Work: Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign...

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 319

You deserved it 2 563

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 18/06/2014 19:06 - United States - Lake Wales

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 5 028

By Anonymous - 08/09/2013 16:38 - Switzerland - Bern

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 994

You deserved it 3 592

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 07:42 - United States - Annapolis

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 412

You deserved it 5 056

Downhill

By loveinanelevator - 13/02/2012 12:03

Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 2 693

Bad sandwich, bad week

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 12:02 - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the doctor's. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 780

You deserved it 110

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 183

Bag for life

By Anonymous - 25/02/2021 04:57 - United States

Today, my ambulance got called out for a "stomach pain" patient. Upon assessment, the guy really did have stomach pain. His colostomy bag fell off a week ago, so to stop the crap from falling out, he duct taped it shut. It exploded when I helped him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 355

You deserved it 67

Nice.

By poururheartout - 27/07/2018 20:30

Today, I went to the ER as I have an ulcer and I was exhibiting signs of a perforation. This is when the gorgeous doctor told me he had to stick his finger up my butt to check for rectal bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 269

You deserved it 379

By broken finger - 18/07/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 12 030

Healthy lifestyle tips

By middleagednurse - 04/10/2017 23:37

Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 4 086

warped_executive 16

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:55

Practice makes perfect? xD

SuperWhoMarvLock 22

Saturday 27 June 2015 23:58

I think lying about it is way worse than owning up to it. It just makes you look stupider than you already look.

Comments

vikky538 28

Sunday 28 June 2015 2:03

I laughed too hard at HIPAA jokes... Your username is awesome...

zaps327 11

Sunday 28 June 2015 2:08

I feel like working at a hospital has its perks, but man it has its drawbacks too

DoubleDribble 5

Sunday 28 June 2015 2:29

Soon they'll be able to marry the cucumber so the condom won't be needed!

annibo 11

Sunday 28 June 2015 2:41

Must have slipped on the peel of the banana he had up his ass earlier.

LetMeSleepPlease 23

Sunday 28 June 2015 2:54

True story, I have a habit of going commando in nightgowns and one time I was crouching by my mother's stand where she kept soda on the floor. I slipped and the top bit went up my bum. It didn't get stuck, but if it had, I'd probably be the first person to actually be able to use the excuse.

sturschaedel 27

Sunday 28 June 2015 11:09

Nobody would have believed you, and you can't even blame them.

Dick_diamond 22

Sunday 28 June 2015 13:42

I still don't believe that's possible..

Ethan5640 17

Sunday 28 June 2015 19:59

How would that even happen? Did you lube your sphincter before going in to her room and as you slipped and fell down, did you reach around and stretch your anus open wide to accept the tip of the soda bottle? I'm sure you were like, "Just put the tip in, it's my first time.".