Health: Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because...

By Belle - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20056

You deserved it

1357

Favorite

Health

There's no helping some people

Dangling modifier

Unmatched

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - United States

Quickie

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23245

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By Fattie

Bon appetit!

Today, I'm on a diet. I was compelled to start it when the only pet name my boyfriend could think of for me yesterday was, "My baby elephant." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1495

You deserved it

270

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17056

You deserved it

41371

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 14:00

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1719

You deserved it

166

Favorite

By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, a fly flew into my ear canal and got stuck. It was the most horrifying 2 minutes of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21525

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By Sara1990 - Australia

Today, I went on a double date with my bestfriend. At the end of the night, her boyfriend gave her a long kiss, and texted her 5 minutes after we left to say he missed her already. My boyfriend picked his nose, then gave me a fist bump as a goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39105

You deserved it

6950

Favorite

By LoadingMeows - United States

Today, I was written up. Too many customers complained that I don't wear makeup or do my hair. I got written up for being ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12758

You deserved it

1888

Favorite

By wow - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60864

You deserved it

5414

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21040

You deserved it

3785

Favorite

By JenniWearsPrada

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16910

You deserved it

26188

Favorite

By Kimberlie - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't let me move into his new apartment with him. It turns out his other girlfriend had already moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48162

You deserved it

4847

Favorite

By so much for a good day - United States

Today, I grinned for five minutes straight because my friends told me it would put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. It gave me a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17655

You deserved it

27170

Favorite

By Anonameow - United States - Fairfax

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22117

You deserved it

1791

Favorite

By TrailerTrash - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66339

You deserved it

4676

Favorite

By toughlove - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43907

You deserved it

2615

Favorite

By Jamestown of Vagina - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40571

You deserved it

3708

Favorite

By Lauren - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49391

You deserved it

8660

Favorite

By madbirthdaymomma - United States - Roswell

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52690

You deserved it

4325

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26592

You deserved it

5554

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5878

You deserved it

575

Favorite

By Al - United States

Today, I was leaving the mall. I Instinctively hit the unlock button on my car keys from across the parking lot. Little did I know I was making it a whole lot easier for the guy breaking into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46606

You deserved it

13499

Favorite

By TakenAdvantageOf

Today, my husband asked to borrow money. He couldn't pay his half of the rent or utilities this month, but he did manage to buy a $1,700 radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3343

You deserved it

572

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hudson Falls

Today, I woke up to my drunk great grandfather peeing on my cat and thinking it was absolutely hysterical. This isn't the first time and he just moved in with me for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24551

You deserved it

2230

Favorite

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4354

You deserved it

2513

Favorite

By cryface - Canada - Toronto

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49871

You deserved it

17715

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46253

You deserved it

5078

Favorite

By FML_Elle - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28839

You deserved it

2289

Favorite

By mkonda - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11886

You deserved it

794

Favorite

By whatthewoah - United States

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30050

You deserved it

2214

Favorite

By Scared4Lf - United States - Lamoure

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19786

You deserved it

1505

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my lawyer threatened to sue me because I can't afford his bill, which he sent to me after getting me out of a lawsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13161

You deserved it

36890

Favorite

By shortarse - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4084

You deserved it

706

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60001

You deserved it

3485

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58606

You deserved it

9430

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Junction

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32434

You deserved it

2008

Favorite

By So I can go now then?

Today, I got fired from a job I had already resigned from after agreeing to stay on and help them out for an extra month, despite having no contract. They fired me because a colleague refused to work with me anymore because I wouldn't date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2587

You deserved it

233

Favorite

By Anonymous - Belgium

Today, I wanted to try my mom's new lipstick. I opened it, baffled, examined it carefully. That's when it started to vibrate. Obviously, that wasn't a lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30479

You deserved it

10861

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28133

You deserved it

2857

Favorite

By Kurda - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27442

You deserved it

2742

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60169

You deserved it

3838

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By extrasnipes | 22

#6576735 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:14

You should hope it doesn't last lung.

By Psycocharger | 19

#6576723 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:12

Really unfortunate OP. Hopefully you get better and have an even better opportunity soon!

COMMENTS

By Jpres1 | 16

#6576711 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:10

Damn that sucks, OP

By Zelphoric | 25

#6576719 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:11

:( Ain't nobody got time for that!

By Psycocharger | 19

#6576723 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:12

Really unfortunate OP. Hopefully you get better and have an even better opportunity soon!

By DaniealThePope | 18

#6576724 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:13

R.I.P hopefully there's a next time.

Arkham_Callabero | 15

#6576806 - Saturday 9 April 2016 4:08

The RIP wasn't necessary

domolovesyoshi | 33

#6576861 - Saturday 9 April 2016 6:10

Rest in peace is something you tell someone in condolences of their loss, completely inappropriate in this case.

DaniealThePope | 18

#6579097 - Tuesday 12 April 2016 18:37

Can no one take a joke.

By HoboMeth | 32

#6576730 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:14

Can you contact them and ask them to extend the date?

MdMan3 | 17

#6576733 - Saturday 9 April 2016 2:14

They wouldn't just change the date because the lead got bronchitis. This is why they have an understudy, so the show can go on if the lead is in a situation where they can't perform.

RadiantAerynSun | 2

#6577314 - Saturday 9 April 2016 21:27

A LOT goes into producing a play. 1 actor being unavailable is not enough to change the date. Nor should 1 person expect everyone else to change plans for them.