Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it... - FML

By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

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Race against the clock

This is fine

Bad news

By Shiet - 10/2/2016 04:08 - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

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By iscreamforicecream - 1/6/2011 11:53 - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

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By jdch_99 - 29/8/2012 13:12 - United States

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

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By Austin Franklin - 18/3/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

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By fucktheearth - 20/4/2016 03:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was sitting at my desk when out of nowhere I had a "silent sneeze attack". Someone in the office called the paramedics because they thought I was having a seizure. This is the third time this has happened this week. FML

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By 2ndgenoration - 17/5/2014 21:56 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

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By grosssss - 1/1/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

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By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

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By Awesome. - 15/9/2011 02:35 - United States

Today, my mom admitted that she always makes me put away the dishes because my obsessive compulsive tendencies force me to arrange the glasses and silverware by size, just the way she likes them. FML

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By struckbystarzz - 27/3/2015 13:12 - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2013 18:22 - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

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By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2014 18:29

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/12/2013 06:02 - Norway

Today, during a job interview, I was offered a sandwich. I politely declined, explaining that I'm a coeliac and would probably get very sick. He said coeliac disease "isn't real" and that gluten-free eating is just a fad. I had to leave when he kept pushing me to accept it. FML

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By nonymous human subject - 14/11/2015 20:02 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

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By Will - 15/12/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my roommate drew a giant red penis and scrotum on our refrigerator, using what he thought was a dry erase marker. It was a permanent marker. I just renewed my lease. I get to look at a red penis every day for the next year and a half. FML

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By black_commet08 - 10/2/2010 05:11 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

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By replik - 25/1/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

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By TomPom - 25/11/2008 06:54 - France

Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML

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By nightput - 17/11/2008 06:02 - France

Today, I took my driving test. I spent 30 minutes with the handbrake on. FML

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By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

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By impure - 29/9/2014 16:48 - United States

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2012 11:53 - Canada

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/9/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, while at my parent's house I decided to take a shower. I had to use my sister's bathroom and once out, grabbed a comb from her cupboard to brush my hair. I then noticed the clumps of hair on my shoulders. It's a razor comb on one side, regular on the other. I used the wrong side. FML

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By Noname - 6/2/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

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By walker - 4/10/2009 21:33 - United States

Today, my family and I went on a picnic in the park 45 minutes drive away from our house. I fell asleep beneath a tree. They left me there. FML

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By Boned...hard - 28/1/2010 00:09 - France

Today, after confessing my love for my best friend, he looked at me and said "I'm not feeling it. But does this mean we can have sex?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/1/2013 11:43 - Australia - Gosford

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2013 14:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, it marks the fourth month since my 15-year-old cousin asked me out, then started practically stalking me when I said no. It's also the fourth month of my parents and his constantly telling me to stop overreacting and that it's "just a phase." FML

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By ocroyalty - 1/2/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I was trying to get my car out of my boyfriend's apartment garage but couldn't. Why? Because somebody decided to park in front if the garage door and have sex. Complete with steamed windows and loud noises. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2010 21:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into my car and realised that my CDs were no longer in my glove box. According to the police, the random key code for my car type has been cracked, and thieves can now let themselves in whenever they want. The manufacturer says they can't do anything about it. FML

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By ihateteenagers - 30/12/2011 02:12 - United States

Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2012 10:03 - United States

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

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By a faint recollection - 23/5/2016 01:57 - United States - Goshen

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

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By an adorable devil - 21/3/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

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By Anonim23 - 15/8/2019 20:00

Today, the spiders in my house are so big that they catch wasps in their webs. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2013 07:28 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

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Top comments

By heyyou1203 | 0

#400989 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:04

ha ha, that's totally something that would happen to me, too! or like when you go streaking and smartasses take your clothes. Congrats for getting some, sorry about the stupid punks!! hope you didn't get arrested for public indecency.

By Jimboom | 11

#401027 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:20

What are you? Like 15? And why do you have to take off all your clothes to fool around?
Still.. at least you were still drunk so naked streaking would be in your abilities to pull off.

COMMENTS

By heyyou1203 | 0

#400989 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:04

ha ha, that's totally something that would happen to me, too! or like when you go streaking and smartasses take your clothes. Congrats for getting some, sorry about the stupid punks!! hope you didn't get arrested for public indecency.

Reply

silvermoonstar3 | 2

#401350 - Thursday 16 July 2009 15:27

They aren't stupid punks. What's stupid is stripping in public. It's even more stupid, to then leave your clothes and not pay attention so someone can notice and take them. Next time, go to a nude beach, or stay inside. I hope you got arrested, dumbass!

Reply

spoo | 24

#401530 - Thursday 16 July 2009 16:18

FYL, im glad you took a chance to enjoy life beyond the prudes hitting YDI

Reply

lazorzpewpew | 0

#406299 - Saturday 18 July 2009 0:25

People like silvermoonstar3 is the reason we can't have nice things. :(

Reply

Icalasari | 0

#412136 - Monday 20 July 2009 2:53

I thought the reason was people who sue over trivial things? D:

Reply

StarElise | 0

#595552 - Wednesday 30 September 2009 11:57

#46 - i completely agree : )

Reply

Pinkolulooo | 0

#919486 - Saturday 6 March 2010 20:16

Hahahahaha FAVOURITE xD

Reply

moodyreallyrocks | 27

#4800379 - Saturday 11 August 2012 7:29

Just imagine if there clothes were just misplaced..LOL!

By Nemesis2747 | 4

#400991 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:05

Had some fun though didnt ya?

By fill_luvs_choc | 0

#400995 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:06

ha ha ha!
soudns better than a movie!
dnt get why u didnt just run home or somes thing, take a back street insted of going RIGHT into town?
still sucks to be you!

By Battledog5006 | 0

#401023 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:19

YDI dont go into public when drunk

Reply

patrickhb | 0

#401172 - Thursday 16 July 2009 13:38

Ever heard of bars, clubs, pubs? Are you seriously saying you shouldn't drink in public?

Reply

SirAwesome | 0

#401267 - Thursday 16 July 2009 14:29

I remember when I was 12 years old too.

Reply

JazzHandsFML | 28

#6258695 - Friday 10 April 2015 20:38

don't go into a park drunk then bang really

By Jimboom | 11

#401027 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:20

What are you? Like 15? And why do you have to take off all your clothes to fool around?
Still.. at least you were still drunk so naked streaking would be in your abilities to pull off.

Reply

lazorzpewpew | 0

#406309 - Saturday 18 July 2009 0:27

I believe "fooling around" is a lot more fun without clothes... no, it really is ;)

By Seti_fml | 0

#401035 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:23

at least you had someone to walk back with. It makes it not quite as bad!

still i hate people who steal shit

Reply

regalarius | 0

#401282 - Thursday 16 July 2009 14:39

I agree -- at least neither of you were alone, that would have been more embarrassing!

By akiro525 | 3

#401038 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:25

its one of those things you have to di before you die.

By asb1234561 | 0

#401047 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:31

Unless you got married while you were drunk you are unholy in the eyes of the lord and you shall be punished by eternal hellfire. YDI.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#401189 - Thursday 16 July 2009 13:55

Bring it on!

Plus, heaven sounds kinda dull really. Sitting around in the clouds for all eternity praising God? Er no thanks. I'm going to the Fourth Circle of Hell where you spend all of eternity fighting people that are just as angry as you.

Reply

olisykes_ | 0

#401199 - Thursday 16 July 2009 13:58

Ok #9
People like you really need to stop commenting on forums like these.
It really depresses me when people convey how easily brain-washed and narrow minded they are. People like you. Fuck off please.

Reply

cheesefest | 0

#401301 - Thursday 16 July 2009 14:52

I'm still trying to figure out whether Douchius Maximus (#9) up here is joking or not...

Reply

posampo | 0

#401320 - Thursday 16 July 2009 15:03

well according to southpark heaven is full of mormons, give me hell anyday

Reply

ZuRG_fml | 7

#401342 - Thursday 16 July 2009 15:24

Please do not feed the troll.

Reply

MrKrypt | 0

#401546 - Thursday 16 July 2009 16:21

Premarital sex ftw

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#402004 - Thursday 16 July 2009 18:23

#27 has the right idea

4th level of hell FOR THE FUCKING WIN

and premarital sex is indeed for the win

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#402196 - Thursday 16 July 2009 19:37

I'll see you there then!

Reply

Jade333_fml | 0

#404151 - Friday 17 July 2009 8:45

nicely put

Reply

thestash | 0

#405833 - Friday 17 July 2009 22:01

your an ass fuck go shove a dildo up your narrow minded church going ass

Reply

lazorzpewpew | 0

#406337 - Saturday 18 July 2009 0:32

It seems that outside of ZuRG, the rest of the responders to #9 are left completely out of the loop. Repent, my children and embrace the werd of Lord!

Reply

miquonranger03 | 0

#409743 - Sunday 19 July 2009 7:16

Shouldn't you be under a bridge or something, mumbling Bible quotes under your breath at unsuspecting townspeople?

By Pastor_Rich | 0

#401051 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:31

sins of the flesh..... ydi

Reply

bexox | 0

#405074 - Friday 17 July 2009 17:32

... are awesome! :)

Reply

b2ac | 0

#4482568 - Saturday 26 May 2012 4:51

Erotic nightmares to treasure forever.

By mikakarie | 0

#401079 - Thursday 16 July 2009 12:40

well that sucks.