Miscellaneous: Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

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Season finale

Fairytale ending

You tried

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I don't mind crappy gifts, but I have to wonder why the hell my boyfriend bought me a home enema kit. FML

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By MetalAtlas - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

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By kevdev - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

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By Branman2480 - United States

Today, while I was working at the golf course, two kids stole a golf cart and pulled a snowboard behind it. When I tried to stop them, they ran me over. FML

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By Katherine - United States

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

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By shameless - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

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By duh - United States

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

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By JAMjessie - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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By Nasu Johi - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, I had an asthma attack because I was masturbating too vigorously. FML

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By sophiae123 - United States - Cadillac

Today, my parents threatened to take away my college funds. Why? Because I complained about my 10 pm curfew during break as a freshman in college. FML

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By disboydanielx

Today, I went to school without knowing that all my math books had been peed on by my cousin's cat. FML

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By sniper foxeh

Today, my younger sister and I were camping when, during the middle of the night, she asked me if I could take her to the toilets as she was scared. I told her to go by herself or go behind the tent. Thirty seconds later, she peed on me. FML

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By Jamie - Denmark

Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML

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By Kyle - United States - Seattle

Today, I set up a motion-activated sprinkler to drench the neighborhood kids who have been ding dong ditching me for years. Because they cannot get close enough to ring the doorbell, they decided to start egging me instead. FML

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By TheAnnoyedNeighbor - United States

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

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By liveforpeace_ - Canada

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

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By omg - Canada

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My parents got me a box of cupcakes. My brother got me a deck of cards. My aunt got me a brochure on how to quit smoking. I have diabetes, I don't play cards, and I don't smoke. FML

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By wowzers0889 - United States - New York

Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML

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By Buyingagun - 8/4/2020 05:00

Take care

Today, I looked out the window just in time to see a coyote carrying off my cat that I had just let outside five minutes before. FML

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By Iknowitlooksbad

Today, I learned the hard way not to keep my own cash in my pocket while working as a cashier, when I was forced to give $30 to a scamming customer. FML

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By Ryan - United States

Today, I was taking an important exam for Calculus. Out of nowhere, the kid behind me starts violently kicking my desk. I quickly turn around and yell at him. He was having a seizure. FML

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By jodulieu - France

Today, I fell off my bike. I grazed my knee, shin, thigh, hip, collar bone, shoulder and face. I also strained my wrist. As I was wheeling my bike away, I stung my other leg on nettles. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

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By 205 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

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By Grimmy - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

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By Merdoc - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML

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By ktreens - Canada - Brandon

Today, I was getting out of the car when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind a shed. I screamed and threw my bag. It also threw its bag, due to the fact that it was my shadow on the wall. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By linda - United States

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

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By Nathan - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my neighbor pointed to me and said to his best friend, "This motherfucker still lives with his mama. That's why he can't get no pussy." I'm thirty. My neighbor is eleven, and correct. FML

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By kekumbas - United States

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2020 22:59

Observational comedy

Today, I, an insecure high school student, told my 11-year-old sister that I got my period in third grade. She responded with, “What?! Then how come you didn’t have tits until last year?” FML

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By wtffireworks! - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

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Top comments

By kcpestwick | 15

#5974831 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:57

So disrespectful and rude

By razzledazzle21 | 23

#5974846 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Your sister-in-law is a bitch. Even if she and your mother had their differences she had no right to be so disrespectful.

COMMENTS

By kcpestwick | 15

#5974831 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:57

So disrespectful and rude

Reply

naajster | 14

#5974922 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:27

that was nasty on her part!

Reply

hellnosucka | 27

#5974977 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:59

that sister in law is going to have one HELL of an afterlife.

Reply

wakejhittle | 7

#5975047 - Saturday 14 June 2014 8:26

She has to be ashamed of herself, that's disgusting

Reply

cactusprick | 19

#5975056 - Saturday 14 June 2014 8:35

forreal though. she shouldn't have even gotten up there if she had nothing nice to say

Reply

tayymeds | 23

#5975081 - Saturday 14 June 2014 9:07

That's honestly the most foul things I've ever heard of. That woman doesn't deserve to even be apart of OP's family. I'm just curious as to what her spouse said...

Reply

katieemerr | 15

#5975209 - Saturday 14 June 2014 13:30

I think there's only one bitch in this situation

Reply

sweetbliss3 | 37

#5975232 - Saturday 14 June 2014 14:12

if that was my mom up there, bet your ass id drag her outside. a. dont talk about my mom. b. dont talk about my mom like that at her funeral. what an asshole.

Reply

CelticSkye | 13

#5977982 - Tuesday 17 June 2014 4:50

Seriously, if that were happen to me at my mother's funeral, I would whoop that bitches ass.

And OP, I am so very sorry for your loss.

By DonkeyTeeth2013 | 22

#5974834 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

You should talk to her.

Reply

naajster | 14

#5974928 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:28

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

DatPiggahDoe | 10

#5975356 - Saturday 14 June 2014 17:14

This is the kind of thing that requires a scene.

Reply

Catahoulaqueen_fml | 17

#5975466 - Saturday 14 June 2014 19:10

Talk with your fists, OP...

Reply

areyouHIclaire | 8

#5976010 - Sunday 15 June 2014 5:47

more like beat her ass

By xoamy906 | 25

#5974835 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

What the fuck? How could someone be so disrespectful?

By jazmin3012 | 28

#5974836 - Saturday 14 June 2014 5:58

she sounds like the bitch.

By razzledazzle21 | 23

#5974846 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Your sister-in-law is a bitch. Even if she and your mother had their differences she had no right to be so disrespectful.

By martin8337 | 35

#5974847 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

Can't we all just get along? So disrespectful of the deceased.

By worldclassrager | 39

#5974851 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:00

In laws always seem pretty mean...you have mine (and more) condolences OP...

By Lebeaugars95 | 20

#5974853 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:01

what a fucking bitch

By titandesu | 14

#5974859 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:02

even if they hated eachother there's no reason to go to her funeral just to try to start some drama she is nothing more than a rude attention seeker

By ihpp | 22

#5974867 - Saturday 14 June 2014 6:03

sorry for the loss of your mom. I'd talk to your sister in law. that's all kinds of rude.