Miscellaneous: Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that... - FML

By lovely-sweet - France

Today, during a lunch I said "It must be awful to realize that you've been cheated on!". One of the men present had just found out that he had been. I then try to correct my tactlessness by saying "The worst must be when your wife leaves you for another woman". Which was also the case. FML

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There's no helping some people

Triage

Taking sides

By jaymash - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

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By feeling fed up - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

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By DravensMommy - United States

Today, I woke up with a black eye. Why? My husband was having a dream where he was fighting somebody and wound up punching me in the face in his sleep. I had a very important job interview this morning. FML

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By Mangler - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

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By still learning - Canada

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

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By HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE - United Kingdom - Dagenham

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

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By skaterboy - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

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By Tootie - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I have a cold and need to blow my nose all the time. The problem is that every time I blow my nose, I get a nosebleed. When I breathe through my mouth, I have a coughing fit. So I have to choose between not breathing, coughing up mucus or blowing blood. FML

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By bosslady12 - United States

Today, I realized I need a new job when I had to take anti-anxiety medication before meeting with my boss. Last time we met, I had a panic attack. FML

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By Chelstable

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

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By MSguy

Today, I found out that the medication that's been free to me and has given me no noticeable side effects will be $1500 a month for my new insurance. This is a medication used to prevent my MS relapses. FML

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By P DarklyKira - 6/5/2020 17:00

Broken bum

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

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By edgyasfuck23 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

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By firstdate - United States

Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML

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By aldfgadfklbg - United States

Today, I had a seizure. My dad responded by saying it always happens with my disease. I never have had a disease. Now I have to wait for my dad to stop yelling at my mom about not telling me, so I can ask what I have in the first place. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was cruising with a coworker and his friend, and I started getting tired. His friend offered me a caffeine pill. It wasn't caffeine. It was laxatives. FML

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By Red Toad - 26/12/2020 20:59 - United States - Litchfield Park

Holiday assumptions

Today, I said a few words to my mom that happened to be similar to something offensive, and she misheard. I tried to tell her, but she was so angry that she assumed I was saying more offensive things. Now she is punishing everybody in the house, and I’m not allowed to speak to her. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

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By - 19/2/2020 20:00

Just once

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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By paula123 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my ex-husband just had a baby with his new partner. We only split up a week ago. FML

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By Nuttree - United States

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

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By El Camino - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

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By sweet_02 - United States

Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn't care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 17:02

Loss

Today, I confessed my feelings to my best friend, how I'm deeply in love with him. The consequence wasn't good, as he told we should never talk to each other again. FML

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By Alup132

Today, while delivering pizza, a customer got mad at me and accused me of not having a GPS, then cussed me out and hung up. The address he gave me was a parking lot with 6 cars, none of which were his. FML

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By wearingashirtatthepool - United States - East Brunswick

Today, I spent thirty minutes on the phone with my best friend's mom, because her daughter was too afraid to tell me that I'm no longer a bridesmaid at her wedding because I'm too fat. FML

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By Anonymous

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

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By meesa in big doo do dis time!

Today, I learned that all of my "friends" refer to me as the, "Jar Jar Binks" of our circle of friends. FML

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By jeffcarp - Italy - Cesenatico

Mint taste

Today, my wife stopped mid blowjob because it tasted too clean, like my mint shower gel. FML

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By IHateMySister - Denmark - Kirke-hyllinge

Today, my sister confessed that when she runs out of clean underwear, she uses mine. That wouldn't be so bad if she didn't also put it back in my dresser afterwards so I wouldn't notice. FML

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By Nikki - United States - Satellite Beach

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

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By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hobbs

We got a reader!

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

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By IGiveUp

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

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By Eden - United States

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

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By imsorrytimmy - United Kingdom

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

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By Anonymous

Jinx

Today, I was reversing my brother's car out of a driveway. I turned to my friend in the passenger seat and said "check it out, I'm so good at reversing!" Next minute there's a huge bang. I had just reversed into a tree and shattered the windscreen. FML

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Top comments

By ConfusedGuy | 0

#3511 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 21:23

Dude, fuck his life.

By GhettoWangstuh | 0

#1027 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 9:05

im a friends addict, and that just made me crack up omg

nice one hahah

COMMENTS

By GhettoWangstuh | 0

#1027 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 9:05

im a friends addict, and that just made me crack up omg

nice one hahah

Reply

givemediamonds | 7

#6241197 - Monday 23 March 2015 16:36

Same here

Reply

Host2phats | 21

#6479314 - Monday 7 December 2015 17:21

does OP mean Tastelessness?

By ConfusedGuy | 0

#3511 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 21:23

Dude, fuck his life.

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30912 - Saturday 14 March 2009 4:59

WOW

By ILIEKGIRLS | 5

#86595 - Monday 6 April 2009 11:35

Lesbian?
wat.

By xocassylovesyou | 0

#269229 - Friday 5 June 2009 6:59

Sucks for that little wimp of a man. He deserves it for not having any backbone, and being so pathetic his woman leaves him got another woman.

Also, being tacful isn't always the best answer. Be blunt. At least then you are actually being honest. Tactfulness is for pussies.

---Cassy

Reply

jrkardamis | 0

#3003806 - Saturday 30 July 2011 20:29

You have issues

Reply

Googolman | 29

#5014073 - Sunday 7 October 2012 6:21

Where on the FML did it say that the man was acting like a wimp? Also, where does it say it was the man's fault the woman left him? You don't know all the details, so quit being such an ignorant child.

By Moggetlova | 0

#348279 - Sunday 28 June 2009 6:32

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By brie3 | 0

#377999 - Wednesday 8 July 2009 7:30

Ouch. Poor guy.

By Jari | 0

#388416 - Sunday 12 July 2009 0:03

Ouch. That sucks. But seriously, learn the meaning of "quit while you're ahead". Also, how the hell does saying that help the situation?

Voting both FYL and YDI here.

Reply

Googolman | 29

#5014078 - Sunday 7 October 2012 6:22

OP didn't know the man's wife left him for another woman, and tried to make the man feel better by saying it could have been worse.

By 88sforlife | 0

#1053641 - Friday 2 July 2010 7:55

Lol

By welly_ellie | 0

#1093459 - Thursday 15 July 2010 14:54

dude just shut up and walk away next time