Love: Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend.... - FML

27/12/2018 18:00

Spicy

Today, during sex I said my side dick's name instead of my boyfriend. He isn't speaking to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 12 152

And today, on Dr Phil…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Good kid

12/09/2010 14:46 - France

Spicy

Today, I went to a gay club with my supportive straight best friend to find me a date. Somehow, she managed to go home with a guy and I'm still decidedly single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 938

You deserved it 6 488

06/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, when I went to my gp for an annual check up, I was complaining to the nurse about my chronically sore ankle. Turns out it has been fractured for 8 years. When I was 11 I was playing in my grans garden and went over on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 596

You deserved it 278

11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 549

You deserved it 2 329

23/05/2012 18:47 - United States

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 590

You deserved it 2 489

09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 2 804

18/01/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 386

You deserved it 2 795

I love that for you

By NeedHeadPhone - 30/11/2009 16:51 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I overhead my mother's request to be spanked harder by my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 2 962

24/04/2009 09:37 - United States

Today, I was getting onto an airplane and happened to admire the stewardess. I was walking onto the plane and was just about to talk to her when my foot slipped into the crack between the boarding ramp and the plane. Not only did she laugh as I limped to my seat but now I have bruised nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 342

You deserved it 10 711

Denial

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, my little brother got a tattoo honoring our mom who abused us. The only reason I stayed was to protect him. I feel like I wasted my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 65

11/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 849

You deserved it 372

09/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 848

You deserved it 438

27/02/2017 12:00 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I discovered a cold sore in my ear, which I need to treat with a cream. Because of health issues, I already have six different creams and lotions to apply to various parts of my body, including buttcrack and hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 566

You deserved it 639

01/04/2014 21:41 - Ireland

Today, I had to rush my 14-year-old son to the hospital after he fell out of a tree while trying to take an obnoxious "extreme selfie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 025

You deserved it 5 907

09/08/2014 15:43 - India - Mumbai

Spicy

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 526

You deserved it 4 523

01/02/2010 14:34 - France

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 794

You deserved it 37 947

25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 754

You deserved it 4 023

23/12/2014 21:48 - United States - Gainesville

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 450

You deserved it 3 875

Dick move

By blargerpanda - 29/04/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I heard my 7 year-old step-daughter tell her father over Zoom she cries every night, because she wants to go home with him. I don't have the heart to tell her that he had kicked her and her mom out of the house because he thought mom's stretch marks were unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 81

17/06/2012 19:38 - United Kingdom - Neath

Today, I was forced to listen and politely nod with a smile on my face, as my boss droned on and on, explaining that everything in the universe is slowly getting bigger, aside from him, because he's never felt so short before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 517

You deserved it 2 302

12/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Enfield

Today, I woke up to see my 8-year-old cousin licking my hand. All of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 678

You deserved it 498

29/01/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 3 110

Beat It

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 168

20/11/2015 19:07 - United States

Today, my ex got arrested for stealing. His new girlfriend texted me asking if I could lend her money to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 322

You deserved it 1 954

09/06/2014 21:03 - United States

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 239

You deserved it 5 607

Size isn't everything!

By Franklin - 18/12/2017 19:00

Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 7 761

11/11/2015 14:38 - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 2 652

04/07/2014 17:35 - United States

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 937

You deserved it 43 467

05/08/2013 15:33 - United States

Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 850

You deserved it 4 741

20/01/2015 22:52 - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 322

You deserved it 2 786

06/07/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 917

You deserved it 144

02/03/2014 05:03 - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 4 347

Fear Factor

By Cowgirl1293 - 26/08/2021 00:01

Today, at 28 years-old, I broke the first ever bone in my body. I broke a metacarpal in my hand by going down an inflatable waterside at a children's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 126

26/12/2014 05:39 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I accidentally texted my mother instead of my drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 777

You deserved it 54 523

30/01/2010 00:08 - France

Today, I told my best friend I was breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years. He thought it would be funny to tell her I was going to propose to her that night. She showed up telling me how much she loves me and that when we get married how great it will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 036

You deserved it 7 075

DIY Haircuts

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 04:01 - Germany

Today, I cut my own hair. It looks great. Absolutely professional. From the front, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 653

24/09/2010 10:22 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 168

You deserved it 4 566

08/04/2014 16:07 - Italy - Vigodarzere

Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 482

You deserved it 4 818

05/03/2012 08:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 912

You deserved it 4 245

26/11/2010 06:44

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 455

You deserved it 27 189

05/06/2016 18:26 - Mexico - Mexicali

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 652

You deserved it 1 371

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Top comments

Mungolikecandy 19

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:16

Boo hoo. You cheated on your boyfriend and are now upset he found out due to your own stupidity. What a shame.

Ghostrui 27

Wednesday 19 December 2018 7:00

Oh poor you.

Comments

Ghostrui 27

Wednesday 19 December 2018 7:00

Oh poor you.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:08

was the side of your dick named john?

WereDictionary 3

Send a private message

Friday 4 January 2019 1:29

My money is on Richard.

Mungolikecandy 19

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:16

Boo hoo. You cheated on your boyfriend and are now upset he found out due to your own stupidity. What a shame.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:17

Next time keep your mouth, and your legs, closed. You deserve everything you got coming to you.... Slut.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 22:18

looks like there are a few sluts on here judging by the dislikes.

Rabite 28

Send a private message

Saturday 29 December 2018 19:40

I guess you wanted to say "cheater" but missed by one word.

Lukr 8

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:25

ydi for having a side dick. and here I was thinking only side chicks existed...

Rabite 28

Send a private message

Saturday 29 December 2018 19:40

What? Women like to have sex, too? What is the world coming to???

Send a private message

Wednesday 2 January 2019 5:31

You mean "Women are unfaithful, too".

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:27

If you’re looking for sympathy, I got none. I got 99 problems but a cheating whore ain’t 1.

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:32

Was there some prior arrangement? Open relationship etc.? I'm just wondering how this is an FML, as opposed to just the story of someone who is both unfaithful and too stupid to keep their mouth shut.

ari330 21

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 18:36

Oh wow, a cheater is upset because she's in the wrong, oh noooo, poor disgusting piece of shit

NostalgiaFreak9 40

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 19:20

"I said my side dick's name-" Instant YDI. I'm hoping this story only got past moderation so people can remind you of how much of a dumbass you are.

Kitsi 14

Send a private message

Thursday 27 December 2018 19:30

What is wrong with you? Do you really think it's ok to cheat? I am glad he's not talking to you and hope he leaves. Clearly you don't deserve a relationship.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 384

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69