Miscellaneous: Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45205

You deserved it

5435

Tweet

Share

Roommate from hell

Get the message, dude

Hang in there

By Dirtisgood

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2963

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30657

You deserved it

2162

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a moth was flying around my house. Annoyed, I picked up a shoe to crush it with. The moth landed on a light fixture on the ceiling, so I made my move. Dead, the moth slipped gracefully through air and onto my head. So did the light fixture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10796

You deserved it

51861

Tweet

Share

By funy_hunie - United States - Anchorage

Today, while lying in bed, I was so lonely that I put a heavy blanket in front of me so it felt like I was spooning someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1552

You deserved it

220

Tweet

Share

By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Sex ban

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1149

You deserved it

268

Tweet

Share

By cpmagnusox - 17/3/2020 08:30

Sharing is caring

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

747

You deserved it

1146

Tweet

Share

By beno - United States

Today, I found out that my wife sent nudie pics to her ex-husband. My wife's excuse for the pics? "I needed a compliment because I thought you didn't love me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29285

You deserved it

6043

Tweet

Share

By englishtrio - United States

Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75071

You deserved it

3565

Tweet

Share

By a very mad sister - United States - Pomona

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8988

You deserved it

682

Tweet

Share

By BrilsmurfO_O - Netherlands

Today, I was at IKEA with my parents. I walked away from them and later I heard the speaker of the store call my name asking me to come to the playground because my mom and dad were worried. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks

73893

You deserved it

4940

Tweet

Share

By :$ - United States

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24466

You deserved it

7488

Tweet

Share

By NotSoYoung - Canada

Today, I was at McDonald's and I was going through the drive-thru. As I was driving away, I checked my food and the lady had given me a Night at the Museum Happy Meal toy by mistake. I got so excited that I crashed the car into a pole. I'm 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31775

You deserved it

70500

Tweet

Share

By yourclotheslookgay - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks

22203

You deserved it

1959

Tweet

Share

By Oops - United States - Portland

Today, I managed to stop my supervisor from falling into a trench, only for the ground to give way and for me to fall in instead. My supervisor didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11904

You deserved it

844

Tweet

Share

By poisonivyandbigfoot

Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "we were hunting Bigfoot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4025

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By fmlpanda - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39777

You deserved it

8336

Tweet

Share

By failure461 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12544

You deserved it

41822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 02:02

Man child

Today, instead of being an adult, my husband was more hysterical than my daughter during a hissy fit. It makes me want to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

776

You deserved it

161

Tweet

Share

By potheadloljk - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28197

You deserved it

2105

Tweet

Share

By ilovefootball - United States

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14170

You deserved it

78004

Tweet

Share

By zboy_123 - India

Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36438

You deserved it

7127

Tweet

Share

By Depressed - Sudan

Great deal

Today, I arrived in Africa to start my new job. I agreed to come to a city with little to no electricity, and poor water for triple the money I was making in Canada. I just realized my boss and I negotiated in two completely different currencies, and I'm now making half of what I used to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26351

You deserved it

41211

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/1/2021 23:01 - United States

Paternity test before the rest

Today, after always laughing when my mom told me to avoid dating any guy with green eyes and thinking it was some weird prejudice, she told me the truth. My father cheated and had at least six other kids. They all have green eyes and look alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

862

You deserved it

44

Tweet

Share

By Master's_degree_in_failure - 17/10/2020 22:30

The ole answer/forward conundrum

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

323

You deserved it

989

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25702

You deserved it

58820

Tweet

Share

By I'm a moron

Today, I woke up in an empty room. Thinking I'd been kidnapped, I kicked the door in. The previous night was a blur, and thought I'd been drugged. I was actually in the room my friends had put me in last night, because I went on a drunken rampage. It cost me $100 for a new door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

575

You deserved it

3065

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Stable genius

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

999

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

By Toroka

Today, I had to spend two hours in the car with my mother. That doesn't sound so bad until you realize she's the kind of person who can, and did, spend nearly half an hour ranting about how the Big Beautiful Woman porn niche is the root of obesity in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13777

You deserved it

1001

Tweet

Share

By RomanceFail - United States - Crestwood

Today, I woke up my girlfriend up with a cute kiss. She was apparently having a bad dream and headbutted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29962

You deserved it

3356

Tweet

Share

By funkmylife69

Mr. Smooth

Today, I made out with the guy I've had a huge crush on for the first time. He wrapped his arms around me, and whispered softly into my ear, "I can't wait to bone you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1489

You deserved it

435

Tweet

Share

By sickpuppy

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1329

You deserved it

145

Tweet

Share

By milkymoo - Cyprus

Today, I was catching the bus to my new job. While waiting at the lights, I decided to play the staring game and ended up staring at a woman in the car next to the bus for ages, really creeping her out. It turns out she's my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12592

You deserved it

49735

Tweet

Share

By K-Rat - United States

Today, my cat loves to chase birds. In fact, he loves it so much, he ran out of the litter box mid-poop to chase one, forcing me to wipe his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9381

You deserved it

1033

Tweet

Share

By Wheredigowrong - United States - Ankeny

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45080

You deserved it

5430

Tweet

Share

By shockedgirl - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46079

You deserved it

2704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28227

You deserved it

3708

Tweet

Share

By JTo - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79819

You deserved it

3809

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30979

You deserved it

3569

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27446

You deserved it

8686

Tweet

Share

By systeminitiated - Canada

Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74062

You deserved it

9854

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lizzi02 | 13

#545812 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:07

awwww, sorry dude.... nice gesture

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#545823 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:09

Tell her you will clean it up and tackle her. Problem solved.

COMMENTS

By lizzi02 | 13

#545812 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:07

awwww, sorry dude.... nice gesture

Reply

penizulaface | 0

#545820 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:08

ZOMGIREPLIEDTOTHEFIRSTPOSTOMGOMGOMG

Reply

fmlfmlfml15 | 0

#545866 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:25

Maybe she's not the romantic type? But just tell her what happened before she cleans it up.

Reply

JustSoLost | 8

#546670 - Monday 7 September 2009 22:42

AWWW. I know. :(

Reply

Sam_13161821 | 0

#1058680 - Saturday 3 July 2010 18:48

wow. id dump her.

Reply

JojoChuo | 8

#2375827 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 4:27

Aww... atleast you tried.

By cha3st3r3 | 0

#545816 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:08

i had a gf sorta like that..annoying as hell

By liveitupx | 0

#545822 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:08

Its a nice thought:).
That sucks though.

By Sun_Kissed18 | 25

#545823 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:09

Tell her you will clean it up and tackle her. Problem solved.

By just17 | 0

#545824 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:10

I would never say that if my boyfriend did all that for me.
I'm sorry for you ):

By Inked2009 | 0

#545829 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:12

Tell her to quit bitching about it, you were doing a nice thing.

By ashiedeanilz | 0

#545834 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:14

pedals - petals
sented the air - scented the air

how didn't you spot that?

Reply

Fop | 6

#545865 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:25

Ah giefed u sum sented pedals.

By ashiedeanilz | 0

#545840 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:16

BUT it was a very sweet gesture! she should appreciate you more.

By Ret_fml | 0

#545841 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:16

Rose pedals? Is that a new thing for bicycles?
I wonder how romantic throwing pieces of metal everywhere would be.

By tingting1 | 0

#545843 - Monday 7 September 2009 16:17

shouldn't it be spelt 'scented' ??

Reply

mathew56765 | 8

#6255238 - Tuesday 7 April 2015 16:42

Shouldn't "spelt" be spelled "spelled?"