Kids: Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a... - FML

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

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Understandable

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Lose the boyfriend, not the weight

By he's not the one going to hell - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

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By Peachtree

Today, I learned that the super cute guy I've been dating for the last 4 weeks is a total gross slob. His house was like a garbage skip, literally ankle deep in garbage, pizza boxes, old crud, and filth. It stank of cat urine and there was poop residue in his toilet bowl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

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By notamum - Australia - Belmont

Today, I was babysitting my 4-month-old niece at the park, when a woman came up to me and said, "Don't worry, dear. You'll get your figure back soon." FML

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By thecarisfine - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while on a date, I desperately let out a stealth fart in my date's car. I didn't have the nerve to own up to it, even as he started panicking and thinking the smell was coming from his engine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML

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By crappingrapping - United States

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with diabetes. I went to tell my grandpa, who immediately said, "I'm sorry, let's go get ice cream to cheer you up." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Palm Bay

Give me my drugs!

Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

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By abrooks88 - United States

Today, I got denied a job. They told me I was unreliable because I didn't show up for my third interview. This is the same interview they called and cancelled this morning. FML

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By fifthtimesacharm

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

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By itscalledaphonecontractretards - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

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By MitchRapp - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

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By - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

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By strangely - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to imagine myself savagely beating my cat to death, just to stop myself from getting a boner while a girl laid her head in my lap. FML

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By sexandanxiety - Canada - Stittsville

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

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By caqi33 - United States

Today, I dropped my urine sample on my pants. Not only do I now not have a sample, it looks like I pissed myself. FML

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By pinklatina - Canada

Today, I fell and fractured my tailbone. I just healed from my last tailbone fracture 4 weeks ago. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, even though I made the point of tanning naked, I still got tan lines thanks to my fat rolls. FML

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By JJ - United States - Irwin

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

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By woundedexwife - United States

Today, I realized why my husband had been seemingly wanting to improve our relationship by sending little texts throughout the day for the last couple of months, asking what I was doing. It was so he could find out when would be the best time to have his girlfriend over and cheat on me. FML

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By mack - Canada

Today, I went to a 'haunted' theme park, actors had been trying to scare me the whole night. I was waiting by an outdoor heater for my friend when a hand came out of nowhere close to my face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, but it was only some chick wanting to warm her hands by the heater. FML

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By ElephantLover - United States - San Diego

Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on the hips, and a long, sock-like nose. She has no idea they're meant for a guy. FML

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By riiiight - United States - Warren

Today, I went on a blind date. The first thing the guy did was ask if I knew what it felt like to have spiders crawl out of my vagina. FML

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By doubletrouble - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 14:01

Love knows no boundaries

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

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By Husband - United States - Washington

Today, I asked my husband if he wanted to visit my parents for Thanksgiving. He choked on his own spit to avoid answering the question. FML

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By depraved - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

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By tillyg15 - United Kingdom - Droitwich

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

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By loveinanelevator

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

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By DrunkParents - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

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By Sleeper_C3ll - United States

Today, I heard a man pleasuring himself in the stall next to me during my post lunch deuce. I was washing my hands when my boss walked out of the stall. I can no longer look at him in the face. FML

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By Hank-T4 - Australia - Truganina

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

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By idiot - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

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By sandra - United States

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I were in the middle of a heavy make-out session when his cell rang. Normally, he'd ignore it. This time however he pushed me off of him and said "Shit! It's probably my girlfriend!" I thought I was his girlfriend. FML

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By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

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Top comments

By Wileypube | 0

#139347 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

i'd have been right there with them.

By tehhotness | 0

#139391 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:22

YDI, there isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

COMMENTS

By Wileypube | 0

#139347 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

i'd have been right there with them.

Reply

miss_madison | 10

#4856302 - Friday 24 August 2012 18:37

Yep. Those are my kind of people.

By cnhd | 0

#139358 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:21

woohoo college
Lets get rowdy!

By gonefishin611 | 0

#139365 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:17

tard.

Reply

ryguy997 | 0

#931281 - Wednesday 10 March 2010 5:12

did you get any odd symptoms? was it watercolor or liquid??

Reply

buttonface | 0

#982091 - Tuesday 20 April 2010 3:20

98... seriously? Water or liquid. Idiot.

Reply

llScarlFacell | 0

#986226 - Wednesday 28 April 2010 7:08

98 You're the idiot. He meant liquid as in acrylic paint. Water is a liquid but a liquid doesn't have to be water. IDIOT.

Reply

thatonek1d | 0

#1038333 - Monday 21 June 2010 20:30

how did you not notice the shit color of the freaking coffee?!?!?!

Reply

bluehero | 17

#5457886 - Sunday 21 April 2013 4:56

What kind of world has this become if you can't laugh at yourself? I definitely would have if I was in your situation lol

Reply

Paws_Cat | 29

#6201919 - Saturday 14 February 2015 1:41

What if it was brown paint?

By bontron | 0

#139372 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:18

hahahah YDI

By blowyourspeakers | 0

#139381 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:20

Hahahaha.
.. effing hilarious.

By tehhotness | 0

#139382 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:24

#2 - agreed. There isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

By chillaxDude | 0

#139386 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:24

Shit happens. Get over it and laugh it off.

By tehhotness | 0

#139391 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:22

YDI, there isn't a person in the world that wouldn't wait and watch that happen

Reply

Vaati_fml | 20

#5488261 - Sunday 12 May 2013 3:13

There's me, though.

By Jaywin | 3

#139395 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:25

Actually, I would've done the same thing. That sounds way too funny.

By MaiLouIsLegend | 0

#139400 - Friday 24 April 2009 16:26

Hahah awww tasty?
Painted yourself in the mouth
Better luck next time, besides place your coffee elsewhere lolx