Miscellaneous: Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought...

By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 594

You deserved it 159

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Compromises

Stop talking!

By cheesylad - 10/06/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 102

You deserved it 1 328

By Tired - 25/12/2018 12:00

Today, was my first day off in almost a month. My husband and I spent all morning arguing then he left to his job saying he won't be back tonight. Apparently I'm being neglectful because I don't have the energy for sex after being the only one working FT, cooking, cleaning, and running errands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 691

You deserved it 372

By lamelifeguard - 19/04/2013 05:07 - United States - Morrison

Today, someone at my workplace yelled at me and filed a complaint for staring at them too often. I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 645

You deserved it 4 381

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 369

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 01:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 466

You deserved it 45 844

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 05:15

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 168

By longtrip - 18/01/2010 00:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I drove 4 hours to see my girlfriend of a year, as she had asked me to stay with her for a few days. When I arrived she told me she wanted to be friends as she liked someone else, but wanted me to stay the few days so we could work on being friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 928

You deserved it 2 392

The gift that keeps on giving!

By Anonymous - 26/12/2017 19:30 - United States - New Bremen

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 518

You deserved it 494

By pancaketits - 22/03/2016 15:33 - United States - Havertown

Today, a classmate accused me of having butt implants because "women can't have a huge ass and pancake tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 270

You deserved it 1 645

Damn kids!

By Anonymous - 01/02/2021 13:57

Today, I found out that my 9 year-old cousin logged into my main chess account and lost 1700 points on purpose down from 2300. Which took 8 years of grinding and several national championships. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 158

By englishtrio - 18/04/2009 06:45 - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 107

You deserved it 3 565

By Florida - 27/10/2010 18:46 - United States

Today, my husband informed me that his father adopted a dog. I replied "Cool," he then said, "She happens to have your name." I think my father in law is trying to send me a message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 065

You deserved it 2 928

By vixenscars - 19/01/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I slipped on a banana peel in a store parking lot as I was getting out of my car. I landed on my ass. The cops that were parking behind me later informed me that I would be able to see the video on youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 554

You deserved it 2 468

The truth

By vmml97 - 17/08/2009 21:16 - Canada

Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him, "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was, "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 809

You deserved it 25 303

By sippinsoup22 - 16/02/2016 01:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 692

You deserved it 2 443

By Anonymous - 11/01/2018 19:00

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 850

You deserved it 643

By anonymous - 25/05/2011 14:33 - Singapore

Today, I inexplicably claimed ownership of someone else's fart in the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 318

You deserved it 36 925

Slow day

By Driver - 18/06/2021 08:01

Today, after a 14-hour day at work 180 km away, the freeway was closed 30 km from home. I had to detour, adding another hour and a half to the already three-hour trip home. I was basically at work for almost 28 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 66

By NowBubbleWrapSucks - 27/05/2018 20:30

Today, my mom went into a full war against dirt and plastic-wrapped our entire house. The floor, furniture, even our feet now have to be covered in plastic. Everything squeaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 490

You deserved it 238

By Anonymous - 30/05/2012 22:35 - Italy - Milan

Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 643

You deserved it 47 969

Seasonal allergies

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 06:01

Today, I sneezed inside my helmet when I was driving 90 mph on my motorbike. No quick solutions were available to improve visibility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 226

By Nick - 08/07/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 371

You deserved it 11 745

By username - 19/05/2015 06:45 - United Kingdom - Leatherhead

Today, my girlfriend suggested we start using a safe word during sex - not because we're into BDSM or anything like that, it's just in case she gets bored and wants me to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 660

You deserved it 5 894

By StungAlot - 19/06/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 326

You deserved it 2 719

By anon - 28/07/2015 05:02 - United States - Northbrook

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 907

You deserved it 4 690

Classic

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00

Today, I had a dream I saw my dad. I tried to talk to him, but then I woke up. He died last Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 53

By Anon - 23/11/2011 01:53 - United States

Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 690

You deserved it 48 135

By Jello - 26/02/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 769

You deserved it 5 895

By Anonymous - 10/12/2014 08:13 - United States - Seaside

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 000

You deserved it 8 635

By heckaza - 19/01/2016 06:47 - Australia - Werribee

Today, I went to visit a suburb that was named after my family. Within five minutes of walking around I was mugged and then beat up. My family name has certainly done well for itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 570

You deserved it 1 903

By Ouch - 14/07/2009 02:25 - United States

Today, I thought it would be sexy to cook dinner in lingerie. Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was cooking. I jumped and burned my boobs with boiling cooking oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 435

You deserved it 15 459

By CrawlingUnderARock - 26/09/2017 16:00

Today, I discovered that a company has been using a photo of me for one of those "she lost 50 pounds" online ads. I'm the "before" photo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 233

You deserved it 360

By sleeplessinID - 15/08/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, I haven't had any real sleep in 4 days because I am an insomniac. My father is also an insomniac but he takes Ambien to get his rest. Me? I'm stuck staring at the ceiling for hours because he won't let me take any kind of medication, because he doesn't want me "getting addicted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 532

You deserved it 3 603

By Bece420 - 11/02/2019 12:00 - United States - Zanesville

Today, I decided to try a 7-minute exercise video to start working out and get in shape. I couldn’t make it though the video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 812

You deserved it 449

Time out

By sadandmad - 20/01/2016 16:09 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 028

You deserved it 2 882

By TheMichaelNixon - 14/11/2009 21:37 - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 785

You deserved it 75 339

By stuck - 12/06/2016 05:59 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He decided to lock me in the apartment until I say that we are in fact still together. This is the 4th time he has done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 096

You deserved it 4 313

By Smoothskin - 19/09/2013 21:18 - Australia - Heidelberg

Today, I shaved my face after several months of growth. This would be OK if my 4-year-old daughter would still talk to me. Apparently she doesn't recognise me, and I'm scary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 225

You deserved it 3 925

By meow - 30/10/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 130

You deserved it 4 901

By lifeguard down - 01/08/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 654

You deserved it 13 271

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RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:42

867-5309!!!

Ghostrui 27

Thursday 6 December 2018 16:51

Time to get in contact with some people and let them know they used a real person's phone number.

Ghostrui 27

Thursday 6 December 2018 16:51

Time to get in contact with some people and let them know they used a real person's phone number.

interesting33 36

Send a private message

Saturday 8 December 2018 12:47

I always wondered if they used fake numbers for that

Ishvah 15

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 14:32

Usually they do. 555-0100 to 555-0199 are reserved for fiction.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:44

Yes. You’ll notice a lot of TV show phone numbers are 555-xxxx. There is no 555 exchange.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Saturday 8 December 2018 18:02

And that's the end of that chapter.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:42

867-5309!!!

Glowworm56 25

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:22

Damn you, Tommy Tutone!

raven_of_azarath 34

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Thursday 13 December 2018 3:58

My mom told me that when that song came out, a girl named Jenny actually had that number.

Xavyeah 74

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 16:01

"i before e, except after c"... Even I, a French man, knows this. You've got to listen to the Jackson 5 a bit more, dude.

EmikoShiriyuki 26

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 23:30

There's more words that don't follow that rule than actually do. 923 words break the rule, only 44 follow it.

alien236 8

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:09

Why are Earthlings so stupid? What do they think is going to happen when they call this number other than making its owner's life miserable? Sheesh.

weaboo 12

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 22:38

Usually they don’t have an owner people just check because sometimes they actually get a hotline for calls like these for some reason

IHateMyLife4566585765866 4

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Wednesday 12 December 2018 20:50

just change your Number and you're good

chosha_fml 25

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Thursday 13 December 2018 0:45

How old is the show? Because shows can’t do that nowadays. That’s why TV and movie phone number start with 555.

thefmlman2011 35

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Thursday 13 December 2018 0:50

At least your popular?

ciph3r 9

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Thursday 13 December 2018 20:05

Jenny?? Is that you??

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 85

The gift that keeps on giving!

Damn kids!

The truth

Slow day

Seasonal allergies

Classic

Time out

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