Miscellaneous: Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house...

By morethanablondemoment - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

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Miscellaneous

Understandable

Mom knows shit

Workaholic

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Godalming

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

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43772

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By anonymous - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

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39903

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By notmydad. - Philippines

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

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44101

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By "jonnybones223"

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2146

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197

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By catlady - United Kingdom

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

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30707

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By uggghhhh

Today, it's 3 days before Christmas and my first day of holidays. Today is also the first day I have been sick all year. Hello tonsillitis, goodbye fun. FML

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7142

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By EllieJ

Today, I opened a cupboard and a brick fell on my head. The same brick my mum put up there to "keep it out of the way". FML

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35835

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By TooFlamingHot - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22757

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By soldnone - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24380

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By CaseyFpC85 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

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45171

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By lily

Today, I was about to kiss my boyfriend in a courtyard when a soccer ball hit me in the head, hard. My boyfriend remarked that it made a "hollow sound" when it hit me. FML

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1465

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed to get blood drawn. Apparently, my veins are too thin and no blood would flow into the tube. I'm afraid of needles, and was just poked with some unsuccessfully, and I have to go back next week to try again. FML

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1537

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

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27099

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By great - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

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37981

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By willtype4food - Finland

Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML

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27722

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By WorthLessThanACareer

Today, the guy I've been dating said we couldn't see each other anymore because he needed to focus on his career. He's unemployed. FML

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13401

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By fuck off, dad - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

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48145

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By Kortnie Peterman - 6/6/2020 17:03

Body positivity

Today, after 3 months of my boyfriend complaining his weight is making him not want sex, I suggested we go for a walk to help us both start to lose weight. He looked at me and said, "You're too fat to go walking." I'm beginning to think my weight is the problem here, not his. FML

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2375

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298

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By Talented73

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4051

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363

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By M. Moore

Today, I was gathering laundry around the house. I forgot my son was almost 13, and grabbed the very stiff socks from under his bed with my bare hands. FML

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1946

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382

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By mr_p - United States

Today, I was waiting to take a dump in a gas station restroom. A 300 pound man walked out, shook his head, and said "I'm sorry" to me. FML

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38137

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By scalmon - United States

Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML

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13325

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By dmvsucks - United States

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

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38509

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By Anonymous - Australia - Caroline Springs

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

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39150

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the same credit card to apply to college and pay for a rave ticket. My card went through on the rave ticket but denied the college application fee. I guess my credit card is trying to tell me something about my future. FML

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27174

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By hatesmellyfeet - United States

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

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28566

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By I need a new ballsack. - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

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30296

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By Emmy - United States

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

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35258

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By brick - United States - Geneva

Today, I went to sleep at 7am. I learned once that Indians used to drink tons of water before bed to force themselves awake so I did that in case my alarm (which I hooked up to my speakers) didn't work. The alarm worked, but the shock of the blasting sound made me pee my pants. FML

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2091

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By justgivemethed - United States - Westminster

Today, I was tutoring a band member. Whenever I ask him to play a D or any D scale, he stops just to snicker and say, "Ha ha. D." He still sucks. I hate his guts. FML

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42763

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By leenibeani4 - United States

Today, at the eye doctor, they asked for my birth date for the files. My dad answered quickly, "May 28, 1994." It was embarrassing to have to correct him with "April 19, 1993." Who's May 28? Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30090

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By VroomVroom - United States

Today, at a red light, an old lady crossing the street fell right infront of my car. I got out of my car to help her. The light turned green and I was still helping the woman to her feet. An officer came by and ticketed me for "impeding the flow of traffic." FML

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77870

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53832

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By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28141

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2857

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By usafprog - United States

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42508

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By Anonymous - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20161

You deserved it

1544

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By TooInnocent - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10883

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By antisocial - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31891

You deserved it

9118

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By Anonymous - Australia

Booted

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26239

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By ricky the sage - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, I was on the bus, heading to work, when the girl beside me started yelling at me, claiming I was staring down her shirt. I did no such thing, but the driver nonetheless stopped the bus and made me get off, all under the withering glares of the other passengers. FML

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46289

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Top comments

By MasterTron | 24

#6395631 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:28

Easy breezy cover teeth

By Spencyy | 18

#6395633 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:28

Are your teeth now well defined?

COMMENTS

By MasterTron | 24

#6395631 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:28

Easy breezy cover teeth

By Spencyy | 18

#6395633 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:28

Are your teeth now well defined?

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6395813 - Friday 28 August 2015 20:58

Her teeth are voluminous.

By wickedhyype | 17

#6395636 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:30

Well... Did you die?

I_Like_Dogs | 28

#6395661 - Friday 28 August 2015 17:02

Yes, there's Wi-Fi in afterlife. Luckily, OP was buried with her smartphone.

Ichiya | 29

#6395893 - Friday 28 August 2015 23:09

Sadly yes, but they lived!!!!

By dannidoll93 | 24

#6395638 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:31

Do you have fuller, longer looking teeth?

Did you also lengthen your eyelashes with toothpaste?

By kianabanannna | 21

#6395640 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:33

Did it give you that London look?

Eliiara | 11

#6395683 - Friday 28 August 2015 17:36

This made me smile and actually laugh :)
Thank you.

By hellnosucka | 27

#6395647 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:42

time to prank a dentist.

By IronMan_Mk43 | 20

#6395654 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:52

I hope you didn't swallow any of the mascara because it doesn't make your stomach look fuller

By trulypar | 34

#6395657 - Friday 28 August 2015 16:53

It could have been worse...you could have minty fresh eyelashes.

Eliiara | 11

#6395681 - Friday 28 August 2015 17:35

Oh god I can't imagine the pain of toothpaste in my eye/contact lens.

By felipe2342 | 18

#6395666 - Friday 28 August 2015 17:06

Not related to the fml but fml needs to allow people to undo button presses. I pressed ydi unintentionally.

XtremeHeat | 14

#6395936 - Saturday 29 August 2015 0:48

SAME I do that all the time and its so annoying!

By blcksocks | 19

#6395678 - Friday 28 August 2015 17:29

I wish you would just "make-up" your mind...