Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache,...

By wideawakeandinpain - 17/12/2011 11:09 - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

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Health

Messed up

Thanks, I'm cured!

Tense

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided to be romantic and literally sweep me off my feet... directly into a door frame. Now my face is bruised, and the police officer at my school has asked me if I need to make a report about anything. FML

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By not anymore - 30/10/2015 23:29 - United States - Monroe

Today, I made a Facebook post about my upcoming driving test. My grandpa said he knew I would succeed, prompting my idiot boyfriend to reply "For sure, she really knows how to suck seed ;)" followed by him liking his own comment. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/2/2017 21:45 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she can't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

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By SugarMyBalls - 19/12/2012 23:31 - United States - Winder

Today, I had been trying to text my girlfriend all day, but no reply. After a while, I became worried so I called. She picked up and said, "Can't talk, busy." Not even a minute later, my best friend says to me, "Dude, tell your girlfriend to leave me alone. She's been texting me all day." FML

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By anonymus - 27/5/2012 01:48 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my grandmother was driving me to the mall. Suddenly, she stopped in the middle of the road. When I asked her what exactly she was doing, she said, "Oh, am I driving?" FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2013 22:36 - United Kingdom - Grays

Today, my dad watched his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, and thought it'd be funny to hide in my closet, just to jump out at me screaming, "My precious!" FML

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By JAMjessie - 20/9/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

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By ThosePoorKids - 30/5/2018 01:30

Is Leatherface next?

Today, I heard my brother and sister-in-law discussing whether they should name my soon-to-be-born niece Annabelle or Samara. My nephews are named Jason, Freddy and Chucky. See the pattern? FML

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By artclasstrauma - 15/5/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 10:07

Tell, don't show

Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

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By Ves - 3/2/2009 23:19 - United States

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

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By ktorih137 - 14/5/2013 11:32 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I was dancing in the passenger seat of my car with my family when a cop pulled us over. He thought I was trying to flag him down for help. I guess I'm not as good of a dancer as I thought. FML

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By dawg - 15/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

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By gabe8 - 15/6/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

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By Cinnamon - 18/7/2011 00:04 - Jamaica

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I was cheating on her. With my own sister. FML

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By Jessica - 19/10/2012 01:57 - United States

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

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By Smooth - 11/4/2009 07:38 - United States

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

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By notkatvond - 19/6/2013 18:46 - United States

Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML

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By hair2daygone4ever - 14/1/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

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By justpeachy - 8/3/2010 20:27 - United States

Today, I was invited by my boyfriend's parents for dinner at their house. The dinner went well I thought, until I was getting ready to leave. Before I could make it out the front door, I could hear them discussing their disappointment that their son would ever consider someone like me. FML

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By justnance - 22/12/2011 18:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I used so many different perfume testers that I passed out on the bus. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, I had a mild epileptic seizure. My mom's immediate reaction was not to comfort me or call for help, but to freak out over the fact that I'd spilled my glass of milk over the floor. FML

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By baconbreath=| - 13/11/2010 05:12 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

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By yeaokay - 29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and I. It started with, "I love you", and ended with, "You and your brother were mistakes." FML

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By mcfatty - 14/8/2016 04:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/7/2019 14:05

Today, I finally hit rock bottom when I broke down in tears because I forgot to feed my cats in Neko Atsume. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/2/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

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By vanessa_d15 - 10/11/2009 09:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

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By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, my self-described "genius" cousin came to the conclusion that cooking the turkey in the oven for 8 hours would take too long, so he doubled the temperature to have it done in half the time. The fire department had to come to put out the fireball that was once my butterball. FML

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By Anoymous - 9/6/2013 06:02 - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

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By Caitlin - 10/6/2010 00:46 - United States

Today, I had to drive 300 miles to a town where I thought I'd forgotten my purse the night before. When I got to the hotel I had been staying at, I found out it was actually in the trunk of my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 07:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2014 19:33 - United States - Fresno

Today, my 15-year-old son told me that he and his new girlfriend are deeply in love and are meant for each other. The "girlfriend" in question? My fiancé's 12-year old daughter. FML

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By Suomynona - 12/7/2013 20:40 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, I felt lousy and decided to give myself a pep-talk in the mirror. After a while, I cheered up and went about my day. I soon found out that my sister had recorded me through the crack of my door and posted the video on Facebook. I'm humiliated. FML

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By Nancy - 10/3/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 15:16 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend called my parents to let them know I broke up with him. He was sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2019 18:00

Hey Scratchy!

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

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Top comments

By atkir002 | 1

#3745653 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:31

Pow!! right in the kisser!! :-)

By Darklord53 | 0

#3745884 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:22

If you're having adventure problems I feel bad for ya son, I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one.

COMMENTS

By TheRealBruce | 12

#3745648 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:31

Oh no! I'm sorry

clcbjj31 | 0

#3745833 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:07

Love Skyrim, but that isn't funny after the other 10,000 people who used it.

My cousin is out fighting dragons, and what do I get? Elbowed in the head.

MagicGiraffe | 12

#3745842 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:09

I used to tell "arrow to the knee jokes", then it got old.

Darklord53 | 0

#3745884 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:22

If you're having adventure problems I feel bad for ya son, I dodged 99 arrows but my knee took one.

StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#3746059 - Saturday 17 December 2011 18:02

What a pain in the...

unitedfan11 | 0

#3746870 - Saturday 17 December 2011 20:55

HEAD SHOULDERS KNEES AND TOES KNEES AND TOES!!!

Characterise | 0

#3747196 - Saturday 17 December 2011 22:57

^ MEMSSS start of pre school

By 3mi1y_ | 16

#3745650 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:31

rejection sucks :(

olpally | 32

#3745766 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:51

What are you talking about? Re-read the fml please.. Good lord..

3mi1y_ | 16

#3745799 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:01

op wanted to snuggle with her husband, husband turned away .. think i have a pretty good understanding, thanks!

FruityLoooons | 8

#3745820 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:05

Reread the first sentence of the FML over 50 times, please, and then reevaluate your understanding. Doing this will prove you're not as dumb as you let on.

desireev | 17

#3745823 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:05

He was sleeping and was unaware that she was snuggling him. So there wasn't any rejection. Just another headache.

olpally | 32

#3745846 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:11

Apparently, everyone agrees with me number 2 and they have proven my point.. Thanks #32 for explaining it

kooochris1995 | 14

#3745977 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:48

Plus it doesn't say turned away. It says shifted position. Maybe he got closer to snuggle more.

kooochris1995 | 14

#3745994 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:50

desireev | 17

#3746046 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:59

No problem 39.
Felt like I needed to break it down for her since advice wasn't taken to further her understanding.

xSonic | 9

#3746243 - Saturday 17 December 2011 18:55

I hate when people suck up to each other......

nnguyen1995 | 0

#3746280 - Saturday 17 December 2011 19:02

I have a feeling you would know what rejection feels like

By atkir002 | 1

#3745653 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:31

Pow!! right in the kisser!! :-)

CryMoreFMLs | 14

#3746165 - Saturday 17 December 2011 18:29

The circle of headache is reborn!

rexcanis | 10

#3746256 - Saturday 17 December 2011 18:59

She's probably seeing stars right about then, so is that close enough to being sent to the moon?

By rohanmo | 9

#3745655 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:32

By crazy8ts | 0

#3745656 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:32

RIGHT TO THE MOON!

By DocBastard | 38

#3745663 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:33

Jäger will do that to you. Every time.

By boredblonde | 17

#3745666 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:33

Sometimes life's a bitch like that

J0gby | 0

#3747255 - Saturday 17 December 2011 23:44

life is always a bitch:(

bearnblue | 0

#3748365 - Sunday 18 December 2011 6:07

When your husband gives you a deadache... You make a ball ache!

Coacy | 6

#3748648 - Sunday 18 December 2011 9:26

Your really hot

By DioMaledica | 14

#3745668 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:33

Can't think of anything to write in 30 seconds

DioMaledica | 14

#3745691 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:37

Already thumbed myself down. :)
Ok now to think of a comment ok that was a shi*ty situation, crap doesn't apply here.

FruityLoooons | 8

#3745830 - Saturday 17 December 2011 17:07

That bored, huh.

By Daydreemdie | 0

#3745673 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:34

Get another headache? O_o this is 2 bad

By EmperorXing | 0

#3745677 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:34

Ouch.... Make him sleep on the couch!

eyeIoveyou | 4

#3745732 - Saturday 17 December 2011 16:44

why would she go and do that? he wasn't conscious nor aware of what he was doing.

farhil | 14

#3746535 - Saturday 17 December 2011 19:41

10, I hope that no poor soul ever has to marry you