Love: Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

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Triage

Paranoia

Slow moving accident

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandmother has been complaining that I spend too much on food, so I started cooking food from scratch. I happily showed her my recipe book and encouraged her to try a few. She then mocked me for wasting time by not buying frozen food. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

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By ish - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in the parking lot right before a baseball game, then convinced me to still go to the game in tears. After the game, we were walking back to the car and he goes, "so, how about some break up lovin'?" FML

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By Chandler - United States

Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML

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By DMitch - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

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By foshizzle - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/3/2020 23:16

You just don't understand art

Today, I walked in on my roommate with his pants down at his ankles, taking a picture of his poop. This would've been less disgusting if we'd been in the bathroom, not the kitchen. FML

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By AloneForChristmas

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Norfolk

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

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By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Drama Queen

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

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By NinjaPanda88 - United States

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

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By FirstKiss - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML

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By rejected - United States

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

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By guess I'm stuck - United States - Alamo

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

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By Anonymous - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

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By Bogrbon - 21/4/2020 14:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

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By confused - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me that having sex with me was as good as eating crispy bacon. I don't know if I should feel complimented. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 08:02

That's that, then

Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

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By Gordon - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

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By Scaredwitless - United States

Spooky

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

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By hylianprincess - United States

Today, my mother is so overdramatic that her response to finding out I lost a friend's book was that I should fake my own death rather than fess up. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just got back from a two week vacation. I live with six people and only the dog was happy to see me. FML

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By fmypaint - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

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By WeakerThanaLittleGirl - United States

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

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By anthony - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

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By cortanaisahobot - Canada - Toronto

Hot and… greasy

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

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By lonelyengineer - Germany

Today, I sat in the cafeteria at work and saw a girl, which is a rare sight at my workplace, from the back with a beautifully long ponytail. After a full hour of building up courage to perhaps say hi to her, she turned around. It was a 50-year-old man. FML

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By mylifeeee - United States

Today, in art class we finally had the critique for the self portraits we've been working on for a month. We critique a few and come to mine. Everyone is silent. Finally, one girl says "I'm just going to be blunt. It doesn't look like you. You're not that pretty." Everyone nods. FML

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By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

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By scarredforlife - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting my boss' kids. I brought chocolate for them and the youngest said he had never had chocolate and didn't want any. I told him he should always try new things and should eat it. He did. He's allergic. FML

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By Queenie

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

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By people will think I'm Shelley Duvall

Today, my son's yearbook came. I was pretty happy, because I also ordered a larger version of his photo because he's going to California for college and I wanted a special picture of him to keep. Unfortunately, my happiness disappeared when I saw that he was wearing a horse mask in the photo. FML

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By Acne_problems

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, driving home, my girlfriend and I decided we were finally going to have sex. We got in the backseat, then I opened my condom to find it was already broken. We ended up playing connect four instead. FML

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By Bleh - Canada - Brantford

Today, I found out that my new, expensive noise-canceling headphones trigger my motion sickness. FML

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By poopooppachuu - United States

Get it now?

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Hawthorn

Today, my mum yelled "Son of a bitch!" as I narrowly beat her at a game of Mario Kart. I jokingly yelled back "Hell yeah I am!" Now I'm grounded for two weeks, birthday included, all because my mum's a sore loser. FML

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By Malcolm654 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 4 years in front of the sell-out crowd at the baseball game, but at the security checkpoint, the security guard made me take the ring out and open it after I walked through the metal detector. No need to say it, worst proposal ever. FML

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Top comments

By katie_bby | 0

#230352 - Monday 25 May 2009 22:49

elbow him during a herpes commercial.

By laceyxx | 0

#66528 - Sunday 29 March 2009 6:12

#5, harsh fucker.
your boyfriend sounds like a jackass, but he could be kidding?
#1, good idea, it would be perfect if a male enhancment commercial came on following that.

COMMENTS

By rachelroller | 0

#5726 - Monday 23 February 2009 8:26

WOW you know how to pick 'em!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30712 - Saturday 14 March 2009 3:08

Lol @ #2

By sabrage | 0

#51064 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:51

If you're fat, you deserve it.

By laceyxx | 0

#66528 - Sunday 29 March 2009 6:12

#5, harsh fucker.
your boyfriend sounds like a jackass, but he could be kidding?
#1, good idea, it would be perfect if a male enhancment commercial came on following that.

By fmlcommenter | 0

#131255 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 1:22

wow this is like the first fml and no one comment on it

By fmlcommenter | 0

#131262 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 1:24

wow this is like the first fml story out and like no one comment on it only 6

By 24788 | 6

#148496 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:33

#1 That's just evil, but effective.

By RhiannonD | 0

#163495 - Sunday 3 May 2009 2:56

This is one of my favourites.

By C0okieMonster | 0

#166598 - Monday 4 May 2009 4:01

Tell him to fuck off!! Eat more cookies!! Cookies are your friend!! FYL

Cookie!!

Reply

csf_lupita | 0

#1253661 - Monday 16 August 2010 20:55

lmaoo,!! :D

By BiggLJ | 0

#212211 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 22:35

YDI for being fat. He deserves it for going out with a fatty.