Transportation: Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 91

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 242

05/10/2013 06:31

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 913

You deserved it 3 489

Hiding from the drama

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Look who's talking

07/02/2017 10:00

Today, I went to the doctor for a suspicious lump under my armpit, so he suggested a breast examination. While pressing all over them he said : "We're gonna have to send you for an X-ray because you have the most lumpy breasts I've ever felt in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 787

You deserved it 575

27/01/2016 05:41

Today, my boss got mad at me because I told her that I wouldn't be able to work two days out of the week, due to college classes. She then cut back my hours so much that I now only work one day a week. I got the job in the first place to pay for my college classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 141

You deserved it 1 616

22/08/2009 05:03

Today, I listened to a voice mail from my mom about how she misses me and cant wait to see me when I get back from vacation. Thinking she hung up, my mother then had a conversation with my aunt about how quiet the house is without me and how she'd be blessed if I didn't come home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 980

You deserved it 2 861

14/10/2009 21:27

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 556

You deserved it 27 106

Spinning out and miserable

By picklemonger - 08/03/2020 16:00

Today, for the first time ever, I had a bout of vertigo in the middle of a mall. It went so very nicely with my crushing loneliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 269

You deserved it 121

31/03/2009 04:41

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 718

You deserved it 88 871

21/10/2009 04:06

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 834

You deserved it 2 059

11/09/2012 06:47

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 662

You deserved it 2 590

09/08/2015 03:10

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 2 430

30/09/2015 05:26

Today, I asked my boyfriend of 3 years what he thought about marriage in the future. "Who knows? We might meet other people soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 137

You deserved it 2 404

25/09/2012 17:42

Spicy

Today, I realized just how clingy my boyfriend is, when he pulled out in the middle of sex, lay down and hugged me, and said in his "adorable" voice that he didn't really want to have sex, but cuddle. I wouldn't mind if it didn't happen so often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 808

You deserved it 5 228

30/07/2015 02:25

Today, I got reprimanded by my boss for smiling and laughing too much. Last week, he reprimanded me for not smiling and laughing enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 160

You deserved it 1 862

21/01/2013 17:04

Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 790

You deserved it 8 290

23/12/2009 08:46

Today, the elderly couple next door asked me to cut down a tree in their yard. It turns out they told me to cut down the wrong tree, and I cut down the tree they got married under. They now hate me and tell me they plan to sue me for damage to property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 413

You deserved it 4 239

Stay Safe!

By middleagednurse - 18/03/2020 17:00

Today, the cruise that I was looking forward to for over a year was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Trying to salvage what was left of my vacation, I booked a hotel for a few days near a local beach. They just announced that the beach was closed and the hotel is refusing to refund my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 880

06/09/2016 13:38

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 1 478

10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 503

You deserved it 233

26/05/2009 07:48

Today, I was looking online for an alternative number for the interior decorator that is making curtains for me because I couldn't get hold of him. Instead of his number I found a website warning people about him, saying he is a conman. I paid a very big deposit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 376

You deserved it 19 219

13/02/2009 03:46

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example, he responded, "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of Warcraft." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 576

You deserved it 7 859

01/02/2009 17:29

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 959

You deserved it 8 962

25/02/2014 05:22

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 035

You deserved it 5 516

Smooth talker

By pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10

Spicy

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 714

You deserved it 13 720

11/11/2008 06:53

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 720

You deserved it 5 890

27/01/2015 23:46

Today, after I got home from a long day at work. I go inside my room and find a life-size cut out of Miley Cyrus. I don't know how it got here. I'm the only person with a key to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 581

You deserved it 2 378

11/06/2015 22:46

Today, the man who stole my laptop at the train station yesterday used the contact information I had written on it to call me and ask for the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 897

You deserved it 2 096

Never get involved

By Boyufd - 08/06/2020 17:06

Today, my sister told me her ex-boyfriend abused her and I went to go confront him. Turns out, she lied because he dumped her after she cheated on him. I got my ass kicked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 616

You deserved it 532

27/05/2012 07:42

Spicy

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 722

You deserved it 3 010

25/09/2009 15:01

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 171

You deserved it 8 549

13/09/2009 09:27

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 773

You deserved it 26 070

16/03/2010 23:03

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 164

You deserved it 44 017

03/08/2016 19:59

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 059

You deserved it 1 021

26/10/2016 11:43

Today, I tried to impress a group of friends by jumping a set of stairs on my skateboard. I didn't realize the ceiling dropped down towards the bottom of the stairs and knocked myself out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 643

You deserved it 8 732

19/07/2013 20:57

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 4 801

13/01/2012 10:47

Spicy

Today, after a hard day on the wards as a trainee doctor, I went home and started getting frisky with my girlfriend. All I could think about was the anatomical names for what I was touching and doing. I felt physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 644

You deserved it 4 559

Still alive?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 01:00

Today, after finally having the guts to confess to a guy I have liked for a year now and him saying he also likes me and then asking me out, I went out of my way and traveled 4 hours to meet him. He didn't show up and never apologized. I never heard anything from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 517

You deserved it 274

24/06/2015 18:49

Today, I politely asked a coworker to stop sticking his chewed-up gum to my desk. It's now 10:57 pm and my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 1 840

Not quite there yet

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 05:59

Today, I was denied entry into Hong Kong after flying here from Canada and paying thousands of uncancellable dollars for quarantine hotel and other plans, because the immigration company fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 133

12/05/2011 04:41

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 990

You deserved it 27 719

Eye-bleach please

By Anonymous - 27/04/2020 14:00

Today, I have been having to work in a residence of people with disabilities when I normally do community work with disabled people and usually enjoy it. I have seen not one, but two elderly mens' genitals today when my actual job would never require me to see any. I didn’t sign up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 261

26/12/2011 17:56

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to the hospital because she had a severe allergic reaction to the flowers I brought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 962

You deserved it 5 198

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:11

I hate to dampen your spirits but water we supposed to do? That's frankly quite funny.

reneebellinger 8

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:11

You should have given them a hug after!

Comments

reneebellinger 8

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:11

You should have given them a hug after!

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:11

I hate to dampen your spirits but water we supposed to do? That's frankly quite funny.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:23

uh.. wha?

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:37

Sleep on it, you might get it eventually.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:57

no thanks I'm too busy dreaming of unicorns and rainbows

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Saturday 5 October 2013 13:22

Don't worry about it, Pleo. I'm not sure the hamster wheel in Slickchrome's head turns quite fast enough to grasp the concept.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 14:46

the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead

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Saturday 5 October 2013 14:52

30 he was killed by getting stab with a fork

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Saturday 5 October 2013 17:46

Dude it's just not your day. Stop commenting.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 17:56

noooo

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Monday 7 October 2013 0:23

His train of thought is still boarding at the station.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:11

What a wanker!

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:20

Next you'll have a little rain cloud over your head.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:21

I would have thrown my ice cream cone at their car. just like the movies

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Saturday 5 October 2013 22:13

Since they pulled over thats when i throw a rock at their car and run away.

CMC_LOVES_MGM 19

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:27

I hope karma gets to her real soon.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:29

Wow that sucks. People have no sympathy these days.

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Saturday 5 October 2013 17:49

No honestly admit it, you'd be laughing your ass off if you did that to someone

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:46

Get their plate number, track them down, and soak them in bed with a super soaker

benmec 18

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Saturday 5 October 2013 12:53

Yes!!! But a super soaker filled with pipi!!!!

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Saturday 5 October 2013 13:25

Pipi? As in Longstocking?

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Saturday 5 October 2013 14:44

Just putting a life sized poster of her in someone's room is probably enough to make them super soak themselves.

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Saturday 5 October 2013 13:03

Hey look at it this way... ya made someones day. Besides... you cant tell me you wouldn't have been laughing if it was the other way around. Its good to laugh at yourself once in a while. haha

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Saturday 5 October 2013 13:07

Since everyone else is sympathizing I will be honest;Most likely I would have laughed too.I,at least,would have asked if you were ok.