Work: Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign...

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 2 693

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 110

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 183

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 67

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 12 030

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

warped_executive 16

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:55

Practice makes perfect? xD

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:58

I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.

Comments

devinaww 15

Sunday 28 June 2015 7:28

well if you know, don't bother to ask next time then

missambitious 21

Sunday 28 June 2015 7:57

Did it go into an 'Ass Box' like on Scrubs?

stark_fear 15

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:00

My mom works at a hospital, yesterday someone came in saying he "slipped" on the end of a broom, the cap was stuck in his rectum.

RabbitOfAurora 28

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:25

My deepest sympathy OP. My mother is a nurse and I've heard some stories; my favorite of which was of a drunk girl that had to have a pool ball surgically removed from her ******. The nurses started a betting pool on which ball it was. It was the 8 ball. Chin up though yeah OP? It's stories like this that keep me in high spirits when I feel like a complete and utter **** up of person because at least I know anal = always have a flared base and I've never done anything that silly.

katydid91 31

Sunday 28 June 2015 10:30

I cringed when I read that.

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 28 June 2015 11:19

A pool ball is a lot smaller than a baby head - couldn't she just crouch, push very hard and insert two fingers to grap it?

MzZombicidal 36

Sunday 28 June 2015 15:36

#138, the ****** is surprisingly pretty deep and it can be very slippery so it probably wasn't possible for her. I'd also assume that she tried everything else she could before going to the hospital since the hospital is usually a last-resort kind of place.

RabbitOfAurora 28

Sunday 28 June 2015 23:06

Also, if a doctor couldn't get it out with proper medical tools I doubt her fingers or anything at home could have worked. Surgery is the hospital's last resort.

sturschaedel 27

Monday 29 June 2015 20:38

148, the ****** is not a bottomless pit. It is usually between 1 an 1 1/2 times the length of your fingers and shortens a lot when you crouch. Latex gloves could help with the slipping. The only reason I see how this could get so bad it warrants surgery is if her muscles cramped up and she was not able to consiously losening them.

prostar9993 15

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:33

Safety first

Brightbulb 39

Sunday 28 June 2015 8:35

My coworker is one of those idiots. She will 'slip and fall' onto condom covered foods all the time, to the point that I have watched the intake nurse roll her eyes and say "you fell on what this time". The Dr. asked me once to find her a FWB after a particularly 'stuck' gourd resulted in surgery. I can't imagine her hospital debt.