Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right... - FML

By VroomVroom - 4/3/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

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The best cat

DINOSAURS!!

Not a cheating!

By well damn - 29/2/2016 22:17 - United States - Columbus

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

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By -____- - 5/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

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By Annette - 22/9/2012 16:17 - United States - Seattle

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

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By fat teen - 5/6/2016 23:33 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I decided to get back in shape so I went swimming. I only managed 10 lengths and was completely out of breath. I was so embarrassed that when a lifeguard asked me if I was OK, I made up a story about a leg injury as a reason to leave only 15 minutes after I got in. FML

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By cieee - 13/2/2012 07:09 - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

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By mel - 25/3/2016 13:20 - United States - Smithville

Today, the guy I buy weed from invited me to have Easter dinner with his family, since I've nowhere else to go. FML

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By seththing - 22/5/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

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By dogmom - 16/7/2012 20:51 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my boyfriend picked me up and spun me around like they do in the movies, but not before grimacing, taking a deep breath, and muttering "one, two, three... and... uuuppp!" FML

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By - 23/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had to go meet my professor at 12. I wound up showing up almost an hour late. Why? Because she doesn't teach at the campus I registered at. I wound up having to visit TWO different campuses before I reached the right one. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/5/2015 19:54 - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2015 00:29 - United States - Bonita Springs

Today, my sister got promoted to manager at the store we both work at. Since company policy states that siblings can't work at the same store if one of them is a manager, I was let go. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2019 14:00

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

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By anonymous - 12/12/2015 20:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step mom sat me down and told me that she doesn't think that my dad is my biological father because she hasn't gotten pregnant from him. I don't think she quite understands the concept of being a step mom. FML

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By tax-man - 2/3/2013 02:35 - United States - Chapin

Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML

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By Thatgirl112 - 8/9/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

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By Bassackward - 25/8/2016 05:53

Today, I decided to pop the question to my beloved. Perfect lighting, fresh cut roses, a fancy dinner. The restaurant was in on it too. Shame they brought out the wedding-themed congratulations dessert before I actually went down on my knee. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2017 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

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By 751920 - 3/2/2009 08:49 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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By WolfieJL - 18/5/2014 07:51 - United States

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

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By anonymous - 27/11/2011 00:12 - United States

Today, after spending hours putting up our tree and decorating it, it fell over and shattered the glass ornaments. FML

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By mudafkrmas - 18/9/2009 04:14 - Canada

Today, I was trying to look cute in front of this really nice guy. I sure hope he thinks smacking into a pole, rebounding backwards and knocking over an old man is cute. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

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By knews - 18/3/2010 04:46 - United States

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

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By Jukka - 19/4/2011 00:48

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2020 01:00

Not a girl, not yet a woman

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

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By BrokeButSmart - 23/8/2012 05:24 - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my boss reprimanded me in front of the rest of the staff for "not following instructions" because I went to a company meeting. I have the email from him telling me to go to the meeting. He thinks I faked it. Unemployment sucks. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML

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By ManchotDesAndes - 26/2/2015 07:35 - France - Bezons

Today, my 3-year-old daughter came along, pointing a finger at me. I pretended to eat it by putting it in my mouth. She then said to me with disgust, "Why are you eating my booger?" Ah, that explains the saltiness… FML

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By seizuregirl17 - 19/11/2013 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

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By brokeforever - 18/3/2015 22:23 - Latvia - Riga

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

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By mybackhurts - 4/2/2018 15:00

Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML

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By Username - 15/7/2010 19:53 - France

Today, I went to the dentist. My dentist kept talking to me while his hands were in my mouth. I attempted to tell him that it was difficult and dangerous to respond. My talking made him slip and slice my mouth open with one of his instruments. FML

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By TheHezzer - 21/2/2012 19:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

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By HauntLife - 21/9/2017 20:00

Boo!

Today, rehearsals started for the haunted house I act in. As we were running through the house and reading through our lines, the set designer turned on the hydraulic pump to test something, accidentally causing a tumbling bookshelf effect to go off. Guess where I was standing. FML

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By Ohshucks! - 20/7/2010 19:01 - United States

Today, I helped my fiancé pack up and head to Texas for a business trip. I'm not only going to miss him, but I'll also miss my car keys that I accidentally left in his car. I drive for a living. FML

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Top comments

By PureGold | 0

#14966 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:10

What the hell?! That's soo awful!! x(

Person: "But...but....this old lady needed help!"
Idiot cop: "HAH! If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..." *takes bite of donut and walks away*

By arienh4 | 0

#14965 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:09

Do they have tickets for everything in America?

Comments

By jellybean17 | 0

#14940 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:00

I don't buy this one, as the old woman would clearly still be there as well.

By lkm0512 | 0

#14947 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:02

i agree with jellybean

By 123go_fml | 0

#14948 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:02

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

lex1459 | 38

#5668347 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:19

... For falling down?

By jmalakan | 0

#14957 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:05

if you fight it you'll win...

By arienh4 | 0

#14965 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:09

Do they have tickets for everything in America?

Reply

ChaosOfDarkness | 0

#4371538 - Monday 30 April 2012 3:16

Unfortunately in the shit country of America I live in, yes. That's why I no longer support this country.

Reply

DoctorRoche | 11

#5819458 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 5:00

You're free to leave this 'shit' country anytime

Reply

vdturner25 | 15

#6359037 - Thursday 23 July 2015 17:59

Yes. And the police can also brutally beat the piss out of/ murder people and their department keeps it under wraps so they don't get fired. All the tickets are just for revenue. Instead of enforcing real law

By PureGold | 0

#14966 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:10

What the hell?! That's soo awful!! x(

Person: "But...but....this old lady needed help!"
Idiot cop: "HAH! If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..." *takes bite of donut and walks away*

Reply

magicman1 | 0

#2677419 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 8:16

lol ^

By Shadic | 0

#14981 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:16

If real, contest it. Realistically, the flow of traffic would have been impeded either way.

By moralpolice | 0

#14990 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:20

I believe it. This is a very similar story to the one sited above, but even more extreme. Check this out... http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_good_samaritan_ticketed;_ylt=AhBddwhb8rVaqed2qLJ8l9HZn414

By cynicalpete | 0

#14994 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:22

FAKE.

Why are people making stuff up? These used to be funnier. :/

By jSOPURE | 3

#14995 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 23:22

The officer is just doing his job but it was definitely a dick move. Maybe he's just trying to fill his quota.