Animals: Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed,... - FML

By rc2981 - 13/06/2014 10:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 115

You deserved it 5 064

BO Central

Broken heart

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 16/12/2018 12:30

My long-distance partner came to visit me for the weekend. When he arrived he seemed moody and tired, and refused any kind of physical contact. Upset, I asked him what was wrong. Turns out he's mad for coming to see me because I've put on weight, making the trip a waste of his time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 545

You deserved it 449

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 02:02

Today, after spending hundreds of dollars on parts and tools, and hours of research to teach myself how to perform the work, I upgraded my bike. It was also today that I made it 4 blocks from my house on my first ride before I hit a curb and broke my collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 132

By taz - 05/10/2018 15:30

Today, I saw an old high school friend I haven't seen in years and decided to sneak up to surprise him. In the last 15 years he became a soldier and a Muay Thai martial artist. My arm is numb and I think I may be peeing blood. Never sneak up behind a soldier. It really hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 330

You deserved it 3 071

By anon - 09/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 862

You deserved it 886

By schnegg - 23/04/2016 17:33 - Switzerland

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 344

You deserved it 1 342

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 67

By spooked - 22/11/2013 06:20 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, while babysitting a girl, I told her to be quiet so she wouldn't wake her little brother. In reply, she told me that she would kill me, wake her brother up to show him my dead body, then draw all over my face. I'm stuck with her for another two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 637

You deserved it 3 779

By Anonymous - 20/08/2014 22:14 - Sweden - ?kersberga

Today, I went on my first date in 8 years. While we were looking at the menu, the guy said: "So if you're vegetarian, why're you so fat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 871

You deserved it 8 195

By brob56 - 23/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 82 559

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 736

You deserved it 304

By Garchomp - 09/07/2013 02:08 - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 682

You deserved it 3 583

By Rebecca - 13/06/2012 23:50 - Australia - Dural

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 34 701

By moronforadad - 05/01/2013 02:04 - United Kingdom - Carshalton

Today, during dinner, my mum asked why I've been so upset recently, so I just admitted it was because my girlfriend had cheated on me. At some point during my venting, I asked why this stuff always seems to happen to me. My dad looked up from his plate and said, "Probably karma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 738

You deserved it 6 427

By fucking pissants - 13/07/2012 19:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I sold yet another £100 bottle of lotion to a stuck-up teenage fashionista with less brain-power than the yapping bastard of a dog she carried in her arms. She did nothing but brag the whole time about her jewelry, and openly mocked me for only making minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 2 880

Transference

By KayBee - 30/01/2021 02:00

Today, my psychiatrist of 6 years suddenly and out of nowhere told me I need to see someone else. She gave me the equivalent of the "it's not you it's me' speech." Actually her assistant told me via email. I basically got broken up with by someone I was paying a lot of money to talk to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 93

By winner winner chicken dinner - 26/09/2018 05:00

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 602

By Kbug - 28/04/2019 00:00

Today, while my man of almost 5 years was playing a video game with his friends, during one of the conversations they were having, one of his childhood friends asked “What do you see in her?” He replied, “I don't know, it’s more of an entrapment type of thing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 05/02/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 867

You deserved it 37 403

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 413

You deserved it 36 514

By fmlskank93 - 01/09/2010 11:10 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I found out that whenever my best friend used to say she wanted to do my dad, she wasn't kidding. She accomplished her mission in my bed after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 609

You deserved it 4 594

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 874

You deserved it 3 060

Snitches get bitches

By d for vendetta - 21/04/2021 23:00

Today, after weeks of asking my neighbor nicely to pick up his dog’s crap out of the common area, I got fed up and reported him to the landlord and the city. He’s now been given two options; either get rid of his dog or move out. He’s now sworn revenge on me, even though he was the one being gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 193

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 543

You deserved it 7 534

By Anonymous - 20/02/2012 03:00 - Canada

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 337

You deserved it 57 550

By Anonymous - 21/05/2014 16:05 - United States - New York

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 788

You deserved it 4 358

By Nearly Crashed - 27/05/2013 13:42 - United States - Lake Hiawatha

Today, on my way home on my motorbike from a great party in the early hours of the morning, I was feeling pretty good about myself. Riding over a hill, I yawned in anticipation of climbing into bed. A huge winged bastard insect thing then flew straight into my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 379

You deserved it 9 065

By Anonymous - 13/09/2014 14:39 - United States - Cottonwood

Today, I was going for my morning walk, when a guy in a massive truck drove up beside me, with a kid no more than 4 riding shotgun. I lost my faith in humanity when his tiny voice yelled through the window, "Nice ass!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 219

You deserved it 5 061

By random person - 13/11/2011 06:16 - United States

Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe;)." and "Shit wrong person." to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 487

You deserved it 62 216

By Anonymous - 20/06/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 880

You deserved it 4 363

By Anonymous - 30/12/2018 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 376

By myles bevan - 09/09/2010 10:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 112

You deserved it 39 849

By Anonymous - 13/03/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 732

You deserved it 73 774

By What the fuck, son? - 11/05/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 360

You deserved it 7 811

By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 535

You deserved it 3 890

By Revelyn - 03/06/2016 22:18 - United States - Compton

Today, I went to get my first acupuncture. The doctor was a cute Korean woman, so I tried to start a conversation. When she pricked me with a needle near the tailbone, I involuntarily let one loose and saw her gag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 072

You deserved it 1 975

By nobodywasthere - 29/11/2017 01:30

Today, I explained to my teacher that I wasn't at school yesterday due to three doctor appointments for my moderate epilepsy. Yesterday was senior skip day. She gave me detention for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 179

You deserved it 408

By Anonymous - 24/09/2010 04:53 - Canada

Today, I finally got everything in order to ask out the girl of my dreams. I bought her a gold necklace, engraved with our names, and with the date on the back. Everything was going great until she got sick and had to go home. Now I'm stuck with this necklace with the wrong date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 640

You deserved it 53 204

RIP, Moggie

By strangeprincess - 09/09/2019 16:00

Today, I had to put my cat to sleep after she was in an accident. While I was crying hysterically, the vet asked me for $230. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 774

You deserved it 273

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 21:23 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 049

You deserved it 8 999

By Indianagirl94 - 29/10/2012 22:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 530

You deserved it 3 337

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Top comments

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

Now they are all abstract and speak of societies crappy expectations.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

So sorry to hear that.

Comments

PhysicsOnCrack 6

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:20

So I'm not the only one...

Vitotaylor36 13

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:51

Why did this get thumbed down so much?

Cortezthe1st 23

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Friday 13 June 2014 20:10

Probably because it doesn't make much sense.

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Friday 13 June 2014 20:14

That's pretty shitty

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Friday 13 June 2014 21:34

#51 *That's pretty niggery. FTFY

charcharthunder 18

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Friday 13 June 2014 22:31

#47 how dose it not make sense?! are you a special kind of stupid or something??

QueenofWheels 13

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Friday 13 June 2014 22:56

From what I got from their comment that shouldn't have been voted down so much. Is they too had a bird poop on their work. I don't get how that was hard to understand.

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Saturday 14 June 2014 0:33

#66, you're the special kind of stupid. *cough* does* *cough*

the_real_dvd 21

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Saturday 14 June 2014 11:38

I understood this to mean that he's not the only one who poops on people's artwork..

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:20

Must have been some shitty artwork.

JoshTheTacoMan 19

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

You are a fucking asshole that deserves to go to hell.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:22

Go to hell for making a bad pun? Alright.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:23

That's crappy..

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:24

Dayum chill the fuck out #8

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:24

Do you know what a joke is? @8

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:33

What did #8 say? He it was moderated

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

So sorry to hear that.

kaylamarriee 10

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

FYL. Sorry :(

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:23

There's a button for that.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:31

I don't see a "sorry :(" button anywhere.

jerryj 27

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:39

#20 seems to have found a "parrot" button that posts overly-repeated drivel.

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Saturday 14 June 2014 8:24

did his parrot also shit on op's work?

charcharthunder 18

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

That must of sucked OP!! :(

JJ_86 22

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Saturday 14 June 2014 1:19

Yeah, that must've sucked. But on the plus side OP can try his luck at Pigeon Drop now.

groovycrazyjoe 18

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

now you have a piece of Shit

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Saturday 14 June 2014 0:54

Don't you mean a masterpiece of shit?

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

Now they are all abstract and speak of societies crappy expectations.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

Well atleast you could start a new trend of artwork with whats left

Clay_Pidgeon 11

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:30

Yes. Op could create a new revolutionary art movement. It will be called bowelnism, artists everywhere will now be searching for exotic species to relieve themselves on their artwork leavings others baffled in the aroma of deuces and questioning what the underlying artwork would be like.

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:34

There you have it

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:51

#32, your name sounds awfully like the culprit's species and you seem to be very knowledgeable on the matter. Are you sure you weren't involved? :P

Clay_Pidgeon 11

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Friday 13 June 2014 20:50

#43. It wasn't my fault that the window was open...

awkward_gothlady 32

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Saturday 14 June 2014 0:08

#32 - I heard a radio show about an artist who uses vomit in their artwork, so your idea really isn't that far-fetched...

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:21

I think I jus knw how dat feels.....having pets sucks at tymz

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:24

I don't think OP has a pet pigeon...

charcharthunder 18

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:25

Aw.. :( it dose too

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:25

Please translate that to English

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:26

I'm not even a grammar nazi and that comment is killing me.

enriquegonzolas 15

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:22

That sucks, OP. Maybe you could've used it to your advantage?

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Friday 13 June 2014 19:44

Expressionism!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 45

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 37