Money: Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 64

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 1 092

14/06/2015 13:41

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 603

You deserved it 5 254

Age difference

It's not unusual

Management

02/03/2014 08:44

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 425

You deserved it 7 269

30/05/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 195

You deserved it 397

No end in sight

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 11:01

Today, my city is in the news because of a huge Covid outbreak in a factory that's under construction. They have over a thousand workers and refuse to shut down to stop the spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 117

14/11/2014 18:39

Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explained stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 077

You deserved it 3 423

04/10/2010 21:42

Spicy

Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 501

You deserved it 8 666

23/06/2016 03:09

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 523

You deserved it 1 990

23/06/2015 02:20

Today, I discovered that most of my family is homophobic while discussing Orange Is The New Black. I've only come out to my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 2 908

27/06/2014 23:50

Spicy

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 783

You deserved it 7 647

WTF?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2018 01:30

Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 994

You deserved it 306

No data for you

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 11:01

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 150

10/09/2011 06:35

Spicy

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 288

You deserved it 274 779

Well shit.

By Wells Fargo Worker - 18/05/2018 19:00

Today, at work, we were told by Wells Fargo that we'll be training our foreign replacements from India. After we train them, we're gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 332

You deserved it 221

20/12/2012 21:49

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 349

You deserved it 6 519

11/12/2009 11:11

Today, after five months of working overtime and doing my own repairs around the house, such as patching my own roof to save money, I walk into my home office. I find my $2500, week old, top of the line laptop won't turn on because it's drenched in water. Apparently there's a leak in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 991

You deserved it 25 462

Thanks, honey.

By Fluffy - 13/12/2017 19:00

Today, I noticed that I've been gaining some weight. Don't worry, my boyfriend doesn't mind. His new favorite thing is putting my boobs on his head and saying he feels "safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 591

You deserved it 884

08/03/2009 13:34

Today, my brother had his fiancée over to meet the whole family. We were having a great time with her, and my mother gushed to her that she was like the daughter she never had. I'm her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 209

You deserved it 2 981

16/12/2012 06:25

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 661

You deserved it 18 269

Panic

By not a cancerous pimple - 31/01/2015 00:11

Today, I felt a painful lump on my jaw. After going on Google, I was convinced I either had an infected tooth or jaw cancer. In a panic, I rushed to the dentist and told the receptionist the problem. She pulled the dentist from an appointment, and he felt around my jaw. It was just a pimple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 294

You deserved it 27 297

10/08/2010 21:34

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 064

You deserved it 2 981

14/08/2013 00:08

Today, my father bought a riding lawn mower. We don't have a lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 983

You deserved it 3 545

20/05/2013 04:31

Today, my parents posted on Facebook that they were excited that my sister was pregnant and couldn't wait to be grandparents. Last week I told them that I, a 33-year-old happily married woman, was pregnant and they told me I was ruining my life and encouraged me to have an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 051

You deserved it 3 550

11/10/2015 03:30

Today, while babysitting my nephew, I was looking through a bin of toys, and I saw a fake spider. I picked it up to do a prank with. It wasn't fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568

You deserved it 5 670

11/11/2015 16:52

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 307

You deserved it 3 147

26/08/2009 20:05

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 234

You deserved it 14 407

04/02/2010 10:47

Today, my 4 year old son thought it was funny to put money in the shredder. He stuck over 500 dollars in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 721

You deserved it 16 724

Not you, her

By Emily - 05/04/2021 20:00

Today, I told the guy I liked about my feelings, and he says, "Sorry I don’t like you, but can I get your sister's number?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 100

05/03/2015 22:34

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 484

You deserved it 2 529

25/08/2010 00:48

Today, I swerved off the road and hit a tree in order to avoid hitting a dog that came out of nowhere. Don't worry, I didn't hit him. The person behind me did, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 391

You deserved it 5 103

24/11/2012 16:35

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 977

You deserved it 2 582

02/02/2012 18:07

Spicy

Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 447

You deserved it 25 931

25/01/2014 00:34

Today, I found that I conduct so much static electricity that I'm periodically given a shock by my headphones as I walk with them on. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 36 254

You deserved it 4 300

21/02/2016 19:02

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 389

You deserved it 1 852

Family goals

By Stephenstrange - 22/07/2021 13:59

Today, I asked my mom to tell me how she met my dad, because after 15 years me and my dad are finally working on our relationship. My mom thought it was a good time to tell me he’s not my father, and that my biological father wants to meet me this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 61

30/06/2013 18:09

Today, I bought some makeup supplies at the supermarket. The cashier snorted and muttered, "Not enough in the world for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 368

You deserved it 3 974

Final Destination

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 584

22/06/2012 06:02

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 124

You deserved it 4 175

21/10/2014 20:13

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 913

You deserved it 4 107

08/01/2016 16:19

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 222

You deserved it 2 201

Technique

By jlowder2 - 11/12/2009 02:22

Spicy

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate. I wanted to make it last longer, so I tried thinking of something else. Suddenly she says, "What are you thinking?" I reply, "Dead puppies." This apparently turned her off more than it did me, because she got out of the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 121

You deserved it 30 548

06/07/2011 16:59

Today, I shaved my beard off. Turns out the skin under my beard is six shades lighter than the rest of my face. I look completely ridiculous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 226

You deserved it 14 150

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Wow, she is good.

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:08

I'm both impressed and concerned. mostly impressed though.

Comments

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Wow, she is good.

ScarredVox92 16

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Monday 15 June 2015 4:53

She's good, but it pisses me off that she would use that. Totally disrespectful.

fuckedPriceless 17

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Monday 15 June 2015 4:59

ain't no rest for the wicked, #60

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Monday 15 June 2015 5:52

If this was me I wouldn't even be mad, that's amazing.

Drosophila82 18

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Monday 15 June 2015 6:03

True dat

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Monday 15 June 2015 14:33

#60 i agree that it's disrespectful, I am married to a soldier, and he laughed and this as well but said its fucked up. Some people are just desperate.. And assholes.

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Thursday 9 July 2015 15:47

Money don't grow on trees

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

I'm sorry OP! Report it to the cops!

Brandi_Faith 33

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Monday 15 June 2015 5:59

I agree op needs to report it. Then they may be able to look at surveillance tapes and have an idea of what she looks like. She may already be in their databases or on their radar.

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:04

Sucks to be you, I hope you somehow got it back...

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Monday 15 June 2015 5:30

there's a button for that

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 11:49

#66, There's no button for OP to get their wallet back. I checked.

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Wednesday 17 June 2015 18:30

Are you sure #96 because according to Jake from State Farm it pays to double check.

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:06

Well Op, I bet that's the last time you let that happen.

Marshmallowjello 22

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Tuesday 16 June 2015 4:37

Although I do hope that something like this does not happen to op again, I also hope that op continues to make an attempt to be kind and helpful towards others. What op did was amazing, and I'm sincerely sorry that it was just a hoax.

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:07

I thought op was going to say she conned him into paying for her groceries.

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Monday 15 June 2015 2:06

Well in a way she kind of did.

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Monday 15 June 2015 2:42

you still remember that one?

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Monday 15 June 2015 6:48

#40 - I do, I do!~

muarif 19

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 15 June 2015 5:49

I don't think he deserved this at all, he was just trying to be kind, bad things like this happens to good people all too often

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:08

I'm both impressed and concerned. mostly impressed though.

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Monday 15 June 2015 4:22

Your profile picture makes me happy

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Monday 15 June 2015 4:36

It also goes perfectly with the comment. I can totally hear Ron Swanson saying that.

Dick_diamond 22

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:09

Makes you lose faith in humanity, doesn't it? People suck.. That's why I prefer animals

CoGhostRider 31

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Monday 15 June 2015 1:09

But that's illegal....

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Monday 15 June 2015 2:00

#23 nasty.

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Monday 15 June 2015 5:02

Remember. Humans are social animals

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:10

I find it a little upsetting that people use emotions of those sorts to commit crimes. Humans nowadays... :c

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Monday 15 June 2015 0:11

You have to watch out for people like that. Some people have the nerve to pawn people like that. I hope Karma gets you back for being thoughtful enough to let her hug you. Good luck, OP

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Monday 15 June 2015 4:57

I'm leaning more to karma getting her for being a bitch