Work: Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a... - FML

By Journo - United States

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54921

You deserved it

4988

Tweet

Share

BO Central

Clocked

OK, well, goodbye

By Taylor

Today, I asked my boyfriend, who loves board games, to give me advice on a board game I'm making. I ended up crying in the fetal position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1387

You deserved it

424

Tweet

Share

By upliftmofo - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36581

You deserved it

5955

Tweet

Share

By WentInABush - United States - Portland

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36298

You deserved it

3207

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9475

You deserved it

79575

Tweet

Share

By My__life___ - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34374

You deserved it

29106

Tweet

Share

By HotToTrotskyite - Russian Federation

Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

7274

You deserved it

84664

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30032

You deserved it

2775

Tweet

Share

By Ashley Youngman

Today, I spent five minutes shaking a bowl of Jello because it looked cool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1000

You deserved it

1126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15875

You deserved it

13560

Tweet

Share

By secret_source - United States

Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28006

You deserved it

1988

Tweet

Share

By turning red - United States

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62289

You deserved it

10241

Tweet

Share

By blargh - Russian Federation - Moscow

Today, at work, I was taking a woman's measurements while she held her screaming baby. To silence the infant, she whipped out her breast right there and started feeding him. Moments later, he puked breast milk all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44958

You deserved it

4023

Tweet

Share

By radiating

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34679

You deserved it

3179

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 05:00

Tricky situation

Today, my roommate in our barracks posted trans hate-speech on Facebook. My choices are to report him and risk ending his military career, confront him and risk him finding out I'm trans, or do nothing and live in fear of him figuring me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2041

You deserved it

465

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29959

You deserved it

84346

Tweet

Share

By RjsBabe - United States - Tulare

Today, after I got the birth control implant, waited a week like my doctor told me, my fiancé is still too scared that I'll get pregnant. It's been 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12862

You deserved it

1176

Tweet

Share

By gracie511

Today, my flight was delayed 3 hours so I was scrolling through my phone. Minding my own business, I was swiping through tinder and some guy behind me goes, “Ouch; hard no for that one?” And I turn around only to see the man I JUST swiped left on. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2487

You deserved it

489

Tweet

Share

By Sandman2015 - United States - American Fork

Today, I walked in on one of my co-workers jerking off in the bathroom, complete with heavy breathing and victory groans. I don't want to go to HR, but I can't even look at him anymore. We have to work on a project together next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21926

You deserved it

1879

Tweet

Share

By MyLife

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2478

You deserved it

171

Tweet

Share

By Isabell - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23586

You deserved it

5825

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2020 05:01

Spoiled for choice

Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1180

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By thankspal - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25140

You deserved it

5349

Tweet

Share

By APoorGuy - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18535

You deserved it

1905

Tweet

Share

By albert - United Kingdom

Today, we were running late for school so my mum shouted at me to hurry up and get in the car. I put my school bags in the boot of the car and my mum drove off. It wasn't until she got to my school and told me to get out that she realised I wasn't there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58183

You deserved it

4124

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38874

You deserved it

3661

Tweet

Share

By SuperBunny - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27767

You deserved it

61693

Tweet

Share

By Ca13b - United States

Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47885

You deserved it

3923

Tweet

Share

By randomjulz - United States

Today, my husband asked me to come see his turd. After saying no, he said, "What kind of wife are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38165

You deserved it

9940

Tweet

Share

By My Body Hates me - 30/7/2020 05:01

What's next?

Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1550

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By rs - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8501

You deserved it

25265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1795

You deserved it

237

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks

18296

You deserved it

43312

Tweet

Share

By bird problems - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, since I've been paying attention to my newborn, my pet cockatoo learned to cry like the baby on the middle of the night. I haven't gotten more than four hours of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21231

You deserved it

2700

Tweet

Share

By blah blah

Today, I tried convincing my husband to spend his day off work with me because we both work a lot, and have almost no time to spend together. His literal response was, “I’d rather pick a shift up at work.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2377

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By doodlecrzyMeg - United States - Mattoon

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24554

You deserved it

4226

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Dade City

Today, a radio show asked the question, "Where does the dentist live in Finding Nemo?" I called in and got through. When he asked me the question, instead of the actual answer I quickly gave out my own address over live radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40940

You deserved it

19528

Tweet

Share

By Albert06 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

120776

You deserved it

7285

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/8/2020 01:08 - Australia - South Yarra

Cake is everything

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1664

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By GamerGirl - United Kingdom

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating so I broke up with him. As revenge he threw my PS3 and XBox out of the window when I wasn't in our house. I got those consoles out of the spare money my three jobs had brought in - the same three jobs I had to get because he refused to get a job of his own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44968

You deserved it

8667

Tweet

Share

By Michelle C - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man asking for money for food. Not wanting to give him money so he'd spend it on booze, I decided to buy him a full big mac meal from McDonalds. When I went to hand it to him, he quickly waved his hand, denying it saying, "Thanks but I'm a vegetarian". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28648

You deserved it

5503

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Socrates_fml | 0

#149288 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

let me guess...sociology?

By ForestFire0 | 1

#149301 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

good catch, at least. imagine if you went and were scammed. THAT would have been a real FML. This is an FML with a bright side

COMMENTS

By TikkleMeTorry_fml | 0

#149286 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:25

Awww, damn economy.

1st

By Socrates_fml | 0

#149288 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

let me guess...sociology?

Reply

HouseKeeping | 0

#2916859 - Monday 18 July 2011 0:12

I guessed Scientology :/

By acidcloud | 0

#149290 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

Ahaha that sucks.

By heatherewf | 0

#149293 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:26

Gah, that sucks. And what I'm deathly afraid of myself... I graduate next year. =

By ForestFire0 | 1

#149301 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

good catch, at least. imagine if you went and were scammed. THAT would have been a real FML. This is an FML with a bright side

By grazynaanka | 0

#149303 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:28

Just because you graduate from a good school with a good GPA average doesn't mean you are going to get a job because of that. Especially in this economy. Now if you were a nurse, that be a different story.

By borhos222 | 0

#149307 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:29

Aww, don't worry, you'll get another job soon. :)

By 0kay | 0

#149316 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:30

i've applied to 12 jobs in the past 3 weeks and haven't even had ONE call back..

By Serial | 2

#149319 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:31

are you sure you didnt go to a fake college?

By acertijo | 0

#149321 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 2:31

ohh i'm sorry :(