Kids: Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47336

You deserved it

16307

Tweet

Share

And today, on Dr Phil…

Out of it

Our house, in the middle of our street

By prin - United States

Today, someone asked my fiancée and I how we met. She said, "Well, it was just supposed to be a one night stand!" and laughed, right as I was about to take her hand and say, "It was love at first sight!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44483

You deserved it

5782

Tweet

Share

By Allie - United States

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49933

You deserved it

26416

Tweet

Share

By ImaSneakyNinja - United States - Madison Heights

Today, I asked a girl that I've been talking to for a couple of weeks out, but immediately got rejected because I'm left handed. I guess I'll leave that part out next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9680

You deserved it

806

Tweet

Share

By englishfail - United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7390

You deserved it

47921

Tweet

Share

By spriggs - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15810

You deserved it

127392

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28029

You deserved it

8991

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57732

You deserved it

4302

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I sat my son down for a talk about how he's been too lazy to brush his teeth lately. I said "Son, we need to have a chat about oral hygiene." He rolled his eyes, sighed, and said he already knew to clean "it" before a girl went down on him, and asked if he could go already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42421

You deserved it

5486

Tweet

Share

By NotFamily - 22/3/2021 19:59

Shady

Today, my boyfriend blocked me on Facebook. He said he's restricting it to only close family and cousins. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks

929

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By SymmetricalPizzaFace - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35638

You deserved it

2942

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ukraine

Today, I took my 9-year-old sister to an ice cream shop. There we met a boy about her age, who started a conversation with her, told her she was pretty and they ended up exchanging numbers. I'm 24 and so far I've never succeeded at getting a girl's number like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13653

You deserved it

1303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Oakville

Neighbours from hell

Today, my new neighbours moved in. I've neither seen nor spoken to them yet; all I know is that they enjoy hammering at the walls for hours on end and repeatedly setting off the fire alarm. All this in the small hours of the morning. I got two hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22929

You deserved it

1985

Tweet

Share

By Oops - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3803

You deserved it

232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was diagnosed with a tumor and had to cancel on the holidays with my crush of 4 years. He is taking another girl with him instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3385

You deserved it

174

Tweet

Share

By shinymcface

Today, I went to the bathroom at work and there was a reed diffuser placed on the tank of the toilet. As I sat down, my hair knocked it off and the reed diffuser landed behind me, spilling the scented oil into my butt crack and vagina, burning me completely. I only had to work 6 more hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2840

You deserved it

272

Tweet

Share

By headache - United States

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35506

You deserved it

5193

Tweet

Share

By radiationkillz - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44176

You deserved it

7277

Tweet

Share

By howembarrasing - United States

Today, I went to the sandcastle contest at my local beach. While waiting in line for my hotdog, a man cut in front of me and demanded a cup of water. I called him a jack ass and was saying how people like him give us a bad reputation on the beach. I then see him running to his choking daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13696

You deserved it

86203

Tweet

Share

By Got_any_grapes1 - United States

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40334

You deserved it

20184

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30551

You deserved it

2925

Tweet

Share

By Adam - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37252

You deserved it

5149

Tweet

Share

By LL - United States - Seattle

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22991

You deserved it

2964

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/2/2021 19:58 - Czech Republic - Prostejov

Time to ditch

Today, I'm worried senseless over my mom who's in hospital in an induced coma due to COVID-19, and my boyfriend complains that I don't want to have sex with him as often as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1269

You deserved it

122

Tweet

Share

By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44302

You deserved it

2621

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2021 11:01

Sounds fishy

Today, I told my wife I wasn’t comfortable with her going out with an old guy friend. Petty, sure, but our sex life is non-existent. I found out that she's been seeing him behind my back for months, spent the night with him last week and claims there’s nothing going on. Trying to decide whether I should stay or go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1919

You deserved it

155

Tweet

Share

By lostinspace - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44810

You deserved it

3613

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34468

You deserved it

1644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Three kids?

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3024

You deserved it

286

Tweet

Share

By skunk head - 22/7/2020 05:01

Extreme makeover

Today, my idiot husband got drunk in the middle of the day and decided to dress our 7-year-old like Rufio from the movie Hook. I wouldn’t have even been mad if he’d done a decent job. Instead, he did a botched bleach and dye job in our boy’s hair that makes him look like a skunk on acid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1367

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5022

You deserved it

380

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Rugby

Dating is hell

Today, I had my third date with a lovely guy. After I got home, I figured I'd try to see if I could find his Facebook profile. I did. His pictures were nice; lovely wedding photos for sure, and his newborn baby is adorable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61357

You deserved it

5186

Tweet

Share

By GoldenSteve - United States - Humble

Today, my gym teacher ranted about how the government should put all the death row inmates in a coliseum and film them fighting. I guess he lied when he said he only drinks at the weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22374

You deserved it

2518

Tweet

Share

By snowlover - United States - Fremont

Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44629

You deserved it

6617

Tweet

Share

By BigHelp - United States - Grand Junction

Today, my new antidepressants finally kicked in. I switched to them to try to control my anxiety. Turns out that the most common side effect, funnily enough, is nervousness. Guess I should've done more research. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21933

You deserved it

4464

Tweet

Share

By TheGreatAndPowerfulDerp - 13/9/2020 05:02

Great move

Today, I got pulled over for speeding. Knowing how much more it would cost in the long run, I handed the officer my license with $300 in cash, "as something to consider for just a warning." He came back with a ticket and verbally warned me that police bribery is a felony. He kept the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

422

You deserved it

3817

Tweet

Share

By happyturtle - Croatia

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29305

You deserved it

100865

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was fired from my job for sexual harassment. I was shopping after work, and I had to get my female manager to give me a package of extra-large condoms from the lockbox. I could not convince her that I was not flirting, and she took it to HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3970

You deserved it

651

Tweet

Share

By Vehophobic - 21/9/2020 07:05 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Not a car person

Today, my grandfather called me for the first time since lockdown. Just like the last 3 times we spoke, he tried to pressure me into learning to drive, despite my making it clear that it absolutely terrifies me. He won't stop asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

787

You deserved it

622

Tweet

Share

By bojangles - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25221

You deserved it

47804

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Words, don't come easy

Today, mid-sex, my wife told me to call her a nasty slut. I was kind of uncomfortable doing it, but I did it to make her horny. She started crying, because she didn’t realise how much it would hurt her feelings. Now I’m not sure if she’s mad at me or herself, but I’m scared either way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2431

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Wileypube | 0

#139347 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

i'd have been right there with them.

By tehhotness | 0

#139391 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:22

YDI, there isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

COMMENTS

By Wileypube | 0

#139347 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

i'd have been right there with them.

Reply

miss_madison | 10

#4856302 - Friday 24 August 2012 18:37

Yep. Those are my kind of people.

By cnhd | 0

#139358 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:21

woohoo college
Lets get rowdy!

By gonefishin611 | 0

#139365 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

tard.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#931281 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 5:12

did you get any odd symptoms? was it watercolor or liquid??

Reply

buttonface | 0

#982091 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 3:20

98... seriously? Water or liquid. Idiot.

Reply

llScarlFacell | 0

#986226 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 7:08

98 You're the idiot. He meant liquid as in acrylic paint. Water is a liquid but a liquid doesn't have to be water. IDIOT.

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1038333 - Monday 21 June 2010 20:30

how did you not notice the shit color of the freaking coffee?!?!?!

Reply

bluehero | 17

#5457886 - Sunday 21 April 2013 4:56

What kind of world has this become if you can't laugh at yourself? I definitely would have if I was in your situation lol

Reply

Paws_Cat | 29

#6201919 - Saturday 14 February 2015 1:41

What if it was brown paint?

By bontron | 0

#139372 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:18

hahahah YDI

By blowyourspeakers | 0

#139381 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:20

Hahahaha.
.. effing hilarious.

By tehhotness | 0

#139382 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:24

#2 - agreed. There isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

By chillaxDude | 0

#139386 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:24

Shit happens. Get over it and laugh it off.

By tehhotness | 0

#139391 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:22

YDI, there isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

Reply

Vaati_fml | 20

#5488261 - Sunday 12 May 2013 3:13

There's me, though.

By Jaywin | 3

#139395 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:25

Actually, I would've done the same thing. That sounds way too funny.

By MaiLouIsLegend | 0

#139400 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:26

Hahah awww tasty?
Painted yourself in the mouth
Better luck next time, besides place your coffee elsewhere lolx