Miscellaneous: Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 101

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 105

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 41

08/12/2009 15:11

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 854

You deserved it 43 189

Batman

Creepy roommates #56

Unrequited lover

05/03/2018 19:08

Today, I had to be the designated driver for my mom and aunt. While driving them home, my aunt threw up on the car floor and my mom peed her pants, leaving a puddle in the seat. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 896

You deserved it 369

Caught red handed

By scarred_sibling - 15/10/2012 12:10

Spicy

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 321

You deserved it 3 024

16/12/2008 07:05

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 715

You deserved it 7 465

04/12/2009 00:02

Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 896

You deserved it 4 162

One day…

By Animal - 24/02/2011 19:14

Spicy

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 170

You deserved it 17 060

10/12/2009 06:34

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 280

You deserved it 30 508

30/11/2012 07:29

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 1 859

10/06/2013 01:52

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 621

You deserved it 7 877

03/05/2009 03:47

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 521

You deserved it 4 355

27/05/2013 11:16

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 934

You deserved it 11 776

23/01/2009 06:41

Today, I decided to give things a go with the guy that has fancied me for three years, based purely on my looks. After getting to know my personality he has decided he no longer fancies me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 965

You deserved it 7 810

04/04/2019 00:00

Today, my roommate served me with a two-week’s notice to vacate the apartment, the day before I leave for 10 days of working in a completely different city 150 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 168

25/12/2016 17:00

Today, I'm supposed to go to my girlfriend's house for Christmas with her family. I got a text from her saying that her dad found our used condom package from last night. I'm supposed to be there in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 933

You deserved it 3 161

20/05/2012 04:06

Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 569

You deserved it 26 652

19/10/2011 18:19

Spicy

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 025

You deserved it 5 136

22/12/2011 05:31

Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 446

You deserved it 36 957

He protecc

By arianelagolden - 04/08/2016 07:27

Today, I saw our boss, visiting from the USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking a cup will drop automatically. I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 096

You deserved it 1 335

26/12/2013 05:30

Today, while staying at my brother's place for the Christmas holidays, I had to leave because he threatened to "take me outside". Apparently he doesn't like being corrected on whether a certain car has a long wheel base version, so I guess the family Christmas is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 741

You deserved it 3 709

28/03/2009 22:13

Today, I was going through my old MSN conversations. I then realized that when I first got MSN, I didn't know that messages you sent after people went offline would be delivered to them when they signed in. I used to type 'I love you' to my crush after every time he went offline. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 555

You deserved it 91 251

recoils in horror

By Anonymous - 07/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I am violently allergic to my boyfriend's new hand cream. I know this because after last night's quickie on the sofa, I now have a rash all over my skin and weeping sores inside my vagina and around my bum hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 576

You deserved it 838

03/11/2012 19:42

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 576

You deserved it 5 675

05/10/2011 00:02

Spicy

Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 800

You deserved it 12 596

28/09/2013 11:44

Spicy

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 612

You deserved it 40 227

21/01/2010 03:31

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 2 280

01/02/2010 20:56

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 917

You deserved it 28 531

30/08/2009 20:17

Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 093

You deserved it 54 502

26/01/2012 04:18

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 516

You deserved it 4 090

07/12/2010 09:38

Today, I was sitting on the bus when an obese woman with flu came to sit beside me. After snorting hideously for five minutes, she picked up her scarf, blew her nose into it and dropped it. It fell on my lap. When I stood up to leave the bus, there were streaks of snot on my new skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 133

You deserved it 3 063

11/07/2009 04:20

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 555

You deserved it 56 047

30/07/2009 00:14

Today, I was riding my motorcycle when I saw my cheating ex-wife walking down the road. Out of anger, I spat my gum at her. I forgot that my helmet's visor was still down, so when I spat, the gum stuck against it. I was temporarily blinded and I crashed into some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 110

You deserved it 77 225

08/01/2018 00:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 862

You deserved it 1 969

Father, you mean father

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 02:02

Today, I found out wife has two baby daddies for our two kids. I’m neither one’s baby daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 73

11/08/2014 16:27

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 131

You deserved it 4 911

06/08/2012 11:20

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 289

You deserved it 2 854

01/06/2010 23:41

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 189

You deserved it 4 697

07/12/2014 04:48

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 066

You deserved it 8 199

17/11/2012 18:35

Today, while working at the coffee shop, I had to empty the garbage cans. One of the bags gave way, and all the half-finished cups of coffee spilled all over my uniform. Most customers' orders cost more than I make per hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 048

You deserved it 2 282

31/08/2014 19:27

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 832

You deserved it 5 536

14/11/2009 10:11

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 621

You deserved it 5 898

Ups and downs

By Kirstie Campbell - 08/06/2020 08:08

Today, I finally realized that my bipolar depression gets worse in hot weather. I live in Hawaii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 160

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:44

you're a jerk, they save lives every day. what do you do? and somehow if you're looking at fireman calenders, and the most male excitement you have in your life is hoping that when they show up (to save you, mind you, when they could be needed at other emergencies) that they're studs, than somehow I doubt you're calendar model material yourself. Not to mention the fact that you didn't care about the emergency? seriously? ugh

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:33

God, you're really bored, aren't you? Who the hell goes around making up this sort of rubbish to post on here? How, exactly, is your life 'fucked' by this?

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:33

God, you're really bored, aren't you? Who the hell goes around making up this sort of rubbish to post on here? How, exactly, is your life 'fucked' by this?

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:42

Hey there's a site like FML but where visitors tell their darkest secrets :) it's really funny: www.whatasecret.com

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:44

Precisely, f their lives, they think they are risking their lives to save people while actually they're just being judged by their bodies.

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 21:33

I judge the OP for her spelling.

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:38

suck your life :P

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:41

you are an idiot

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:44

you're a jerk, they save lives every day. what do you do? and somehow if you're looking at fireman calenders, and the most male excitement you have in your life is hoping that when they show up (to save you, mind you, when they could be needed at other emergencies) that they're studs, than somehow I doubt you're calendar model material yourself. Not to mention the fact that you didn't care about the emergency? seriously? ugh

chicken_lover 2

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 21:16

this exactly. op, that's so pathetic. like really, you try saving lives everyday and putting your life in danger, and looking perfect while doing it. you sound like you sit in your room all day staring at men that you will never have. try doing something productive. and i'm almost positive that you don't look good enough to judge FIREMEN for not looking how you want them too.

wyocowboysfan 0

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:50

hey fuck you douchebag...go rot in hell you fuck..hopefully none of them ever come to your aid again

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:51

Congratulations on being the scum of humanity.

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:53

Jeeze, you must be really shallow. FYI, the majority of firemen in "firemen" calendars are probably models. Real firemen may not look like the "dreamiest" men alive, but they were there to help. Stop being shallow and try to think about PERSONALITY and CHARACTER, not LOOKS.

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:54

Oh no, This is so heart-breaking, I can't control my tears. Who the hell let this one in?

Bsane 0

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 20:57

I bet they were disappoint when they saw you too. FYL;)

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 21:03

If you actually thought REAL firemen looked like that... then you're a moron. That's the true reason your life is fucked.

alexandraa_fml 0

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Tuesday 8 December 2009 21:54

word.