Transportation: Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs...

By mad flyer - 21/02/2010 05:47 - France

Today, after my first flight landed late, I burned out my lungs sprinting full speed for 10 minutes to catch my next flight. The gate number on my ticket was wrong. It had been changed to one right next to where I had originally pulled up to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 510

You deserved it 3 778

Transportation

Taking stock

Another great day to be alive

Shitpants blues

By idkmybffjill? - 13/02/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 545

You deserved it 48 957

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 623

You deserved it 2 503

By kpjc - 21/10/2016 00:29 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 517

You deserved it 908

My anal beads

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 18:00

Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 2 039

OK Boomer

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 10:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my dad said to me, "This millenial idea that you can be happy in life is so wrong." FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 04/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 486

You deserved it 3 276

By Anonymous - 21/03/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 719

You deserved it 7 591

By black_commet08 - 10/02/2010 05:11 - France

Today, a white guy tried to teach me to use chopsticks properly. I'm Chinese and have been using them since I could eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 708

You deserved it 4 863

Bouncing off the walls

By whyyyyyy - 21/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I'd always suspected my mother in law hated me. My suspicions were confirmed when I went to pick up my son from her house after work. She smiled smugly and let me know that he’d been asleep since noon. It’s after 5. He’s never going to get back to sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 77

By Wally - 08/05/2009 15:20 - Canada

Today, I got to sleep in late for the first time in 3 years, as wife took our two young daughters out of town to visit with her parents. I told my mother that I was really looking forward to being able to sleep in this morning. The phone rang at 7:30. It was my mother asking me how I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 248

You deserved it 5 721

By UglyApparently - 05/10/2011 16:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I told a guy at work about my boyfriend. His immediate response was to ask me if I was making him up. He's the third person to react this way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 159

You deserved it 3 915

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 149

You deserved it 2 637

By Uhmm... - 13/05/2011 23:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my brother slipping into a pair of panties. Specifically, a pair of my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 872

You deserved it 4 278

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 11:29 - Turkey

Today, I was in my hotel room. I picked up an expensive wine from the mini fridge, just to see what it is. I heard a mechanical "bling". I was charged for it. Then, I tried to put it back, only to hear another "bling". I was charged twice for expensive wine that I won't even drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 10 896

By Jen - 28/12/2009 01:36 - Canada

Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 813

You deserved it 6 459

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 678

You deserved it 2 710

By freed - 29/01/2014 05:13 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 529

You deserved it 12 243

By blegh - 27/12/2011 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 8 840

By wrecked - 09/06/2014 21:03 - United States

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 242

You deserved it 5 608

I smell winter

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 17:02

Today, in my mom’s house, I can stay in one of two rooms: The one that's clean, tidy, quiet and has a comfortable seat… or the one that's warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 96

By Anonymous - 31/08/2013 20:52 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 852

You deserved it 3 991

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 929

You deserved it 6 415

By Anna - 06/01/2012 11:25 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 231

You deserved it 3 363

By zks - 24/03/2011 08:53

Today, I received yet more mail for my ex-fiancé. We've been broken up for nearly a year and I've told him multiple times to change his address. Getting his mail is a constant reminder that I haven't dated since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 446

You deserved it 5 921

Pain in the ass

By Kaganate - 09/02/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 556

You deserved it 25 588

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 278

You deserved it 2 450

By ThanksChris - 16/10/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 839

You deserved it 3 301

By smurfisurfer1 - 12/12/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into trouble with his mother for me still being at their house at 1:00 am. I'm 24, he's 22 and we really were studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 789

You deserved it 4 908

By Anaconda - 07/03/2017 14:00

Today, I ordered a plain cheeseburger. The cashier was confused, so I explained, "just meat and cheese". When I got my food, my burger didn't have a bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 394

You deserved it 1 878

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 580

You deserved it 8 386

Turn of phrase

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 16:59 - Australia - Boya

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 876

You deserved it 3 286

By Septy - 21/01/2016 18:17 - Spain - M?laga

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 741

You deserved it 1 887

By fuck you, gran - 09/03/2013 00:38 - United States - Ashland

Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 4 059

Et tu, Doggo?

By fml9124 - 05/09/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 353

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 141

By Does this thought count? - 01/08/2014 00:17 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 777

You deserved it 3 917

By BigDT - 28/01/2012 08:35

Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 667

You deserved it 4 040

By GaymerLink - 12/08/2018 23:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not meeting my sales goals and is sending me to a two week training program. I don’t work in sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 149

By Jason199615 - 17/04/2012 18:11 - United States - Marshfield

Today, I was looking through my Internet browsing history. Apparently my wife had searched "How to have an affair without getting caught". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 2 703

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 18:47 - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 825

You deserved it 2 725

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AlcaSMT 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 12:35

Always doublecheck with the flight information screen...

albinomustang 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 18:50

It's WRITE, dumbass, get a first grade education before you insult Americans, shit-for-brains.

JackDark 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 12:25

Damn. FYL. Wouldn't they have done that over the speaker on the plane? And didn't you check the departures board? Anyway, unlucky. Did you make the flight? OMHLYKFIRSTZ?! No, just kidding.

Rick_S 3

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Sunday 21 February 2010 14:23

They almost always announce it on the plane, especially when they are running late. Or, you could have asked the flight attendant, or someone at the gate when you got out. NEVER trust the gate numbers on your tickets. NEVER!

B0ned 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 14:35

YDI for running.

_swimcutie_ 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 15:47

Wooooooow..LMAO. Oooooops:)

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 18:45

Oh no, you had to get some exercise. That clearly makes your life fucked beyond repair. I'm really surprised an American didn't right this.

albinomustang 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 18:50

It's WRITE, dumbass, get a first grade education before you insult Americans, shit-for-brains.

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 19:02

I'm an American and you are a grammar Nazi who trys to make himself feel better by putting down others but who just ends up looking like a jackass.

Reyo 2

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Sunday 21 February 2010 21:46

#23: And how the fuck do you know that the OP wasn't on a business trip and ended up late for an extremely important meeting?

reyemrein 0

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Sunday 21 February 2010 22:27

maybe because he would have mentioned it if he had actually missed the flight

Reyo 2

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Sunday 21 February 2010 23:39

So that automatically means it WASN'T a business trip? I can use your logic to explain that it was anything but.

Reyo 2

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Sunday 21 February 2010 23:43

freaken commenting system- That doesn't automatically mean it wasn't a business trip. I can use that logic to say that a business trip was the only possible explaination.

login6437 0

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Monday 22 February 2010 7:39

STOP being gay and replying to first comment to be at the top!!

snagglepaste 0

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Thursday 26 August 2010 1:39

reyemrein- aren't you an american? No, youre just a fucking douchebag.

MehrunesDagon456 20

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Sunday 21 September 2014 22:08

Write, and I don't think the FML is because he got exercise. I think it's because he was late and that made him even LATER, also because he was so close originally he just wasted time. Needless to say, he was probably exhausted and he might've missed the flight.