk of her job. She has given me no training and on her last day, just smirked at me on her way out and say, "Enjoy doing my job too, fucker". I don't get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 787

You deserved it 1 879

By deadman - 16/08/2013 01:06 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 576

You deserved it 30 069

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 13:30

Today, I got my very first paycheck of $129 for over 40 hours of work. I got paid roughly $3.00 an hour. Alaska minimum is $9.50 per hour, and my HR office is refusing to answer my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 006

You deserved it 160

By Anonymous - 14/11/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 558

You deserved it 47 264

By SadisticSatire - 11/10/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 295

You deserved it 39 703

By innuendom - 22/09/2010 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 459

You deserved it 2 380

Gourmet dinner

By the_emilymohr - 28/03/2020 23:00

Today, after feeding my cats, I walked out of the room. Five minutes later, I heard one of them making a hacking sound. Knowing the outcome, I went to get some paper towels to wipe up the mess. When I went in, my other cat was eating it. Certain things cannot be unseen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 209

By What did I do wrong? - 04/09/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 167

By NotoriousSRJ - 28/01/2011 15:43 - Canada

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 878

You deserved it 4 283

By vikhelios - 30/01/2010 18:45 - France

Today, my heating broke. It's 22 degrees outside, and my father won't let us call someone to fix it because apparently the cold helps the soul grow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 313

You deserved it 2 973

By QuicksilverMaximoff - 30/01/2011 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 823

You deserved it 3 101

The things we do for family…

By taylor_b22 - 13/09/2021 11:01

Today, I agreed to spend the evening walking around an antique tractor show for my dad and sons, but I’m bleeding too much to stay out of the bathroom more than an hour. I’m violently ill from it, and I already have a bum knee and asthma, so I don’t know how I’m going to pull this off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 100

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Top comments

FrozenYeti 6

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:03

so fucking tell him

Magnoxidans 19

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:04

I would say "Just because you don't understand why it turns me off, that doesn't make my feelings invalid" - though unless he's a complete moron, it sounds like he's intentionally baiting you :/

FrozenYeti 6

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:03

so fucking tell him

cacheson 41

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Sunday 2 July 2017 1:05

I think the point is she told him and he doesn't understand how that could be.

FrozenYeti 6

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Sunday 2 July 2017 1:07

1. guys can't read minds as much as women this k you have to be painfully obvious. 2. if it's is really that bad, kick his ass to the curb. I have no sympathy when the response is to bitch anonymously online instead of having a conversation like a real adult

Magnoxidans 19

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:04

I would say "Just because you don't understand why it turns me off, that doesn't make my feelings invalid" - though unless he's a complete moron, it sounds like he's intentionally baiting you :/

Talented73 54

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:15

So cut him off. If he's baiting you, he'll be the master baiter.

llostinreality 18

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:21

Sounds like he isn't really listening to what you're telling him

CiaphasCain2 20

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:37

I would suggest getting him the novel, maybe then he understand that 'the good old in out in out' is referring to a rape. Hopefully he stops afterwards.

PhoenixChick 26

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Saturday 1 July 2017 21:01

It's rape in the movie too, so you don't even have to give him the novel. Just remind him that what he is referring to is a RAPE so brutal that the woman died from it. And that it isn't a turn on for you for him to offer to rape you to death.

DanielleinDC 32

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Monday 3 July 2017 5:28

From my understanding, the death was suicide after the rape, an all-too-common thing in real life. But yeah, OP, you gotta find a way to shut that shit down. If he won't get it through his head that using a reference to rape turns you off, perhaps you should find another boyfriend.

nemcali 34

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Monday 15 April 2019 1:06

Actually I don’t think it’s a reference to rape but to sex in general because I believe he also uses it about the 2 girls who voluntarily have sex with him at the beginning of the movie. Regardless if it bothers you, he should stop using that expression.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 1 July 2017 21:39

Just give him a tolchock in the zoobies and go listen to some Ludwig van. You should read the book -- it's very horrorshow.

Kurliez408 32

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Saturday 1 July 2017 22:22

Taking part in 'A Clockwork Orange' next week. Your boyfriend has one twisted sense of humour....

Ihavelike3bucks 2

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Saturday 1 July 2017 23:20

Maybe he just wants to read the meter. Regarding the rape comments.. It's been awhile since I read or saw it but I'm pretty sure 'in-out-in-out' just refers to penetrative sex in general, not specially rape.

PhoenixChick 26

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Monday 3 July 2017 0:48

It's how the main character refers to sex- and he enthusiastically raped a woman to death.

tolkien897 15

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Sunday 2 July 2017 1:16

It might not even be the rape references. I just don't find the words "in out in out" to be sexy. Besides, I like it when my husband play-rapes with me

CiaphasCain2 20

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Sunday 2 July 2017 3:00

yeah okayy.......way too much information there o.O

tolkien897 15

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Sunday 2 July 2017 5:47

Neh. you'll be alright.

RayneIsAPsycho 9

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Sunday 2 July 2017 1:46

Being that A Clockwork Orange is my favorite movie of all times. I don't think this would bother me, lol. However, I do feel sorry for you xD

Gaz_2_0 10

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Tuesday 4 July 2017 7:00

A Clockwork Orange is one of my favorite movies as well, and I once talked in nadsat(the weird way the characters speak) for half a day until my Spanish teacher yelled at me. I would also have no problem with it.