Work: Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life... - FML

By Anonynommer - 13/09/2013 23:13 - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 3 348

Sorry…

Leave us alone

Going swimmingly

By nh-Amazon - 27/04/2014 23:01 - United States - Plano

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 248

You deserved it 7 282

Chain reaction

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 16:01 - United States - Nashville

Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 215

By Salaryman - 15/02/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 960

By Jman212 - 09/10/2017 13:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my work-mandated anger management therapist gave me some sage advice: "Get a new job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 164

You deserved it 375

By Spanner - 25/04/2019 00:00

Today, I realized why a female colleague keeps asking me if I'm high when I'm not. All I'm thinking when I see her is how glad I am to see her. Dilated pupils, flushed face, stupid grin on my face? I'm not high. I'm in love with her. She's married. Oh, and she wants to be my roommate for a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 406

You deserved it 517

By drama_queen - 04/12/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, at my school, we had the opening night of our production in which I act. None of my family or friends came. Basically, after 3 long months of hard work, the only person to "congratulate" to me after the show was the head of the theater department, who just wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 669

You deserved it 3 827

By titsmcgee - 11/02/2015 21:51 - United States - Oak Brook

Today, the CEO of my company leaned over and said, "Hey, I've been meaning to thank you…" I thought he was going to thank me for all of my hard work, but he continued, "…for wearing that shirt today. I can totally see your boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 115

You deserved it 7 034

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 052

You deserved it 6 224

Freaked out

By anomynous - 05/04/2021 05:00

Today, my workplace replaced all of the toilets in the store with automatic toilets. I have an anxiety disorder, and I can't use them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 715

You deserved it 315

By thechaos - 15/12/2014 22:24 - United States - Pittsfield

Spicy

Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 523

You deserved it 4 219

By Teenagegirl - 26/03/2012 04:11 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Spicy

Today, my mother told me it's okay to be a prostitute, as long as I make sure the clients pay a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 289

You deserved it 4 255

By sharon - 14/12/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 569

You deserved it 35 176

By Ouch - 28/02/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 694

You deserved it 2 416

By Vahootie - 03/03/2009 01:57 - United States

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 792

You deserved it 4 041

By todayJman03 - 22/12/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I gave my wife her anniversary card. She started to giggle then walked in our bedroom and came back with the exact same card from last year. This is the second time I've done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 176

You deserved it 35 668

Sounds like an old joke, but unfortunately…

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I opened my mail and mistook it for my bank statement. It was my hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 95

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 05:12 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 046

You deserved it 2 721

By Staples - 15/05/2010 06:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 261

You deserved it 48 994

By stinkystinky - 12/08/2016 17:32

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 878

By Shone - 15/04/2012 23:39 - Canada - Grand Forks

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 653

You deserved it 3 829

By _Asykes_ - 25/11/2015 00:56

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 605

You deserved it 2 373

By Pooldead - 28/07/2019 04:00 - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 236

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 523

You deserved it 1 596

By Leijabug - 21/04/2019 18:00

Today, my best friend and I decided to dye our hair blue. We didn’t mean to also dye the ceiling, walls, shower, or floor. We DEFINITELY didn’t mean to dye our faces the day before school pictures that cannot be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 2 986

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 394

You deserved it 4 507

By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 2 942

By Oops - 02/12/2018 13:30

Today, I submitted some honest negative feedback to the customer service team of all my favourite games, Today is also the day all my accounts got permanently banned from my console and I have lost all my progress. Bye bye 22 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 732

You deserved it 935

By Disappointed - 26/05/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 116

You deserved it 2 692

By whitey - 09/01/2011 11:11 - Australia

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 309

You deserved it 4 225

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 269

You deserved it 33 614

Used

By used - 02/11/2020 20:08 - Japan - Kobe

Today, I noticed that my girlfriend only texts me when she needs help with her homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 108

By dirtytoes - 06/11/2015 14:27 - United States - Houston

Today, I found a diaper in the parking lot. It's been raining all morning. This was the wrong day to wear flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 248

You deserved it 3 993

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 700

You deserved it 7 631

By J. Homen - 30/03/2013 22:22 - United States

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 751

You deserved it 5 768

Got game

By ewww - 05/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 219

By StinkFoot - 28/10/2018 13:30

Today, I was pet sitting for a friend. As soon as I walked in the door, I stepped in dog poop. I took off my shoes to clean them, then stepped in cat pee in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 780

You deserved it 355

By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 456

You deserved it 278

After sleepover

By carriageway - 31/01/2020 01:00 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was at a sleepover for a friend's birthday. It was great, but after sleeping on their pull out couch, I woke up with six pimples on my face and a rash on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 958

You deserved it 185

By Bad sibling - 07/03/2019 20:00

Today, as planned, my dad confirmed that he would be flying up to visit me for the weekend. Not planned, however, was that my whiny and high-maintenance sister invited herself along too. There's no way I can dis-invite her without offending my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 14:52 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my 30th birthday. My husband came home with a big case of beer for himself, then told me he didn't have time to get me a present because of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 553

You deserved it 2 008

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:15

You ran out of nacho cheese right? If so the customer had good reason to freak out. But if it was over cool ranch they need to reconsider their priorities.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:14

Someone is hungry o.O

Comments

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:14

Someone is hungry o.O

Pwn17 25

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:25

And batshit insane.

hghrider123456 9

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:29

or just really really fat....or really really American.....oh wait that's the same thing

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:43

#14: No, it's not.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:44

#14, you ignorant twitfuck.

Pwn17 25

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Saturday 14 September 2013 6:00

Go fuck yourself 14. Not all of us are fat.

michaelaranda 28

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Saturday 14 September 2013 6:05

No. Not having doritos in a vending machine is just wrong.

\ 28

Saturday 14 September 2013 8:08

Doritos are known to be chemically addictive when consumed in large quantities. They can also induce mental retardation and cannibalistic tendencies when the addiction is not satisfied.

cyanidesandwich 21

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Saturday 14 September 2013 8:22

OP, by chance do you work at Walmart?

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Saturday 14 September 2013 11:10

If it was nacho cheese, I'd be mad too.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 16:36

Sounds like something I would do. Doritos are my main munchies satisfaction.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:15

You ran out of nacho cheese right? If so the customer had good reason to freak out. But if it was over cool ranch they need to reconsider their priorities.

ButterflyLadyBug 14

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:16

but why ? I personally prefer cook ranch over nacho cheese ! :)

Dynosaur_dollie 38

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:17

Naw sweet chili heat is the best, personally I am not a fan of nacho cheese. running out of doritos though is some pretty serious stuff.

lolita88_fml 27

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Saturday 14 September 2013 13:52

Nacho cheese is the best, I'd be a bit cranky too :P

sicksadworld1317 30

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Saturday 14 September 2013 19:49

No, see, it's cool ranch that's the life changer. It is cool, after all. No cool ranch Doritos is a life or death issue. I don't know why everyone is so upset about the nacho cheese Doritos. It was na-cho cheese to begin with, therefore the cheesy goodness clearly went to the person it was meant to belong to. Just saying. Fritolay works in mysterious ways.

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Sunday 15 September 2013 14:33

Cool ranch. Is. Amazing. You have no idea what you're talking about.

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Monday 16 September 2013 14:54

I'm with #2, nacho is delicious, hate Cool Ranch.

haw008 14

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:15

That probably won't be the craziest thing you encounter working with customers, sadly.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:20

Geez no wonder Taco Bell calls them the Doritos Locos Tacos ._.

blakesinthelake 11

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:15

Who needs a bag of air anyways???

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:33

People in car accidents.

blakesinthelake 11

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Saturday 14 September 2013 6:13

#15 well played. Well played...

lolita88_fml 27

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Saturday 14 September 2013 13:54

I do!

awkwardlysmiles 12

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:15

Woah, a little over dramatic. Now if it was Cheetos that would be a different story.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 10:24

When you crave Cheetos, nothing else will satisfy.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 21:30

Cheetos, Doritos, Fritos, Tostitos... Most of my diet ends in "o"s.

cathyfang1533 12

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Sunday 15 September 2013 21:21

#51 - Snickers satisfies.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:16

You can't blame him, Doritos are definitely worth killing for.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:16

I have no problem whatsoever with this reaction.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:16

Who doesn't love Doritos? That's like saying you don't like kittens.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:18

Except Doritos aren't cute. Or fluffy. And petting them sucks because of all the powder and ridges.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:52

That's a good point... But they are amazing. If you don't like Doritos though then your life needs a looking at.

blackbeltpsycho 16

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Saturday 14 September 2013 7:16

And adding to #11, we also don't enjoy eating kittens

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Saturday 14 September 2013 7:27

#36, the chinese do...

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Saturday 14 September 2013 21:32

Kittens are great to wipe your hands off after eating a bag of Doritos.

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:35

why would you not have Doritos. haha sorry op if you had a bad day

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Saturday 14 September 2013 5:36

People just love Doritos!!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 136

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 87