Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked... - FML

By Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III - 14/6/2015 13:41 - United States - Jersey Shore

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

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Understandable

Fairytale ending

Business savvy

By poordog - 5/1/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2015 21:17 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

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By minnie - 28/8/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

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By Fluffyman - 10/8/2019 04:00

Today, I realized that I haven’t lost weight. All my clothes have just stretched to fit. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2019 01:00

Today, my wife served me with divorce papers that included an accusation that I haven’t given her a decent orgasm since 1996. FML

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By Puzzlepiece - 28/6/2014 14:08 - Australia - Lakemba

Today, I spent the whole day doing a 500 piece puzzle. The last piece didn't fit. FML

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By jjcod - 31/5/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2011 01:13 - United States

Today, I paid $70 to learn from the vet that my cat doesn't have a UTI, he's just developed a fetish for peeing on plastic bags. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 12:36 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML

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By fuck you right back, cockspit - 14/2/2014 21:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, my company filed for bankruptcy, but the reorganize kind where it still functions. There are no funds to give out paychecks any time soon. They won't fire me. If I voluntarily quit, I cannot file for unemployment. I'm now an unpaid intern. FML

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By loserwithlice - 26/7/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2010 15:01 - France

Today, my boss walked down to my office with me to get some paperwork after a very tense, important meeting. He patiently waited while I tried to unlock my office door with my remote for my car. Twice. FML

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By proudparent - 7/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

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By johnnyfuckfacer - 18/10/2012 19:40 - Canada - Concord

Today, I walked into work, after having given my boss a weather prediction last week, so he could decide on which day to open a new company division. I was immediately taken aside and written up for "providing false information, adversley impacting morale". FML

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By pinkpanther61789 - 17/10/2019 14:00

Thanks for the support, guys!

Today, for the first time in months, I wore my naturally curly hair instead of straightening it. Later on at work, a customer pointed at my hair and said, "Look, Bellatrix fucked a poodle." All my coworkers laughed. FML

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By sadbuttrue. - 25/6/2014 01:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my sister's wedding, I went to the very back of the crowd of women waiting to catch the bouquet. Not only did I end up catching it, I was accosted by a crazy chick who ripped it out of my hands, screaming at me in Italian. I later found out she was already engaged. FML

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By colorfulgina - 12/12/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

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By kenneth - 31/8/2018 01:30

Today, I had to drive 40-odd miles to my grown-ass son's house to kill a large spider on the wall. It had him trapped in his bedroom because his wife had already gone to work. How did I ever raise such a wuss? FML

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By BrokenAndHurt - 24/5/2016 12:28 - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

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By Spike - 29/3/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has a 1-in-a-million disease that makes your liver process pain medication at twice the rate of a normal person. If that wasn't bad enough, he also tells me he hopes I don't have it too, because it can be passed down. He said this because I'm 29 weeks pregnant. FML

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By Bookworm - 5/6/2013 17:02 - United Kingdom - Singapore

Today, I was on the tram, when an elderly couple got on. I stood up to give them room to sit together, but as I stood up, the tram set off and I went flying, knocking the elderly gentleman over. FML

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By TrailerTrash - 20/3/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2011 11:46 - Denmark

Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML

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By harrassment101 - 25/12/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, at work a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her. So I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

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By Coeurdencre - 6/6/2016 03:33

Today, my best friend, who reckons I'm doing a terrible job at finding a boyfriend, has started giving out my number to all the men she thinks "look trustworthy" in the subway. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 22:00

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

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By dulllife - 8/12/2011 07:30 - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

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By singingseattlite - 6/4/2009 06:14 - United States

Today, I was at a symposium at which my colleague was a co-chair. She and a new acquaintance asked me how it was going. I joked that the discussant's only job at this conference was to be an asshole. The acquaintance was the symposium's discussant. The topic was Rude Behavior at Work. FML

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By shuahwan - 9/8/2015 05:46 - New Zealand

Today, to settle a bet with a friend, I took an online IQ test twice. The first time, I chose answers at random without reading the questions. The second time, I took it for real. I got a higher score from the random selections than from my serious attempt. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML

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By innuendom - 22/9/2010 06:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I have a job interview coming up. For the job I'm currently doing and have been for the last nine months. My manager told me not to expect too much. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2017 09:13

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

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By danggit3290 - 3/5/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

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By Maddii1112 - 10/8/2016 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he loved me for the first time in a way I'll never forget. In fact, his exact words were, "You're not the only one that I love." FML

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By Hanna - 3/4/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

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By Fattymuch - 14/9/2011 14:27 - India

Today, I was online looking up ways to lose weight, get thinner and be healthier, all the while eating a slab of brownie that was half the size of my head. FML

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Top comments

By amanda182 | 19

#6320789 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Wow, she is good.

By hellnosucka | 27

#6320799 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:08

I'm both impressed and concerned. mostly impressed though.

COMMENTS

By amanda182 | 19

#6320789 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Wow, she is good.

Reply

ScarredVox92 | 16

#6321032 - Monday 15 June 2015 4:53

She's good, but it pisses me off that she would use that. Totally disrespectful.

Reply

fuckedPriceless | 17

#6321042 - Monday 15 June 2015 4:59

ain't no rest for the wicked, #60

Reply

mds9986 | 24

#6321075 - Monday 15 June 2015 5:52

If this was me I wouldn't even be mad, that's amazing.

Reply

Drosophila82 | 18

#6321082 - Monday 15 June 2015 6:03

True dat

Reply

amanda182 | 19

#6321376 - Monday 15 June 2015 14:33

#60 i agree that it's disrespectful, I am married to a soldier, and he laughed and this as well but said its fucked up. Some people are just desperate.. And assholes.

Reply

Joseph24689 | 14

#6345467 - Thursday 9 July 2015 15:47

Money don't grow on trees

By linnysy | 14

#6320790 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

I'm sorry OP! Report it to the cops!

Reply

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6321079 - Monday 15 June 2015 5:59

I agree op needs to report it. Then they may be able to look at surveillance tapes and have an idea of what she looks like. She may already be in their databases or on their radar.

By Honest_Guy | 10

#6320791 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Sucks to be you, I hope you somehow got it back...

Reply

bl865ood | 17

#6321062 - Monday 15 June 2015 5:30

there's a button for that

Reply

JocelynKaulitz | 28

#6322300 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 11:49

#66, There's no button for OP to get their wallet back. I checked.

Reply

razoray9 | 21

#6323248 - Wednesday 17 June 2015 18:30

Are you sure #96 because according to Jake from State Farm it pays to double check.

By TheGolfGTI | 24

#6320792 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:06

Well Op, I bet that's the last time you let that happen.

Reply

Marshmallowjello | 22

#6322069 - Tuesday 16 June 2015 4:37

Although I do hope that something like this does not happen to op again, I also hope that op continues to make an attempt to be kind and helpful towards others. What op did was amazing, and I'm sincerely sorry that it was just a hoax.

By gunzerker | 8

#6320796 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:07

I thought op was going to say she conned him into paying for her groceries.

Reply

achoo123 | 13

#6320909 - Monday 15 June 2015 2:06

Well in a way she kind of did.

Reply

Sam_Dchi | 23

#6320947 - Monday 15 June 2015 2:42

you still remember that one?

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#6321110 - Monday 15 June 2015 6:48

#40 - I do, I do!~

By muarif | 19

#6320797 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Dswank620 | 18

#6321072 - Monday 15 June 2015 5:49

I don't think he deserved this at all, he was just trying to be kind, bad things like this happens to good people all too often

By hellnosucka | 27

#6320799 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:08

I'm both impressed and concerned. mostly impressed though.

Reply

brookiee527 | 13

#6320996 - Monday 15 June 2015 4:22

Your profile picture makes me happy

Reply

gracehi | 31

#6321007 - Monday 15 June 2015 4:36

It also goes perfectly with the comment. I can totally hear Ron Swanson saying that.

By Dick_diamond | 22

#6320804 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:09

Makes you lose faith in humanity, doesn't it? People suck.. That's why I prefer animals

Reply

CoGhostRider | 31

#6320872 - Monday 15 June 2015 1:09

But that's illegal....

Reply

daisylokes | 16

#6320900 - Monday 15 June 2015 2:00

#23 nasty.

Reply

vikky538 | 28

#6321046 - Monday 15 June 2015 5:02

Remember. Humans are social animals

By itsalanis | 24

#6320805 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:10

I find it a little upsetting that people use emotions of those sorts to commit crimes. Humans nowadays... :c

By TheSgLeader | 21

#6320808 - Monday 15 June 2015 0:11

You have to watch out for people like that. Some people have the nerve to pawn people like that. I hope Karma gets you back for being thoughtful enough to let her hug you. Good luck, OP

Reply

deathshead | 19

#6321037 - Monday 15 June 2015 4:57

I'm leaning more to karma getting her for being a bitch