Miscellaneous: Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

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Late term

Serious times

Vulture

By oblivious idiot

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

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By beanpole - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Ouch

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I used a fire extinguisher for the first time. Too bad it was on my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Dronten

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my girlfriend that I love her. She made a face like she'd just sucked on a lemon and said, "Um... yay, I guess...?" and awkwardly left the room. FML

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By trippiex

Today, I was driving by the carnival and I really had to use the bathroom. I saw a porta-potty next to a house, so I parked in their front yard to use the bathroom very quickly. I came out to see a group of teenage boys urinating on my car. FML

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By asdf1851 - United States

Today, I let my friend who is in 'beauty school' do my hair. I now look like i have a mullet. What was supposed to be auburn highlights is now hot pink. I have a job interview in the morning. FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chatting with a cute guy on Omegle. He seemed really friendly and interested after I had showed him a picture of me. When I mentioned that I play music, he seemed even more interested, so I gave him the link to my music Myspace. I waited patiently. He disconnected. FML

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By fuuuuck - Canada

Today, I had a very important test. Last night, I'd had such bad leg pains that I couldn't sleep, so I took two very strong painkillers and went to sleep pain-free. I apparently accidentally overdosed, because when I woke up, I couldn't see properly or even stand up. And I missed my test. FML

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By banana - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

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By KHAAAAA-RMA!! - United States

Today, I found a bird that had fallen from its nest, so I made a new nest for it in a shoebox and put it as close to the old one as possible. When I checked back on it later, all I found was a chewed-up corpse. FML

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By sigh - United States

Today, my boyfriend showed his mother photos of me. He told her that he thinks I'm pretty. She said that I look like a celebrity from her country (Korea). Flattered, I online searched this celebrity, and turns out she is a local porn star who's undergone multiple cosmetic surgeries. FML

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By Female Struggles - United States - Denver

Today, while I was waiting at the bus stop, a car that looked like my mom's pulled up. Thinking it was actually her, I walked up and jokingly asked what she was into. The guy inside now thinks that I'm a prostitute. FML

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By BrianTheLion89 - United States

Great story, tell it again!

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

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By loldick - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

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By evanescence - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

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By thewallrules - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

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By sifa - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

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By Burning Love - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

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By Benji

Today, my 63-year-old neighbor jumped out of his window. I was the first to find him, alive, naked and stuck in a bush. I guess I shouldn't have laughed at him while waiting for the ambulance, because he was my landlord. FML

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By sucker - United States - Duluth

Alexa, play "I'm Not In Love" by 10CC

Today, I went on a date I was really enjoying. My ex-boyfriend called halfway through. When I answered, he told me he wanted to get back together and couldn’t stop thinking about me. I didn’t realize my phone was on speaker. My date heard everything. FML

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By homewrecker - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

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By NormtheNorm - United States - Enterprise

Bipartisan spirit

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

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By mintypoison - United States

Today, and all day, I was forced to listen to one of the kids in my apartment building play their recorder loudly and horribly. She started over whenever she missed a note. I was sick, was getting a migraine from it, and couldn't ask her to stop without her mom yelling at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

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By crazystar69 - United States

Today, I was walking with my crush, and I told him how I felt. As soon as I turned to him, a bird shit on my face. FML

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By Jeff

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I nervously started a new job, and my co-workers were telling me silly rules about our boss. Later, I accidentally bumped into him, and blurted "Rule #7, don't touch George." He definitely heard. FML

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By Rumors - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

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By CheatedOn - Romania

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

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By absentminded - United States

Today, I went to online to find out why my midterm grade is for my least favorite class Psychology. After weeks upon weeks of studying and doing work for a class I hate I found out that I have a zero in the class. Turns out I've been going to the wrong psychology class all semester. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plainview

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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By paige - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Subiaco

Today, I was complimented on my improved performance over the last 3 months. My boss said he doesn't know what I've done to improve, but to keep it up. I'd only started looking for another job, and stopped giving a shit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

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By sting

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

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By hannibal - Australia

Today, I heard a loud-speaker announcement in my college that someone had left their car in the car park, still running, with keys in the ignition. I laughed at that person's foolishness until I realised it was mine. FML

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Top comments

By kcpestwick | 15

#5974831 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:57

So disrespectful and rude

By razzledazzle21 | 23

#5974846 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Your sister-in-law is a bitch. Even if she and your mother had their differences she had no right to be so disrespectful.

COMMENTS

By kcpestwick | 15

#5974831 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:57

So disrespectful and rude

Reply

naajster | 14

#5974922 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:27

that was nasty on her part!

Reply

hellnosucka | 27

#5974977 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:59

that sister in law is going to have one HELL of an afterlife.

Reply

wakejhittle | 7

#5975047 - Saturday 14 June 2014 8:26

She has to be ashamed of herself, that's disgusting

Reply

cactusprick | 19

#5975056 - Saturday 14 June 2014 8:35

forreal though. she shouldn't have even gotten up there if she had nothing nice to say

Reply

tayymeds | 23

#5975081 - Saturday 14 June 2014 9:07

That's honestly the most foul things I've ever heard of. That woman doesn't deserve to even be apart of OP's family. I'm just curious as to what her spouse said...

Reply

katieemerr | 15

#5975209 - Saturday 14 June 2014 13:30

I think there's only one bitch in this situation

Reply

sweetbliss3 | 37

#5975232 - Saturday 14 June 2014 14:12

if that was my mom up there, bet your ass id drag her outside. a. dont talk about my mom. b. dont talk about my mom like that at her funeral. what an asshole.

Reply

CelticSkye | 13

#5977982 - Tuesday 17 June 2014 4:50

Seriously, if that were happen to me at my mother's funeral, I would whoop that bitches ass.

And OP, I am so very sorry for your loss.

By DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5974834 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

You should talk to her.

Reply

naajster | 14

#5974928 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:28

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

DatPiggahDoe | 10

#5975356 - Saturday 14 June 2014 17:14

This is the kind of thing that requires a scene.

Reply

Catahoulaqueen_fml | 17

#5975466 - Saturday 14 June 2014 19:10

Talk with your fists, OP...

Reply

areyouHIclaire | 8

#5976010 - Sunday 15 June 2014 5:47

more like beat her ass

By xoamy906 | 25

#5974835 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

What the fuck? How could someone be so disrespectful?

By jazmin3012 | 28

#5974836 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

she sounds like the bitch.

By razzledazzle21 | 23

#5974846 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Your sister-in-law is a bitch. Even if she and your mother had their differences she had no right to be so disrespectful.

By martin8337 | 35

#5974847 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Can't we all just get along? So disrespectful of the deceased.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5974851 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

In laws always seem pretty mean...you have mine (and more) condolences OP...

By Lebeaugars95 | 20

#5974853 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:01

what a fucking bitch

By titandesu | 14

#5974859 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:02

even if they hated eachother there's no reason to go to her funeral just to try to start some drama she is nothing more than a rude attention seeker

By ihpp | 22

#5974867 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:03

sorry for the loss of your mom. I'd talk to your sister in law. that's all kinds of rude.