Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had...

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

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Intimacy

All for nothing

Get the message, dude

Damp, dark night

By nick - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and asked if I had inherited his "abnormally tiny penis." FML

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By K - United States

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

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By KMilly - United States

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

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By sullry - 25/12/2019 05:00

Great solution

Today, I had a talk with my roommate that last semester my grades took a bit because he stays up late every night playing video games. And then asked him about playing less, so I can get more sleep. Today also, he gave me a pair of ear plugs and asked if they would solve the problem. FML

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1531

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while in a hotel, I left the room to get some ice. Since my parents left the door wedged open, I didn't worry about trying to find the room number. Without thinking, I walked in to another room that was also wedged open. Yes, there were people in it, and yes, they were both naked and hairy. FML

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By God the smell

Today, my husband had a bad stomach bug and fever. While I was at work, he had diarrhoea but couldn't make it to the toilet so he went in the bin next to his desk, crawled back into bed, and passed out. It sat there in this heatwave for 5 hours. FML

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By JillianJuneBug

Today, the bad haircut I received recently no longer makes me look like Dora the Explorer. Instead, I now look comparable to He-Man. FML

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2830

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By Hayls5 - United States

Today, I was driving with a friend when we saw a wallet in the middle of his neighborhood road. When we picked it up, we saw it was loaded with cash. We drove to the mans house to return the wallet, and when we handed it to him he told us "I would give you a reward but I don't have any cash." FML

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By Anonymous - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

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By secret meat - United States - Framingham

Today, after being a vegetarian for 5 years, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 years has secretly been feeding me meat. His reason is that he thinks it's "funny" that I still call myself a vegetarian afterwards. FML

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47792

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By asleepinclass - Poland

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

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139647

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By Concert Flatulent - United States - Marshall

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

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By Insensitive - Australia

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

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By thanksmom - United States

Today, I finally got up the nerve to invite the guy I like to hang out at my house. It was also the day my mother decided that our house is a "pants optional zone," and that she should implement that policy immediately. While he was at our house. FML

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By Heidi Jeanette

Today, I learned that my insatiable appetite and sex drive is because I'm 5 months pregnant. I'm married to a woman. We had a threesome one drunken night. FML

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2768

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By Confused - United States - Irvine

Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML

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By wow

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

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27342

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By blech - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

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By Non-active - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

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By why? - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

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32865

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By haku4u - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

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By Hailey - United States

Today, I took sexy pictures for my boyfriend. I am at my Aunt's house. I uploaded the pictures and after successfully posting them in a message I deleted them. I accidentally deleted the whole photo library. Now she is taking the computer to Apple tomorrow to recover the "lost" photos. FML

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By Alexis - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

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By catpeecathy - United States

Today, I was looking in my laundry basket for a clean tank top to wear. As I felt around, I realized that most of my clothes were still wet after two days. After asking my mom what was wrong with the dryer, I found out that for two days my cat had been using my laundry basket as a litter box. FML

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By girlwithaprob - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was the only girl he'd ever text, call, or flirt with again. Later on he told two other girls exactly the same thing on Facebook, not realizing that everybody can read wall messages. FML

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34700

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By innocent - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

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By CarSick - United States

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

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By fmlsheffgirl - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, after months of putting up with it, I finally asked my manager not to put me on shifts with this old guy who is racist, sexist and lazy. This was how I found out that he died over the weekend. FML

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16539

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking for a parking spot and finally found one. Trying to figure out if the spot was legal, I asked a cop that had pulled up. He said it was fine. I came back 3 hours later to a parking ticket. FML

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By level6 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

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By poppet2010 - France

Today, my uncle died. It was also my grandpa's 85th birthday. His reaction to the death? "Best birthday gift ever!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

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By really mature, GRAN - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

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39273

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By Peekaboo - United States

Today, I learned that the "If I can't see you, you can't see me." rule is entirely false. Just because I can't initially see my creepy neighbor, doesn't mean he isn't watching me change my clothes through the blinds. FML

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30890

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By chunky monkey - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML

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23036

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By disturbedgd - South Africa

Today, after years of listening to my coworker complaining about everything in her life, including her job, I finally stood up to her and bitched at her for complaining and not doing anything about it. She went to my boss, and now it's in my job description to listen to her when she complains. FML

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17900

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By explainer - South Africa

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend why it is inappropriate for her to go skinny dipping with her male friends. FML

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55101

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By Anonymous

Today, at work, we ran out of receipt paper. Someone paid for $3 in gas and asked for a receipt. I explained that the company we order our paper from sent us toilet paper, not receipt paper. He got mad and said that he was never coming back. Twenty minutes later, he was back to get $3 more in gas, wanting a receipt. FML

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1694

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By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

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Top comments

By G0DL1K3D3V1L | 0

#558201 - Saturday 12 September 2009 17:02

Wow, that's harsh. I hope him sleeping with your sister was before you two got together. But based on the FML, perhaps not.

By mrda | 0

#558112 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:20

Oooo pimpin lol

COMMENTS

By mrda | 0

#558112 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:20

Oooo pimpin lol

22cute | 17

#2272111 - Thursday 31 March 2011 12:51

that's horrible! I wish you could lose your boyfriend AND your family. They all suck.

evbu98 | 12

#6701602 - Wednesday 12 October 2016 4:14

Oh chill you 12 year old

By uoykcuf | 0

#558113 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:20

First!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tevon | 0

#561362 - Sunday 13 September 2009 22:25

Fail

tamoodielovesmar | 1

#2479638 - Monday 9 May 2011 0:33

second

By mcdworker | 0

#558114 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:21

awwww :(

By doggie3 | 0

#558122 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:26

That's really bad. I'm so sorry.

By ohmygoshman | 0

#558126 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:27

omfg, bastard!

By M13LO | 0

#558160 - Saturday 12 September 2009 16:41

hey lady YDI for not joining them

By G0DL1K3D3V1L | 0

#558201 - Saturday 12 September 2009 17:02

Wow, that's harsh. I hope him sleeping with your sister was before you two got together. But based on the FML, perhaps not.

By bosshaug | 0

#558202 - Saturday 12 September 2009 17:03

I also slept with your sister

abu3mair | 0

#573280 - Saturday 19 September 2009 4:59

haha

By paramore7890 | 0

#558220 - Saturday 12 September 2009 17:12

dump that ass hole! and ur mom is a bitch for asking that

By youaresofucked | 0

#558235 - Saturday 12 September 2009 17:20

If you were dating him when he screwed your sister then remove his balls with blowtorch.

but if you werent dating when they had sex, then i have a high five waiting for him ;)

White667 | 0

#558307 - Saturday 12 September 2009 18:01

Wtf kinda attitude is that? High five either way, honestly, unless there are three sisters in which case he needs to up his game.