Work: Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that... - FML

By RIPcareer - United States - Ellicott City

Today, after submitting my college application, I noticed that I mistyped "math enthusiast" as "meth enthusiast". FML

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Messed up

Not now, please

Fundies say the darndest things

By unemployed - United States

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

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By BigLove - United States - Stoneham

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

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By ThatWasntFun - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

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By yoked - United States

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

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By jackjona - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, I closed the store on my own for the first time. As I was locking the front door, the key broke. Now half the key is stuck and the door is still unlocked. I have to stay until we open in the morning and I'm not getting paid for it. FML

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By I don't know, son - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

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By grossed out - Australia - Melbourne

Today, whilst in a dressing room trying on some new clothes, I experienced the sheer terror of having someone fling a pair of dirty panties over the stall wall only to make off with some stolen ones, whilst you're still standing there in shock staring at another woman's dirty underwear. FML

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By jannister - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

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By greatdriver...4 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was staying at my friend's house, which is next door. Our houses are the same layout, only mirrored, so tonight when I got out of bed in the dark I instinctively turned to my left, thinking I was entering the bathroom, and fell down the stairs. Three of my teeth are missing. FML

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By Nalya - France

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 08:02

Hold the line

Today, I discovered that my work's new phone system automatically takes people off hold the very second you pick up the phone. I discovered this after picking up the phone and complaining to my workmates about the annoying customer I had on the line for a full minute, all while he listened. FML

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By Ugh

Today, I had my last assessment for my university degree in the form of an interview at 11am. Without doing this interview, I can't graduate. The interviewer was a no show. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was kicked in the crotch. The girl who did it thought I was her ex-boyfriend. I'm a girl. FML

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By TatooFAIL - United States

Today, I found out that the phrase I got tattooed on my lower back is misspelled. FML

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By wmkaz - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, I am six months pregnant and have been lactating. When I noticed this and pointed it out to my husband, I jokingly stated that I felt like a cow. He then replied. "Oh, you're not a cow. At most you're just a fat pig." He still has no clue why I'm upset. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 11:01 - Slovakia - Senec

Whackjobs 'R Us

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

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By ;_; - Canada - Burlington

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

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By hannah

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

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By crazy_mom - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

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By lxygrl - United States - Phenix City

Today, I was told I have kidney stones, kidney infections, and a bladder infection and that I have to get admitted into the hospital. I let my boss know, and she replied, "But you're still coming in for your shift tonight, right?" FML

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By thedeadone

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

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By piliseep

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

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By dk_2k16 - United States - Hattiesburg

Today, I went to take my permit test. I had been studying for months and was familiar with the whole book. When I sat down to take my test, I didn't recognize any of the questions. I went home and found out the book I used to study was the book my mom used to take her test in 1970. FML

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By UnknownKitten - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

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By ChangoFett - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my school put on a musical. I was one of the leads, and in the middle of my solo, I got a huge nosebleed. A little girl in the front row screamed. FML

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By momoffour - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

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By PokeTheBear - Canada

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

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By Kyra.45 - United States - Troy

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

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By blegh - Switzerland

Today, I reached for my beer and took a huge swallow before I realized that I had picked up my friend's tobacco spit cup. "Vomit" is not a strong enough word to describe what happened next. FML

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By x - Canada

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

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By vey - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

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Top comments

By keiNan_fml | 35

#6439097 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:47

are you the one who "accidentally" typed incest also.

By StickyPickles | 33

#6439070 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:11

Proof read my friend

COMMENTS

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6439065 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:06

Certainly not an English enthusiast

Reply

pooldude | 24

#6439080 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:31

it was a typo...
But he should have proof read the essay...

Reply

WD_Stevens | 22

#6439135 - Monday 19 October 2015 13:27

I was hoping this would be the first comment. Hats off to you, sir.

Reply

Mpii | 11

#6439160 - Monday 19 October 2015 14:16

Proof reading the essay is what an english enthusiast would have done.

Reply

Girlshotdown1 | 21

#6439863 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 10:07

I agree #9 Revise and Edit

By chaseafterwind82 | 29

#6439066 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:07

Hmmm, probably not the type of 'extra-curricular extra' they wanted to see...

Reply

beeferjay | 34

#6439273 - Monday 19 October 2015 17:53

meth; go big or go home

By StickyPickles | 33

#6439070 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:11

Proof read my friend

Reply

Replyka | 17

#6439134 - Monday 19 October 2015 13:25

Before submitting preferably

Reply

Radgears47 | 23

#6439277 - Monday 19 October 2015 17:59

Proof... As in math... I like puns

Reply

LMAO__no | 15

#6439802 - Tuesday 20 October 2015 6:18

it would be better to get someone else to proof read. otherwise you might read it the way you want instead of the way it says.

By Cads1 | 24

#6439071 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:12

School of hard knocks for you it is.

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6439073 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:16

The best meth-od is to proof read and then get someone else to proof read too before sending anything important as its sometimes hard to see your own mistakes.

Reply

Naith | 14

#6439139 - Monday 19 October 2015 13:30

Especially when up are on meth.

By cleydc | 9

#6439074 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:17

Maybe they have a major for that? Haha just kidding FYL OP

By xn3x | 10

#6439076 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:20

You may be using a pseudonym, but I will always remember your name, Mr. Haizenberg.

By Arot6 | 17

#6439079 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:27

You should be fine if you're applying for their chemistry program

By alexis83188 | 24

#6439082 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:34

Meth: more than once

By venomousflower | 24

#6439084 - Monday 19 October 2015 11:35

Well shit