Work: Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put... - FML

19/08/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 367

You deserved it 5 665

This Charming Man

Best teeth in the game

Broken heart

31/07/2019 00:01 - Singapore

Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 596

You deserved it 217

20/11/2011 00:52 - United States

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 710

You deserved it 38 626

17/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 897

You deserved it 4 460

13/05/2011 23:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 865

You deserved it 4 278

15/07/2009 06:58 - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 855

You deserved it 5 921

07/05/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Falkirk

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 197

You deserved it 2 616

03/05/2019 16:00

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 149

17/12/2015 09:10 - Italy - Pontecchio Polesine

Spicy

Today, I turned 18. My dad congratulated me and gifted me his collection of old porn magazines. Not bad, dad, but perhaps not during family dinner next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 702

You deserved it 2 404

How Soon is Now?

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 12:59 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, I realized that my boyfriend‘s birthday was two weeks ago, so I immediately sent him a message as if it was today. He didn’t believe my excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 1 687

29/06/2019 10:00 - United States - Hyattsville

Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 373

You deserved it 1 068

15/05/2017 18:00

Today, I turned 21 and had a huge party because I could finally drink legally. Got arrested for public intoxication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 295

You deserved it 6 286

Passing

By reader - 04/12/2020 14:03

Today, I went to go to an aerobics class. Shen the instructor walked in, she went up to me and told me it was a women only class. I am a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 120

21/05/2011 15:31 - United States

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106 561

You deserved it 7 147

05/08/2010 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 560

You deserved it 37 873

11/12/2018 04:00 - Romania

Spicy

Today, I made out with a handsome man in the restroom at a party. There was a knock on the door, interrupting us. It was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 1 355

23/05/2016 10:49 - United States - Lansing

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 123

You deserved it 1 242

20/11/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 060

You deserved it 40 571

15/08/2009 13:56 - United States

Today, after having a few beers at a bar, I gave my ticket to the valet to get my car. I tipped the man $2 and he gave me a huge smile and thanked me a lot as I left. I thought the guy was just really appreciative for those $2 until I got home and saw one of the $100 bills in my wallet was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 448

You deserved it 57 670

18/11/2014 05:35 - United States - Dublin

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 292

You deserved it 2 926

31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 546

You deserved it 2 830

10/07/2014 05:24 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out the record label I was talking to was actually just my friends who have way too much time on their hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 027

You deserved it 5 666

29/09/2010 21:29 - United States

Today, I took a cough drop to soothe my sore throat, only to choke, gag, and spend the next ten minutes at the point of vomiting because the bitter lozenge got stuck in my windpipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 057

You deserved it 3 720

04/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Gorham

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 973

You deserved it 3 488

14/07/2015 10:33 - Germany - Bad Oeynhausen

Today, I went down a water slide. Halfway through, I got stuck behind some kids who were blocking the tube. Seconds later, a big-boned lady crashed into my back. Her solution to break the blockade was to start kicking my back repeatedly as hard as she could. The kids still wouldn't move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 792

You deserved it 1 908

14/03/2012 07:51 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 20 776

28/06/2009 18:25 - Israel

Today, I woke up late. My grandparents had slept over the night before but they usually left early. I heard someone in the kitchen and thinking it was my brother, I said "Thank god, the geriatric crew is FINALLY gone." My grandma responds, "No we're not." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 460

You deserved it 73 909

31/05/2016 03:17 - United States - Highland Park

Today, I went to the doctor. They did a test and said they would email me the results. My girlfriend saw the email that said "The test was positive", and now she thinks I'm cheating on her with someone named Doctor Johnson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 298

You deserved it 1 081

14/02/2014 17:11 - United States - Middletown

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 547

You deserved it 4 558

25/10/2011 07:17 - Canada

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 852

You deserved it 3 516

31/10/2018 22:00 - United States

Today, I went over to the house of a guy I have hooked up with a few times. After we got done, I asked him why we were not in the room across the hall. He said that was his twin brother's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 1 279

07/08/2012 17:59 - United States

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 080

You deserved it 2 558

09/03/2019 22:00 - United States - Whitehall

Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 3 231

11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 283

You deserved it 8 503

17/09/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 344

You deserved it 2 555

My new house

By Anonymous - 22/01/2013 08:27 - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 364

You deserved it 13 450

26/07/2019 21:00 - Canada - Parksville

Today, I'm a week into a prescription of extremely constipating antibiotics. I also just caught the stomach bug going around at work that causes aggressive diarrhea. The two combined mean I have a constant, slow-moving stream of thick, foul-smelling sludge coming out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 957

You deserved it 141

25/08/2009 06:44 - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 63 960

21/03/2013 10:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 211

You deserved it 17 826

05/06/2018 19:00

Today, I went into the tanning room at work, where the lady in there last had decided the trash can was a toilet and pooped in it. Before she sat, she took the time to wrap the edges in paper towels, I guess in case anyone else had done this before her. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 532

You deserved it 179

21/12/2016 22:49 - United States - Aurora

Today, as a delivery driver, I have been stiffed in tips by three separate people because "a delivery fee is a tip, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 088

You deserved it 1 025

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:50

is this from spongebob?

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:17

Well, you know what they say! Cold hands, warm heart. ;D

Comments

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:09

That sucks:/ it would have been worse if u had gotten fired

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:20

i hope your skin ripped off when you finally got your hands off the door :U

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 19:15

What the heck? That's so mean, so he made a mistake. You shouldn't wish him ill..

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 22:26

YDI for working at Burger King

the_enigma1019 1

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Saturday 1 October 2011 16:01

So because they slipped up, they deserve to have a lack of skin on their hands, you sir are what is known as an (clears throat) asshole,arse, cunt, dick, fucktard, faggot, loser, gaytard, asswipe, vag, and and just a plain old bastard -the enigma

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Thursday 23 February 2012 12:24

That's harsh

prettykitty123 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:10

Fuck your lifee dood

DeathMetal666 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:12

How is this an FML? You canadians love the cold, pussy.

XOfiestypixie 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 17:01

Haha. Silly misinformed non-Canadian. The majority of us dislike it as much as anyone else.

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 17:04

Fiesty Pixie, you'd always be welcome here in Texas where it never gets really cold. ;)

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 19:21

Haha I know that's right, we get a cold front here and the temp is like 96 degrees Fahrenheit.

XOfiestypixie 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 19:54

Haha, thanks Plexico. =D Though the legality of guns makes me a little nervous. *twitch* jk. ^-^

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 20:53

That whole gun thing is exaggerated. In any case, you can get your own. Some women really enjoy shooting them off (at a firing range at paper targets, mostly.)

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Sunday 20 February 2011 17:56

that's a stereotype!!! not all canadian's love the cold.

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Thursday 23 June 2011 4:06

We more adapt to the cold rather than like it. Canadian winters in sone places are pretty bad .. :/

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Wednesday 29 June 2011 4:18

okay ignore the cold. wouldn't you be panicked to have your hands frozen to a door? would you just sit there and not say a word??

Shadow_Phantom 26

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:13

Glad you're still alive, but FYL dude o_o

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:17

Well, you know what they say! Cold hands, warm heart. ;D

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:22

Well, you know what they say! Cold hands, warm heart. ;D

magichateball 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:26

YDI for not drying your hands first.

lendmeyourteeth 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:29

why wouldn't you at least wipe your hands on your pants..?

TheTragicReturn 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:33

I was going to say YDI, but then I remember how lazy I am about drying my hands. FYL.

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 16:36

YDI!!! I go from doing dishes to going into the big cooler at work all the time..not once have I gotten stuck to anything...you want to know how???? I wipe my hands..whether on a paper towel on the way in..or on my pants....ughh..stupid people

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 288

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 69