Transportation: Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 326

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 126

19/01/2011 18:54

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 2 660

Sounds like a catch

Still pining

Management

24/08/2019 04:00

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 221

08/11/2013 14:00

Spicy

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 836

You deserved it 6 147

19/09/2009 07:47

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 106

You deserved it 3 577

Freaky situation

By Cody - 09/08/2021 00:01

Today, my boyfriend left our bed at 6 a.m. to go upstairs and go back to bed with his son and soon to be ex-wife. I then had to ride in the backseat of a car for 6 hours while they talked and laughed. Not once has he asked if I'm okay or what's wrong. I've barely spoke all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 528

08/07/2015 17:45

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 860

You deserved it 1 934

01/09/2016 23:23

Today I was home sick from work because my doctor gave me a new pill that made me throw up violently. My boss called. I thought she was checking on me. She fired me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 817

You deserved it 834

05/09/2017 12:00

Today, I went to a friend's "party". Everyone bailed but my friend didn't say anything, so it's just me and my girl. The train tickets alone cost £20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 214

You deserved it 319

01/03/2011 17:32

Spicy

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 700

You deserved it 61 840

16/03/2017 18:00

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend's mom and the subject of marriage came up. She told me she hopes I'll find my prince charming very soon and leave her son alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 069

You deserved it 432

19/08/2009 20:29

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 625

You deserved it 4 283

27/07/2011 08:09

Today, I was walking my dog, and a whole bunch of teenagers were driving around my neighborhood throwing water balloons at people. They followed me for 3 blocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 438

You deserved it 2 859

10/08/2011 13:11

Today, I finally went to my boyfriend's house to meet his family. When they were giving me a tour of the house, I noticed a Nazi flag on my boyfriend's bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 977

You deserved it 5 032

Going pro

By DDboy - 13/10/2019 22:00

Today, I got yelled at by one of the managers at my store for tucking in my shirt in the crew room. She called it unprofessional and offensive. It was my first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 619

You deserved it 127

He who smelled it…

By Anonymous - 31/01/2015 15:08

Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 913

You deserved it 2 682

06/08/2014 21:35

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 553

You deserved it 6 564

31/05/2014 13:40

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 308

You deserved it 8 105

14/04/2011 23:29

Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 089

You deserved it 26 123

28/10/2015 01:52

Today, I was having a conversation with a new friend when she remembered she needed to grab something from her car. I don't know where she parked, but it's been two and a half hours and she's still gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 497

You deserved it 2 229

16/04/2011 02:04

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 6 355

12/03/2009 19:56

Today, I went over to my uncle's house for dinner and my stomach hurt really bad. I noticed there were two toilets and sat in the prettier one and took a huge dump. Turns out I'd chosen the brand new toilet that wasn't connected to anything yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 31 276

Awkwaaaaaard

By Why - 02/04/2014 08:13

Today, for our 25th anniversary, my husband and I had dinner on a cruise ship, a dinner we had been planning for months. Upon boarding, I realized the expensive dress that I had bought just for the occasion had exactly the same print as the chair covers and the carpet. The cruise lasted 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 548

You deserved it 6 295

29/08/2011 21:19

Today, I was doing my jazz aerobics workout and accidentally kicked my 3 year old daughter in the face. Everyone we know, including my wife, thinks I beat her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 9 566

He's fine

By NoMagicMike - 27/06/2012 16:53

Today, I was assigned to work on a huge project with Michael. Michael refers to himself in the third person, constantly mumbles unintelligibly to himself, doesn't smile, laugh or make eye contact, and refuses to address me directly. I'll be stuck with him for about four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 715

You deserved it 2 331

08/05/2009 03:02

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 920

You deserved it 16 461

19/07/2012 23:56

Today, I searched our neighborhood for our lost dog. After screaming at the top of our lungs, driving around in circles, and asking strangers, we realized we took him to the groomers this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 774

You deserved it 41 572

10/11/2016 21:15

Today, while going to the mall, I witnessed the horror of someone sneezing and shitting themselves at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 336

You deserved it 887

04/12/2010 07:08

Today, I walked outside to see my friend frantically waving and running at me, yelling something I couldn't understand. I smiled and started to jog over to him until I realized he was screaming "RUN!!!" We spent the next 10 minutes running from his neighbor's 5 vicious chihuahuas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 6 741

21/02/2009 02:39

Spicy

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 694

You deserved it 10 330

11/01/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 577

You deserved it 1 237

15/01/2016 17:07

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 682

You deserved it 21 097

11/12/2009 21:55

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 603

You deserved it 10 009

Big Little Lies

By Anonymous - 16/09/2019 00:01

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for a guy. I was the only one who knew he was bisexual. Now everyone thinks I "turned him gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 633

You deserved it 180

05/01/2018 19:00

Today, I got my period during my dance solo. My costume was white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 492

You deserved it 399

04/06/2017 00:00

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 665

You deserved it 351

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 2 833

24/07/2012 13:54

Today, I got on a two hour train ride to go to a concert. I had been so caught up in handling the train tickets that halfway to the concert, I realized I had left the concert tickets on my dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 783

You deserved it 9 036

13/11/2015 12:34

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 694

You deserved it 1 544

22/10/2012 19:08

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 052

You deserved it 5 567

Great speech, thanks!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 02:02

Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 131

25/10/2013 17:17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 003

You deserved it 7 219

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 23:57

What an ungrateful b!tch!

perdix 29

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:50

A bottle of water is not a good enough bribe to prevent a car break-in. A bottle of Jack might have done the trick!

Comments

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 23:57

What an ungrateful b!tch!

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:20

oh wow you bought her a bottle of water, you deserved to be robbed from

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:42

^my thoughts exactly.^

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Thursday 20 January 2011 1:08

If you're angry enough to break into cars as revenge, you probably don't pay attention to whos care it is. So FYL, but when she realises she will probably feel bad... if that helps...

Falcon_My_Life 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 3:23

Sue

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Thursday 20 January 2011 3:39

reminds me of how I helped robert downey jnr get drugs. how does he repay me? by buying me a transsexual hooker...

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Wednesday 19 January 2011 23:58

thats terrible, she should get put into some serious anger management classes

theybebitchin 4

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:00

pim slap her!

m0tl3ycru3qwr 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 10:23

who's pim?

jaqie 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 16:42

tha girl from Phil of the future

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:03

Show her who's boss. Break into her house and light her bed on fire.

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:12

Eminem?

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:04

Anger is a bitch.

spoo 24

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:05

call the police. get stuff back (+ any repair expenses +time lost)... not the end of the world.

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:07

I mean if you call the police you'd get your stuff back.. right.?

burritosrgood 12

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Sunday 6 April 2014 6:34

Turd

McMan 23

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:17

Come on people you should realize by now with all the other FMLs like this, karma is the type of asshole who won't return the favour. FYL.

honeybunches88 5

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:23

I love all the bitchy comments on here complaining about the OP's coworker being a bitch. :)

McMan 23

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:31

I do believe the OP's coworker acted in an inappropriate manner that could only be described in a one way and please do forgive me, a bitch. Better? :P

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Thursday 20 January 2011 0:24

No good deed goes unpunished, darling. That's why I prefer a life of crime myself. Karma screws you either way!~

ohsnapsnoudidnt 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 1:29

So breaking into OP home, having your way with her..... Would that be so bad for the stuff that she took from you