Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest... - FML

By olalala2382 - 2/4/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

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Boozehound

Superficial World

Big baby man

By anonymous - 23/4/2013 21:07 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I went to my grandmom's house for an hour or so. When I came home, my boyfriend was on the bed, covered in the sheets and about to cry. Turns out he taped his ballsack to his leg and couldn't get it off because it "hurts too much." I'm 24 and he's 26. FML

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By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/3/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

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By bobra - 21/10/2019 12:00

Helter Skelter

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

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By Roomie pay rent plz - 24/4/2016 01:25 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 20:00

Today, I realized cigarettes are my cure for boredom. I bore myself out of $2000-plus a year. FML

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By Teacher - 26/2/2017 04:00 - United States - Phoenix

Martha Lucy Queen Jr.

Today, I asked students to identify a woman that made a difference in history. I got several people answering Martin Luther King Jr. These are 9th graders. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2016 18:26 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

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By all by myself - 14/4/2014 23:34 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

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By Loser - 13/9/2016 12:10 - Germany - Neuburg

Today, following a 6-hour roundtrip after having lost both games from a baseball doubleheader, I was pleasantly surprised to see that my 4-year-old son was still up. After updating him on the day's results, he went off to bed with the words, "Good night, loser." FML

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By PictureLess - 10/1/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

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By IBS - 6/5/2014 09:11 - China - Shanghai

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

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By alli67 - 22/11/2014 03:26

Today, I went to the doctor's with my pregnant sister, only to find out she still weighs less than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, my parents invited all their kids and grandkids to join them on a vacation trip to the mountains; all their kids except me, that is. I'm not invited. But they did invite my ex-husband. And his new girlfriend. FML

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By hellostupid - 28/3/2013 08:19 - United States

Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2011 12:53 - United States

Today, I had a violent coughing fit while at the store, which caused a lady to think I was choking, grab me from behind and start doing the Heimlich maneuver incorrectly. She broke two of my ribs. FML

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By noname - 25/6/2010 17:29 - United States

Today, my mother wore a see through shirt. She wasn't wearing a bra. FML

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By SaMike - 1/9/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML

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By niquey62307 - 8/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

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By RIP - 18/6/2016 23:17 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my girlfriend and I found out that if I'm tickled it causes me to have a panic attack until I cry. FML

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By dasbooot - 30/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2015 11:35 - Australia

Today, at the train station a woman's baggage had gotten stuck in the ticket barriers, so I used my ticket to unlock the barriers for her but told her to wait so I could get through too. She didn't wait. And I got painfully stuck in the barriers whilst I watched my train go by. FML

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By mosaicevolution - 3/1/2015 04:04 - United States - Decatur

Today, after finishing my second glass of wine, I walked out of the bathroom and saw the tag on my hair dryer from last year's rehab visit. FML

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By Nick - 27/7/2011 17:32 - Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2011 02:20

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

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By Sapphire Mills - 28/11/2018 13:30

Today, it's my 2-year wedding anniversary. It also marks 2 years since my wife told me, "We're married now we don't need to have sex anymore." FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 07:40 - United States

Today, I found out through one of my friends that my boyfriend cheated on me. He says it doesn't count as cheating because he couldn't get it up. FML

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By tattooed - 30/11/2010 15:50 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 10:52 - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2014 17:43 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

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By DJ - 11/12/2011 01:01 - United States

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

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By ronniewciv - 30/12/2011 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

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By thisucks - 28/1/2010 13:59 - Canada

Today, I went out on a date with a guy significantly older than myself. I told him I really liked him because I can have an intelligent conversation with him, unlike most guys my age. He told me he just wanted to get into my pants. FML

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By Augh. - 9/10/2009 02:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that the school I transferred from last year is closing. All the people that I so happily escaped from and left behind at that school will now be flocking to my new school senior year. Faaaantastic. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2012 03:14 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he wanted to start a collection of sporks. They're filling up our car. FML

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By ohtheirony - 19/8/2018 18:30

Today, I scratched my car with a bottle of scratch remover deeply enough that the scratch remover couldn't remove it. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/1/2013 21:08 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

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By outofluckdude - 1/9/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

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By deadman - 9/7/2012 18:25 - United Kingdom - Market Harborough

Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 04:00

Not a biology major

Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML

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By blahmina - 23/1/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I had to walk home from school in the rain, because my mom "didn't have a car to pick me up in". But when I got home, the car had magically appeared. Just great. FML

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Top comments

By Vykeera | 0

#76731 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:21

Whoa, ouch.
When you're next in maths, ask her how she liked her meal/drink from Wendy's and watch her go red as she realises. ;)

By hpnerd | 0

#76724 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:16

overreaction on her part, much?

Comments

By Mattrocker | 4

#76714 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:08

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

epicfailburger | 0

#874791 - Saturday 20 February 2010 7:52

woot free drink!

Reply

h2opoloplaya | 0

#1380868 - Friday 10 September 2010 8:02

true dat

Reply

DumDum999 | 0

#2288757 - Sunday 3 April 2011 22:14

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Aleys_fml | 21

#5713238 - Saturday 12 October 2013 13:40

What is wrong with working at Wendy's? At least he has a paying job unlike a lot of people!

Reply

PugDelatorre | 11

#5868895 - Wednesday 26 February 2014 0:54

Say's the person working at Mcdonalds.

Reply

dragonrider1959 | 18

#5996653 - Thursday 3 July 2014 19:30

He wasn't! He is in her math class!

By Neenerzwingz | 0

#76721 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:14

Sadness, she probably hates you before she said that.

By hpnerd | 0

#76724 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:16

overreaction on her part, much?

By Tick_fml | 0

#76730 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:21

Wow. she probably ain't worth your time anyways.

By Vykeera | 0

#76731 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:21

Whoa, ouch.
When you're next in maths, ask her how she liked her meal/drink from Wendy's and watch her go red as she realises. ;)

Reply

Crazyjoe33 | 6

#2310996 - Friday 8 April 2011 1:23

genius

Reply

Doberman101 | 29

#5972289 - Wednesday 11 June 2014 18:14

I meant to like it but accidentally hit dislike ugh! But that's what I was thinking. Genius.

Reply

Helen790 | 2

#6727564 - Sunday 25 December 2016 13:43

Why do I get the feeling it will take more than that to get her to connect the dots...

By Jasper_fml | 0

#76732 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:22

she over reacted.
you probably should have said you were in her class.
next lesson, ask her if she goes to wendy's often.

By sweetheart5292 | 0

#76734 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:23

that sux 4 u that she didnt even know u were in her class...

& i agree with every1 else 2 explain next class or just ask if she goes to wendy's alot but thats sort of an asshole approach...

Reply

Ardee_fml | 0

#2958307 - Saturday 23 July 2011 14:53

I'm sorry to say this, but not really. LEARN TO SPELL WITHOUT SHORTENING EVERYWORD AND CHANGING THREE LETTER WORDS INTO NUMBERS!!

By JeremyU | 0

#76749 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:35

lmao @ #5

By WeStayCrunk24x7 | 0

#76751 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:37

if i were working at wendys, i wouldnt have talked to anyone i knew becuase thats an embarrassing job

By King_of_Kings | 3

#76752 - Thursday 2 April 2009 12:37

i guess your not cool enough in her book for you to be remembered.

and, she is a bitch to do that.

or, maybe she just hates you