By it's awkward - United States - Costa Mesa Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML I agree, your life sucks 22755 You deserved it 3644 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my mom informed me that my entire family puts their dirty towels on the towel rack in the bathroom instead of the hamper. I've been using their dirty towels after showers for as long as I remember. FML I agree, your life sucks 28047 You deserved it 6458 156 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Elizabeth Ann Today, I no longer need an alarm clock. My cat has learned to jump on my boobs at precisely 7:30 every morning. If I don't get up immediately, she just keeps jumping on my boobs. I'm an E cup. FML I agree, your life sucks 2544 You deserved it 346 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By JH - United States Today, I was making out with my new boyfriend when he pulled away and looked me deeply in the eyes, he smiled and said, "I don't care what anyone else says, I think you're beautiful." FML I agree, your life sucks 43089 You deserved it 17963 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML I agree, your life sucks 29902 You deserved it 2405 59 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By powerless - United States Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML I agree, your life sucks 1417 You deserved it 107 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oh_mylanta - United States Creep Today, I went to work to find my creepy boss sitting in my office. I work the night shift, so it was very unusual to find him there. I asked how he was, and he replied, "I told my wife about us; she kicked me out." I've been working there a month. Also, I'm married and pregnant. So, excuse me, "US?" FML I agree, your life sucks 101270 You deserved it 5344 112 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By serveandprotectyeahright - United States Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML I agree, your life sucks 47158 You deserved it 4545 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Odenton Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML I agree, your life sucks 56859 You deserved it 7153 192 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By job hunter - United States - New York Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML I agree, your life sucks 4445 You deserved it 310 54 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hesaidwhat - United States Today, I checked my Facebook notifications to see that someone likes my new single status. My ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 32001 You deserved it 5882 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles Today, I spent a lot of money buying a birthday gift for a close friend, only to find out I'm not even invited to the party. FML I agree, your life sucks 22280 You deserved it 1837 89 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Annie - United States Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 15902 You deserved it 36696 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By rune breaker Today, I got the hiccups during an exam. I wasn't allowed to leave to get a drink of water, so I had to sit there and take my test while hiccuping violently. The teacher ended up sending me to the hall and ripping up my test for "distracting the other students". FML I agree, your life sucks 3396 You deserved it 204 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awkwardpanda Today, I performed for the first time at someone's wedding. When the music started, I heard a click. Slowly, I felt my strapless bra drop lower and lower due to my non-existent breasts. The hook on my bra had broken at that very moment on stage. FML I agree, your life sucks 7747 You deserved it 683 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xpxp2002 - United States Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML I agree, your life sucks 58480 You deserved it 6571 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fucking Karens! - 11/8/2020 14:02 Karen strikes again Today, I got lost searching for an apartment in a huge complex. A hysterical woman started screaming that I didn’t belong there, and that she was calling the police. She stood behind my car so I couldn’t leave. I’m a pizza delivery driver, in full uniform and with the company emblem on my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 1774 You deserved it 135 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kurochrome - United States Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML I agree, your life sucks 34940 You deserved it 3499 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Chicago Ridge Today, a girl from my college, who's been following me around for months, finally asked me out. Not being interested, I politely declined. Now she's convinced everyone that we hooked up and that I have an incredibly small penis. FML I agree, your life sucks 53632 You deserved it 7431 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By me - United States Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML I agree, your life sucks 31818 You deserved it 3874 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By James - United States Today, before having morning sex, my girlfriend for over a year whispers to me "Do that thing you did at the Halloween party". There was no morning sex as I reminded her that I was sick with the flu then and didn't go with her to the party. FML I agree, your life sucks 31904 You deserved it 2791 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States Today, I finally went on a date with my crush. When he kissed me goodnight, it made me think of a dying slug. FML I agree, your life sucks 36753 You deserved it 7248 208 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Loot - United States Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML I agree, your life sucks 36875 You deserved it 6029 23 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bkay26 - United States Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML I agree, your life sucks 36569 You deserved it 7513 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - East Northport Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML I agree, your life sucks 57844 You deserved it 5174 137 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whotouchedyou1 - United States - Cypress Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML I agree, your life sucks 57070 You deserved it 11729 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zero_TAlent_ - United States - Gettysburg Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML I agree, your life sucks 18293 You deserved it 1595 44 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By xxlenalunaxx - United States Today, after waiting for 2 weeks for the right moment to meet my boyfriend's mom, she walked in as I was straddling him, trying to prove that I'd win in a wrestling match. I guess we met, then. FML I agree, your life sucks 29496 You deserved it 4247 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML I agree, your life sucks 27684 You deserved it 2696 152 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Sweden - V?llingby Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML I agree, your life sucks 10173 You deserved it 39560 233 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By EvictingItSoon - 8/3/2020 23:07 The miracle of barf Today, what I thought was food poisoning is actually a baby. FML I agree, your life sucks 1621 You deserved it 641 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dumped - United States Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 68426 You deserved it 4684 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sosadstudent - Netherlands Today, I realized I can tell which one of my 6 roommates has taken a dump, just based on the smell emanating from the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 34628 You deserved it 4349 81 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML I agree, your life sucks 47996 You deserved it 5507 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Say Cheese - United States Today, this girl who has been stalking me for almost 7 months sent me a 12 page text comparing her love for me with her passion for cheese. FML I agree, your life sucks 39253 You deserved it 3665 251 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By peallow - Puerto Rico - San Juan Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML I agree, your life sucks 56728 You deserved it 20040 194 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By imok - United States Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML I agree, your life sucks 8408 You deserved it 53419 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By evilparents - United States Today, I realized that my parents never ground me as a punishment because I don't get out enough for it to matter. FML I agree, your life sucks 28920 You deserved it 5960 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Cheap N Happy - United States Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML I agree, your life sucks 36593 You deserved it 4542 280 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Katsura - United States - Perrysburg Today, my boyfriend wanted to get into an open relationship. He has no romantic feelings for me anymore, but he didn't want to separate from my cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 14054 Phew, glad it wasn't me 1358 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By letdown - 19/7/2020 14:01 Great timing Today, I finally had sex with a coworker I’d been flirting with for nearly 2 and half years. The sex lasted less than 2 and a half minutes. FML I agree, your life sucks 1425 You deserved it 645 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cristy91 | 33 #6378488 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:00 You missed a perfect opportunity to ask for cutecumbers! Send a private message 272 4 Reply
By ComoEsJuan | 24 #6378499 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:02 Unpickles? Send a private message 208 4 Reply
By cristy91 | 33 #6378488 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:00 You missed a perfect opportunity to ask for cutecumbers! Send a private message 272 4 Reply
Reply MisterEx | 28 #6379291 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 23:05 "Yeah uhh, can I also have the cutesnumber with that? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Send a private message 18 1 Reply
By BobPickle | 3 #6378493 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:01 So did you remember? Send a private message 3 26 Reply
By SQUABAHOL1C | 5 #6378494 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:01 As an awkward human being I compleetly understand this op, you have friends here Send a private message 48 3 Reply
By ComoEsJuan | 24 #6378499 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:02 Unpickles? Send a private message 208 4 Reply
Reply mazor | 22 #6378623 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 8:19 Pickles are marinaded cucumbers only. Send a private message 0 23 Reply
Reply LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25 #6378633 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 8:32 Pickles are just cucumbers pickled. Send a private message 20 3 Reply
Reply ohSNAPyall | 26 #6379232 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 21:50 Prepickles? Send a private message 8 2 Reply
By tldrDL | 11 #6378500 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:02 But did you forget how to use one? Send a private message 3 25 Reply
By beeferjay | 34 #6378504 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:03 they're called cucumbers Send a private message 38 6 Reply
By ihartmytdi | 23 #6378506 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:04 Sounds like she was a real cutecumber... I'll show myself out. Send a private message 44 6 Reply
By ThePaperDragon | 31 #6378519 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:12 Maybe she thought it was cute? I know I would! ^_^ Send a private message 25 4 Reply
By chrisbeaudoin | 26 #6378520 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:12 The other day i was at subway and the person making my sub didn't know what cucumbers were haha they must get some people into a pickle tryin to think of the name 5 11 Reply
By turtlesman | 7 #6378523 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 6:14 lol u must of been in a pickle Send a private message 19 5 Reply
Reply rec_chem | 22 #6379960 - Thursday 13 August 2015 17:22 *must have Send a private message 1 0 Reply
Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea.... I agree, your life sucks 664 You deserved it 99 8 Comments
Today, my ex-girlfriend called me say she needed her car repaired. I fixed it as fast as I could so she could get back on her way, only to find out she’s... I agree, your life sucks 490 You deserved it 395 6 Comments