Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right... - FML

By VroomVroom - 4/3/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77844

You deserved it

3485

Tweet

Share

Non-baby fever

Great guy

People are strange

By NYeeerrr - 9/6/2019 22:00

Today, after having my Apple Watch for a year, it asked me something it has never asked me before. As I began my hike around a lake, 10 minutes in, it asked if I was starting to workout. I hit yes, and it then congratulated me on my very first workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

669

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 08:11 - United States

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks

50975

You deserved it

5026

Tweet

Share

By earplugsplease - 16/5/2013 16:16 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47914

You deserved it

3526

Tweet

Share

By Embarassedd - 26/11/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32659

You deserved it

4407

Tweet

Share

By ringmaster101 - 4/3/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76831

You deserved it

3352

Tweet

Share

By romedizzle - 24/11/2010 09:52 - Canada

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24387

You deserved it

8255

Tweet

Share

By riappp - 25/2/2009 15:31 - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24835

You deserved it

41533

Tweet

Share

By sumerflame07 - 1/12/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, the elderly lady in front of me had forgotten to pay for her milk. In the spirit of the season, I paid for it and wished her happy holidays. She snatched the milk and gave me an ugly look. Then huffed at me before stomping off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35242

You deserved it

3777

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 14:43 - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37322

You deserved it

3245

Tweet

Share

By nomorecookies - 6/8/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, someone broke into my car just to steal the freshly baked cookies in the back seat. They also left a thank you note. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34515

You deserved it

3800

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 19:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom tried to convince me to throw out my insulin shots because she read a chain email that claimed they "cause cancer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

20827

You deserved it

1193

Tweet

Share

By Sorrymom - 11/8/2017 01:30

Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3770

You deserved it

779

Tweet

Share

By jaybob18 - 17/6/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I finally used the statistics book that I forked out $120 to buy. To kill an ant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28340

You deserved it

11226

Tweet

Share

By ~~~ - 29/6/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47416

You deserved it

4314

Tweet

Share

By shortiem - 6/3/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23619

You deserved it

4792

Tweet

Share

By ThisGuy775 - 19/9/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31348

You deserved it

2960

Tweet

Share

By P DarklyKira - 6/5/2020 17:00

Broken bum

Today, marks the 29th day since I missed my haemorrhoid surgery. They told me to wait because it's not life threatening and so that I don't get the virus going to the hospital, which I understand. The problem is, even though I take suppositories, it hurts badly and bleed each time I have to take a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1636

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46762

You deserved it

5234

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/8/2011 23:19 - United States

Today, my landlord told me he is raising my rent next month. I thought he was kidding until he asked if I still wanted to live here. My landlord is also my live-in boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33025

You deserved it

3930

Tweet

Share

By Carmen - 26/2/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13775

You deserved it

31778

Tweet

Share

By Ugh - 13/9/2015 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28215

You deserved it

5828

Tweet

Share

By fuck but no fuck - 2/8/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51933

You deserved it

28207

Tweet

Share

By aninnocentonlooker - 4/12/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, I was driving my drunk best friend and his "new friend" back to his house. Halfway, this new friend started to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35310

You deserved it

3865

Tweet

Share

By gr8 - 28/9/2018 17:30

Today, because I had to leave the country without notice and didn't have reception to notify my college, I have been irreversibly dropped from all my classes without a refund and will have to reapply for January. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2370

You deserved it

501

Tweet

Share

By 00bsg - 21/12/2013 15:46 - United States - Salem

Today, it's my 21st birthday. All my friends and family said they were busy so I figured I was getting a surprise party. Nope. They all were actually busy. I spent my birthday alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52979

You deserved it

4322

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39063

You deserved it

3186

Tweet

Share

By DDubs - 8/1/2010 03:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have fallen for the most amazing girl. She's good looking, has a great personality, she's funny and is a hit with all my friends but she doesn't seem to realise she has a body odor problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31767

You deserved it

6150

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/8/2010 18:40 - United States

Today, while at work, I started to feel sick to my stomach, hot, and dizzy. My co-worker told me to go home. On the way through the locker room to get my stuff, I experienced a dizzy spell so severe, I blacked out and pooped myself. No one in the building is going to let me forget this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35739

You deserved it

3134

Tweet

Share

By bandcamp926 - 5/1/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11299

You deserved it

22593

Tweet

Share

By smiler - 17/3/2010 16:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28457

You deserved it

5638

Tweet

Share

By 14YearOld - 25/11/2011 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39782

You deserved it

7968

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/8/2014 21:24 - Portugal - Alg

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54590

You deserved it

6650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/5/2009 06:46 - United States

Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44015

You deserved it

25475

Tweet

Share

By krisest1988 - 7/5/2016 21:34 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend came home from a two week vacation and told me I need to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12616

You deserved it

925

Tweet

Share

By goner - 1/5/2012 04:05 - United States

Today, my wife and I decided it would be funny to pull a prank on her family who we were going to see for dinner. I hid in the foyer while she went in and announced to her parents that she was leaving me. I watched as her mother hugged her daughter and cried "Finally..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

70132

You deserved it

21490

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 21/10/2009 22:40 - France

Today, I was in bed, thinking about my crush and playing with myself, when I remembered the complicated spreadsheet my boss asked me to make tomorrow. That got me more excited than the thought of my crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19745

You deserved it

7124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/5/2016 16:59 - United States - Harker Heights

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19193

You deserved it

6612

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Warren

Grandpa's got game

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6099

You deserved it

1250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/6/2011 02:00 - United States

Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50476

You deserved it

5113

Tweet

Share

By mellielynnemily - 26/10/2014 22:46 - United States

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40558

You deserved it

4419

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By PureGold | 0

#14966 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:10

What the hell?! That's soo awful!! x(

Person: "But...but....this old lady needed help!"
Idiot cop: "HAH! If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..." *takes bite of donut and walks away*

By arienh4 | 0

#14965 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:09

Do they have tickets for everything in America?

COMMENTS

By jellybean17 | 0

#14940 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:00

I don't buy this one, as the old woman would clearly still be there as well.

By lkm0512 | 0

#14947 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:02

i agree with jellybean

By 123go_fml | 0

#14948 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5668347 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:19

... For falling down?

By jmalakan | 0

#14957 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:05

if you fight it you'll win...

By arienh4 | 0

#14965 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:09

Do they have tickets for everything in America?

Reply

ChaosOfDarkness | 0

#4371538 - Monday 30 April 2012 3:16

Unfortunately in the shit country of America I live in, yes. That's why I no longer support this country.

Reply

DoctorRoche | 11

#5819458 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 5:00

You're free to leave this 'shit' country anytime

Reply

vdturner25 | 15

#6359037 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:59

Yes. And the police can also brutally beat the piss out of/ murder people and their department keeps it under wraps so they don't get fired. All the tickets are just for revenue. Instead of enforcing real law

By PureGold | 0

#14966 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:10

What the hell?! That's soo awful!! x(

Person: "But...but....this old lady needed help!"
Idiot cop: "HAH! If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..." *takes bite of donut and walks away*

Reply

magicman1 | 0

#2677419 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 8:16

lol ^

By Shadic | 0

#14981 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:16

If real, contest it. Realistically, the flow of traffic would have been impeded either way.

By moralpolice | 0

#14990 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:20

I believe it. This is a very similar story to the one sited above, but even more extreme. Check this out... http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_good_samaritan_ticketed;_ylt=AhBddwhb8rVaqed2qLJ8l9HZn414

By cynicalpete | 0

#14994 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:22

FAKE.

Why are people making stuff up? These used to be funnier. :/

By jSOPURE | 3

#14995 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:22

The officer is just doing his job but it was definitely a dick move. Maybe he's just trying to fill his quota.