Work: Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 69

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 37

20/10/2010 18:08

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 592

You deserved it 3 474

Own it

Age difference

Dysfunctional

07/12/2010 09:38

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 133

You deserved it 3 063

30/12/2018 06:00

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 346

You deserved it 376

We finally made it

By Depression... - 10/10/2012 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 052

You deserved it 9 095

17/10/2015 13:17

Today, I accidentally Googled "best types of incest" instead of "best types of incense" on the family computer. The parental controls went nuts. I'm now grounded, and my parents are convinced I need psychiatric help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 2 778

25/02/2013 16:14

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 609

You deserved it 3 870

22/02/2018 01:30

Today, after ignoring me for about a week, my boyfriend finally broke up with me. Why? He discovered that I use prescription deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 669

You deserved it 370

29/04/2016 23:22

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 893

You deserved it 1 706

14/12/2016 03:48

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 532

You deserved it 925

22/07/2015 04:20

Today, I was working at the local grocery store and a customer of mine, who had only bought two granola bars and was holding up my line, tried to convert me to Christianity. Out of all the people to target, she chose the shy atheist who just wanted to do her minimum wage job in peace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 533

You deserved it 3 050

07/01/2011 02:59

Today, after lifting a 20 pound box of oranges for a woman at work, she turned around to say "Your acne needs help." I still had to tell her to have a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 085

You deserved it 2 913

25/08/2010 00:08

Spicy

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 496

You deserved it 28 291

12/06/2015 02:12

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 796

You deserved it 2 748

27/11/2012 14:32

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 339

You deserved it 1 982

08/06/2016 08:38

Today, after months of living on five dollars a day for food in college, I found out my parents bought me an expensive meal plan and forgot to mention it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 441

You deserved it 1 475

13/05/2011 17:08

Spicy

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 330

You deserved it 67 287

Dark humor

By Anonymous - 14/07/2021 04:01

Today, whilst I was setting up a room for a paediatric first aid course, some of the students arrived. At that precise moment I dropped one of the dolls, and for whatever reason, the first words out of my mouth were, "Oops, I killed the baby." Death glares ensued very quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 223

Revenge is sweet yogurt

By Doomed - 24/07/2021 08:02

Spicy

Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 72

14/10/2010 19:02

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 344

You deserved it 8 376

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 10:07

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 438

You deserved it 3 229

09/06/2015 01:47

Today, at my place of work in a fast-food restaurant, a customer called in and bitched at me that her warm food was weirdly cold. That is, after she drove 45 minutes from the restaurant to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 203

You deserved it 1 718

19/09/2015 02:56

Spicy

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It lasted about 20 seconds, and he cried during it. I later heard him telling his friends he'd given me a "damn good pounding" and "made her cum 3 times". I wish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 736

You deserved it 3 032

09/12/2012 13:18

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 570

You deserved it 2 826

09/08/2012 21:42

Today, at work, I decided to make things more interesting, so when I called people I used a fake accent. As I was using an Australian accent, the person I was talking to asked me where in Australia I was from. I desperately replied, "Where the kangaroos are..." I'm now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 815

You deserved it 40 333

29/03/2013 01:13

Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 113

You deserved it 18 793

30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 460

Drugs are bad, mkay ?

By theshitguy - 15/06/2021 08:01

Today, I was at a party. A friend and I went to the bathroom together. She finished, I started to go, realising I need to shit. She was still in the room. People began to knock. My brain told me to snap the shit in half… with my hand. I grabbed the toilet paper with said hand, leaving the bathroom covered in shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 998

19/02/2016 04:12

Today, I went to see a doctor because I have been feeling of pressure in my chest. After running numerous tests, I was told I was perfectly healthy and had nothing to worry about. I made it as far as the front door before I collapsed and had to be rushed to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 829

You deserved it 1 460

20/06/2012 05:03

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 932

You deserved it 5 306

27/05/2011 20:52

Today, I saw a hot guy at the laundromat. Wanting an excuse to talk to him, I tossed a pair of my red underwear into his washer. What I didn't realize was that he was washing his whites. Thanks to me, he now has an entire load of pink shirts and boxers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 325

You deserved it 78 333

11/09/2015 10:51

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 396

You deserved it 8 831

14/02/2009 22:49

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 529

You deserved it 3 098

Lonely

By GinaD - 02/05/2021 11:01

Today, my friend got an engagement ring. She’s been with her boyfriend for 2 years and it started as a one-night stand. Whenever I have one-night stands, the only thing I get is left on "read". FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 644

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 17:00

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 2 614

Not so Magic Kingdom

By Disney dashed - 23/09/2019 00:01

Today, I fulfilled my lifelong dream of going on a family trip to Disneyland. Less than two hours in the park, my kids have been scared shitless by every single character, they don’t want to ride any rides, my husband is drunk and the mouse ears headband gave me a vomit-inducing migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 275

25/09/2013 16:35

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 637

You deserved it 3 493

12/10/2009 13:21

Today, I won 10,555 dollars on scratch cards! My sister got me to do a happy dance and filmed it. The video is on facebook and the tickets were fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 160

You deserved it 7 956

07/09/2013 04:50

Today, I got yelled at by my mom for not being surprised enough at my surprise birthday party. She'd told me about it while drunk the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 352

You deserved it 3 256

Not really a good idea

By Anonymous - 27/02/2020 18:00

Spicy

Today, I decide to let my boyfriend introduce food into our sex life, then a few days after we used melted chocolate I got a UTI. I’ve never had a UTI before in my life so I’m blaming him for the fact it feels like I’m peeing needles dipped in acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 2 268

24/02/2017 10:00

Today, I did my budget. I have a good job, make decent money, and work full time, but without including any flexible spending items like groceries, I make $32 less than my bills each month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 193

You deserved it 1 212

02/08/2013 13:58

Today, I met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen on the beach. I was nervous, but I just smiled and said, "Hey, you're really pretty." Then I let out a horrific fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 377

You deserved it 12 019

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:04

Maybe he thought it was a bank robber?

w2z1 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:06

It was wearing a mask!

Comments

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:04

Maybe he thought it was a bank robber?

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:05

Sly Cooper, maybe?

RyGan 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 1:03

YDI for being a bank teller . What IS a bank teller?

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Thursday 21 October 2010 3:55

haha funner than your job I bet. yes I'm aware it is more fun. don't grammar rape me

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Thursday 21 October 2010 4:02

dude!! that was freakin hilarious! :) mmd.

TheOtherNewest1 6

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Thursday 21 October 2010 7:23

*Haha, more fun than your job I bet, and yes I am aware that it is 'more fun.' Please don't grammar rape me. ^ Consider yourself grammar raped.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 7:50

lol 39, you just got grammar raped by 47 xD Thought you were smart, amirite?

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Sunday 24 October 2010 19:04

why not just write more fun instead of correcting yourself and sounding stupider? (yes i am aware that its stupid, please dont grammar rape me)

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Monday 10 January 2011 22:19

Well... baby racoons are cutee sooo..

AntoshaChekhonte 6

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:05

Eh, been there, done that. I've chased animals all over the place for various jobs. It's a matter of public health for us and safety for the animal. Would you rather the little bastard got hit by a car? That's not very nice of you.

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Thursday 21 October 2010 7:17

actually I'd rather my boss get hit; the racoon as well

iSitt 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 11:11

I'd rather none of you get rabies

w2z1 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:06

It was wearing a mask!

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:06

I bet it was something different. Atleast you'll go home today with a funny story? :)

aussie_gemini 5

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:07

hahaha tough!

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:11

Don't let it die! Save the cute critter

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:12

Aww! He probably thought he was going to steal from the bank :p Well, I hope you didn't harm it, if you ever did catch it xD But FYL for having to chase it :s

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:13

Well duh! Didn't your actual job become redundant about the same time ATMs were introduced?!

pennguitarist14 0

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:23

An ATM machine won't allow you to withdraw a $1000 or more.

MissErikaHart 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 0:11

Vegas ATMs let u pull out $5000... (in the casinos) Vegas ftw

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:15

I would rather catch a raccoon than wait on asshole bank customers. ever hear a raccoon complain??

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 23:16

Fun, at least you didn't have to sit around..