Miscellaneous: Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely....

By Anonymous - United States - Augusta

Today, and recently, many of my friends have been acting strangely. My birthday is coming up soon, so I thought maybe they were planning a surprise party. Nope. Turns out they've just been secretly hanging out without me. FML

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Miscellaneous

Triage

Taking stock

Nightmare mother

By QuestionMyLife - United States

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27356

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By mydaughterisdisturbed - United States - Huntingburg

Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 14:08

Ungrateful

Today, my three-year-old told me he hates me cause I’m mean because I wouldn’t give him another cupcake. Now he is calling his grandma his new mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1008

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 20:00

It never ends

Today, I had a "nightmare" where I found out I had more homework than I originally realized, and spent the entire dream doing homework. There is no escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me via text message. The sad thing is that I left my fiancée of 5 years to be with a girl I worked with at Walmart. My ex-fiancée is now a doctor. I still work at Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 05:01

Helping hand

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Worn out

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By adieuvelib - France

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36101

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By has-evil-friends - United Kingdom

Today, I had six friends round for pizza. When I went to answer the door to the delivery, my friends turned off the lights and pretended they weren't there when I shouted for help carrying all the food. Not only does the cute delivery guy think I'm greedy, but also that I have imaginary friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

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By anon. - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

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31436

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By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32322

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By bass - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48354

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By catfriend - United States - Salida

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

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45921

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sandringham

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20603

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I had misspelled "Education" on all the resumes I've been submitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12065

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29339

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By SODbeatlesMCRlp - United States

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10723

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By yashmoshin1 - United States

Today, I finished the run for a play in which I played a gay man. Now that all the performances are over, I have kissed a man more times in my life than I have kissed a woman. I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54479

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By pirate prude - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4939

You deserved it

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By Anna - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61994

You deserved it

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By Crappit - United States

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

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28327

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By stupidboys - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38628

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By failatboys - United States

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50621

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad made me figure out how to disable the adult content filters on our internet. He spent what must have been a full 10 minutes on a distracting, long-winded speech about how he doesn't want to look up porn, but "it's just the principle of the damn thing". Sure, dad. Sure. FML

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20765

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By Anonymous

Hello everyone!

Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2196

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By Albert - United States

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17924

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By Hairytoes - United States

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27654

You deserved it

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By fistycunt4 - United States - Belmont

Today, I put a picture on Facebook of me without makeup. A "friend" commented: "fuk me thts hideus!!" My dad replied: "Hideous, yes, just like your godawful spelling!" My mom yelled at my dad for agreeing with the guy, and they're still fighting. Meanwhile, my self-esteem is in the gutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34186

You deserved it

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By Estranged Fiance - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7632

You deserved it

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By airport - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83698

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By spitball101 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53543

You deserved it

4922

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By sigh - United States - Charlotte

Today, my new neighbor offered to "humanely capture and relocate" the squirrels in my attic. He then "humanely" shot at them with a BB gun, and the "relocated" them into his stomach once they were killed. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21725

You deserved it

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By Nutty

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2561

You deserved it

394

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By S to the HIT - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18814

You deserved it

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By justlittleoldme - United States - Sarona

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32602

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished my SAT and was feeling pretty good about it. I decided to turn on my phone, since it was on silent. As the guy was collecting our tests, my phone vibrated a little. My score was cancelled. It was a text from my mom reminding me to turn off my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22357

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By A troubled ex med school student - United States - Dublin

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33144

You deserved it

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By wearyconsumer

Today, I threw out all the food in the freezer that my mom had been keeping since 2013. When she found out, she said, "frozen food doesn't go bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8417

You deserved it

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By yearbook369 - United States

Today, my school year book awarded "cutest couple" to my boyfriend and I. We broke up yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46904

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Top comments

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By darshini_ii | 24

#6556622 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

It's never too late to make new friends.

COMMENTS

By SimmoDestroyer | 15

#6556592 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:35

That sucks :(

crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6556733 - Friday 11 March 2016 6:27

Every group has a you

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6556929 - Friday 11 March 2016 17:11

Here here!

By thebiteof87 | 27

#6556593 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Pretty much the same thing happened to me too on my bday

Tripartita | 44

#6556608 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

It's spelled "bidet" and it's incredibly odd that you were talking to your friends while using one.

HighRevolver | 17

#6556841 - Friday 11 March 2016 13:09

I don't get why people disliked this

jadenjacksonm | 14

#6556867 - Friday 11 March 2016 14:49

#33 I didn't mean to dislike your comment I agree.

ClemencyCecil | 4

#6557023 - Friday 11 March 2016 20:12

Cue the violins.......

Sweet_Melody | 15

#6557259 - Saturday 12 March 2016 6:11

#33 I ask myself that question quite a few times when I read comments.

By thestoryofacaleb | 14

#6556594 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:36

Maybe the best present you could give yourself is some real friends :) Good luck OP and don't let them get you down!

By football98_fml | 20

#6556595 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:37

I think it's time for new friends

By stfuwtf | 21

#6556600 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:41

That's not very nice. You deserve friends who actually want to be your friends! Quality over quantity!

By dman798 | 18

#6556606 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:45

That's a bad gift from what it sounds like, bad friends

By hipposteve | 21

#6556607 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:47

treat yourself for your birthday! don't mind the losers :)

By possomman | 9

#6556609 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:48

Looks like some new friends are in order. You don't need your old friends. New ones will respect you.

By Tripartita | 44

#6556611 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

I hope you mean EX-friends, OP!

And EX-birthday. And EX-surprise. EX-EX!

Dale_shackleford | 13

#6556623 - Friday 11 March 2016 2:16

... Men: First Class

By ginger1022 | 17

#6556612 - Friday 11 March 2016 1:51

guess they aren't real friends. :/