Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation.... - FML

By criley - 24/6/2014 01:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

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Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Does it taste good?

The student becomes the master

By SensitiveTech - 26/11/2018 12:00

Today, I was loving on a dog at work. I noticed her fur was coarse and short and I'd never felt anything like it before. I broke out in hives all over my face. This happens whenever I'm around any cats, guinea pigs, or rabbits and now some dogs apparently. I'm in school to be a vet tech. FML

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By frenchgirlll - 27/4/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I was giving my crush a lift home from a mutual friend's house. When he got in the car, my mom asked in French, "Is this the guy you won't stop talking about? You can do so much better!" Of all the things I've told about him to my mom, I forgot to mention he's French as well. FML

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By cheerymama - 23/1/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, I did my old "toe-touch" cheerleading move to try to impress my 5-year-old daughter. When I landed, I broke my toe. FML

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By unloved cat owner - 16/2/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

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By MadMax - 26/6/2013 20:49 - United States - Nashua

Today, I rode my motorcycle to an appointment and parked in the parking garage. When I got out, some ass had pushed my bike from the spot and had boxed it in between the wall and his car. Apparently, he felt he deserved the spot more than me and didn't care if I wanted to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/5/2012 22:41 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had a chest x-ray. I thought everything was okay, that is until the tech gasped slightly and muttered, "Mother of God." I asked him what was wrong, and he kept insisting he had no idea what I was talking about. Now I'm so upset I can't even sleep. FML

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By ShanghaiSam - 17/5/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2020 17:00

Baller

Today, my popular friend stole another girl's boyfriend. She didn't keep him very long, though. In fact, she only kept him until I finally got together with my crush. Then she decided she had to have HIM. She succeeded, too. FML

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By ohemgee23 - 19/2/2010 05:31 - United States

Today, my little sister walked in on me and my boyfriend. I told her I would give her 10$ if she just pretended it never happened. She agreed, walked out and shut the door. Later, when my parents arrived, she yells: "Nicole and Joe were naked upstairs!" FML

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By heartbroken - 30/3/2011 00:15 - United States

Today, I managed to convince the girl of my dreams to stop being so shy, and put herself out there to get her crush to make a move. It worked. And yet as it turns out, I'm not her crush after all. FML

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By NotTilly - 10/3/2010 14:54 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's extended family. His grandpa was apparently senile, as he kept calling me "Tilly" and asking me to dance. His relatives thought this hilarious and busted out the video camera. Later, I learned his grandpa is not senile at all - the family was playing a joke on me. FML

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By sandwichsex - 8/8/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

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By Crying - 29/2/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

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By Anon - 9/1/2013 19:27 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

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By StephD - 20/3/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

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By jonh_215 - 8/4/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, as a going away present after five years of military service and one combat tour, the hospital scheduled me for a prostate exam. FML

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By patient_mom - 14/6/2015 01:27 - Australia - Surrey Hills

Today, I had to wait for my daughter's pet python to finish taking a bath before I could take a shower and go to work. FML

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By Ro - 5/10/2010 02:39 - United States

Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 19:50 - Spain - Santa Cruz De Tenerife

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

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By - 5/4/2019 04:00

Today, I have to pay my college an extra $1000 because there is a $20 charge every time you get locked out of your room, and I have an extremely poor short-term memory. I'm also only allowed to have exactly one keycard at any given time. FML

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By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

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By fatty:( - 15/4/2011 09:30 - Australia

Today, my 15 year old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 05:04

Acceptance

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

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By Sloppy Cashmere - 9/5/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2011 06:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML

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By Sooz - 3/10/2013 01:18 - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 01:52 - Canada

Today, I went with my friend door-to-door selling chocolates. We went to the first house, and the guy decided to buy a chocolate from each of us. He didn't have change and neither did we, so he just took the chocolates and slammed the door in our face. FML

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By Username - 19/10/2010 15:24 - France

Today, my boss told me that I'd confessed my love to him last night when he'd held my hair back as I puked. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

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By DamnDogs - 5/3/2012 10:28 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my neighbour's dog losing its mind, and I remembered reading a story about someone ignoring a dog and later finding out that their car had been stolen. Paranoid, I went outside to check on mine. Nope. Just the damn dog barking at one thirty in the morning. FML

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By jgboy - 14/9/2014 15:32 - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I took my girlfriend of a year out on a date, a nice fancy dinner and a movie. After dinner, I said that I was feeling sick and just wanted to go home. I didn't have the heart to tell her that dinner was so expensive that I didn't have money for the movie. FML

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By what the fuck - 25/8/2013 19:28 - Malaysia - Petaling Jaya

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

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By Anonymity - 28/3/2009 03:15 - Canada

Today, my mother was vaccuming the stairs. Trying to be polite, I climbed over the banister to the floor above, so I wouldn't interrupt her. She looked at me odd and said, "I'm surprised that held your weight." The banister is maple and steel. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2012 05:41 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

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By Jim - 19/4/2016 17:25 - United States

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

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By Davios - 24/9/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

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By Ted - 6/6/2019 18:00

Today, I finally felt comfortable enough to fart in front of my boyfriend for the first time. He went quiet, got up and left in his car. I haven't heard from him in 4 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2009 14:24 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in nearly a year. A few minutes into the meal, he called me "scrumptious" and made animal noises for the rest of it. FML

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By ardenm - 12/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

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Top comments

By Abraa | 19

#5986627 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:17

Aww, cheer up op, I'm sure he meant it! Don't let all your bad experiences in the last scare you away from experiencing good things.

By A07 | 48

#5986639 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:20

Give it a shot OP, nice people still do exist.

Comments

By Abraa | 19

#5986627 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:17

Aww, cheer up op, I'm sure he meant it! Don't let all your bad experiences in the last scare you away from experiencing good things.

Reply

JMichael | 25

#5986791 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 17:50

Exactly OP. Everyone goes through an awful experience. But you can't let those experiences ruin a potential good thing for you. Give him a call and see how it works out.

Reply

incoherentrmblr | 21

#5986903 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 19:41

You won't know until you call the number...

Reply

depressingrage | 5

#5986931 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 20:03

"Phil's pizza palace how may I help you".

Reply

popprock | 13

#5987081 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 22:36

Hahah me too it's okay. Guys can be such assholes. Sorry for y french

Reply

ukeandfoodislife | 19

#5987417 - Wednesday 25 June 2014 5:48

Yeah:) although, there's a website called "The Rejection Hotline" which is filled with phone numbers from all over the country, with not so polite voicemails and so I'm always a little hesitant to accept phone numbers, too.

By Adam5858 | 17

#5986628 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:17

It can only feel more comfortable with more practice!

By Kamon97 | 23

#5986631 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:18

Aw well maybe this time you're finally getting a break good luck OP :)

Reply

HanBroman | 20

#5986945 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 20:15

for the first month of my relationship I secretly thought my friends were paying my boyfriend to go out with me

By briggsopposed | 8

#5986638 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:20

Don't worry, I feel the same exact way right now. Time will only heal this wound.

By A07 | 48

#5986639 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:20

Give it a shot OP, nice people still do exist.

By iSativa | 24

#5986640 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:20

You'll never find that perfect someone if you don't take that chance. Don't worry about the past, picking yourself up and dusting yourself off is the best way the learn. Give him a call!

By Schizomaniac | 24

#5986643 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:22

Sounds like you have a pretty low self of steam.

Reply

Ellyria_fml | 9

#5986653 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:29

People usually like to let go of steam, so that's good.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5986660 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:33

I think people mist the joke...

Reply

Schizomaniac | 24

#5986664 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:36

Water you talking about, Welshite? There was no joke.

Reply

PewDiePie_Lover | 14

#5986756 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 16:54

I keep smiling at your guys comments XD

Reply

TheAtheistChild | 10

#5986837 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 18:33

*Self Esteem

Reply

daisylokes | 16

#5989102 - Thursday 26 June 2014 15:30

lol silly comments above me ^^

By Wyrelia | 8

#5986650 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:27

Hope, OP. You gotta have hope. Who knows, maybe today is your lucky day. And his :)

By superjewguy | 19

#5986651 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:27

the number wasn't 867-5309 was it?

Reply

kinky44 | 28

#5986691 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 15:03

Damn you, Tommy Tu-Tones!

By pd2902 | 22

#5986652 - Tuesday 24 June 2014 14:28

Don't let a bad past effect your bright future :) if anything came of it I hope it went well :)