Love: Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, during the trailers at the movies, my boyfriend elbowed me in the ribs and smiled when an ad for a weight loss institute was shown. FML

I agree, your life sucks

88884

You deserved it

17292

Tweet

Share

Late term

Night terror

Great speech, thanks!

By grossedout - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30047

You deserved it

2523

Tweet

Share

By DoggyBlues - United States

Today, my fiancé told me he wants a security guard to come with us on our honeymoon to Hawaii. Apparently, watching Dog the Bounty Hunter has made him feel unsafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27182

You deserved it

2894

Tweet

Share

By pleasedontyellatme

Today, my parents finally took me driving after months of me having my permit. I got yelled at for asking questions. I only needed to know which way they wanted me to turn on the next street after they told me to turn, but not which way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10981

You deserved it

712

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10927

You deserved it

36503

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28244

You deserved it

3606

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my seemingly innocent younger brother showed our family a video of what he was doing last night when he skipped New Student Orientation. He's been in college all of 48 hours and he's already joined a fight club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3170

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By Derek Lee - United States

Today, I sold my Xbox 360 on Craigslist. I met the dude at the mall. I gave him my Xbox and a handshake for buying. I left without the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18846

You deserved it

70213

Tweet

Share

By Az - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29830

You deserved it

2370

Tweet

Share

By Mel Cluze

Fire!

Today, my girlfriend and I were spending the night at a hotel. We were awoken at 3 a.m. by the fire alarm. We quickly got dressed, went down the stairs to the reception area… and were told that it was a false alarm. All because some jerk lit a cigarette in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

125

Tweet

Share

By middleagednurse - United States - Miami

Today, my husband bought me XL pajamas for my birthday. I got really angry, telling him that's obviously not my size. I tried them on just to show him how ridiculous they look. They fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23889

You deserved it

41615

Tweet

Share

By Squeezebox - United States - Missoula

Today, my son ruined our fairly new 60 inch smart TV by giving it a bath with his squirt gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3176

You deserved it

545

Tweet

Share

By rider - Qatar

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21065

You deserved it

11391

Tweet

Share

By OhMeGerd - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15406

You deserved it

28866

Tweet

Share

By thatisnotcool45 - Canada

Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31036

You deserved it

2696

Tweet

Share

By Around - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34011

You deserved it

14073

Tweet

Share

By lovehurts - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of two years over the phone, I recieved a knock on my door. It was my now ex-girlfriend who came to seek revenge by shooting me in the balls with a paintball gun at about a three foot range. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18809

You deserved it

57488

Tweet

Share

By PieterseMJ - South Africa - Sandton

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27106

You deserved it

3729

Tweet

Share

By korbo7 - United States - Grand Island

Today, I saw a man help an elderly lady with her tray at the local McDonald's. I wanted to do something nice for him, so I added a couple extra nuggets in his meal. He later came up to me and told me I was dumb and didn't know how to count, and that was why I was working at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17508

You deserved it

1403

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32913

You deserved it

1942

Tweet

Share

By Nebraskawreck

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2542

You deserved it

365

Tweet

Share

By Annette - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26240

You deserved it

2076

Tweet

Share

By BadIdea - France

Sucker

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10250

You deserved it

59436

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26389

You deserved it

4214

Tweet

Share

By whoops - United States - Hicksville

Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23321

You deserved it

60751

Tweet

Share

By waltzy777 - United States

Today, we were having a family get together at my house. Because of this, i had to mow our lawn to make sure it looked nice. I got a little bored and decided it would be funny to cut a rather large penis into my yard. right when i finished, i ran out of gas. My 83 year old grandmother saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13585

You deserved it

82909

Tweet

Share

By CollegeKid

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10359

You deserved it

714

Tweet

Share

By buiuuum - United States

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18487

You deserved it

34097

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51687

You deserved it

10044

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34357

You deserved it

3738

Tweet

Share

By jaci - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16967

You deserved it

1122

Tweet

Share

By bird-brain - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30366

You deserved it

5128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I found out that my girlfriend takes videos of me sleeping and watches them with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39791

You deserved it

3544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got promoted to a management position. After work, I went for a drink with my co-manager and a few of our colleagues, where they discussed their plans to take Ecstasy before/during our work Christmas party. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7947

You deserved it

705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 08:01

Karen strikes again

Today, at work as a manager at pizza place, I got yelled by a customer because they got one fewer paper plates than they asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

692

You deserved it

90

Tweet

Share

By sysadmin:~# rm -rf / - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my self-esteem sank so low that I sabotaged my workplace's corporate network, then fixed it, just so I could feel needed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44617

You deserved it

7390

Tweet

Share

By Actrent

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8147

You deserved it

685

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39445

You deserved it

4387

Tweet

Share

By FeedTheBirds - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3371

You deserved it

473

Tweet

Share

By siamne - 28/3/2021 23:00

Glass half empty

Today, after six months of eating a better diet and exercising every other day, I can now say that I am physically healthier, but the lifestyle changes have done absolutely nothing to help my depression. That was the whole reason I started doing this in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

869

You deserved it

80

Tweet

Share

By uneek14 - Canada

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30744

You deserved it

84466

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By katie_bby | 0

#230352 - Monday 25 May 2009 22:49

elbow him during a herpes commercial.

By laceyxx | 0

#66528 - Sunday 29 March 2009 6:12

#5, harsh fucker.
your boyfriend sounds like a jackass, but he could be kidding?
#1, good idea, it would be perfect if a male enhancment commercial came on following that.

COMMENTS

By rachelroller | 0

#5726 - Monday 23 February 2009 8:26

WOW you know how to pick 'em!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30712 - Saturday 14 March 2009 3:08

Lol @ #2

By sabrage | 0

#51064 - Sunday 22 March 2009 23:51

If you're fat, you deserve it.

By laceyxx | 0

#66528 - Sunday 29 March 2009 6:12

#5, harsh fucker.
your boyfriend sounds like a jackass, but he could be kidding?
#1, good idea, it would be perfect if a male enhancment commercial came on following that.

By fmlcommenter | 0

#131255 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 1:22

wow this is like the first fml and no one comment on it

By fmlcommenter | 0

#131262 - Wednesday 22 April 2009 1:24

wow this is like the first fml story out and like no one comment on it only 6

By 24788 | 6

#148496 - Monday 27 April 2009 21:33

#1 That's just evil, but effective.

By RhiannonD | 0

#163495 - Sunday 3 May 2009 2:56

This is one of my favourites.

By C0okieMonster | 0

#166598 - Monday 4 May 2009 4:01

Tell him to fuck off!! Eat more cookies!! Cookies are your friend!! FYL

Cookie!!

Reply

csf_lupita | 0

#1253661 - Monday 16 August 2010 20:55

lmaoo,!! :D

By BiggLJ | 0

#212211 - Tuesday 19 May 2009 22:35

YDI for being fat. He deserves it for going out with a fatty.