Health: Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend... - FML

By CRH - 03/05/2011 15:41 - United States

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 750

You deserved it 20 940

Coherence dude, do you have it?

You tried

Tinder surprise

By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 135

You deserved it 5 692

By Ella - 05/07/2011 11:48 - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 7 573

By Wally - 08/05/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 245

You deserved it 5 721

By lovealways22 - 17/07/2012 07:19 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 2 820

Narcissistic parents

By wendy - 01/04/2021 10:59

Today, my mom told an entire room full of people about the time I almost died from severe diarrhea as a toddler. When I told her that it was embarrassing, she simply told me to “grow up”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 207

Morbid cringe

By Anonymous - 15/08/2020 02:02

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 287

By Anonymous - 26/01/2012 16:45 - United States

Today, I accidentally slammed a door on my own arm flab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 962

You deserved it 32 299

By mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 955

You deserved it 6 836

By hawaiiansokkrboi - 19/04/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 256

You deserved it 10 678

By surrounded by dumbfucks - 13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 834

You deserved it 2 135

By Anonymous - 09/06/2019 04:00

Today, while browsing through Walmart, I slipped on a piece of clothing and fell backwards into an obese lady’s butt. When I landed, she farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 270

A for effort

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 6 425

By joybirdnot_13 - 08/07/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 247

You deserved it 47 054

By vron991 - 13/05/2012 05:02 - United States - Wilmington

Spicy

Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 2 712

By sadsenior - 13/03/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was excited because I was going to get my college decisions back. I put all of the letters in order of my preference. Didn't get into my first choice. Denied from my second choice. Rejected from my third choice. Wait listed on my back-up. Accepted for a job at Target. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 454

You deserved it 10 035

By angkal2002 - 22/11/2014 03:29 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 170

You deserved it 3 311

By Daddy - 10/11/2008 12:06 - France

Today, I gave my son a bollocking for losing a very important paper that I needed for work. I've just found it in my right pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 453

You deserved it 59 562

By hopeyoushityourintestinesout - 08/06/2013 00:16 - United States - Everett

Today, I drove 2 hours to my sister's wedding, only to find out my invitation was sent to me by mistake. She had me kicked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 116

You deserved it 4 865

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 978

You deserved it 13 123

By Anonymous - 02/06/2011 04:17

Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 562

You deserved it 18 341

By UnpredictableSurface - 17/03/2017 22:00

Today, a tattoo artist send me home without tattoo because the acne on my back has gotten so bad, he refused to work on such an 'unpredictable surface'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 551

You deserved it 1 201

Pale AF

By Kathleen Verhaegen - 05/03/2020 21:00

Today, I went to get a double conch piercing. Afterwards, the lady asked me whether I was feeling well, because I was looking so pale. I had to explain that it's my normal skin tone. I'm just pale as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 203

They're still books, technically

By breakmyfall - 15/11/2020 02:02

Today my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she, "only read good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Grey and the Twilight Saga. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 76

By phishy - 05/03/2015 22:26 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 150

You deserved it 2 474

By Beanzbeanz - 09/07/2011 15:19 - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 950

You deserved it 10 481

By unlucky - 06/02/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 663

You deserved it 25 691

By cc - 24/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about how I'm self conscious about my weight. He looks at me and says, "Don't worry babe, I've always been kind of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 408

You deserved it 7 875

By Anonymous - 02/06/2009 20:51 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my best guy friend, who I have loved for years. I was talking about school and all of a sudden he said "I love you." I flipped out saying "Oh my god, oh my god. I love you, too!" He responded with "what?" He was talking to his mom, who was walking out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 053

You deserved it 17 511

By poorkids - 31/10/2012 05:01 - United States - Auburn

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 4 003

Comeback

By sadguy - 18/02/2009 22:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 987

You deserved it 23 150

Snoozefest

By notsogood - 08/11/2013 20:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, during sex, my girlfriend got so bored that she asked me to tell her a story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 440

You deserved it 19 336

By Anonymous - 29/08/2009 01:44 - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 529

You deserved it 4 963

By Habit - 19/10/2011 22:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that the only reason most of my students come to my lectures is that they have a running bet on how many times I say "OK" in two hours. It was 137 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 688

You deserved it 9 969

Zzzzzzzzz

By driving me crazy - 26/05/2017 16:00

Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 782

You deserved it 396

By Jessica S. - 06/09/2012 11:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that the mysterious and creepy weirdo guy that continuously sends me messages on Facebook is my manager at my new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 385

You deserved it 2 009

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 769

You deserved it 81 273

By ajodasdojsad - 21/03/2015 15:12 - United Kingdom - Ewell

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 3 884

Who's a good boy?

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 293

You deserved it 187

By Lifeless - 01/06/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, I got into a staring contest with my dog. I actually cheered when I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 12 422

By Good_old_Grim - 23/02/2010 07:56 - Latvia

Today, I went to move my girlfriend's car. I failed to notice that the snow packed under the front bumper is actually ice. After a bit of struggle I managed to move the car. The bumper, however, is now a separate entity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 670

You deserved it 6 778

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Top comments

CanuckPopcicle 2

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:54

I get it, you're excited for baby. One thing you'll find becoming a mom is you'll lose some friends and gain other friends.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:10

Pregnant women talk about being pregnant. So do the fathers (assuming they're proud fathers). I'm sure I annoyed the living fuck out of everyone around me when my wife was pregnant (both times). And now that the baby is a month old, all those people who were annoyed just want to see the baby pictures. You should just tell your "friend" to be happy for you and share in your excitement.

Comments

Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

sterlingarcher 1

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:58

she was excited.. don't be so harsh..

johncarterer93 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:58

She sounds happy!

aquariusangel420 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:15

1 your an asshole and if your friend can't share the joy with you and be supportive then you need to find another friend you deserve better than that! Go share the joy with your man after all he is the father

TroII 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:33

whats wrong with pro-life? *let the huge paragraphs and debates begin*

Uncle_Moe_Lester 3

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 21:03

ops friend must be jealous, that or she's just a bitch or both

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 21:04

I don't see what's so bad about sounding pro-life?! would you rather her say, " jeez, I hope my baby don't scratch my vagina as its being aborted?!" so she could sound like a pro-choice bumper sticker? she is gonna be a mom, so I would hope she is excited...chick, your friend needs to get in check..

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:51

how is this an fml?? it's not that bad!!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:52

why was I moderated? all I said was how is this an fml? it's not that bad.

Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:52

ummm good for you?

missy_lynn012 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:23

she wants you to shut up because she doesn't care.

adrianblackett 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:09

oh well

aquariusangel420 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:39

All 3 f these comments y'all are bitches for that if you don't care don't say anything! Jesus if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all!!!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

ydi_4_suking 20

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:00

to the pregnant person it does. but to everyone else thats just useless info... but congratulations on being pregnant

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:01

I called everybody in my phone book the first time my sons dinga ling showed up on a sonogram, and everybody was pumped....If your best friend's not that interested in you going thru your pregnancy, then that's not a friend but more like an aquiatance....

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:13

A peen is exciting news though. Fingernails...eh.

CanuckPopcicle 2

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:54

I get it, you're excited for baby. One thing you'll find becoming a mom is you'll lose some friends and gain other friends.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:54

Hmmmm I think we all know someone like that...

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:03

i hate babies!!! lol im that person

WallyTheWombat 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 20:31

I never had a problem with kids/babies till I got a job in retail. Screaming babies all the damn time. >=(

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 21:07

remember, y'all were once that annoying baby you hate so much...I'm sure you had people wanting to throw something at you a time or two.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:55

Shes just hating. stay happy and excited. its a wonderful thing and i can't wait to one day experience it myself.

johncarterer93 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:55

Congratulations! You should be excited about your baby's development!!

khaya 9

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:56

You should have said, "I'm getting an abortion, now who's pro life?"

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:59

lol! that would've been funny!!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:06

Not.

EverybodyHatesCh 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:16

me!!! in pro!!

Tuesday 3 May 2011 18:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

thebestof1984 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:01

wtf, umm yes they do.... Educate yourself before you make such a stupid comment!

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:15

really? it was a question. dude didnt realize fetuses start without them. calm down and lay off.

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:23

You didn't realize sperm and egg don't fuse together to form a single-celled entity with fingernails?

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:31

you'd be surprised what stupid people don't realize. besides, not everyone on this site had the same education you did. for all you know, dude never had sex Ed yet. I'm not sayin it wasn't a stupid comment, but people are way to quick to get pissed because someone else had a brainfart.

thebestof1984 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:39

How was that a question? Oh, I get it, it has a question mark at the end.... Shit, the question would be... babies have fingernails? Once again educate yourself!

thebestof1984 0

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 19:42

I'll correct myself. the proper question would of been, Do babies have fingernails?

greeneyebeauty9 28

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Monday 28 April 2014 5:14

Late.. but would HAVE been..

KrazyKatz333 15

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Sunday 4 December 2016 16:08

Are you confused because you thought the friend was implying OP was wrong and that babies are born without finger nails?

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 6

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 143