With emphasis on the "ass off."

Nothing better than FML to pass time on the can.

I see what you did there

I've become pretty immune to FML's after reading so many since the website came out, but yeah, this one is a 'LMFAO' worthy one. Insta-favourite, haha.

Anyone else notice it says "can't" twice?

"I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames got higher."

Damn what kind of "special bread" did you eat?

And that's how it feels to get it up the ass the first time.

43 why do u wana know? O_O

That awesome moment when you are reading this on the toilet, and you are thankful that you can shit juuuust fine...

68- I'm INFJ too!! Thought that was interesting that someone would put that on FML.

35 - what else would Johnny Cash be singing about?! Of course that song was made because of Montezuma's Revenge.....

Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase "rip you a new asshole"

Anyone else noticed that OP put two "can't"s?

Maybe he has constipation. Jerk.

Did anyone else start to sing the "ring of fire" after reading this?

This reminds me of 'sittin' on the toliet' xD

I was on the toilet taking a load off when I read this.

Bro me too!... Damn i need to flush

LOL 128 If you are talking about the YouTube video of a black woman singing that, then I am so with you. That makes me laugh all the time!

me too... i am as of now on the toilet doing it

I too am a FML toilet reader. There should be a club.

Wait if he has been crapping out a weeks worth of food and he's still going, shouldn't the toilet have filled up by now?

Curtesy flush! Curtesy flush!

AMEN!!!!!

yeah that's probably the most disgusting thing I've read in a while. fuck your life op

Do you know what sucks? Cancer, that sucks.

You know what else sucks, a vacuum cleaner

Babies also suck, they're mothers ninnies of course!

You know what else sucks, a $10 whore

You know what suc------ C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!

You know what also sucks? Diabetes..

You know what else sucks? #2's comment.

Black hole.

You know what else sucks? A ring of fire.

You know what doesn't suck? Not being able to feel your asshole. That must be pretty damn nice after what happened. You don't want to feel it after that much constipation!

You know what also sucks, your mom

I understands how op feels. :/

I was going to make an anal sex joke, butt fuck it.

Yeah.... thanks for the image -.-

Sounds like a shi... *gets punched in the face*

oh damn after the ring of fire and the numb asshole comes the southwestern curry farting, oh it burns more than tabasco in ur ass

He better have flushed every five minutes lol

Just let it out

*Rubs knuckles* Sorry 87, it had to be done.

No harm done. I deserved it for being so cliche. At least I didn't take an arrow in th.... *gets punched again*

158 why on earth would you put tabasco in your arse? XD DX

Not really horrible. I have an impacted bowl. OP consider yourself lucky that you can't feel it. For a whole day every 10 days I can't even sit.... I wish I went numb!

I'm typing this while taking a dump.

Me too! XD

me too :|

Me too!! (:

So many people sh*tting!

92- Well yea, what else would you do when you take a dump?

Isn't everyone taking a dump?

People say I'm full of shit, which is why I'm constantly taking a dump!!

142- Aren't we all, in a cosmic sense, taking a dump?

Well, isn't life just one big dump?

Me too!

How do u message on here

What about "that stinks"? Oh wait, I just said it.

Actually 'shitty situations' is the brother of Jack shit, who then later married Noe shit and had six kids: Hollie shit, bull shit, Fulla shit, Giva shit and the two twins, deep shit and dip shit. Dip shit then married Dumb shit (a highschool drop out) and had a daughter 'Whatthe shit', who then married Mr.Sherlock Holmes. Giving birth to their firstborn 'Noshit Sherlock'. Later, Fulla shit and Giva shit married the Happens brothers, it was a double wedding. (AKA, the shit happens wedding).

+100 internets to you, 52.

Also, Jack has a Daughter named Tuhna Shit. She was disowned because she married a black man, Chicken Shit.

heard that one before 52, olllddd joke. Be original next time, geeze.

So the hell what? It's still a good 'un.

52 would have been funny if he used real first names. Since he didn't, it was just a bad attempt at being funny.

I don't even know what to say

To 72, that is. The damn app crashed when I went to edit.

52 - I dont think it's every day a reply to a post can get as many thumbs up as one of the first few posts of a FML. Great one! LMAO

It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, however... This IS the internet...

52, you're a fucking genius

I wish I could thumbs up this comment 100 times

AHAHAHAHA

Hilarious!!!

Just like your comment!!!

My bodies ready Jack.

Anal sex can actually help relieve constipation! The thrusting upward can loosen everything up via a process I like to call 'Anal smoothie blending'. Be careful though, they're not strawberry flavored!

Anal smoothie blending? What the hell?

Honestly I don't know. Sometimes I just speak whatever's on my mind.

@38: Because we all needed to know that. Couldn't have gone another minute unaware that anal sex can relieve constipation, that's for sure... On the bright side, you just motivated me to start all this work due tomorrow that I keep putting off, just to get that image out of my head. :D

hahahha, 11

From the windows.... To the wall. To the sweat drippin' down my balls.

Sounds pretty gay indeed

#38, don't forget the benefit of what I like to call "semen enema"

59 look up oil spill