By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks 11 123
You deserved it 67 886

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you expect to much...

Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?

Comments

you expect to much...

By girlfriend did you really mean "Girl I like but doesn't see me in a romantic setting"? Otherwise, maybe your "girlfriend" was just looking for a nice romantic evening. Way to fuck that up, stud.

the most humble first post ever

fyl as a man you were expecting her to make u a sandwhich like a good girl sadly shefailed

hahahaha epic fAil lol y would you think that

YDI for being a man whore

you sir, are extremely fucked up.

YDI for being desperate for physical contact with your girlfriend, who was nice enough to give you coffee and donuts

hey Romeo, this isn't grand theft auto, 'hit coffee' doesn't mean you get ass that night, idiot.

#18 has a good point. Did you just start dating this girl? YDI for not hiding your disappointment better. You might've had a chance.

Atleast she did her job in the kitchen?

@48 'hot coffee' is amazing.

AnonymousGalifrey 1

gta mutch?

way to go buddy

only in the states

I agree. He obviously didn't know her too well if he expected hot coffee and dessert to be more than, well, coffee and dessert. Unless she's a tease. That could be a possibility.

perrv. try NOT thinking about that.

The Hot Coffee minigame controversy concerns a normally inaccessible minigame in the 2004 video game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, developed by Rockstar North. Public awareness of the existence of the minigame arrived with the release of the Hot Coffee mod, created for the version released in 2005 for Windows-based computers. This mod enables access to the minigame. The minigame portrays sexual intercourse between the main character and his in-game girlfriend. The name of the mod is derived from the girlfriend's offer for the main character to come into her home for "coffee"—a euphemism for sex. Although the "Hot Coffee" minigame was completely disabled and its existence was only highlighted after the mod's release for the PC version in June 9, 2005,[1] the assets for the minigame were also discovered in both the PlayStation 2 and Xbox versions of the game, and people found ways to enable the minigame via console video game hacking tools. By the middle of July 2005, the minigame's discovery attracted considerable controversy from lawmakers and politicians, prompting the game to be re-rated as an adult game, and pulled from some shelves. An updated version of San Andreas has since been released with the minigame removed completely, allowing the game to regain its original rating. A patch for the original version of the game, which disables the minigame and crashes the game if one attempts to access it, has also been released.[2] Contents [hide] * 1 Minigame overview and Hot Coffee mod * 2 Controversy * 3 Response o 3.1 Product re-rating o 3.2 Product withdrawal and recall o 3.3 Federal and legal action o 3.4 Civil class actions * 4 References * 5 External links [edit] Minigame overview and Hot Coffee mod This article's tone or style may not be appropriate for Wikipedia. Specific concerns may be found on the talk page. See Wikipedia's guide to writing better articles for suggestions. (November 2008) During the course of the main plot of the game, the player (as main character Carl "CJ" Johnson) may date up to six girlfriends, carrying out various "date missions" in order to improve his relationship with a particular girl. Once Carl has become particularly close to a girlfriend, she may end a successful date by inviting him into her house for "coffee," from which Carl may choose to accept or decline. Improving relationships with girlfriends through successful dates and other related activities will eventually reward CJ with new items (vehicles and special wardrobes), along with pre-existing gameplay benefits (e.g. dating a nurse grants the character free visits to the hospital, without losing his weapons, after dying). In the unmodified version of San Andreas, the player sees an exterior view of the girlfriend's house while hearing the muffled voices of Carl and his girlfriend as they engage in sexual intercourse. However, the Hot Coffee modification replaces this with a minigame which allows the player to actually enter the girlfriend's bedroom and control Carl's actions during sex. None of the six possible sex scenes involve any nudity (except when using the unrelated "Nude Girlfriends" mod), and there are animation problems with the girlfriends' partly clothed textures and bedrooms. Rockstar Games, the publisher of the Grand Theft Auto series, initially denied allegations that the minigame was "hidden" in the video game, stating that the Hot Coffee modification (which they claim violated the game's End User Licence Agreement) is the result of "hackers" making "significant technical modifications to and reverse engineering" the game's code.[3] However, this claim was undermined when a hacker known as N.A.V.A.I.D G, on July 12, 2005, released an "Action Replay Power Save" for the Xbox console, and codes for the PlayStation 2 Action Replay game enhancer that allowed the scenes to be accessed in each of the console versions. These new methods of accessing "Hot Coffee" demonstrated that the controversial content was, indeed, built into the console versions as well. The creator of the original PC mod, Patrick Wildenborg (under the Internet alias "PatrickW"), a 38-year-old modder from the Netherlands, rejects Rockstar's claim that the mod required significant technical effort, pointing out that he only changed a single bit in the installed game's "main.scm" file, and that there is absolutely no new content that he actually created—every piece of the required code was already in-game, just not available to the player.[4] The PC mod itself is actually just an edited copy of the game script files with the bit changed. The mod was also made possible on the console versions, by changing the bit inside a user's savegame or by using a third-party modding device. Mods for the Grand Theft Auto series are nothing new. The mod community has flourished for years creating additions to the map, new cars, and even a mod for multi-player gameplay. All of this is possible because Rockstar left the scripts open for mod makers to edit in order to have user created content. Take-Two has stated that the mod constitutes a violation of the End User License Agreement,[5] even though modification of the main.scm file is common within the mod community. The possibility of enabling the minigame by changing a single bit of code shows that the sexual intercourse content is part of the game's original data, and not new content inserted into the game by the mod. However, it is not possible to access the sexual content simply by playing the game as intended by the developers, because it was fully disabled and the bit cannot be changed by normal gameplay.[6] The oral sex animations are however clearly visible in the background of an early mission, "Cleaning the Hood", even in the re-released game.[7] This may explain why the mini-game was not simply removed when the decision was made to cut it from the game: its assets were in use elsewhere.[8] [edit] Controversy The revelation of the minigame sparked a fair amount of controversy around GTA:SA, with some politicians firing harsh words at both the game's developer and the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB), the organization which establishes content ratings for video games in North America. It has also rekindled the debate over the influence of video games in general with new protests against several other games such as Killer7, The Sims 2, and Bully. The affair was nicknamed "Hot Coffeegate" at its height. Jack Thompson was one of the first to criticize the game for its recently found content. Thompson believes that violent media are one of the main sources linked to violent crime in America. Thompson has lashed out against Rockstar Games on several occasions for previous games they have developed. U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton jumped into the fray by suggesting new regulations be put on video games sales.[9] The ESRB is also conducting an investigation into whether the game's publisher lied about the game's content in an attempt to avoid the Adults Only 18+ rating. Also, Congress passed a resolution to have the Federal Trade Commission investigate whether Rockstar intentionally undermined the ESRB by having the content in the game.[10] In New York, a class action lawsuit was filed by Florence Cohen, an 85-year-old grandmother who purchased the game for her 14-year-old grandson (according to the old rating of M, the game is typically considered inappropriate for this age). Cohen's lawsuit claimed that Rockstar Games and Take-Two Interactive, the publisher of the game, are guilty of deception, false advertising, fraud and abuse. The accusation of deception is based on the change from M-rated to AO, meaning according to the lawsuit that the original rating was a deceptive practice.[11] There was also a protest that occurred at Rockstar's headquarters. A protest group known as the Peaceholics organized a protest on August 4, 2005. The group organized against San Andreas as well as the upcoming game Bully, the latter, which they wanted cancelled because of fears that the content could inspire children to become bullies themselves. The protesters had signs that read "Put the Cuffs On Rockstar Games", "Prosecute Rockstar Games; they are felons", "Hey hey, ho ho, Rockstar Games has got to go".[12][13] [edit] Response [edit] Product re-rating On July 20, 2005, the ESRB announced that it was changing the rating of GTA:SA from Mature (M) to Adults Only 18+ (AO).[14] Rockstar stated that it would discontinue manufacturing the current version of the game, and produce a new version that would not include the content that is unlocked by the Hot Coffee mod. In the fourth quarter of 2005, Rockstar released this "clean" version with the "Hot Coffee" scenes removed (Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas 1.01), allowing the game to be rerated to a Mature 17+ rating.[15] On July 29, 2005, as a result of the newly-discovered scenes, the OFLC revoked the game's "MA15+" classification (the highest currently available for computer games in Australia), and changed the game's status to "RC" (Refused Classification) meaning that the original version could no longer be sold in Australia. The patched version was given an "MA15+" classification on September 12, 2005.[16] On August 10, 2005, Rockstar Games officially released a patch for San Andreas.[17] Nicknamed the "Cold Coffee Patch" by some,[citation needed] the patch fixed many performance issues and bugs. However, the patch also disabled the controversial "Hot Coffee" scenes, even if the "Hot Coffee" mod was reinstalled. There was little reaction in Europe. However, most European nations had already classified the game as "adult only" for its violent content, so no further action was necessary with or without the mod. Furthermore, unlike the United States, many European nations operate the same regime for video games as they do to films, thus it is a criminal offense to sell adult-only games to minors. For example, the UK version of GTA:SA as with all previous incarnations of the series all the way back to the original GTA, was rated as 18 by the BBFC. There may also be more general cultural factors in the differing responses to the incident.[citation needed] Similarly, news of the mod did not make any impact at all in Japan, where the game was released by Capcom. [edit] Product withdrawal and recall The day after the rating change, several North American chain stores, and IEMA retailers, which accounted for every major retailer in the United States and approximately 85% of the game's market in the country, removed the PC and console versions of the game from their store shelves, either restickering the box with the new rating, or returning it to Take-Two Interactive. These included major chains such as GameStop, Sears, Hudson's Bay Company, Zellers, Hollywood Video, Blockbuster, Wal-Mart, Target, Best Buy, and Electronics Boutique.[citation needed] Rockstar gave some retailers ESRB "Adults Only" rating stickers to put on their copies of GTA:SA, should they decide to keep selling the original product. eBay removed copies of GTA:SA that had been reported by the eBay community. eBay claimed that GTA:SA violated the terms of the eBay seller policy and could not be sold unless it was located in the Everything Else > Mature Audiences section. This section requires a credit card to validate the age of the eBay user.[citation needed] On August 24, 2005, Rockstar announced a mandatory recall for all games still owned by the general public.[citation needed] Consumers who had already purchased the game were allowed to keep it in certain areas, but with the patch installed, although players cannot be forced to return (or destroy) existing copies. Given the higher value of the "uncensored" versions, it is doubtful that many gamers will return their copies voluntarily. Version 2.0 of GTA:SA, which omitted the sexual minigame content, was designed by Rockstar to crash if the game data files were modified. This made it necessary for players to use a previous version if they wished to install multiplayer game modifications such as San Andreas Multiplayer or Multi Theft Auto and other game modifications that include new scripts or vehicles. Certain pirated or illegally distributed versions of the original game may also be made available on the Internet or from illegal retail outlets. Downgraders are also available to unpatch and revert the game version and support the Hot Coffee minigame again. This limitation later was overcome[18] by two members of the unofficial Grand Theft Auto modding community, who discovered a method of creating modifications which would work with version 2.0. Users of version 2.0 might still need to use previous versions or use a downgrader in order to install a mod not created with the new method. [edit] Federal and legal action In December 2005, Senators Hillary Clinton, Joe Lieberman and Evan Bayh introduced the Family Entertainment Protection Act, which calls for a federal mandate enforcement of the ESRB ratings system in order to protect children from inappropriate content. On January 26, 2006, the city of Los Angeles filed a lawsuit against Take-Two Interactive, the game's publisher, accusing the company of failing to disclose the game's sexual content.[citation needed] Rockstar has allegedly vowed legal action against any subsequent sources that reveal how to access this part of the game, mainly cheat device code sites.[citation needed] On June 8, 2006, Rockstar, Take-Two and the FTC settled. They are required to "clearly and prominently disclose on product packaging and in any promotion or advertisement for electronic games, content relevant to the rating, unless that content had been disclosed sufficiently in prior submissions to the rating authority." Should the companies violate the settlement they are liable for $11,000 in civil penalties.[19] [edit] Civil class actions In 2006 attorneys brought several class actions alleging Take-Two committed consumer fraud. In December 2007, a settlement of the litigation was reached.[20] In 2008, Ted Frank filed an objection to the settlement on the grounds that the settlement sought $1 million for attorneys' fees, but the total payout to class members was less than $27,000.[21][22] A court hearing was already scheduled on June 25, 2008. Frank previously told GamePolitics that the lawsuits were meritless and extortionate.[23] As part of the settlement, Take-Two will pay a $873,000 cy-près award to the National Parent-Teacher Association and the ESRB.[21][22] As of June 25, 2008, less than 2,700 claimants responded to the settlement, for which the plaintiff's attorneys expressed disappointment.[24] Frank expressed that this was further proof that the case had no merit. As of September 1, 2009, Take Two agreed to settle a securities class action suit related to the controversy over the game and over backdating allegations for just over $20 million.[25]

#104, way to be fucking obnoxious. hahaha to the OP. what's wrong with coffee and dessert? dissappointed that you didn't get sex along with it too?

plz stop posting these huge fucking wikipedia pages they are annoying as hell

why is everyone so damn gay about it? I would have expected the same shit! find a new girlfriend!

lol WTF if she didn't want sex don't push her u peev

YDI for having a prude girlfriend.

that's funny the use of the words "we actually had coffe and deserts" ah the new age where people think the word " hello" from girl means " hey baby let's go have hot sex"

How has someone not made a GTA reference yet?

@157 your a bit late on that :p ydi for not hiding your dissappointment but I agree that it would sound like an enuindo. you should neverrrr tell a girl you "expected" her to put out. it's all about the body language :p

she forgot to make the coffer hot didn't she? /rasp

lol this is great !!!!!!! funny funny fuuuunny!!!! maybe next time dude........... u gave my sympathy

loooooooooser

@29- Thanks...

ydi for being asian

there is a much bigger picture than having sex all the time for all the pervs on this site. when ur 87 ur not going to say "wow I had sex 20 times in one month and I got herpes I feel so proud of myself" no, ur gonna say "I'm such an idiot! I should of foucsed on something else and maybe I would look back and be happy but I'm not" just something to think about

she won't put out, dump that bitch.

YDI for having underage sex.

what did you expect? she invited you for coffee and desert! Damn

isn't basically all coffee hot?

seriously you people sayin ' ydi for having a prude girlfriend' since when does not being a slut make you prude? just sayin.

It was instant coffee wasn't it? That's a shame, you deserve better. FYL.

ydi pervert

you mean his friend who is a girl.

195 wins by a landslide

this isn't gta man

Doesn't anyone else here know what you call the loose, worthless skin around the vagina?!? The woman.

you do deserve it,I'm gonna go ahead and guess you guys haven't been together long. that early on in the relationship you do not assume anything about sex.

YDI, OP.. Haven't you seen Family Guy?.. Peter: "'cause everybody knows that no woman, anywhere, wants to have sex with anyone"..

lol fuck you ( or not )

Nice try mr.Nico bellic Are you gonna drove roman around In taxis too?

I agree. You should just wait for her to fall asleep. I hope it was de-cafe!

today, after my dumbass boyfriend and I had delicious dessert and coffee, he told me he wants to bang. fml

sometimes girls actually say what they mean...idiot! you should apologize with a present and her favorite flowers.

Why not just an apology? Flowers are frikkin expensive.

ydi pervert... I'm glad I was born a lesbian

get a better girl but make sure u wrap your shit cuz I'm HIV positive that you'll get something other than pussy if u don't

you fucking dont deserve it if she invites you over after having dinner that definetley means sex! unless your the gay friend...

i laugh at your misfortune better luck next time buddy

I hate men like that perverted retards

They've made like 50 GTA references. Stop saying "No one's made GTA references". That's just more GTA references. Excuse me, I have to run over a pizza man

Well that's the most sexism in one thread I've ever seen.

wow desperate much?

Sounds like he wasn't being desperate about it, just honest. Not an FML, though, OP. More like FHL for not understanding guys.

dog with a bone(r)

Let's try this again.... Nothing in the post communicated desperation—only honest desire and sincerity, perhaps even selflessly so. The longer I'm around this world, the more convinced I am that if every guy were honest, just about every girl would think them "perverts." I think we could all learn something by paying attention to this FML.

nah, but you don't admit that you thought that if it doesn't happen..

"The longer I'm around this world..." But soon, you'll be able to go back to Mars!

178 must be gay.

Sweet literary reference, Bop!

@178 people are just ignorant and don't pay attention to what they read or writ This guy doesn't seem desperate, he just seems so unknowingly honest, look where that got him lol

OK every dumbass girl on this site calling this guy a perv needs to get one thing straight: guys always want sex. That being the case, when you invite your boyfriend over to your house after a date they're gonna start getting in that mindset and thinking they're about to get some. Now this OP obviously has no game to say he thought he was getting laid so bluntly but that doesn't make him a perv. Every guy would think the same thing in that situation, and if you don't then your gay or you don't like sex.

"Guys always want sex". Oh how you'll wish you didn't perpetuate that stereotype when you are tired/stressed/sick and your gf wants to have sex. She'll be so offended when you say no because "guys always want sex".

Go cry into your Real Doll. (don't google that.)

yet another great comment Astro :-) OP, if that's all you want just search Craigslist like that other FML'er... plenty of ladies waiting to get intimate for a coin... On the other hand, if you're looking for a lasting relationship here is a tip... don't rush the sex... Relationships based sex appeal don't last...

I want. relationship based on sex appeal with you

I googled it and stared at the screen in utter distaste

Hahaha astro you are awesome.

Why do you think most men date? You think they need a new friend? Guys have thier real friends for that. For the most part sex is the driving force, for most men, not all but most! And for all the women acting all offended, try dating a woman sometime, it's really hard getting the mind reading thing down. Women are very indirect so sometimes as a guy you gotta take a chance to find out what's really going on.

The RealDoll is a life-size sex doll (also considered a mannequin) manufactured by Abyss Creations in San Marcos, California, USA, and sold worldwide. It has a poseable PVC skeleton with steel joints and silicone flesh, which is advertised as "the state-of-the-art for life-like human body simulation".[1] Female dolls include realistic openings in their vagina, mouth and anus suitable to simulate sexual acts. Male dolls can include a penis of varying size and flaccidity, based on the buyer's specifications.[2] A RealDoll is relatively expensive, averaging $5000 and up depending on what accessories are selected.[3] [edit] References

#96 Wrong. It's really easy for women to date other women. We speak the same language, after all. EG "Don't you find it cold in here?" really means "Close the fucking window, it's January!"

Thanks, astro, I just placed my order. Are you sure you're not working for them on commission? Telling people to not look it up is like telling them not to look up Tongue Fu ;)

cakeeeee, If astro_plastic invited you up to her place for "hot coffee and dessert," "Dessert" would mean a ball gag, and the "hot coffee" would be poured in your crotch if you don't live up to her demanding expectations. Good thing when I was invited up that I had the wherewithal to bring a popsicle stick and an Ace bandage. Thanks to my McGyver-like ingenuity, I escaped with only minor blistering. Even so, I yearn for an encore!

#96 those r just sterio types not all men r like that (I hope not...)

#96... most respectable guys I know aren't like that and instead date because they are genuinely interested in getting to know the person... Relationships should be about finding your best friend... not about finding some sex toy... I feel like a broken record by now but yes, women are for more than just sex and sammiches...

DGross.. you are probly the only respectable guy on this sight :) good to know there are sensible guys out there besides the few I know personally.

muffs are yummy hahaaha I read someones name wrong

Oh, Alcestis, I already returned it! I used it once and as I started weeping and apologizing, I realized its fatal flaw. They are not programmed with phrases like "Aw, that wasn't the ABSOLUTE worst I ever had," and "Please, stop crying." Maybe they'll get it right with RD3.

nah~~ there are sweet guys and direct girls ard too...

^ this guy is so sensitive toward womans feelings. And look at him flex!!!! winner right here.

115: 'EG "Don't you find it cold in here?" really means "Close the fucking window, it's January!"' Not necessarily. From my experience I've found that when a girl says something like that, you have to try and cross-check it with her current mood and a number of other factors to try and figure out what she's actually trying to say. So depending on a girl's mood, "Don't you find it cold in here?" can mean anything from "I want a cuddle" to "Please fetch me a top" to "You have to guess what I'm really trying to say, but if you guess wrong there will be hell to pay"

Wouldn't it be simpler to close the window AND cuddle? If you don't do anything wrong nothing can go wrong? Has anyone ever actually tried asking their girlfriend what she wants before jumping to the conclusion that women speak in riddles? Also, body language. If your girlfriend is sitting curled up with her arms crossed chances are she might be cold.

I have to agree. Women (not all) speak in riddles. "It's cold in here" is NOT direct. A guy would say something like, "It's cold, can you turn on the heater or close the window please?" A girl saying "It's cold in here" could mean. "I want to cuddle" "I like it cold" "Close the damn window" "I want some socks" "It's cold. What's for dinner?" A smart and open guy would just ask what she meant or make assumptions. But if you've been around a lot of women you know THAT could be a mistake, too. "If you really KNOW me you should know what I mean" "Why the hell did you shut the window!? I told you it was cold." Again not ALL women are like this... but a large % is. Strange creatures, females ;P

DGross wins for either: A) believing what he says, which makes him a gentleman OR B) knowing what to say to get the FML Ladies' panties droppin' Oh, and for flexing while scratching his itchy armpit. You may want to switch your antiperspirant if you have sensitive skin.

I gotta agree with most of the posts here, Its Def ydi. Now as for the reason, you should have known she meant SOMETHING else.Im so sick and tired of women saying one thing and meaning another, just spit it out ya dumb cunts. If you want a jacket, ask.Dont pussy foot around and then get pissed at us because we didnt get what you were trying to say,we arent mind readers. And as for being a gentleman, I was raised a southern gentleman, pull out chairs say sir and maam respect women and all that jazz, but Ive come to learn that most women dont respect men, they just use them for selfish needs or wants and then discard them like trash. They know they have the power in most relationships so they hold it over our heads and play mind games and try and make us jump through hoops. As far as I am concerned women are the devil, plain and simple.

Women are the devil! Just like foosball and Benjamin Franklin! :P

Yes! Waterboy FTW!

#366 is this your attempt to come out?

epic fail!!!!!!!!!!¿

you should of just kept ur month shut, maybe you would have got some if you was not in such a rush!!!

wooow. YDI for being a perv.

No, FYL for having a retarded girlfriend with a mom from the 1950's.

What are u talking about

Just because you took her on a date you automatically get sex?

Yeah, really. What kind of world do we live in?

One with sex at the end of dates?

bridgette5866, it was a rhetorical question.

OP said girlfriend, not a random date. Heaven forbid the guy think his girl is suggesting they have sex by her saying "let's go back to my place for dessert." Sounds pretty reasonable. Though the guy actually saying he expected sex and turning down her nice gesture of coffee and desert was a total douche bag move.

ydi for being honest pervert jk fyl

no but seriously he said his gf not sum random girl! who invites sumone for coffee and dessert after a date fyl bro

how about people who like to have coffee and desert with their bfs? really u guys cnt be so selfish think about what the gf is thinking!!