Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely....

By Anonymous - 10/3/2016 16:41 - United States - Augusta

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Dangling modifier

Healthy relationship

Boom, headshot

By djkimmaz - 3/12/2011 11:23 - United Kingdom

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

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By slaughterteddy - 20/7/2016 23:23 - United States

Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML

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By PissyPuss - 10/12/2015 21:38 - United States

Today, the bladder infection I thought I was over flared up at work, causing me to piss myself, despite having gone twice in the previous hour. I still had to finish my shift, soaked pants and all. FML

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By ouch - 3/3/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a guy who I've been on five dates with called me for the first time in 2 weeks. The first thing I said was, "Don't expect me to go out with you again after going AWOL on me." Then he told me his mom died. FML

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By MaKaDa - 23/9/2009 11:28 - United States

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

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By CA19oo - 20/3/2012 01:03 - United States - Buford

Today, I found out what it feels like to get hit in the head with a bat. Not the wooden kind though. The one that bites and claws you when it gets stuck in your hair. FML

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By not invited - 13/12/2015 01:13 - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and 9 other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

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By shaifox96 - 17/4/2015 03:34 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

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By michellemoyah - 25/2/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2009 17:50 - United States

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2013 05:52 - United States - Seattle

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

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By merpaderp14 - 9/9/2013 06:15 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend found out it makes a funny fart sound when he blows hard into my mouth in the middle of making out. I can't get him to stop doing it every time we kiss. FML

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By JoannaG25 - 17/8/2010 11:43 - Netherlands

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

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By Flipside - 2/5/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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By swmmr - 7/8/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, after dating for almost five years, my boyfriend stated that I have a "perfect and amazing personality" but that my looks are not what he "envisioned himself spending the rest of his life with." In other words, I'm ugly. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, I though it would be funny to go on my boyfriend's facebook to change his status. While in the process, his account received a message. Turns out he's planning on hooking up with his ex girlfriend/one of my friends and is definitely over me. How's that for snooping around? FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2011 03:21 - United States

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

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By teef - 24/3/2009 08:19 - Canada

Today, at the store, I heard a kid complaining about getting braces. While I was saying 'thank you' and 'bye' to the cashier, his grandma must've seen my slightly crooked teeth. She pointed and said, "Without them, your teeth will look bad like that man's!" Everyone around looked at me. FML

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By Austin Franklin - 18/3/2012 11:41 - United States

Today, I decided to hit on a very attractive girl. I guess I was too drunk to remember it was my family reunion. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 01:08 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 17:36 - United States

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

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By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

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By Christina - 29/6/2012 05:31 - United States - Aurora

Today, my mother decided to share with me that my father is impotent, and they hadn't had sex in a year and a half. Thanks, Mom. I can never unhear that. FML

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By Jay - 6/6/2009 13:17 - United States

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/4/2020 23:00

Go back to bed, Brad

Today, I noticed that when my boyfriend is sick, his sex drive goes through the roof. Too bad his stamina plummets. FML

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By shorty - 11/4/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I found out that if I were 2 inches shorter, I would have to sit in a booster seat in the car. I'm about to turn 22. FML

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By fbcaught - 9/2/2010 18:52 - United States

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

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By Lola987 - 18/3/2019 00:00

Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML

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By abjoro - 25/5/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the cute guy who sits in front of me in class and who keeps looking at me over his right shoulder is not interested in me as I had been led to believe. He has mild Tourrette's and his tick happens to be scratching his chin over his right shoulder. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2020 17:01

Workaholic

Today, after finally finding the one after so many heartbreaks, he’s leaving me because things are actually too good. He says having me around distracts him too much from work, and spends too much time with me instead of working weekends on top of working all week. FML

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By melas303 - 30/12/2013 00:22 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Anonim23 - 25/6/2019 00:15

Today, I finally decided to go talk to my upstairs neighbour about the loud banging noises he makes every single morning around 8 a.m. It worked. Now he starts at 7 a.m. FML

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By Not Worth a Lunch - 2/2/2015 14:25 - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

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By lowlife123 - 1/5/2012 03:01 - United States - Manawa

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2012 20:48 - United States - Charlotte

Today, in art class, our instructor called me up to the front to model for a drawing. I agreed to pose because it was nice to be called on, and I needed a self-esteem boost. He then thanked me, saying it's a great exercise for the class to draw such strange proportions. FML

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Top comments

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By darshini_ii | 24

#6556622 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

It's never too late to make new friends.

COMMENTS

By SimmoDestroyer | 15

#6556592 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:35

That sucks :(

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6556733 - Friday 11 March 2016 6:27

Every group has a you

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6556929 - Friday 11 March 2016 17:11

Here here!

By thebiteof87 | 27

#6556593 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Pretty much the same thing happened to me too on my bday

Tripartita | 44

#6556608 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

It's spelled "bidet" and it's incredibly odd that you were talking to your friends while using one.

HighRevolver | 17

#6556841 - Friday 11 March 2016 13:09

I don't get why people disliked this

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6556867 - Friday 11 March 2016 14:49

#33 I didn't mean to dislike your comment I agree.

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6557023 - Friday 11 March 2016 20:12

Cue the violins.......

Sweet_Melody | 15

#6557259 - Saturday 12 March 2016 6:11

#33 I ask myself that question quite a few times when I read comments.

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By football98_fml | 20

#6556595 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:37

I think it's time for new friends

By stfuwtf | 21

#6556600 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:41

That's not very nice. You deserve friends who actually want to be your friends! Quality over quantity!

By dman798 | 18

#6556606 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:45

That's a bad gift from what it sounds like, bad friends

By hipposteve | 21

#6556607 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

treat yourself for your birthday! don't mind the losers :)

By possomman | 9

#6556609 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:48

Looks like some new friends are in order. You don't need your old friends. New ones will respect you.

By Tripartita | 44

#6556611 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

I hope you mean EX-friends, OP!

And EX-birthday. And EX-surprise. EX-EX!

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6556623 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

... Men: First Class

By ginger1022 | 17

#6556612 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

guess they aren't real friends. :/