By mhmm... cumsquats - 09/02/2013 23:26 - Belgium - Kessel-lo
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Oh dear! I hope you can help him back on the bandwagon, OP. Good luck with it! :)
I've always heard it as when you relapse it's called "falling off the wagon." So I guess in that sense if you we're trying to quit again it'd be getting back on the wagon. Personally this imaginary is a lot more useful when picturing drunk people chasing after a wagon... But, that's beside the point.
#105 - I have several friends who are recovering alcoholics, so I do have some knowledge about this and they are able to go out socially and stay sober. I realize OP's roommate had only been sober for six months and may still have been shaky in his recovery. It is difficult to ignore alcohol in society . Alcoholic beverages are constantly advertised on radio and television, especially during broadcasts of sports, and are for sale at every mini-mart. This is part of the challenge that people in recovery face. Nobody said it would be easy.
I hate when people pressure others to drink. I get that crap ALL the time, and I can't drink because of the meds I have to take. No, that means I literally CAN'T drink. No, that doesn't mean I'm being an antisocial asshole. They do this to my boyfriend, too - he doesn't drink. Just doesn't like to. You ask if someone wants a drink ONCE. If they say no, it's NO.
I feel the same way Sputnikspak. It's challenging living in a world where socialization is so alcohol centered. I like people but I don't like how alcohol makes me feel, & I find sitting in bars watching others pay to poison their livers soooo boring when I could be doing something creative & interesting.
Seriously I don't feel that bad for the OP.This is more of an F the roommates life than his own.I never will understand the selfishness of some people. Why op would continuously pester his roommate into drinking with him is beyond me. If somebody says they don't want to drink, chances are they don't want to drink. I feel no sympathy for the OP, only for his roommate.
54- It didn't say they were at the bar. They may have been in the dorm/apartment and OP kept nagging him to have a beer in their home. And really? He was trying to get to know him better? They've been roommates all year so they should know each other already. You can also get to know someone without alcohol.
@57 - It doesn't actually say how long they'd been roommates. Also, going out for drinks is an EXTREMELY common social activity. Even though I don't, personally, drink, if invited to go to a bar with friends I will probably have a drink or two and there's absolutely no problem with that in my case. There's really no way for OP to have known all this beforehand, and his roommate really should have communicated better given the fact that he's ultimately responsible for his own sobriety.
I agree with 115. I doubt OP was acting out an after-school special and peer pressuring the hell out of the roommate. It sounds like he honestly just wanted to get to know him better, and for young adults, that usually involves grabbing a few beers. Depending on how the roommate turned him down, there's no reason for OP to automatically assume a substance abuse problem. I feel like they're both a little at fault. OP could have thought of another activity or the roommate could have communicated better, which is possible to do without divulging too much personal info.
I agree with 115. Much coaxing doesn't imply peer pressure. It implies he wanted to reach out and socialize with his roommate. That the roommate chose, through every overture, to keep his addiction a private matter and then chose to break his sobriety and inform OP only afterwards is in no way taking responsibility for his recovery.
Everyone claiming that "no mean no and that should be the end of it" needs a reality check. Drinking is a pretty basic social event and if you fail to communicate that you have a legitimate reason not to, you just look like you're being anti-social. OP was just trying to connect with his roommate, which is entirely reasonable considering they're, you know, living together, and there's no way OP could have known what was going on. I feel bad for the roommate, but this is entirely his fault.
I'd just like to point out too that OP's roommate might not have necessarily even said "No." He might have expressed uncertainty like "Oh I dunno" or "I probably shouldn't..." or "Not tonight." Who knows. But responses like that would have left room for persuasion. Like a few other people have said, OP was probably just trying to connect with his roommate and encourage him have a good time since that is one of the ways people connect and have a good time. There's no way OP could have known. If the roommate really wanted to maintain his sobriety, he should have said "No" firmly and told OP to stop pressuring him, if that was the case. I don't believe OP is the one to blame here. Everyone is, after all, responsible for their own actions.
That's why when someone doesn't want to drink, you just fucking drop it. YDI
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Sure, but on another hand, he just thought he was being shy, and you never want to feel like you left someone out. If he didn't want to go, he should've just said, "I can't, I used to be an alcoholic, but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf." I guarantee OP would've stopped asking him then.
I agree. Even without alcoholism as a possibility, I hate that anyone feels a need to "coax" others into drinking alcohol. There are many good reasons not to drink alcohol at all and some people just aren't interested. Methinks OP needs to "loosen up" and not be so bothered by other people not having the same interests as him. Definitely YDI.
I agree with 18. OP might have thought he was just being shy. I've had people turn down offered drinks just because they didn't want to feel like a freeloader-- drinking my liquor. Once I assured them I didn't mine sharing, things were fine. BUT I never twist anyone's arm. Just trying to play a good hostess. There's no real way the OP could have known about his roommate's addiction. On a positive note, now he can help out by not leaving beer and such in the fridge.
It does not matter if there was no reason OP could have known that his roommate is an alcoholic. Regardless of the reasons you have in your head that you THINK the other person is declining your graciousness, you do indeed DROP it once they have declined and you certainly do not proceed to "much coaxing". This is what you are missing, 18 and 40. I have had so many people attempt to force their preferences on me, from food to alcohol to intimacy practices (I know, I wouldn't believe it either), and I tell you it is one of the most infuriating things in this world to deal with. So please keep this in mind the next time you think it's ok to keep insisting that somebody do something you want them to do.
It annoys me so much when people pressure others to drink. I do not like the taste of alcohol so I would rather drink something that tastes nice. For years people would pressure me and say, "Just try one. Maybe you'll like this one. Don't be a party pooper." and it drove me crazy and ruined events for me. Luckily, now that I have my driver's license I can tell them I'm the designated driver and people drop it immediately.
114 - My boyfriend is the same way. He hates the taste of alcohol, and so many times he's been stuck babysitting his drunk friends, that he doesn't like to be around people who are drinking JUST to drink. That doesn't mean we won't go to the bar to watch a hockey game or something, but this constant "You should drink!" attitude some people have is sickening. I can't drink for medical reasons - I have kidney and liver issues, and it interacts with my medication. And yet STILL people don't leave it alone. To me, if someone says "No, thanks", it's NO!
As someone who gets a lot of unwanted pressure to do things like this, I agree whole heartedly. Luckily my friends have accepted that I just don't like the taste of most alcohol and let me be. I'll try a drink occasionally, but they don't bother me about it anymore.
This clearly has nothing to do with forcing anyone to drink. OP was just trying to get along with his roommate and drinking is an extremely common social event. If OP's roommate failed to convey that he had a problem, then he just looks like he's being shy, and the kind thing to do in that situation is to put a little encouragement on them so they don't need to themselves. You don't ask people if they want a gift, you just give it to them. That's basic common sense, and it's disturbing how hard you're trying to not realize that.
He should have mentioned it in the first place to avoid the situation altogether. Hope he gets back on his feet.
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Not really your fault, OP. your roommate should have explained the first time you asked him to drink why he needed to decline. Least now you know; however I hope for your roommates sake he doesn't fall back to his ways. Remind him it's not about not screwing up; it's how you handle your mistake!
Un. Be. Fucking. Lievable. You and others like you are putting the onus on the roommate, forcing him into a position of defense, while this asshole OP is trying to dictate others' lives and cannot accept that other peoples' happiness might possibly be different from his own. Maybe you should take a look at your own outlook and see if anything needs to be adjusted. There are few things worse than people who can't let go when others have a different way of living.
I wholeheartedly agree, 109. My grandfather was an alcoholic. I didn't know that until the year before he died, because he never talked about it. He just didn't drink. He'd been sober for more than 30 years at that point. The onus shouldn't be on someone to talk about something that's difficult unless they WANT to talk about it. When it comes to alcohol (or drugs), if you say no, you shouldn't have to explain yourself. My grandfather wasn't the same man he was back when he was drinking. He made up for my Dad's difficult childhood by being there for his grandkids and making amends for the things he had done. But not everyone in the universe needed to know about that. Some people say 'no' because they don't like alcohol. Some people say 'no' because they can't drink, for whatever reason. I can't drink. I'm a pretty open book about the fact that I have medical problems preventing this, and take medications that would interact with alcohol, but I wouldn't want to be telling people WHICH medications and why I take them. None of their fucking business!
Oh please, get the fuck over yourself. I've been six years clean and I have no problem informing anyone why I can't and won't partake in something they insist I do. And, every time they back off and apologize and never bother me about it again. Perhaps if OP had known his roommate had an alcohol problem he wouldn't have continued bothering him about it and maybe the roommate wouldn't have relapsed.
Well, bully for you, then. Some people don't want to tell every person who offers them a drink why they don't want to drink it. And they shouldn't have to. The simple word 'No' should be more than enough. Should every woman have to explain to every single guy who asks them why they don't want to go out with them? Or have sex with them? Or vice versa? Do they have to put up to repeated questions from them? What about drugs? Why should someone who is struggling with something have to justify themselves to every single goddamn person they meet? I suffer from depression and anxiety. Easy enough to say on the Internet, under the veil of anonymity. But that's not something I need to tell every single person I meet. Because it's none of their business, and if I don't want to do something because I know it will trigger my anxiety, I shouldn't have to justify that to anyone. Because the fucking word NO should MEAN NO.
109, I can't believe your sensationalist overreaction of a comment got so many upvotes. It's pathetic. OP did a good thing by trying to get along with his roommate, and you make it sound like he was forcing him to drink because he can't imagine that no one would like drinking? Go to hell. It's people like you that make me hate reading FML comments.
If OP's roommate had a problem telling OP that he was an alcoholic, then why did he freely admit to this AFTER having a drink. And before you say, he was probably drunk and a little less inhibited, we don't know that for sure. And also, maybe OP thought he was saying no to hanging out with his friends and not to actually having a drink. Just a couple points to consider.
181 get your panties out of a wad. No DOES mean no, but how dare you compare an addiction to rape? There is a HUGE difference; first off, rape requires physical altercation, asking someone to drink does not. Stop making a huge deal out of nothing; recovery is about open, honest communication. In order to maintain your cleanness, one must learn how to communicate with others so that they WON'T be haggled to drink or do drugs or whatever the addiction is. You keep throwing your anxiety out there, but I have anxiety as well and know when to tell someone "Naw,I'd rather not, my anxiety is pretty bad." However, the fact that OP kept asking should have triggered the roommate to say look man, i can't I'm a recovering alcoholic, which could have prevented his relapse from happening BECAUSE OP WOULD HAVE LEFT HIM ALONE AFTER THAT! So, say what you want, but not speaking up only hurts yourself; ask OPs roommate.