Miscellaneous: Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely....

By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

And today, on Dr Phil…

Innocent

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By notmyfault - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By bruised - United States - Novi

Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By GiantsFan13 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By apologetic - United States - Latonia

Today, I got yelled at by a customer while working at a bank call center. He was furious I apologized for a mistake that someone else had made. I again apologized for apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By damnnn - Australia

Today, I was standing on a step ladder to reach the batteries on top of my fridge so I could change the ones in my TV remote. My sister thought it would be funny to shake the ladder and see what would happen. I now have a broken leg and a TV remote with dead batteries in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By zaynemaliksvagina - United States - Shrewsbury

Today, I was having a rough day, so I decided to go to the movies to unwind. 15 minutes in, some assmunch behind me said "This movie sucks!" then dumped his drink over my head and ran out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By kinkyapparently - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over a dog toy. Instead of telling the doctors what happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States - Sandy

Today, I got into an argument with my mom over her sexist, emotionally-abusive boyfriend. I told her that either he goes or I go. She called me a disrespectful bastard for not respecting my "new father." I'm now sitting outside a McDonald's with my suitcase, leeching their WiFi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By WoWWidow - United States

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

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By TheNewSalesRep - Canada - Brantford

Today, on my second day at my new job, my supervisor told me that I was ready to make a sale on my own. Things were going well, until said supervisor interrupted my sales pitch, apologized on my behalf for being new, and stole my sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By HGTV - United States - Boston

Today, I got home to the smell of permanent marker and the discovery that my roommate's little sister had drawn flower petals around every polka dot she could reach on my walls. I just put up the wallpaper last weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - Austria

Today, the whole family came together to celebrate my grandmother's 80th birthday. My grandfather read a poem he'd written about how he had taken my grandmother's virginity 60 years ago. It went on for about 30 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

779

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By 44magnumtime - Canada - Oakville

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Greatgrandpa - Curacao

Today, my only child introduced his new girlfriend to me. He is 36 and has no children. She is 46 and has a pregnant daughter who she is very close with. I don't know if I'll ever be a grandfather, but in any case, my son is going to be one before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Hreyes - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Singlelady - United Kingdom - Stoke-on-trent

Today, my sister gently asked me if I was gay. Turns out I've been without a boyfriend for so long that the whole family believes I secretly have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11751

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By Anonymous - United States - Everett

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By handlin - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By soulaar - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23586

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By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By notsosmart - Australia

Today, my son broke a window at school playing football. Not only did he break one, he broke the other window next to it. His excuse? He tried making it look like a bird flew in one way and flew out the other. I have to pay $800 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By letmeinplease - United Kingdom

Today, I wasn't allowed to work from home, despite being ill enough to just take the day off anyway, so 'there could be someone to answer the phone'. The phone didn't ring once all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Actrent

Today, the first gift I opened was from my uncle. It was $80 in clothes that I'd bought for myself a week earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By pleasebackintomycaragain - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Katie - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By cazorp - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, my extremely religious father visited for a family dinner. My daughter had just one job: not to set him off on one of his easily-provoked rants. She nonetheless decided to take a photo in the middle of prayer, because she just HAD to Instagram her food. My father went apeshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By azmom - United States - Phoenix

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By BatWife - United States - New London

Today, my husband cleaned out our fireplace and found a very dead, mummified bat. After chasing me around the house with it, he set it atop the mantel. He refuses to get rid of it, and calls it "Henry". FML

I agree, your life sucks

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You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 14:05

Pushover

Today, my in-laws invited themselves to stay at my house for a few days. They live out of state and have been self-quarantining for months. The reason for visiting? So they can throw a party for extended family at our house. Guess who'll end up doing all the work and clean up? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1311

You deserved it

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By RickTheBoy - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By kenleybunch - United States - Greenville

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By phantom-yamato - 1/5/2020 17:00

Germ warfare

Today, I accidentally scanned a customer’s item twice. Before I could take it off, she quickly leaned over the counter and coughed on me. Repeatedly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2016

You deserved it

151

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By amie - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry my sister looks at my mom and says "I win!". She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

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Top comments

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By darshini_ii | 24

#6556622 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

It's never too late to make new friends.

COMMENTS

By SimmoDestroyer | 15

#6556592 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:35

That sucks :(

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6556733 - Friday 11 March 2016 6:27

Every group has a you

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6556929 - Friday 11 March 2016 17:11

Here here!

By thebiteof87 | 27

#6556593 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Pretty much the same thing happened to me too on my bday

Tripartita | 44

#6556608 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

It's spelled "bidet" and it's incredibly odd that you were talking to your friends while using one.

HighRevolver | 17

#6556841 - Friday 11 March 2016 13:09

I don't get why people disliked this

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6556867 - Friday 11 March 2016 14:49

#33 I didn't mean to dislike your comment I agree.

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6557023 - Friday 11 March 2016 20:12

Cue the violins.......

Sweet_Melody | 15

#6557259 - Saturday 12 March 2016 6:11

#33 I ask myself that question quite a few times when I read comments.

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By football98_fml | 20

#6556595 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:37

I think it's time for new friends

By stfuwtf | 21

#6556600 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:41

That's not very nice. You deserve friends who actually want to be your friends! Quality over quantity!

By dman798 | 18

#6556606 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:45

That's a bad gift from what it sounds like, bad friends

By hipposteve | 21

#6556607 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

treat yourself for your birthday! don't mind the losers :)

By possomman | 9

#6556609 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:48

Looks like some new friends are in order. You don't need your old friends. New ones will respect you.

By Tripartita | 44

#6556611 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

I hope you mean EX-friends, OP!

And EX-birthday. And EX-surprise. EX-EX!

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6556623 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

... Men: First Class

By ginger1022 | 17

#6556612 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

guess they aren't real friends. :/