Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought...

By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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Miscellaneous

Work name

Vultures

Live dumping

By bigbuldge - 17/9/2019 00:01

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

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By Baikal - 12/5/2013 04:09 - Singapore

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

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By dempasi - 6/5/2016 18:51 - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2009 09:14 - Taiwan

Today, I went to a club and my friends and I went up on the stage, then the security told me to get down and said the stage was only for girls. I'm 23. I'm a girl. FML

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By "Brittney Anderson" - 24/3/2019 14:00

Today found out I need to have emergency surgery which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

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By sausagefingers - 22/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Nixa

Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML

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By Hapaboy808 - 8/7/2020 23:01

The final countdown

Today, I'm sharing an apartment in a foreign country with my soon-to-be ex. There are 6 months left on the contract, so we both decided to live here until then to save money. She earns enough to afford her own place. Me on the other hand… FML

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By NotTHATbad - 19/11/2016 17:26

Today, I found out that sometimes when my girlfriend is mad at me she will allow our unfixed male dog to jack off on my pillows when I'm at work. She won the battle and the war. FML

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By hypebeast - 28/1/2009 15:00 - United States

Today, I posted on a forum asking if I could be a moderator. Instead, I got banned. FML

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By Username - 21/4/2011 18:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find that all my porn magazines have been "censored" with a black sharpie. FML

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By santashelper - 5/12/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

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By The Ugly One - 22/1/2015 02:17 - United States

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

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By dreamteam - 8/2/2010 11:24 - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2020 14:01

Great time to try for a kid

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2016 10:29 - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

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By hotdogbunz - 23/1/2018 19:00

Today, my coworker was supposed to pick me up to go to a work event as my car is broken. I waited 3 hours and he never showed. After he arrived late to the event due to traffic, he told my boss that he waited for me and I never came out. Guess who's unemployed now. FML

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By CRH - 3/5/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2019 14:00

Et tu, Chandler?

Today, I found out that when my friends say they're too busy to hang out with me, what they really mean is that they're going to have an awesome pool party, and don't want me to come. The Instagram stories say it all. FML

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By Katie - 23/6/2011 16:39 - United States

Today, I was rear-ended while at a stop sign, by my driving instructor. FML

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By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 16:20 - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2016 04:01 - Argentina - Lanus

Today, I was showing my step-dad old photos of the family. We got to a picture of me and I mentioned how much weight I've lost. He muttered, "Heh, fat AND blind". FML

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By dusk - 5/1/2012 08:09 - United States

Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML

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By cjgreer70 - 18/1/2014 23:09 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 20:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

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By suspiciouspeople - 5/8/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8-9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

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By etmerda - 12/7/2012 10:31 - United States

Today, I walked around town by myself for four hours because I was too ashamed to tell my parents that I have no friends willing to spend time with me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

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By Ford - 3/1/2018 01:30

Today, a child that was born due to my donation to a sperm bank in 1995 contacted me. My current wife, who I met in 2003, is convinced I cheated on her and is filing for a divorce. FML

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By Chrissy - 8/2/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, I found out that the necklace my boyfriend gave me for my birthday was actually a gift he'd given to his ex girlfriend. FML

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By Lily Cakes - 19/10/2018 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was watching a TV show with my 7-year-old niece. A scene came on where the main character was being tortured, and the one torturing him said "I'm gonna make you scream." Without hesitating, I said, "Oh, kinky." My niece turned to me and asked, "What does kinky mean?" FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2012 13:55 - Sweden - Falk?ping

Today, I accidentally cut myself while slicing some sponge cake. My husband's first reaction was to ask if the cake had gotten bloody or not. FML

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By nurse4life - 18/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Moultrie

420 BLAZE IT BRO!!!

Today, a patient at the hospital where I work asked me if he and his son could light up a joint. He was on oxygen, and serious. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2013 17:18 - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

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By Carlah - 17/3/2020 20:30

Deception

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

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By Bad Artist - 7/5/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my friend sent me a link to a "horrible" tattoo that he found online, that a guy had gotten at my tattoo parlor. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 05:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7736815 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:42

867-5309!!!

By Lil Mouse Isa | 27

#7733858 - Thursday 6 December 2018 16:51

Time to get in contact with some people and let them know they used a real person's phone number.

COMMENTS

By Lil Mouse Isa | 27

#7733858 - Thursday 6 December 2018 16:51

Time to get in contact with some people and let them know they used a real person's phone number.

By interesting33 | 36

#7734738 - Saturday 8 December 2018 12:47

I always wondered if they used fake numbers for that

Ishvah | 15

#7736787 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 14:32

Usually they do. 555-0100 to 555-0199 are reserved for fiction.

RichardPencil | 28

#7736818 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:44

Yes. You’ll notice a lot of TV show phone numbers are 555-xxxx. There is no 555 exchange.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7734814 - Saturday 8 December 2018 18:02

And that's the end of that chapter.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7736815 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 15:42

867-5309!!!

Glowworm56 | 25

#7736859 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:22

Damn you, Tommy Tutone!

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7737050 - Thursday 13 December 2018 3:58

My mom told me that when that song came out, a girl named Jenny actually had that number.

By Xavyeah | 74

#7736827 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 16:01

"i before e, except after c"...
Even I, a French man, knows this.
You've got to listen to the Jackson 5 a bit more, dude.

EmikoShiriyuki | 26

#7736995 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 23:30

There's more words that don't follow that rule than actually do. 923 words break the rule, only 44 follow it.

By alien236 | 8

#7736852 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 17:09

Why are Earthlings so stupid? What do they think is going to happen when they call this number other than making its owner's life miserable? Sheesh.

weaboo | 12

#7736974 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 22:38

Usually they don’t have an owner people just check because sometimes they actually get a hotline for calls like these for some reason

By IHateMyLife4566585765866 | 4

#7736940 - Wednesday 12 December 2018 20:50

just change your Number and you're good

By chosha_fml | 25

#7737011 - Thursday 13 December 2018 0:45

How old is the show? Because shows can’t do that nowadays. That’s why TV and movie phone number start with 555.

By thefmlman2011 | 31

#7737012 - Thursday 13 December 2018 0:50

At least your popular?

By ciph3r | 9

#7737344 - Thursday 13 December 2018 20:05

Jenny?? Is that you??