Health: Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I... - FML

By Dehydrated - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "5 more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30367

You deserved it

2735

Tweet

Share

Serious times

Out of it

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

By Rich - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31202

You deserved it

4594

Tweet

Share

By whatproject - United States

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11410

You deserved it

50928

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19371

You deserved it

38021

Tweet

Share

By Alaska - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21789

You deserved it

2494

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was taking the final exam for one of my classes. The teacher came over to my desk, grabbed my test and ripped it in half. Then he grabbed my hand and read the note I had written on it to remind myself to pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45477

You deserved it

6711

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my ex-boyfriend dumped sand into the crankcase of my truck and then filled it to the top with water after I dumped him for being immature and not respecting my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32416

You deserved it

3466

Tweet

Share

By CanWeAllGetOne - United States - Houston

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52714

You deserved it

13958

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML

I agree, your life sucks

72762

You deserved it

30021

Tweet

Share

By shouldhaveknown - Australia

Today, I finally thought that my mother was okay with me being a lesbian. Then, over dinner, she turns to me and says "So, do you still think you like girls, or are you going to start being normal again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58682

You deserved it

11148

Tweet

Share

By yayme. - United States - Bismarck

Today, I found out that the weird guy that lives next door is my biological father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64150

You deserved it

4004

Tweet

Share

By AloneAtPerkins - 18/11/2020 13:02 - United States - West Bend

Tree trunks

Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

622

You deserved it

305

Tweet

Share

By BrokeCollegeStudent

It's a doggy dog world

Today, I got a call from my mom-in-law saying I have to buy my own food. I took 3 weeks off on unpaid vacation and came out of state to watch my in-laws' house and dog sit while they go out of country. I'm not allowed to touch their food, even the spoiling stuff. My husband doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3581

You deserved it

315

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/7/2020 17:01

What a tool

Today, my husband told me he didn't want me to get power tools to build things, because he thinks a miter saw and a sanding orbiter are more dangerous than guns. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

1233

You deserved it

142

Tweet

Share

By notthatkinkyanyway - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29458

You deserved it

6352

Tweet

Share

By Kimberlie - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48162

You deserved it

4847

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52883

You deserved it

4395

Tweet

Share

By ScaredDad

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1777

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By stargirl - Canada

Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39113

You deserved it

13035

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend asked me how big the Sun would be compared to the Earth. I didn't have anything on me to help demonstrate, so to imitate the Earth, I made a small hole with my index finger and thumb and said "Okay, imagine a ball this small." She then looked at my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29779

You deserved it

12647

Tweet

Share

By sbutler - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22389

You deserved it

51155

Tweet

Share

By epicsquishii - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31816

You deserved it

3436

Tweet

Share

By Hellohaileyexoh - United States

Today, I went to get food, I was late so my friend ordered for me. I took a few bites and it was getting hard to breathe. I realized it's a bluebery muffin, I'm deathly allergic. I look to my friend, she was laughing saying she wanted to see if it was true. I just got out of the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72959

You deserved it

5885

Tweet

Share

By over_due - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11552

You deserved it

3259

Tweet

Share

By BrokenAndHurt - United States - Gilmanton

Today, my best friend decided to make some life changes. He got a new job, a new car, and asked me to move out of our apartment. We're 1,500 miles away from my hometown. I only moved all the way out here to live with him in the first place because he asked me to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12732

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1412

Tweet

Share

By adopteddd - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45483

You deserved it

3062

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/2/2021 23:01 - Germany

Partaaaaaaaay !

Today, being unemployed and under lockdown, my idea of a party is driving to the dentist and turning the sound system up in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

676

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By failing - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, after searching frantically for my economics notes for a week, I asked my friend to send me pictures of her's. I recognised my handwriting on the pictures she sent me and she admitted she "borrowed" them. The exam is in three days and she refuses to meet me and give my notes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5395

You deserved it

354

Tweet

Share

By bananayellowteeth - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52745

You deserved it

9053

Tweet

Share

By I'm an adult! - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I told my parents I'm pregnant. I got a long lecture from my mom about using protection. It would have been fine hearing all that, but I'm turning 22, I've been moved out for a few years, have a full time job with great benefits, and am getting married next summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27415

You deserved it

4428

Tweet

Share

By sighoutloud - United States

Today, my fiancé told my mom that she screwed me up. I now have to write an apologetic e-mail to her for something that I agree with, in order for her to stop calling me crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25900

You deserved it

3812

Tweet

Share

By cuckolddreams - United States - Broken Bow

Today, while begging my wife for sex for once, she told me she didn't have time. I said it wouldn't take long. She said "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37104

You deserved it

11637

Tweet

Share

By hb1 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, I caught my "best friend" on my laptop, copying my girlfriend's nudes onto his flash drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14628

You deserved it

3123

Tweet

Share

By jellyybean - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he didn't believe in marriage. His response was, "I believe in marriage. Just not marriage with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41559

You deserved it

5841

Tweet

Share

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28954

You deserved it

1632

Tweet

Share

By nofriends - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20995

You deserved it

1941

Tweet

Share

By getafucktoysomewhereelsedude - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40051

You deserved it

17194

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, after having lost my phone three days ago, I paid a $150 non-refundable fee to have my phone replaced and mailed to me by Tuesday. A half hour later, I found my original phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27371

You deserved it

16050

Tweet

Share

By stupid!!! - 2/9/2020 19:58

Light bulb moment

Today, my lamp wouldn’t turn on. I spent a good 10 minutes looking for a replacement bulb before I thought to check if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks

500

You deserved it

999

Tweet

Share

By wellthisisawkward80 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34519

You deserved it

17904

Tweet

Share

By Stuckwiththebill

The show must go on!

Today, during my wedding ceremony, the groom-to-be found it appropriate to blurt out about an ongoing affair with my maid of honor. They got married instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6450

You deserved it

410

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By KittyHawkMarch | 29

#6399359 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:50

I can't stand people like that. Next time just do whatever you gotta do so that you're alright even if he gives you heck of it.

By FusionPlacebo | 26

#6399361 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:51

I was in band camp last year and the same thing happened. However, thanks to me we get 10 minute water breaks now. I guess that's good? :D

COMMENTS

By KittyHawkMarch | 29

#6399359 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:50

I can't stand people like that. Next time just do whatever you gotta do so that you're alright even if he gives you heck of it.

Reply

brownapple | 22

#6399372 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:02

Never ask for someone's permission when it comes to your health! Hope you're okay.

Reply

thatoneevilfuy | 6

#6399685 - Wednesday 2 September 2015 3:21

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Fairyjoshy | 13

#6399768 - Wednesday 2 September 2015 5:32

You have literally no idea the kinds of punishments coaches can inflict without repercussions, do you?

Reply

Estrangement | 25

#6399815 - Wednesday 2 September 2015 7:00

53, Do you know just how badly you contradicted yourself? Dumbass..

By wdin | 10

#6399360 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:51

honestly if you are feeling light headed just get some water, if your coach isn't smart enough to let you if you're light headed quit the team

By FusionPlacebo | 26

#6399361 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:51

I was in band camp last year and the same thing happened. However, thanks to me we get 10 minute water breaks now. I guess that's good? :D

Reply

danial1214 | 21

#6399489 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 22:16

Who needs 10 minutes for water ?

Reply

Alexis0927 | 22

#6399490 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 22:21

Usually at band camp you get one water break every few hours. I'm not sure how long other band camps are, but mine is 12 hours of non stop marching and playing. Plus, it's good to have a few extra minutes to sit and rest.

Reply

cynthianicole95 | 9

#6399496 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 22:40

#34 People that have to march around carryi g heavy instruments all day.

Reply

thefmlman2011 | 35

#6399505 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 22:53

"this one time, at band camp"

Reply

laden_swallow09 | 34

#6399906 - Wednesday 2 September 2015 8:16

"And then– And then– And then they shot a bear."

Reply

SystemofaBlink41 | 27

#6401432 - Thursday 3 September 2015 23:36

That was the first thing that came to my mind.

Reply

gqlmno | 23

#6412416 - Thursday 17 September 2015 1:05

Hahaha band camp... reminds me of American pie. "this one time at band camp I stuck my flute in my pussy" hahaha

By samthompson | 12

#6399362 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:52

this makes me mad

Reply

okaydisarray | 17

#6400161 - Wednesday 2 September 2015 18:42

because this coach is stupid enough to risk the health of his players for "five more minutes" without water. dehydration is serious.

Reply

samthompson | 12

#6402252 - Friday 4 September 2015 22:11

retweet^

By Jowisee | 29

#6399363 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:53

If you need a drink, get one. Dehydration can be serious and all it takes is a minute to have a drink. Your health comes first!

By Miss33_fml | 15

#6399364 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 18:57

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

MrSassypants | 32

#6399382 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:24

I hope you misread the FML because if you think listening to a coach that you are supposed to listen to even if they're being stupid is considered not thinking for yourself, then you might be not be thinking at all.

Reply

AscPhx | 9

#6402012 - Friday 4 September 2015 14:56

It's not inability to think for themself, it's showing respect and abiding by the authority your coach has.

By DogeDogeDoge | 13

#6399367 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:00

If it's a school coach you should bring it up to your principle(s), OP!

Reply

Dick_diamond | 22

#6399375 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:08

*Principal

By Shuff52 | 21

#6399368 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:00

Been there a few times, and to the hospital for it once. You won't like it when you go to throw a party after winning a game and end up being rushed to the hospital instead. Know you're own body and listen to it. No one else

Reply

rlak111 | 19

#6399427 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 20:18

Your*

Reply

Shuff52 | 21

#6399452 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 20:59

Good catch!

By TallMist | 32

#6399369 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:00

To the people above me saying YDI: For all you know the coach is a hardass that'll kick OP off of the team. And what if soccer is something OP loves doing and this is the only way he can get to play?
He wouldn't want to get kicked off of the team. Of course, this is indeed based on assumptions, but they're not impossibilities.

By BiGTiMeNeRD | 29

#6399374 - Tuesday 1 September 2015 19:05

Coach is right. Water you thinking?!