Miscellaneous: Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to... - FML

16/02/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 561

You deserved it 67 837

BO Central

Dementia or hate? You decide

Cute trick, asshole

04/11/2011 04:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent my grandma a naked picture instead of my girlfriend. While attempting to delete it, I sent it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 684

You deserved it 54 652

09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 160

You deserved it 14 931

04/02/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 109

You deserved it 2 812

Super-spreading

By Anonymous - 18/07/2021 17:59

Today, I found out I have bed bugs, thanks to my dad having them and not telling me, so my girlfriend got pissed at me, thinking I purposely give them to her, and is sending me a bill to have her house treated for them. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 80

16/03/2010 02:27 - United States

Today, I was so bored I googled the word "bored." The results were boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 309

You deserved it 40 744

27/08/2019 00:01

Today, my parents told me that I wasn’t invited to a family wedding because it was too expensive to invite everyone. This would be fine, if they didn’t invite all my other cousins, and my baby sibling as well. To be honest, it’s probably just because I’m gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 504

You deserved it 517

16/10/2009 15:08 - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 325

You deserved it 5 718

06/10/2010 21:59 - France

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 989

You deserved it 28 648

30/07/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, for 20 minutes, I watched my girlfriend use a mini flashlight to look for her keys in her purse. The flashlight was on her key chain. As were her keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 355

10/02/2011 20:06 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 306

You deserved it 12 661

02/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 832

You deserved it 50 062

Harsh

By Anonymous - 16/08/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, my mom screamed in my face that if she could go back in time, she’d rather have put up with the 3-minute pain of being fucked in the ass like her boyfriend wanted, because then she wouldn’t have had 13 years of pain raising me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 744

You deserved it 300

28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 066

You deserved it 672

27/07/2009 09:38 - United States

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 503

You deserved it 9 390

25/12/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my phone. Worried that I'd accidentally thrown it in the trash, I emptied out all the bins and searched the garbage. An hour later, my daughter said she'd found it by the bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 981

You deserved it 26 701

25/01/2014 01:29 - United States - Petaluma

Spicy

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 459

You deserved it 5 738

13/01/2010 16:42 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 998

You deserved it 16 300

28/11/2010 20:03 - United States

Today, my friend peed her pants while we were sledding. I could feel it trickling down into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 437

You deserved it 2 907

07/05/2009 04:29 - Korea Republic of

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 088

You deserved it 2 359

26/08/2011 18:29 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom, because apparently I'm an idiot for not sharing her belief that chickens are mammals. She has a university degree in this stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 567

You deserved it 3 694

27/05/2012 13:20 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 204

You deserved it 2 609

31/08/2010 18:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 281

You deserved it 4 627

Timing

By Anonymous - 16/03/2020 00:11 - Canada - Toronto

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out of the closet. In the middle of us having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 223

You deserved it 247

29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 832

You deserved it 3 846

08/02/2011 07:58

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 107

You deserved it 32 101

Meet the parents

By Scared - 28/08/2020 05:03

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Remember the show Honey Boo Boo? They seem sophisticated compared to the family of weirdoes I got to meet. It's almost got me reconsidering my planned proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 221

08/08/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 189

You deserved it 2 687

05/12/2015 23:15 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 272

You deserved it 4 094

25/11/2012 00:25 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 471

You deserved it 3 132

23/04/2009 05:22 - Malaysia

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 6 711

12/06/2016 13:41 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, a friend posted a photo on Facebook of a meal with all of our other friends. The same meal they'd told me just yesterday had been cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 991

You deserved it 881

He Tried?

By Liz - 06/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 759

You deserved it 752

28/02/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up to a note on my nightstand from my fiancée, along with the ring I proposed to her with yesterday, which stated that not only was she not ready to be married, but she’d been planning to end things before I “blindsided" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 948

You deserved it 411

06/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 5 419

New or used?

By Dez Johnson - 07/03/2021 11:01

Today, I discovered that my old roommate had left a full bag of cat litter on my porch and all over my yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 56

01/09/2011 14:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my mum yelled at me for wanting to apply to university courses that she doesn't approve of. I'm applying for Biomedical Sciences and Microbiology, she's an unemployed Jehovah's Witness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 941

You deserved it 2 958

26/11/2010 00:55 - United States

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend telling me to be romantic, I decided to make a romantic bath for us, complete with oil bath beads. After we get ready to take the bath, she puts her hand in the water and says she won't get it because 'it feels slimy'. I enjoyed a romantic bath alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 223

You deserved it 3 952

12/01/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 999

You deserved it 28 776

16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203 763

You deserved it 31 931

13/06/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 2 441

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:00

you definitely deserve it. mind your own business

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:31

lesson 1: don't try to teach people anything. oh wait... never mind.

Comments

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Thursday 17 February 2011 8:58

YDI OP

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:06

totally agree.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:14

YDI for not just typing. " Penis" and then getting da fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-- out.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:17

No, more along the lines of " Breaking news, pedo bear strikes again, but this time on facebook, would you like to know more?"

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:31

lesson 1: don't try to teach people anything. oh wait... never mind.

shaytards_fml 9

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Thursday 17 February 2011 11:30

I love you #49 :)

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Thursday 17 February 2011 13:23

bighead

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Thursday 17 February 2011 19:31

so true. I hate people like you, OP

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Friday 18 February 2011 4:12

Jonan bighead is in most of my users like my gt for xbox

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Saturday 26 February 2011 21:06

how does she deserve it? I wouldn't miss a chance of pranking someone like that :D It's funny :P

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Tuesday 8 March 2011 0:22

she deserve it for getting caught like an anus

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Saturday 23 April 2011 20:00

what is op?

doyougiveacrap 0

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Thursday 26 May 2011 12:11

i agree with one ydi for use the word outrageous what is the the roaring 20's go away

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Friday 10 June 2011 20:03

i love you #54 ~

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 22:13

What did OP write that was so 'outrageous'?

Liruthewerewolf 5

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Friday 9 September 2011 5:28

ikr wat iz op

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Thursday 27 October 2011 8:01

Original poster

FweakofCydonia 40

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Saturday 2 January 2016 22:50

Original Poster.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:00

you definitely deserve it. mind your own business

Acousticpixie14 6

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:38

Well not to mention, he shouldn't have assumed that someone just left it up. As I was reading this I was thinking, "Maybe they just went to the printer or to grab a book they looked up." In a public library, if there's anything on the computer screen, you assume it's in use and leave it alone.

Kukua 5

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:01

I do this to my students all the time. I'm a trainer at a company with strict rules about leaving computers unlocked for confidentiality reasons, so when they do, I flip the image on their screen upside down. Very few people know how to fix that. :)

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Thursday 17 February 2011 12:43

control + alt + any arrow of choice = oh no! a flipped screen

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Thursday 17 February 2011 15:55

he could also sue you for messing with his computer. and lie by saying he was purchasing something and you tried to steal his credit card number and shit.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 20:13

Hey, thanks for teaching me that :]

Acousticpixie14 6

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Thursday 17 February 2011 22:43

CTRL + ALT + ARROW does not work on all computers and all screens. Just an FYI. If the computer has Windows, you can do it through the Settings.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 23:59

Are you kidding? I'm in grade 10, and I know how to do that, as well as the vast majority of kids I go to school with.

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Friday 18 February 2011 6:46

They should of changed the password :)

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:01

Sounds like u got an ass whoopin comin

LuxAeterna_fml 0

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:15

?

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:20

FACEbook? Lame.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 14:58

u I'll bae lammme fus smush iss su coliousz

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Thursday 17 February 2011 23:05

caseis, it looks like you're, *puts on glasses* retarded. YYYEEEAAAAAHH!

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:03

karma. hurt, don't it?

LuxAeterna_fml 0

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:16

Don't, karma. Hurt?

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Thursday 17 February 2011 10:22

Hurt, karma. don't?

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Thursday 17 February 2011 11:17

don't hurt karma

LuxAeterna_fml 0

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Thursday 17 February 2011 11:47

Or?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 17 February 2011 13:03

Don't hurt it, karma!

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Thursday 17 February 2011 21:00

combo breaker

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Friday 18 February 2011 5:44

this should be on sirinz.

ProudToBeAussie 0

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:10

YDI. sorry, but you do...

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:10

While this is mildly embarrassing, this was also a learning opportunity. Instead of saying "FML," you should have either laughed at yourself and apologized, or else just have ridden the situation out with the alacrity of a bombast.

gpg5 18

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Tuesday 6 August 2013 10:40

It automatically adds the "today" and the "FML"

allmidnighteyes 10

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:11

People who like to read, people who do research, people who do homework, people who don't have their own computer/internet, etc. This is especially true for high school and college-aged students :P

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:12

You shouldn't have messed with it at all, but if you had to do something, you should've logged out for them.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:53

that's the common sense thing to do but apparently he lacks the common courtesy

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:14

Thats what you get for trying to teach random people lessons.

Jiplo 18

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Thursday 30 May 2013 5:07

Today's lesson: How to be a douchebag.

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Thursday 17 February 2011 9:14

hmm interesting situation here's a thought don't touch other peoples facebook or there gonna be like WTF IMA FIRING MAI LAZAR on your ass

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 109

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 133