Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due... - FML

By Roger Quimble

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1793

You deserved it

223

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Vultures

Live dumping

By kacysospacyy - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34967

You deserved it

4736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18339

You deserved it

53581

Tweet

Share

By Tootie - United States

Today, I have to take medicine that gives me painful, violent farts. Tomorrow, I have to either get fired or go work in an office that's dead silent. How silent? Last week I heard my coworker drop a paperclip, three desks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41727

You deserved it

3515

Tweet

Share

By ljcxo17 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48118

You deserved it

4533

Tweet

Share

By nick92 - United States

Today, I discovered my boyfriend's family approves of me, not because I'm friendly and intelligent, but because I'm an adequate addition to their gene pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26435

You deserved it

4362

Tweet

Share

By badtrip - United States

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41185

You deserved it

33338

Tweet

Share

By JackSoda - 26/3/2020 17:01

Dad Jokes, part 36646

Today, my dad brought the double barrel shotgun to my room, gave me his hat and said, "It's all about survival now. At any cost, Coral." He keeps calling me Coral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1368

You deserved it

207

Tweet

Share

By annoyed - United States - Berkeley

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30433

You deserved it

10118

Tweet

Share

By lindsaykay - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43974

You deserved it

4086

Tweet

Share

By imatool - United States

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63588

You deserved it

4778

Tweet

Share

By kaynotentirelywrong - Canada - Repentigny

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40117

You deserved it

13283

Tweet

Share

By TragicallyAnxious

Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1370

You deserved it

595

Tweet

Share

By damnit - United States

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25547

You deserved it

4220

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - United States

Today, while at the beach, I was mistaken for Snooki. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51212

You deserved it

27443

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket. I put the ticket in my bag and accidentally left the bag in my friends car. When I returned, the car window was smashed, my bag was gone. I had to call the police department and ask them to send me a new ticket, on top of the $1000 or so I'd already lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46892

You deserved it

6080

Tweet

Share

By Kiki - Poland - Myslenice

Today, my boyfriend came over and dropped off my phone, which I'd left at his place the night before. He immediately left in a sulk. As I looked through my texts, I discovered he was only so moody because I hadn't answered any of his calls or messages. I'm dating an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39024

You deserved it

5549

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Smithville

Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31195

You deserved it

1788

Tweet

Share

By Satan's Mum - United Kingdom - London

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48478

You deserved it

9081

Tweet

Share

By KDM - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24870

You deserved it

6574

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Hungary - Szeged

Today, while at church, I received a text from my girlfriend, saying, "It's not working. We're over." Not only was my phone not on silent mode, I was sitting directly beside my now ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37804

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By BadatDIY - United Kingdom

Today, the maintenance workers finally came to my apartment to fix the shower-head that kept falling off the wall. I was annoyed because they had replaced it a few weeks ago and since then, it'd been a problem. They went into my bathroom, turned the shower head around, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7928

You deserved it

27531

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41736

You deserved it

8937

Tweet

Share

By GeesLouisee

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3706

You deserved it

493

Tweet

Share

By Congrats? - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28625

You deserved it

1797

Tweet

Share

By VibeCheck - 10/3/2020 07:57

Hangover blues

Today, I woke up hungover and went to the kitchen for some food. I saw what I thought was a blueberry muffin. Halfway through eating it, I realized I couldn’t taste any blueberries, so I tried another one. I then remembered my dad telling me to throw out any old food we had. It was mould. FML

I agree, your life sucks

526

You deserved it

1686

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I organised a romantic day trip for me and my boyfriend to some tropical gardens. I packed lunch and paid for the tickets. He decided to bring a friend, who doesn't speak English. The only thing that he said that I understood was that "Your girlfriend eats a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32115

You deserved it

4473

Tweet

Share

By lostintellct - United States

Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17188

You deserved it

51126

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 21:08 - Israel - Tel Aviv

The Final Countdown

Today, I found out that I have three weeks to get better at my shitty job before we start discussing my "future" with the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

301

Tweet

Share

By Orangehead - United States

Today, I went shopping with some friends. We were tired from walking around the mall all night, so we decided to sit and relax at a table. I was about to close my eyes when I got smacked on the forehead by an orange falling from the second floor of the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30216

You deserved it

3883

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41318

You deserved it

3070

Tweet

Share

By soccer_bball - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46797

You deserved it

7011

Tweet

Share

By staringisrude - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9260

You deserved it

64513

Tweet

Share

By Degueusement - France - Puteaux

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49641

You deserved it

10962

Tweet

Share

By mandy_2480 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26129

You deserved it

4917

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after being turned away by nearly all the restaurants in the area, I tried applying at Burger King. They too turned me away. I have a Culinary School Degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35290

You deserved it

3088

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hedgesville

Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24501

You deserved it

62772

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my step-mom asked if I was having some eating issues. I admitted that maybe I've picked up some bad habits from friends and school. Now she won't stop bombarding me with self-help books and therapy websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11592

You deserved it

23129

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1530

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By fml9124 - 10/7/2020 08:01

Unreasonable

Today, my company published "return to work" procedures for when the pandemic stops. HQ is in Maryland, I live in Arizona. I have worked remotely for the last 8 years. My new boss didn't know this. He wants me to move back to Maryland or find another job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2022

You deserved it

70

Tweet

Share

By cheated - United States

Today, my daughter-in-law revealed to me that she caught my husband having an affair with her best friend. This was five years ago, and she is only telling me now because he stopped paying her the blackmail money to keep her mouth shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41425

You deserved it

2772

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By QueenSaru | 27

#7805524 - Friday 24 May 2019 1:38

Wait, what? Like... the people in the unit below you can see into your bedroom? How does that work?

By RichardPencil | 28

#7805516 - Friday 24 May 2019 0:44

It’s always nice to have options! ;)

Would you prefer if he pointed and laughed?

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7805516 - Friday 24 May 2019 0:44

It’s always nice to have options! ;)

Would you prefer if he pointed and laughed?

By QueenSaru | 27

#7805524 - Friday 24 May 2019 1:38

Wait, what? Like... the people in the unit below you can see into your bedroom? How does that work?

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7805588 - Friday 24 May 2019 8:23

Spy cams?

By Jeremy Strang | 7

#7805543 - Friday 24 May 2019 3:27

"Newly-built platform?"

Are you living in the Kowloon Walled City?

By Lucien Hollywood | 8

#7805546 - Friday 24 May 2019 4:50

you should have smiled back waved and then walked away man own it

Reply

mazor | 22

#7805751 - Friday 24 May 2019 17:15

Wave without using hands that is.

By raven_of_azarath | 32

#7805558 - Friday 24 May 2019 6:40

Are you the Ugly Naked Guy from Friends?

By Nhayaa | 21

#7805586 - Friday 24 May 2019 8:13

Time to buy some curtains I guess... ^^

Reply

TinScarecrow | 15

#7805847 - Saturday 25 May 2019 1:11

that's what I was thinking. if you're naked at a window you should probably already have curtains