Animals: Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest... - FML

By SoundConfuser - 13/10/2010 11:58 - Australia

Today, after spending the three previous nights cursing the noisiest bird alive that continually disrupts my sleep to the point where I just want to smash the damn thing's head in with a rock, I realised it's been my pedestal fan the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 441

You deserved it 32 120

Hiding from the drama

Sorry…

The sweet smell of success

By ohhi_itsme123 - 16/12/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 585

You deserved it 30 236

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 885

You deserved it 6 905

By Dirtisgood - 24/08/2018 00:00

Today, my in-laws told me, in all seriousness, that my child was going to become paralyzed because I let him play on grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 990

You deserved it 153

By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Spicy

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 571

You deserved it 6 195

By bumpyroad - 17/04/2011 14:29 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 370

You deserved it 7 617

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 07:02 - United States

Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 317

You deserved it 2 771

By Anonymous - 16/02/2010 07:26 - United States

Today, I was docked and fined in my dorm building because of multiple noise complaints. What was I doing that was so noisy? I slipped in the shower and banged my head against the floor. Then when I reached for the towel rack to pull myself up, it broke and I slammed my wrist onto the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 072

You deserved it 2 746

By Anonymous - 08/01/2012 06:23 - United States

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 564

You deserved it 2 639

By shea234 - 20/02/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 872

You deserved it 8 656

By Therunawaymoh - 11/10/2018 12:00

Today, my maid of honor and best friend of 10 years won't answer my texts and blocked me on social media. This is because last night she and my fiancé got into a huge drunken fight about who loved me more and she stormed off. I get married in 5 hours and I have no idea where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 465

You deserved it 315

By trollbot13 - 24/10/2016 09:39 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my boss's words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 938

You deserved it 1 260

By unknown002 - 12/02/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I stepped on the scale because I'm trying to maintain a good weight. The scale read that I had lost 6 pounds. Feeling really good about myself, I stepped off the scale only to see that the corner of the scale was sitting on the rug, making the scale mess up and tell me the wrong weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 18 622

By not-so-young-shortie - 18/02/2009 22:57 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 805

You deserved it 5 071

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/03/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 362

You deserved it 2 595

By Anonymous - 04/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I drove three and a half hours to surprise my long distance boyfriend for our anniversary. He was out of town. Where was he? Three and a half hours away trying to surprise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 515

You deserved it 8 126

Pansexuality awaits you

By Anonymoys - 22/02/2021 17:01

Today, I realized that the guy that I've liked for the past 7 months is actually a girl. I've told all my friends about how much I like him, but no one bothered to tell me that he's actually a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 561

You deserved it 657

By Anonymous - 01/07/2011 05:56 - United States

Today, after weeks, I've finally reached my goal and lost 10 lbs. My sister got jealous about me losing weight, and told my parents and coworkers that I'm anorexic. Hello, intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 166

You deserved it 3 105

Special family

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 18:01

Today, my son has complex special needs, but apparently some of my deliberately ignorant relatives put no effort into learning more about his issues, and just call him "the retarded one" when they think I can’t hear them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 121

By Marie - 27/07/2010 07:46 - Canada

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 178

You deserved it 5 133

By DBR - 23/11/2009 22:12 - United States

Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 553

You deserved it 5 049

By pizza girl - 30/08/2013 04:33 - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 881

You deserved it 2 795

Retail work is hell

By Anonymous - 12/06/2021 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a girl threatened to castrate me if I didn’t refund her for a remote control that SHE damaged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 52

By stupid drunk bitch - 24/02/2016 18:37 - United States - Cobleskill

Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 458

You deserved it 5 438

By Anonymous - 10/12/2018 22:00

Today I had a narrow escape with a nailgun that nailed my workboot to the floor but luckily missed my foot. After I calmed down and changed boots I returned to the nailgun, started working again and barely 30 seconds later I managed to nail my thumb to a piece of wood. Man, I'm bad at my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 315

You deserved it 1 196

By stelssy - 26/01/2013 05:03 - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 192

You deserved it 12 922

By Loopy - 07/05/2019 06:00 - Belgium

Today, I had to buy more supplies for the cat my friend asked me to pet sit for 2 weeks. Her 2-week vacation ended over 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 446

By Anonymous - 12/06/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, my apartment burned to the ground. I was packed and ready to move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 593

You deserved it 3 333

Tattoos are for life

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, my husband cried more at the funeral of his tattoo artist than he did at his grandmother's funeral. Seriously, at the artist's funeral, he was crying; at his grandmother's, he kept checking the time on his phone and yawning. What man did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 286

By Dixienornous - 03/06/2016 11:05 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my wallet got stolen. I don't have a photo ID to get a temporary debit card, and since I don't have a debit card, I can't go to the DMV to get a new license. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 065

You deserved it 1 151

Idiocracy

By Faith - 09/02/2021 11:01

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 99

The X Factor

By Tajjali Fatima - 13/09/2020 22:58

Today, I was singing in a terrible voice on purpose during a Zoom call from school, thinking I was on mute. I carried on, until a message saying, "The host has muted you" appeared on my screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 1 575

By Anonymous - 26/06/2015 16:29 - United States - Woodland

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 569

You deserved it 2 143

By failure - 14/07/2011 16:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 453

You deserved it 4 142

By Anonymous - 25/06/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 803

You deserved it 5 337

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 991

You deserved it 3 659

By OutOfTheCloset - 02/06/2012 06:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 675

You deserved it 12 927

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 12:00

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 139

By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 992

You deserved it 2 165

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 100

By Anonymous - 06/03/2015 01:34 - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 065

You deserved it 2 986

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Top comments

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:39

haha.. did you also spend a month cussing that huge truck that clunks by every time you turn your washing machine on?

stewpididiot 11

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:06

it was a 'cheep' fan hahahaa

Comments

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:34

wow, failure?

lm27 5

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:35

super fail

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:37

same difference, no?

lm27 5

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:39

no super fail is worse than a regular failure my friend, you have much to learn..

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:43

6: No, Superfail is stronger than ten fails! Can fly through the air and fart lightning! Can read long Prousts in a single sitting! How could you confuse the two?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:44

it seems I has lots to learn :S

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:14

never put the birdie on a pedestal.

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 18:24

number 1 said it all

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:42

This story took place in Austrailia.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 7:07

31- 40 year old virgin?

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Thursday 14 October 2010 9:03

really??

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:35

Idiot. How can a fan sound like a bird?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:39

It was probably squeaking as it was oscillating.

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:56

Squeaking = bird chirping? I fail to make the connection.

stewpididiot 11

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:06

it was a 'cheep' fan hahahaa

lm27 5

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:20

hahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahabababa #26=superwin

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:28

redpump- you certainly do fail. Hey, you said it, not me!

22cute 17

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Tuesday 21 February 2012 23:43

Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep Get it?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:35

you're freaking retarded.

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Monday 26 December 2011 17:24

Let me guess, and you only hear this bird when you turn tue fan on?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:36

wow just wow EPIC FAIL!

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:04

You're* You're welcome.

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 19:05

#54 Her fucking hot what?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 20:57

Dammit, nerds, you beat me to it.

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Thursday 14 October 2010 5:19

it's not me it's Kate gosselin haha

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:37

glad you Finnaly figured it out though :).

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:47

lol

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:13

yeah beforevthey went and shot down all the neigjborhood birds

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:38

here let me help you(caresses face)* (grabs cart)* i am only helping snickerssszzz

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:53

creepy ass commercial

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:39

haha.. did you also spend a month cussing that huge truck that clunks by every time you turn your washing machine on?

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 17:02

LOL. I like it.

xXSweetNightmare 0

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 21:07

Loll. x]

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:44

HAHA idiot. How can you mistake a fan for a bird? Lol.

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:44

Didn't you feel stupid afterwards??

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Wednesday 13 October 2010 16:44

ydi for being stupid

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87