Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously... - FML

By GotGasNotLuck - Australia - Girraween

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33129

You deserved it

2206

Tweet

Share

Out of it

Season finale

Freshman blues

By wwasmer - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50757

You deserved it

16811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my ex-wife crashed my engagement party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38976

You deserved it

4026

Tweet

Share

By sippinsoup22 - United States - Houston

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19663

You deserved it

2395

Tweet

Share

By butisavedyourkid - United States

Today, I rescued a little boy who looked like he was drowning in a public pool. His mother then smacked me in the face for "touching him". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53147

You deserved it

3518

Tweet

Share

By honk honk, fuckwad - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a dream where I was giving Justin Bieber a blowjob. I'm a totally straight male. I have half a mind to bill the little bastard for therapy sessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23795

You deserved it

5892

Tweet

Share

By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49475

You deserved it

4412

Tweet

Share

By JAdams - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29489

You deserved it

2895

Tweet

Share

By The Towel Molester - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28311

You deserved it

3254

Tweet

Share

By owch - United States - Maumee

Today, I learned that if I take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will throw up all day. I also learned that if I don't take my full dosage of Vicodin, I will be in excruciating pain all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22231

You deserved it

1532

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I learned that I cannot cook or clean in my kitchen because it's too noisy for my neighbour. Every time I do, she bangs on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22141

You deserved it

1492

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my dad and new stepmom's house for the week. Upon arrival, I was handed mouthwash, deodorant, and lice shampoo. The guest bed I was told I'd be sleeping in was fitted with a plastic mattress cover. I don't have lice and I don't wet the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30983

You deserved it

2844

Tweet

Share

By Bee - Canada

Today, I was mistaken for a prostitute. Twice. While in my work uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40822

You deserved it

8281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28413

You deserved it

4157

Tweet

Share

By kaitlin - Australia

Today, I lost my virginity to an ultrasound probe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27983

You deserved it

4341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42065

You deserved it

4150

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47483

You deserved it

4341

Tweet

Share

By laurisshnazzy - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20122

You deserved it

46791

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my roommates they have to go get jobs, because I can't afford to support them or their bad habits any more. They responded by pawning all my DVDs for cash to buy cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46563

You deserved it

7088

Tweet

Share

By Anonycock - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20740

You deserved it

3837

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I discovered that the vitamin I've been taking for hair growth actually works really well. Unfortunately, it only works on my leg hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19607

You deserved it

1817

Tweet

Share

By wut - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27509

You deserved it

3480

Tweet

Share

By wahwah - United States

Today, I had to complete a project for my course in Italian. We had to write a little paragraph about a friend. I had to make one up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39080

You deserved it

6247

Tweet

Share

By kengu - Norway

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28527

You deserved it

7068

Tweet

Share

By Teeny - United States

Today, I was using my fiancé's phone to look up movie times for us. In the internet browser, I found history of him looking on Craigslist for "discreet intimate relationships with women" in our city. We are expecting our little boy in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40910

You deserved it

3429

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53626

You deserved it

6531

Tweet

Share

By helpme - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27257

You deserved it

7706

Tweet

Share

By randommanwill - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad got angry with me for not watching "Better Call Saul" with him, because he thinks it will help me with law school. He did this while I was actually reading for a class taught by the top health law professor in the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18215

You deserved it

1290

Tweet

Share

By Xandar

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3301

You deserved it

486

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37865

You deserved it

7179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Family Ties

Today, I found out via Facebook that my older sister just had another baby, a whole week ago, whose name is my middle name. No one told me. I didn't even know she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1573

You deserved it

357

Tweet

Share

By fs - United States - Northfield

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48285

You deserved it

3274

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to find a huge zit directly between my two eyebrows. My friends have started calling me "The North Star." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39231

You deserved it

3801

Tweet

Share

By Tgreject - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41380

You deserved it

3140

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, as I walked into McDonald's with my mom, she glanced at me and said, "Smells like your future." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32909

You deserved it

3937

Tweet

Share

By KeptMyHandsUp - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. She warned me they were a little weird. Right when we walked in the door, her parents were there to greet us...in the nude. Apparently this constitutes as a LITTLE weird. They both hugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4032

You deserved it

304

Tweet

Share

By ljcxo17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48118

You deserved it

4533

Tweet

Share

By ahhhhhh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32529

You deserved it

6453

Tweet

Share

By roofer - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54409

You deserved it

2590

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13866

You deserved it

27420

Tweet

Share

By captainocd - United States

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11612

You deserved it

84692

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MrConcise | 34

#6282370 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:28

The balls on some people, how dare you?!

By pratikp03 | 22

#6282371 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:28

did u call the cops again?

COMMENTS

By MrConcise | 34

#6282370 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:28

The balls on some people, how dare you?!

By pratikp03 | 22

#6282371 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:28

did u call the cops again?

Reply

vikky538 | 28

#6282386 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:39

Why? To correct the statement to say he is 55 not 60?

Reply

JustinJK | 21

#6282495 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 19:59

So that the police come and accost him?

Reply

HighasaCloud | 46

#6282509 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 20:11

#2 and #23; The man most likely knew about his reported age in the police report because he has been arrested for the stealing of fuel mentioned here.

OP is talking about an incident that happened a while ago; not earlier that day.

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6282373 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:30

These are the type of people who's heads I'd love to be in. Like, what decision making processes must they go through?

By magickiss87 | 22

#6282374 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:32

Typical asshole behavior. I would have told him you have thirty seconds to buy something or leave before I contact the police again. You did the right thing, he was just mad he got caught. lol.

By Emmamazing | 26

#6282375 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:33

Call the cops again and say he looks closer to 70 upon closer inspection

By victorvldv | 8

#6282376 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:33

What a dillhole

By Nicolasaur726 | 21

#6282377 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:34

Maybe he's getting dementia. Older people start to get it in about their 60s. Oh, sorry, 55s.

By erin55378 | 17

#6282379 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:36

Mid-life crisis...?

By superwhovian | 16

#6282380 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:37

Sorry if he comes in again call the cops

By KitchKraft | 21

#6282381 - Tuesday 5 May 2015 18:37

He's likely just trying to find some way to blame it on you. Don't take it personally, op.