Work: Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign...

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 2 693

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 110

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 183

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 67

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 12 030

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

warped_executive 16

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:55

Practice makes perfect? xD

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:58

I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.

Comments

speed150mph 2

Sunday 28 June 2015 3:54

Well when a man and a cucumber love each other very much, the get urges, then 9 months later a pickle is born... Or that's the story I was told

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 28 June 2015 3:56

Veggie Tales Facts of Life edition?

SirEnigM0nk 22

Sunday 28 June 2015 3:54

@75: The AC was broken so they wanted to chill out. Plus it keeps the cucumber fresh. Either way this was definitely a royal pain in the ass.

Roxas_hearts 27

Sunday 28 June 2015 3:59

Must've been HowToBasic. I'd probably believe him.

ILikeKoalas 24

Sunday 28 June 2015 4:35

Ouch… even saying that a roommate stuck it up there whilst you struggled against your will is better than that lame excuse!

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 28 June 2015 11:11

Except that will get the roommate in trouble for rape. Just own up to it, I'm sure the doctors have seem worse.

ViviMage 38

Sunday 28 June 2015 4:37

Paging DocBastard. Please take another X-Ray!

tomjay007 19

Sunday 28 June 2015 4:43

Haha I work.in surgery dept. we see something like this once in a while same reason

wheelchairchick 11

Sunday 28 June 2015 4:50

Did you have to get it out? If you didn't not sure how this is a FML for you.

Ishilied 11

Sunday 28 June 2015 4:59

... It's a white lie to help them deal with the embarrassment of what actually happened, in spite of how obvious it is. It takes courage to actually go get help for something like that, no need to crap on them for it.

wakemeupplease 21

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:08

You know shit happens lol

PrestonWolf 13

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:13

Um excuse me but ah isn't there a patient to doctor privacy law? Like wtf OP.

slyde32 12

Sunday 28 June 2015 5:24

only if they give personal details, since no names or adresses were written in the fml it's perfectly fine. If it wrote "today, a guy named John Doe came in to my hospital with a cucumber up his anus, he claimed he'd fallen over and landed on it, fml" then it would be in violation.