Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
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Top comments
By
Weezay
| 5
Lmfao!
By
Vulpes21
| 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
COMMENTS
By
Weezay
| 5
Lmfao!
Reply
Andr913
| 13
With emphasis on the "ass off."
Reply
DontModMeDammit
| 10
Nothing better than FML to pass time on the can.
Reply
logan1819
| 4
I see what you did there
Reply
Chaith
| 16
I've become pretty immune to FML's after reading so many since the website came out, but yeah, this one is a 'LMFAO' worthy one. Insta-favourite, haha.
Reply
HahaHokayThen
| 10
Anyone else notice it says "can't" twice?
Reply
SoccerGod234
| 0
"I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames got higher."
Reply
yandizzle
| 0
Damn what kind of "special bread" did you eat?
Reply
urdirtyolduncle
| 15
And that's how it feels to get it up the ass the first time.
Reply
kkillaj
| 5
43 why do u wana know? O_O
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Denikk
| 0
That awesome moment when you are reading this on the toilet, and you are thankful that you can shit juuuust fine...
Reply
JiggaJayZ
| 16
68- I'm INFJ too!! Thought that was interesting that someone would put that on FML.
Reply
TunechiXXL
| 0
35 - what else would Johnny Cash be singing about?! Of course that song was made because of Montezuma's Revenge.....
Reply
_Oblivion_
| 12
Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase "rip you a new asshole"
Reply
leogirl95
| 12
Anyone else noticed that OP put two "can't"s?
Reply
youcrazybasturd
| 0
Maybe he has constipation. Jerk.
Reply
Damn_Hippster
| 11
Did anyone else start to sing the "ring of fire" after reading this?
Reply
sjlove13elf
| 0
This reminds me of 'sittin' on the toliet' xD
Reply
AmongstTheFaces
| 5
I was on the toilet taking a load off when I read this.
Reply
Kirlyfoo
| 9
Bro me too!... Damn i need to flush
Reply
IStoleTheCookies
| 16
LOL 128 If you are talking about the YouTube video of a black woman singing that, then I am so with you. That makes me laugh all the time!
Reply
taydeezy
| 0
me too... i am as of now on the toilet doing it
Reply
wlddog
| 14
I too am a FML toilet reader. There should be a club.
Reply
Krysk_fml
| 0
Wait if he has been crapping out a weeks worth of food and he's still going, shouldn't the toilet have filled up by now?
Reply
Metal_Chick
| 15
Curtesy flush! Curtesy flush!
Reply
x_Gainer_x
| 6
AMEN!!!!!
By
may651
| 14
Ummmm ewww that sucks.
Reply
crymore007
| 11
yeah that's probably the most disgusting thing I've read in a while. fuck your life op
Reply
icrest80
| 4
Do you know what sucks? Cancer, that sucks.
Reply
SFDEXPLORA
| 0
You know what else sucks, a vacuum cleaner
Reply
sougstad
| 7
Babies also suck, they're mothers ninnies of course!
Reply
dcg1375
| 7
You know what else sucks, a $10 whore
Reply
urdirtyolduncle
| 15
You know what suc------ C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!!
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CockAsian
| 14
You know what also sucks? Diabetes..
Reply
LolAtYourFail
| 12
You know what else sucks? #2's comment.
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deviable
| 9
Black hole.
Reply
DarkSeekerX94446
| 14
You know what else sucks? A ring of fire.
Reply
Jaxx66
| 21
You know what doesn't suck? Not being able to feel your asshole. That must be pretty damn nice after what happened. You don't want to feel it after that much constipation!
Reply
j_cat187
| 19
You know what also sucks, your mom
Reply
may651
| 14
I understands how op feels. :/
By
melrose90210
| 10
That's just horrible.
Reply
DrMime
| 10
I was going to make an anal sex joke, butt fuck it.
Reply
bargarlm
| 2
Yeah.... thanks for the image -.-
Reply
TorturedXeno
| 27
Sounds like a shi... *gets punched in the face*
Reply
IAdminIFlow
| 0
oh damn after the ring of fire and the numb asshole comes the southwestern curry farting, oh it burns more than tabasco in ur ass
Reply
hamncheeseinit
| 6
He better have flushed every five minutes lol
Reply
MuziKMajoR
| 5
Just let it out
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ImInYourFACEbook
| 8
*Rubs knuckles* Sorry 87, it had to be done.
Reply
TorturedXeno
| 27
No harm done. I deserved it for being so cliche.
At least I didn't take an arrow in th.... *gets punched again*
At least I didn't take an arrow in th.... *gets punched again*
Reply
lylotrezor
| 20
158 why on earth would you put tabasco in your arse? XD DX
Reply
Jaxx66
| 21
Not really horrible. I have an impacted bowl. OP consider yourself lucky that you can't feel it. For a whole day every 10 days I can't even sit.... I wish I went numb!
By
UrAverageBrat
| 10
That sucks. Hopefully you feel better.
Reply
that1guyyy
| 12
I'm typing this while taking a dump.
Reply
Hollandiscrazy
| 12
Me too! XD
Reply
maryam8869
| 7
me too :|
Reply
kooochris1995
| 14
Me too!! (:
Reply
toenibbler
| 14
So many people sh*tting!
Reply
Inediblepeaches
| 15
92- Well yea, what else would you do when you take a dump?
Reply
Manveer
| 0
Isn't everyone taking a dump?
Reply
urdirtyolduncle
| 15
People say I'm full of shit, which is why I'm constantly taking a dump!!
Reply
DKjazz
| 20
142- Aren't we all, in a cosmic sense, taking a dump?
Reply
AnagenisisZagus
| 13
Well, isn't life just one big dump?
Reply
Coxkblock
| 0
Me too!
Reply
gary_bush2000
| 2
How do u message on here
By
SkoomaKi
| 27
Look at the bright side, you can't feel it stretching your asshole to drop into the toilet ^.^
By
akallaan
| 7
"Sounds like a shitty situation!"
I went ahead and got that overused pun out of the way.
I went ahead and got that overused pun out of the way.
Reply
The_Troller
| 14
What about "that stinks"? Oh wait, I just said it.
Reply
DrMime
| 10
Actually 'shitty situations' is the brother of Jack shit, who then later married Noe shit and had six kids: Hollie shit, bull shit, Fulla shit, Giva shit and the two twins, deep shit and dip shit. Dip shit then married Dumb shit (a highschool drop out) and had a daughter 'Whatthe shit', who then married Mr.Sherlock Holmes. Giving birth to their firstborn 'Noshit Sherlock'. Later, Fulla shit and Giva shit married the Happens brothers, it was a double wedding. (AKA, the shit happens wedding).
Reply
Sonalis
| 9
+100 internets to you, 52.
Reply
drawmesunshine
| 17
Also, Jack has a Daughter named Tuhna Shit. She was disowned because she married a black man, Chicken Shit.
Reply
dominic1221
| 6
heard that one before 52, olllddd joke. Be original next time, geeze.
Reply
laden_swallow09
| 34
So the hell what? It's still a good 'un.
Reply
bfsd42
| 20
52 would have been funny if he used real first names. Since he didn't, it was just a bad attempt at being funny.
Reply
The_Troller
| 14
I don't even know what to say
Reply
The_Troller
| 14
To 72, that is. The damn app crashed when I went to edit.
Reply
PYLrulz
| 17
52 - I dont think it's every day a reply to a post can get as many thumbs up as one of the first few posts of a FML. Great one! LMAO
Reply
DrMime
| 10
It's better to be silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt, however... This IS the internet...
Reply
alexup24
| 13
52, you're a fucking genius
By
Vulpes21
| 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
Reply
Zaros_fml
| 24
I wish I could thumbs up this comment 100 times
Reply
eb0ny
| 15
AHAHAHAHA
Reply
asherm
| 15
Hilarious!!!
By
cheerbabe3254
| 4
Well that sucks!!!'
Reply
cBlackout
| 13
Just like your comment!!!
By
awagh666
| 14
That load can block an entire sewage line.
By
firefighterjohn
| 9
ready for anal sex?
Reply
ICATiger
| 13
My bodies ready Jack.
Reply
DrMime
| 10
Anal sex can actually help relieve constipation! The thrusting upward can loosen everything up via a process I like to call 'Anal smoothie blending'. Be careful though, they're not strawberry flavored!
Reply
missamerica95
| 0
Anal smoothie blending? What the hell?
Reply
DrMime
| 10
Honestly I don't know. Sometimes I just speak whatever's on my mind.
Reply
tigrouficele2012
| 44
@38: Because we all needed to know that. Couldn't have gone another minute unaware that anal sex can relieve constipation, that's for sure...
On the bright side, you just motivated me to start all this work due tomorrow that I keep putting off, just to get that image out of my head. :D
On the bright side, you just motivated me to start all this work due tomorrow that I keep putting off, just to get that image out of my head. :D
Reply
flashback.miss
| 28
hahahha, 11
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niznor99
| 6
From the windows.... To the wall. To the sweat drippin' down my balls.
Reply
sougstad
| 7
Sounds pretty gay indeed
Reply
Llamacod
| 11
#38, don't forget the benefit of what I like to call "semen enema"
Reply
j_cat187
| 19
59 look up oil spill